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In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom's Choice Award Winner) Paperback – October 6, 2010


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In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom's Choice Award Winner) + Adoption Is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know + Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 184 pages
  • Publisher: Fig Press, LLC; 1st edition (October 6, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0982876505
  • ISBN-13: 978-0982876503
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.7 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (39 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #53,541 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review


Grandparents, siblings, friends, and so many others play vital roles in all families. But we haven’t always recognized how significant they can be – in special ways – when the family is formed through adoption. “In on It” is important because it affirms that significance, and celebrates it, even as the book offers valuable insights and practical advice. Adoptive parents will want to read it – and the people close to them really should.
Adam Pertman, Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and author of “Adoption Nation"



A guide for those who love the parents of adopted kids that is wise, embracing, comforting and useful. It sees beyond the natural defensiveness of those of us who've learned so very much through our adoption journey, and helps our friends and families, the ones who will love our children along with us, let go of what poignantly is not and take the hand of what gloriously is - Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of The Deep End of the Ocean and No Time to Wave Goodbye

Thoughtful and engaging, O'Toole here offers up easy-to-read practical advice for close friends and loved ones of a newly adoptive family. Her insights brilliantly compile the extensive current literature and thinking on adoption, yet all the while O'Toole maintains a supportive, conversant style. Adoptive parents will want a copy for every grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin and friend who are about to be "in on it." - Kate St. Vincent Vogl, speaker at national and international adoption conventions, author of Lost & Found: A Memoir of Mothers

Excellent. Practical and sensitive wisdom for anyone supporting a loved one’s adoption process. --- Corrie L. Wold, MSW, LISW, Information and Education Director, Children’s Home Society and Family Services, Minneapolis

Elisabeth O’Toole addresses the complex and emotional experience of adoption with humor and respect, opening a path for friends and relatives to become insiders to the process. In On It is a well-written resource for people who want to support their loved ones, but aren’t always sure what to do or say. This book will remain on my “recommended reading” list for adoptive families and their friends. --- Janna Annest, adoptive parent and adoption law columnist, Adoptive Families Magazine

Elisabeth O'Toole's clear, insightful, and comprehensive guide to adoption is written expressly for and to a readership generally overlooked: the extended family and friends of new adoptive parents. Grandparents and neighbors anxious about what to say or do will be heartened by this fine book's conversational tone and generous spirit. They'd be wise to accept the welcome into "the adoption circle" that In On It extends. And adoptive families will be glad they cared enough to read it.---- Cheri Register, author of "Are Those Kids Yours?" American Families with Children Adopted from Other Countries and Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children."

When someone you care about decides to adopt, you become part of the “circle,” too.  With that perspective, this warm guide for friends and family sheds light on what the process is like for your loved ones, and how you can support them along the way. This is a great resource to offer when you share the news that you’re adopting. -- Adoptive Families Magazine.

This is THE GIFT for your friends and family so they can understand and support your adoption journey. All I can say is that we are very lucky that Elisabeth O'Toole wrote this book because she really gets what this experience is all about, and coaches those you love to get it too.   -- Joni Mantell, Executive Director, The Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center

In On It is a great way to help friends and family better support and understand the adoption process.  I love it.   If you have someone in your life who is adopting, you should read it. -- Kristin Howerton, blogger, Rage Against The Minivan. 

About the Author

Elisabeth O Toole is a writer and mother of three children through adoption. She holds degrees from Northwestern University and Colorado State University and her professional experience includes roles in business, education, and with non-profit organizations.

Customer Reviews

This book is an easy read and is fantastic.
mackenzie schroeder
It gives excellent ways that family and friends can support you through your adoption process.
Sara
I'll defitely recommend to my adoptive parent friends.
DJ

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Marsh bunny on February 11, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My husband and I (we're the one’s adopting) read this before giving it to family members (plural, because we've bought 2 copies and may buy more). We both think it addresses and explains all the steps we're going through and kindly but straight forwardly helps others understand them as well. I would be amiss if I didn't also admit that it brought up a few things we hadn't talked about, so it launched some important conversations. It's a quick read and a must read for everyone involved in adoption.
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12 of 15 people found the following review helpful By c-dub on October 13, 2010
Format: Paperback
As the aunt of three adopted children, this book has been invaluable in helping me understand and appreciate the blessing that adoption is. It answered for me both the big and little questions I had about adoption--and quite a few I had never considered before--and presented ways in which I can help support family members who have adopted. It's the first book on adoption that I've seen that widens the circle of the adoption experience beyond parent and child. Elisabeth O'Toole guides readers through adoption--and all the uniquely beautiful, messy, wonderful, painful stuff that accompanies parenting in a family with adopted children--with eloquence and humor. She's a great writer with a sensitive and sensible approach to a complex issue. For those who want an insider's perspective on what adoption is all about, this is your bible. And if you're already "in on it," this is the book you want to buy 20 copies of so you can hand it out to all the important people in your life and say, "You've really got to read this."
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By chef_igor on June 29, 2012
Format: Paperback
I've worked extensively with adoptive families over many years. There is so much preparation to be done as a potential adoptive parent that it is wonderful to have such a book that will lighten some of the load in terms of bringing your friends and family up to speed on adoption. I'm very glad to have this book to recommend to parents wanting to educate their friends and relatives about adoption and about what the parents experience in the process. In On It looks at adoption from many perspectives - including that of friends and relatives - and addresses the important adoption issues about which other people are often unaware or unfamiliar (e.g., transracial adoption, openness, privacy, language, etc.) In a warm and welcoming way this reassuring and informative book offers the right amount of information and advice for this audience. I can highly recommend this book to adoptive parents and their loved ones. It's a must have in your library if you know anyone who is adopting.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful By o0prittyrthany0o on August 14, 2012
Format: Paperback
When we told our parents that we had started the public adoption process, there was a lot of worry and concern. We were asked if we knew what we were getting in to, and people said things like kids from foster care won't ever attach or feel like your real kids, or they will have too many issues, and we got asked a lot of inappropriate questions as to why we were adopting. We were immediately put on the defensive, and hurt and insulted. We bought this book and another one, and gave them to our family. This book helped to open the floor for discussion that was constructive and helpful. Now our families are excited and involved in the process in a supportive and helpful way.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By DJ on October 20, 2010
Format: Paperback
Great book and even fun to read. I have adopted family and "In On It" helped me understand the complexity of the adoption process and appreciate the tough decisions parents make (and sometimes more difficult situations non-adoptive parents sometimes put them in!). I'll defitely recommend to my adoptive parent friends.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful By MyThreeSons on November 11, 2010
Format: Paperback
Adopting parents: If your friends and family are wondering what they can do to help you during the often lengthy lead up to adoption, tell them to read this book. It's a smart, funny, level-headed primer on everything your adoption circle can expect before, during, and after adoption--with helpful advice about how they can help you welcome your child with open arms. Highly recommended.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Jennifer Kompelien on October 10, 2010
Format: Paperback
As a friend of several adoptive parents, it is so helpful to finally have a guide like this to help sort through appropriate ways of being supportive. Not only does this book provide great information, it's also funny and the stories and examples make it fun to read.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By ALaForte on January 11, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I ordered this book for my parents and my in-laws when my husband and I decided to
foster to adopt. It has so many tips and guidelines and emotions and feelings that
I never would have thought about before. Well worth the money.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews


More About the Author

Elisabeth O'Toole says about In On It, "I wrote the book I would have liked to give my own parents, siblings, friends and colleagues when my husband and I adopted our first child. These important people deserved information and preparation. And I wanted them to have a resource that saw adoption from their particular perspective. And as my children entered school and our world enlarged, I realized others, too -- teachers, caregivers, pediatricians -- want and appreciate information about adoption and adoptive families, too." Elisabeth has degrees from Northwestern University and Colorado State University. She lives with her family on the continuum of calm and chaos and continues to write and speak on this topic. More information about Elisabeth and In On It is available at the book's web site, www.InOnAdoption.com.

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In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom's Choice Award Winner)
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