Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power and Surrender [Paperback]

Judith Viorst (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 1999

In her remarkable national bestseller, Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst explored how we are shaped by the various losses we experience throughout our lives. Now, in her wise and perceptive new book, Imperfect Control, she shows us how our sense of self and all our important relationships are colored by our struggles over control: over wanting it and taking it, loving it and fearing it, and figuring out when the time has come to surrender it.

Writing with compassion, acute psychological insight, and a touch of her trademark humor, Viorst invites us to contemplate the limits and possibilities of our control. She shows us how our lives can be shaped by our actions and our choices. She reminds us, too, that we sometimes should choose to let go. And she encourages us to find our own best balance between power and surrender.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Whose life is not impacted, if not defined, by issues of control? Judith Viorst, author of bestselling Necessary Loses and the recipient of various awards for her journalism and psychological writings, cobbles an answer from a variety of sources--the works of biological and social scientists, psychoanalysts, philosophers, personal stories, and her own inimitably fresh point of view. Control--our lack of it, our desire to exercise it, our dread of it--is an omnipresent detail of humanity. Still, we cling to the belief in our freedom to get where we're going: our personal control. And what, in this age of it's in the genes, does control mean, exactly?

Citing adoption studies and twin research, Viorst asks--given all the factors that predispose individuals to certain behaviors--what can we reasonably expect to control? She scrutinizes control as it pertains to sex, marriage, parenthood, and workplace dynamics. In the engaging chapter "The Power of Sex," for example, she argues how control is drastically different for women than for men, debunking some powerful myths about male sexuality. The inquiry builds to that experience over which we possess the least amount of control: death. Viorst entreats us to regard our finitude consciously, particularly in relation to lives "heroically" prolonged in the final throes of terminal illness. She also addresses the issue of physician-assisted suicide, offering moving examples that bear witness to "the comfort of that control." Fascinating, funny, and insightful, Imperfect Control invites readers to seek the balance between power and surrender. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Viorst (Murdering Mr. Monti, LJ 12/93) suggests that we tend to exhibit "imperfect control" in our day-to-day existence. Taking an eclectic approach to her topic, she recognizes nature, nurture, and environment as all strongly influencing our struggles with control. Referring to the works of social scientists, psychologists, and philosophers as well as literary examples and personal experiences, Viorst shows how issues of power and surrender confront and affect us throughout our lives. With a new understanding of the possibilities and limits of our control, she ably demonstrates how we can better shape our lives through wiser choices and actions. Her book is very readable, with traces of the author's special brand of humor woven throughout. Highly recommended for psychology collections in all academic and public libraries and for all readers who wish to have a better understanding of the behavior of self and others.
-?Elizabeth Goeters, DeKalb Coll. Learning Resources Ctr., Dunwoody, Ga.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 448 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; 1st Fireside Ed edition (March 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684848147
• ISBN-13: 978-0684848143
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #448,370 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Judith Viorst has written many books for children, including the classics Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and its sequels, and If I Were in Charge of the World and Other Stories. She is also the author of Just in Case, illustrated by Diana Cain Bluthenthal. She lives with her husband, Milton, in Washington D.C.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Great book on an important and ever present aspect of the human condition...., February 2, 2007

By 

Patrick D. Goonan "see profile for URL" (Livermore, CA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power and Surrender (Paperback)

It's very difficult to imagine Judith Viorst writing a bad book. She is an excellent writer and gears her writing toward the existential crisis' of life, development, etc. As some reviewers suggest, she backs up what she say with a fair amount of references to psychological literature, but she is certainly credible and although the book doesn't read like a dime store novel, it's also very accessible to the average adult without any psychological training.

The dance between control and surrender is very difficult for most people and comes up in couples, the workplace and other areas of life. This is the main topic of the book and describes why this is so and how to work with it toward achieving peace of mind. Much of this work has to do with reframing the human condition and daily struggles we all face in a more realistic fashion. It's about finding the balance point between control and surrender moment-to-moment.

Some of the areas of particular interest to me were the chapters on taking possession of ourselves, who controls the couple, the power of sex, permanent parenthood and in control of death. This is all practical and serious stuff and often areas where people confront considerable pain. While this book or any book doesn't provide all of the answers on these difficult life questions in terms of surrender and control, it will give you powerful insights and more flexibility for dealing with them.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A lot of theory !, February 25, 2000

By 

J. Hegerty "Ithreesons" (Worthington, Ohio USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power And Surrender (Hardcover)

I saw Judith interviewed on Oprah and decided to read her book. I was finishing up my master's degree at that time and found it to have a lot of theories of control that went on and on. Her interview made the book seem more practical for info on control issues. If you are into theories and origination of how issues evolve, this is the book for you!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thoughtful Viorst, Again, July 12, 2007

By 

C. D. Foster "fostercd3" (Olympia, WA United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power and Surrender (Paperback)

I've been reading Judith Viorst for years -- first reading "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-good Very Bad Day" to my children, a book in itself about imperfect control -- but somehow missed this one until recently.
There are many valuable sections, but the one on being a parent of adult children especially resonated with me. (I am horrified to hear the words -- unasked for -- of advice that seem to escape my mouth.) She approaches this section with her usual wry humor, and stories of her own stuggles with letting go of attempts to control her adult sons.
Whether a parent or not, there is much in this book to assist a reader in making peace with their lives, and hopefully making some better decisions about what we CAN control, while letting go of what we can't.
The chapter on death is worth the price of the book; I expect I will be re-reading it now and then. (It propelled me to update my Power of Attorney for medical decisions, since some laws have changed since last done.)