Imperfect Endings: A Daughter's Tale of Life and Death [Audiobook, CD, Unabridged] [Audio CD]

Zoe FitzGerald Carter (Author), Karen White (Narrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 8, 2010

After twenty years of living with terminal illness, Zoe FitzGerald Carter's mother decided to end her life-and asked her three daughters for their assistance. For months, the decision dragged on as her mother changed her methods and schedule, and the negotiations stirred up old memories, sibling rivalries, and questions about family loyalty. Eventually, there was compromise and courage, and Zoe's mother had her happy-if imperfect-ending.Zoe and her sisters struggled to accept the imminent death of their mother, circling around the same questions: Who will help her? Will they go to jail? Can they bear to let her die alone? With a doctor prescribing lethal doses of sleep medication, a visit from a member of the Hemlock Society's "Final Exit Network," and the temptations of overdosing on morphine, the issues and people in Imperfect Endings are at the center of the debate on assisted suicide.With echoes of bestselling grief memoirs like Elegy for Iris and The Year of Magical Thinking, Carter's memoir is the unforgettable story of a family learning to love and to let go.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

After living with Parkinson’s for 20 years, Carter’s headstrong mother, Margaret, decides she wants to end her life—and have her three daughters by her side when she goes. It’s a decision that leaves Carter, the youngest and long the favorite child, in distress. Will her mother really go through with it, and if so, how soon? Margaret, it turns out, has already contacted the Hemlock Society. Bookshelves loaded with literature about death and dying further attest to her convictions. Carter, who lives in Northern California, frequently visits Margaret in Georgetown, doing her best to stay composed. (It’s especially difficult when her mother keeps changing the date on which she wants to die.) Eldest sibling Katherine distances herself from the situation, while sister Hannah is a reliable source of moral and emotional support. Carter alternates the account of her mother’s final months with chapters about her childhood, complete with tales of sibling rivalries and her alcoholic, womanizing father. Carter tackles a depressing subject with dark humor and heart. --Allison Block --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“Carter coaxes beauty from the bleak in this book about the months after Margaret, who has Parkinson’s, tells her three girls she plans to ‘end things’ and wants them to be there when she does. Ultimately, in losing her, Carter finds a mother she never thought she’d know.” —People

“Carter’s memoir about her terminally ill mother’s decision to end her own life becomes a bittersweet tale of how Carter and her sisters coped with their mother’s botched efforts, their own sibling rivalries, the ongoing controversy over assisted suicide, and the hard, final task of acceptance.”—Elle

"An engaging and insightful tale of familial love, understanding, and forgiveness, shot through with a surprising amount of wit."—The Boston Globe

"I could quote from the book all day. . . but instead I’ll just recommend that those intrigued by the subject spend a little time with the ailing but ferocious Margaret and her daughters. A decision to die can sound romantic or it can sound repugnant. Carter shows us what it was like in reality."—Paula Span, The New York Times.com

“The questions that rise from her story are urgent, important and timely…sharply focused, engaged with essential ethical questions…the end of the book is so full of grace and acceptance that one might forget the memoir began with such urgent, roaring questions.”—San Francisco Chronicle

"Zoe Carter is a luminous writer with a dramatic story to tell. With wisdom, poetry and dark humor, Zoe describes her ailing mother's courageous decision to end her life. In years to come, plenty of sons and daughters will face the same moral and practical dilemmas as Zoe's family; Imperfect Endings, with its wit and love, will provide an invaluable resource, as well as remain a fascinating, fabulously compelling read." —Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She's Not There and I'm Looking Through You

"In her wise and moving memoir, journalist Zoe Carter tackles a difficult subject -- her mother's decision to end her own life after years of severe illness. Under what circumstances can her family make peace with this choice? Many of us will find ourselves facing this kind of dilemma as our parents move towards death, and I cannot imagine a better guide than this thoughtful, compassionate book." —Julie Metz, author of Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal

"I love this book! Zoe Carter has taken what could be a very sad story and turned it into something beautiful and incredibly insightful. Her portrayal of her mother is wonderful, and reveals in moving and illuminating detail a slice of Washington life." —Kate Lehrer, author of Confessions of a Bigamist: A Novel

"First-time memoirist Carter comes close to perfection in this chronicle of her mother’s quest to orchestrate her own assisted suicide. . . .With surprising humor and sensitivity, Carter presents the struggle to come to terms with mortality and family dynamics."—Library Journal (starred review)

"A poignant memoir."—Kirkus Reviews --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio CD
• Publisher: Tantor Media; Unabridged,Library - Unabridged CD edition (March 8, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1400146240
• ISBN-13: 978-1400146246
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 6.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)

More About the Author

Zoe FitzGerald Carter was born in France but grew up in Washington D.C. She is a graduate of Columbia Journalism School and has written for numerous publications including The New York Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, Salon and Vogue. Zoe lives in Northern California with her husband and two daughters and is hard at work on her next book (a novel). She loves to talk to bookgroups and can be found at http://www.zoefitzgeraldcarter.com/

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A gripping story of a mother's wish to die, April 29, 2010

By 

N. B. Kennedy (Hopewell, NJ USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Endings: A Daughter's Tale of Life and Death (Hardcover)

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I couldn't in my wildest dreams have imagined a book like this! A book about a debilitated mother's determination to end her life and enlist the help of her daughters to do so. But here it is, and it's a captivating story told by one of the daughters, Zoe Fitzgerald Carter.

For Carter, the experience is emotionally draining. She is repeatedly dragged to her mother's bedside from the opposite coast, the date and method of "self-delivery" continually changing. They meet with a volunteer from the Hemlock Society, the "guide" who would ensure the suicide is effective, and to intervene and finish the job if it is not. The scenes between the mother, her daughters, her caregivers and friends are almost surreal, as the mother's determination grows and she lets more and more people in on her plan.

Carter and her sisters struggle to get their mother to see that her plan endangers their lives, leaving them vulnerable to prosecution and imprisonment. Not only that, but they want her to see that they love her and don't want her to die. Isn't that enough for her? Apparently not, a reality that sends the author into even more tangents of grief. Does her mother not even love them enough to stay around for them?

This is an acutely observed and finely written story. I literally could not put the book down. The reader comes to understand everyone's point of view, roots for both mother and daughters, can't imagine how the struggle will end. At first, I was put off by the author's anger, her snarkiness, her brusque treatment of her mother and even her ennui. But then I turned the situation in on myself: How would I react if it were me in her place? No better, I'm sure.

If you want to read a nonfiction book that deals with euthanasia from a theological and philosophical point of view, I would suggest The Right to Die?: Caring Alternatives to Euthanasia. It addresses a central point of this book: When does a person's right to die in his or her own way impinge on the right of another person not to assist in a suicide? Carter and her sisters wrestle endlessly with this issue. Even if the dilemma seems resolved at the end of the book, I imagine no life's ending is ever perfect even if rationally chosen -- as the title of the book hints at -- and the psychological reverberations for the daughters will never really end.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How would you help your mother die?, March 19, 2010

By 

Jill Meyer (United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Endings: A Daughter's Tale of Life and Death (Hardcover)

Zoe Carter writes a beautiful story about how she and her two sisters helped her mother die. No, they didn't help her die - "assisted suicide" - but sat with her in the summer of 2001 as she stopped eating and drinking. Margeret, Zoe's mother, had been suffering for years from Parkinson's and other ailments that were not getting better, even with medication. Margeret decided to end her life and tried to involve her three daughters - two cooperating more than the third - in assisted suicide from the Hemlock Society. After receiving a visit from the Hemlock Society's "facilitator", the three decided not to use the method he advised - basically taking helium through a mask. They "flirted" with using drugs like Seconal and morphine, but in the end, Margeret decided to stop eating and drinking. (Though she did try and fail a morphine overdose during her starvation period.)

Carter's book is half "current" and half flashback, as she writes about her parents (and their parents), her sisters, and her husband and two daughters. It's a well written book.

As an aside, I noticed that at least half of the five star reviews Carter's book has received on this site come from people living in California and Vermont and this is their only Amazon review. California - where Zoe Carter lives now with her family, and Vermont, where her family had a summer house. Ummm...

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A brave and important memoir, March 29, 2010

By 

Niki Collins-queen, Author "author" (Forsyth, Georgia USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Imperfect Endings: A Daughter's Tale of Life and Death (Hardcover)

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"Imperfect Endings: A Daughters Tale of Life and Death" by Zoe Fitzgerald Carter is a brave and important memoir on many levels. It's a remarkable story about Zoe, the care-giver's journey as a daughter, wife, and mother and a tribute to the joys and sorrows of her parents and two sisters. It also highlights the moral and practical dilemmas around Margaret, her mother's desire for an assisted suicide with her daughters present. Her mother said she was tired of living with Parkinson's disease and did not want to go where the illness was taking her.
As Zoe, "the good daughter," and her two older sisters negotiate their mother's choice old animosities and alliances are stirred up. Also memories of their now deceased father's alcoholism and philandering and their mother's strength, beauty and co-dependence.
Zoe's poetic writing captures the agony of ambivalence. Disapproving of her mother's determination to die yet wanting to support her. Understanding she's in pain yet wanting her around. Zoe confesses, "I've come to view this constant, inexplicable tenderness in my back as a physical manifestation of my mother...I've been hauling her around for so long, it feels like a part of me, an extra limb, so familiar I barely notice it."
When Zoe is unable to convince her mother to abandon her plans she supports her as best she can by helping her explore different suicide methods such as a lethal dose of drugs from a psychiatrist, meeting a representative from the Hemlock Society and refusing food and water.
"Imperfect Endings" is a powerful, passionate and uplifting story about love and letting go.