In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want [Paperback]

Iyanla Vanzant (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 14, 1999

THE #1 NATIONAL BESTSELLER

What's love got to do with it in the meantime?

You know where you want to be, but you have no clue how to get there. You know exactly what you want in life, but what you want is nowhere in sight. Perhaps your vision is unclear, your purpose still undefined. On top of it all, your relationships, particularly your romantic relationships, are failing. If these scenarios feel familiar way down in the deepest part of your gut -- then you, my dear, are smack dab in the middle of the meantime.

Every living being wants to experience the light of love. The problem is that our windows are dirty! The windows of our hearts and minds are streaked with past pains and hurts, past memories and disappointments. In this book, Iyanla Vanzant teaches us how to do our mental housekeeping so that we can clean the windows, floors, walls, closets, and corners of our minds. If we do a good job, our spirits will shine bringing in the light of true love and happiness.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Many listeners will recognize relationship fairy-godmother Iyanla Vanzant's positively charged style from her frequent appearances on Oprah®. She infuses this reading of her own book with the cadences of a revival preacher on a Sunday morning. (It's no surprise, then, to find "ordained minister" listed in her biography.) Using housecleaning as her central analogy, she urges listeners to clean out their heads and souls if they want to be prepared for real love. Using anecdotes from her own life and those of others, she outlines how personal responsibility and respect for oneself can clean the attic, clearing the way for long, healthy relationships. (Running time: 2 hours, 2 cassettes) --Kimberly Heinrichs --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Self-help counselor Vanzant talks about creative and honest use of the "meantime" between relationships to help women (and men) avoid repeating unproductive behaviors of the past. She uses the metaphor of a house, starting in the basement with "willingness" and acknowledging that one has a problem. Next is the first floor, to identify the nature of the problem. On the second floor is trust, what to do about the problem. Finally, on the third floor, one "learns how to do what you know." That is, one possesses the inner resources to overcome the tendency to repeat past responses to situations. Vanzant reads this abridgment of her work with a tone that conveys empathy and no-nonsense, this-is-good-for-you advice. For self-help collections in public libraries.ANann Blaine Hilyard, Lake Villa Dist. Lib., IL
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 326 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone; First Fireside Edition edition (September 14, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684848066
• ISBN-13: 978-0684848068
• Product Dimensions: 5.7 x 1 x 8.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (255 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,942 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #57 in Books > Self-Help > Self-Esteem

More About the Author

With more than 8 million books in print, Iyanla Vanzant has truly established a dedicated fan base.
Iyanla's path to success took her through a multitude of life-changing experiences that shaped the profound insights she eagerly shares with others. A neglected, overweight, sexually abused child who was shuttled from one family to another, she became a teenage mother on welfare living in the projects of a major urban city. Vanzant took control of her life when she walked out of her second abusive marriage and entered Medgar Evers College in New York and then the City University of New York Law School. She moved to Philadelphia with her children and became a public defender for three years. Then she eventually became an ordained minister, who was committed to a message based on the principles of divine power and self-determination.

Iyanla combined her professional skills with her life's lessons and embarked on a writing and speaking career. Her mass appeal is evident in her overwhelming success as an author. In the Meantime was a #1 New York Times bestseller, where it spent 20 weeks on the list, and she has had numerous other major bestsellers. As a nationally recognized speaker she has sold out such prestigious venues as New York's Jacob Javits Convention Center, Nashville's Grand Ole Opry, Atlanta's Civic Center, and the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles. Vanzant is also familiar to the daytime TV audience from her role as a regular contributor on "The Oprah Winfrey Show."

Acclaimed journalist and producer Barbara Walters recognized Vanzant's extraordinary appeal, seeing in her a "breakaway talent" with the potential for huge success in daytime television. With Walters and partner Bill Geddie on board to executive produce, Buena Vista Productions to develop the show, and Buena Vista Television as distributor, the road to Iyanla was forged.

Vanzant has received numerous accolades for her work. In 1992 Los Angeles mayor Tom Bradley named October 21st "Tapping the Power Within Day" in honor of a workshop she presented in that city for African-American women. In 1994, the National Association of Equal Opportunity in Education, an organization comprised of the presidents and administrators of the 117 predominantly Black colleges in the United States named her Alumni of the Year. She also was awarded an "Oni" by the International Congress of Black Women as one of the nation's unsung heroes, and she served as the national spokesperson for Literacy Volunteers of America in 1998.

In 1999 she was listed among the 100 Most Influential African-Americans by Ebony magazine. Later that year, she was awarded the 31st NAACP Image Award for "Outstanding Literary Work, Non-Fiction" for Yesterday I Cried. She also earned her first Honorary Doctorate degree, Doctor of Humane Letters, from the City University of New York, Medgar Evars College. In 2000, she earned her second honorary degree, Doctor of Divinity, from the Theological Seminary in Atlanta, Georgia. In addition, Ebony has named her one of their "55 Most Intriguing People," Vibe magazine tabbed her one of "100 Leaders of the New Millennium" and Newsweek recently included her as one of the "Women of the New Century."

The mother of three and grandmother of four, Vanzant lives in Silver Spring, Maryland with her husband Adeyemi and Mr. Coco, their cat.

To learn how Iyanla can help you get started on your journey toward spiritual

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

80 of 83 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An Opportunity to Heal Ourselves February 21, 2005

By Mile High

Format:Paperback

Reading this book was the best thing I've done for myself in years. As a man reeling from ANOTHER extremely painful breakup, I was desperate for anything to sooth the pain. Having read LOTS of self-help books, I can say with some justification that this is the most spiritual, calming, healing guide to relationships that I've ever encountered. Like a cold compress on a fevered brow, I could always find relief and peace by reading this book, even at 3:00 in the morning.

Recommended to me by a spiritually advanced friend, I found it to be the only thing that calmed me down, stopped my heart from racing, eliminated the panic attacks, and made me feel whole again. It provides a loving, gentle nudge in the direction of individual wholeness, completeness, and understanding of what we've all done wrong in relationships. More importantly, it shows us what we can do to PREVENT these disasters in the future. The key, of course, is self-love. Like a gentle mother guiding her unruly offspring, Ayanla lovingly puts us back on the right path without making us feel stupid, unworthy, or hopelessly inept at love. Her most powerful contribution is the concept that no matter how bad our partner and the relationship, it is ALWAYS ONLY ABOUT US!

This book provides a roadmap to relationship success, if only we make the time for ourselves to uncover our own issues and work to correct them. I've read the book three times in a row, including highlighting, underlining, and dog-earring the pages. This is like a User's Guide to love. Don't get caught without it. Please savor this book. Race through it the first time, if you must, but read it slowly again to really understand what she is trying to teach us. Vanzant should get the Nobel Prize for this one.

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect for understanding life December 27, 1999

By "jessica_maia"

Format:Paperback

Excellent book for anyone who has not become their "ideal self" yet. This book reads like an old friend and earnestly works toward achieving what you truly want in life.... a better sense of self worth. It teaches that loving yourself comes first. Although this premise is not new, the book shows common occurances that we do not recognize immediately as disrespectful ourselves. This book does not talk down to the reader nor is it flooded with psychobabble.

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Pretending that everything is just fine! February 7, 2000

By [e-mail]

Format:Hardcover

Iyanla's book was painfully true and exact! It wasn't until I stopped denying that I had accepted things in my life - unsatisfying career, dead end relationships, negative relationships - that were taking me away from the "true self", that I came to appreciate that I needed to hear the truth from someone who didn't care if my feelings were hurt. From someone who was not judgemental and insensitive. I beleive as people, we are in denial about alot of things in our lives. And maybe we are too proud to admit this to others, but always be true to yourself. That is the only way a change can come about for the better. At the end of the day, when there are no more eyes to look into and fake smile, when you are weary of saying "I'm doing great!", when actually, you are so unsure about yourself and how you feel, you really have no clue about how you really feel! This book isn't scholarly! You don't need your doctorate degree to relate. It's conversational! It's down to earth! It's like listening on the other end of the phone, while your Aunt's talk! It's a must read.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful October 25, 2005

By John Tweed

Format:Paperback

This was one of the best spiritual books that I have read in a long time. There are a lot of books out there about personal relationships, but this one really hit home and was easy to understand. Sometimes it's all in how the message comes across and the author does a great job in doing just that.

Some good messages that I learned from this book were:

1.) Learn to love yourself before you can love another. Often times we go looking for love to cure our life - thinking that a person that fits our needs will help that. Maybe briefly, but you need to be content with yourself first.

2.)Everyone will find out what love is not on their way to finding out what love is.

3.) You must listen to what people do, not to what they say. Simply put...actions are louder than words.

4.) Avoid the trap of thinking that every relationship has to be the relationship that last forever. Sometimes a relationship, even if it ends in hurt, is necessary to get you to the next level.

5.) Unconditional love makes you vulnerable. Unless you are vulnerable, you cannot be open and experience true love. Most of us are too busy building our "walls" up to see this.

These are just a few of the great points that I extracted from this book. Highly recommend it!

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars In the Meantime May 14, 2004

By "moxleyblues"

Format:Hardcover

This book started out good and really made sense and was positive but eventually, it got a little "out there". For instance, when she was giving an example of a couple who had a long-term relationship and one of them wasn't sure about how he felt and wanted to see other people, her advise was that the person who knew for sure about how he/she felt about the relationship should trust the other enough to let him/her do whatever they need to do to find out, as long as they stay together and supposedly, that's building love and trust. To me, it's saying, "I'm a doormat...walk on me." or can we say the word CODEPENDENT tendencies? BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!! And thank goodness, I'm far into my codependent recovery so as to recognize this; therefore, not buying into it. In the end, I just took what I could use from the book and left the rest but there was a lot left.