Customer Reviews

Imaginary Crimes: Why We Punish Ourselves and How to Stop

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Imaginary Crimes refers to unconscious motivations such as the fear of doing better than a parent or of being disloyal to a parent which can damage people's lives. Without accepting everything the book says I think it is liberating for people stuck in their lives and a very good guide to finding patterns in one's life. If you have been subjected to guilt, embarrassment or shame in your childhood, I recommend this book, if you can get it

A masterful little book that serves as a fabulous introduction to Control Mastery Theory. I could NOT put this one down - facinating. For those with some skepticism, hang in there. It is understandable some concepts in this little gem of a book (and learning about CMT generally), might be difficult to see initially: how our beliefs and thoughts, by which we live our life could be so deeply hidden from consciousness. But it is true!! It will be easier for some to accept, harder for others. That's OK. Believe me, if you are open, once you really get into control mastery theory and understand it's tenets, there will no doubt; especially if you ever have the chance to work with a CMT trained clinicial. I was fortunate enough to do just that. Intellectually I understood what I was being told, and initially had a hard time really "getting" it on an emotional level, (entertaining the idea that these unconscious beliefs could be such powerful influences in my life). So unconscious, and then, at some point subsequently, having them enter into consciousness to a level that I Knew what I could only intellectualize about before. Once I made this transition, unbelievable clarity regarding certain dynamics in my life became crystal clear. And trust me I am not a gullible person, unfamiliar with therapy and the concept of "leading." I am not taken in by a slick clinician with a hidden agenda. (I am also studying to be a therapist.) These authors and the founders and practitioners of CMT are on to something truly amazing. The best kept secret in psychotherapy today!! Follow this up with a read of How Psychotherapy Really Works (wonderful) by Joseph Weiss, (from the founder of CMT himself) and I doubt anyone will wonder whether these crimes are imaginary. They are only imaginary if you can cannot open your mind up to insight and imagine the possibility. I suspect almost everyone has some of these "imaginary crimes" floating deep in their psyche. Discovering these is part of knowing who you truly are, how your life has been influenced and how you became who you are (psychically). This book will help you discover why you may have dynamics in your life that you'd like to change, as well as giving you an empathic and crucially important understanding of those who influenced your development. This book helps lead the reader to a centered, grounded, place of mind. In the process, making peace with the past. Intended for those interested in individual development and growth; a remarkable find for those of this persuation.

IMAGINARY CRIMES


Hidden guilt - hidden even from the self - afflicts ordinary people in everyday life, with costs uncounted and uncountable, according to Lewis Engel, PhD, and Tom Ferguson, MD, in Imaginary Crimes (Houghton Mifflin, 1990). The thesis of Imaginary Crimes is simple: many adults suffer from a version of "survivor's guilt," a guilt not over wrong done but over the mere fact of having come out ahead in some situation or even over just having lived when others died or were harmed.

Survivor's guilt has long been recognized in Holocaust survivors and their families, combat veterans and their families - guilt, with a virus-like knack for camouflage, can be transmitted to relatives - and is found in prisoners and their families.

Engel and Ferguson apply this concept to less disrupted lives, even to ordinary lives. To a surprising extent, according to the authors, millions of us are liable to some form of this hidden guilt of which we are unaware.

I cannot recommend the prose style of this otherwise valuable book, and regrettably the authors have to disguise individual case studies so much that the anecdotes come out garbled and hard to relate to. But the basic categories of imaginary crime are illuminating. "Most of us believe ourselves guilty of one or more of the six common imaginary crimes described on the following pages":
* Outdoing - "The crime of outdoing can result from surpassing a family member in any way . . ."
* Burdening - "If either or both of your parents seemed weighed down by life, or drained by parental responsibilities, you may suffer from the imaginary crime of burdening."
* Love theft - "Love theft is the crime of receiving the love or attention that another family member seemed to need in order to thrive."
* Abandonment - "Abandonment is the crime of wanting to separate from your parents . . . simply distancing yourself from them - physically or emotionally - can make you unconsciously feel as if you are abandoning them."
* Disloyalty - "The crime of family disloyalty can result from breaking family rules or disappointing parental expectations."
* Basic badness - "Most of us have suffered to some extent from bad messages. As a result, we sense that we are somehow inherently flawed . . . not important, not worthwhile, not lovable, not attractive, not caring, or not intelligent."

The authors explain some categories better than they do others. "Basic badness," for example, is less coherent than other illusory crimes but seems reminiscent of the "We're not worthy" scene in Wayne's World. It is probably widely spread among offspring who have often received a message, however unintentional, that "Whosever wish or pleasure or convenience is consulted, it won't be yours."

This book is not pessimistic - the good news about guilt, after all, is that it indicates a conscience, a capacity to regret that better things didn't happen to other people, especially the ones we loved.

Therefore the book is a useful reminder and clarifies some fundamentals. Good bedtime reading, a little at a time.

This book is a great introduction to Control Mastery Theory. It is easy to read for people who are not familiar with theories in psychoanalysis and also understandable. The book provides many case examples to illustrate ideas and concepts. Excellent book and a must read for anyone interested in learning more about this theory.

This book is a great introduction to Control Mastery Theory. It is easy to read for people who are not familiar with theories in psychoanalysis and also understandable. The book provides many case examples to illustrate ideas and concepts. Excellent book and a must read for anyone interested in learning more about this theory.

When I read the introduction, I discovered this book is not for me directly, but it applies very much to some friends. I recommended they read it. Perhaps I should read it to better understand them.

This book has been a big help! It goes into details of childhood/young adult experiences with parents without getting too technical. If you somehow suffer from guilty feelings unconsciously as adults, and are trying to overcome those and become a happier person, this book can give you a new perspective in life. Recommended by therapist!!