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In Spite of Everything: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Susan Gregory Thomas
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 12, 2011
“For most of my generation—Generation X—there is only one question: ‘When did your parents split?’ Our lives have been framed by the answer. Ask us. We remember everything.”
 
In this powerful, poignant, and often laugh-out-loud-funny memoir, Susan Gregory Thomas reflects on that life-defining question and its answer through a lens imprinted by memory and sharpened by time.

Raised in Berkeley, Thomas grew up in a seemingly stable household. But when the family moved east when she was twelve, her father, a charming alcoholic, ran off with his secretary, and her mother collapsed. Thomas and her younger brother joined the ubiquitous flocks of 1980s latchkey kids: collateral damage in their parents’ wars, sustaining private injuries they would try to self-treat throughout adolescence and adulthood.

When Thomas became a wife and mother in her early thirties, she made a fierce promise: She would never let her own children know the scorched earth of divorce. It was a vow shared by many of her peers, who, in reaction to the divorces of the 1970s and ’80s, sought out marriages based on deeper friendships and more genuine partnerships than those of previous generations. So Thomas was stunned when, after sixteen years with the man she considered her best friend, she found her marriage coming to an end. Not only did the divorce reopen all the old wounds, but she would now have to contend with the aftershocks affecting her two young daughters.

In Spite of Everything is an astounding, bright, and brilliantly told account of a mother’s fight to protect her children’s world and to make sense of her own troubled past—and the culture of divorce in which she and Generation X were raised. Interwoven with original, hilarious insights on divorce and parenthood, Thomas’s eye-opening, gut-wrenching, ultimately optimistic story holds a mirror up to a whole generation.

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In Spite of Everything: A Memoir + A Year and Six Seconds: A Love Story + Happens Every Day: An All-Too-True Story
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“If you've been through the pain of a divorce or watched one at close range, you may recognize emotions here that you've never seen written down anywhere else….Thomas' deeply felt prose and pitilessly intelligent self-analysis raise her story to something on the order of a generational anthem (which, as Gen X enters middle age, it sorely needs).”
--Time
  
“By turns hilarious and heartbreaking….As profound as it is rollickingly funny….What sets Susan Gregory Thomas’ In Spite of Everything apart from other tales of charred families is the propulsive force of her writing, and her effort to connect her parents’ divorce, and later her own, to a larger generational narrative….If you’ve ever thought about getting married, or wondered about how best to raise children, real or hypothetical, or had parents, put In Spite of Everything on your list.”
--Slate

“A lively narrative…[sprinkled] with broadening references to literature, religion, pop culture, and statistics….Let’s face it: It’s fascinating to watch a marriage unravel….Happily for us, [Thomas’s] pain and missteps, and the exploration and enlightenment they provoke, make for a page-turning saga.”
--Elle
 
“Razor-sharp….If Generation X is not unique in suffering; its particular suffering is unique, and Thomas provides an insightful, well-researched, sometimes funny and often harrowing view of it.”
--San Francisco Chronicle
 
“Raw and courageous....A memoir that speaks intimately, and with honesty, for an entire generation that needed to be heard.”
--Minneapolis Star-Tribune

“Raw, funny, searingly honest and electrifyingly intelligent . . . As a field guide to the beat-up, busted heart of Generation X, it’s damn near definitive. Thomas solves the mystery of her devastating divorce—and the emotional catastrophe that defines a generation.”—Lev Grossman, author of The Magicians
 
“This smart and emotionally mighty memoir will show you how every family of divorce is unhappy in ways we can all relate to, learn from, cry about, and (after reading such a great book) transcend. Sad and funny, In Spite of Everything is the first book to dissect, with scientific definitiveness, the Busted-Marriage Generation. It also tells a very moving personal story with real beauty.”—Darin Strauss, author of Half a Life 
 
“At once a literate and poignant memoir and incisive journalistic illumination of the cult of domestic consumption, In Spite of Everything is a remarkable and moving study of an American generation's uneasy search for home.”—Wells Tower, author of Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned
 
“Honest, riveting and illuminating . . . An indelible portrait, not only of a family, but of an entire generation shaped by loneliness. Breathtakingly beautiful from start to finish.”—Lisa Dierbeck, author of One Pill Makes You Smaller
 
“This book is brave, startling, profoundly moving, and I could not put it down.”—Joanna Hershon, author of Swimming
 
“In In Spite of Everything, Susan Gregory Thomas goes way beyond American pop culture’s cute, run-of-the-mill bromides about marriage and parenting and gives us a work that's shot through with a stark and clarifying light of honesty. It is an inspiring book—and an often uproariously funny one, too. In Spite of Everything establishes Susan Gregory Thomas as one of the most important new voices in American writing.”—Jeff Gordinier, author of X Saves the World

“Engrossing . . . A deeply moving and personal tale of divorce, love, motherhood, and what makes us who we are.”—Marian Fontana, author of A Widow’s Walk
 
“Harrowing, hilarious, and profoundly wise . . . [In Spite of Everything] is the work of a supreme talent and an emotional daredevil, a woman courageous enough to reveal every scar that lines her heart.”—Brendan I. Koerner, author of Now the Hell Will Start

“As a memoir, In Spite of Everything is both raw and smart; as a generational analysis, it is spot on—culturally, economically and psychologically. This is an engaging and fast-paced memoir . . . and a generational portrait for those who refuse to be categorized.”—Lisa Chamberlain, author of Slackonomics
 
In Spite of Everything is a profound emotional history of the last forty years. Susan Gregory Thomas is the expert on Generation X’s emotional fallout. All recovering latchkey kids should read this book.”—Ada Calhoun, author of Instinctive Parenting

About the Author

Susan Gregory Thomas is a journalist and the author of Buy, Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds. Formerly a senior editor at U.S. News & World Report and co-host of public television’s Digital Duo, she has also written for Time, The Washington Post, and Glamour, among others. She lives in Brooklyn with her family.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Random House (July 12, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400068827
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400068821
  • Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1.1 x 9.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #393,867 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan Gregory Thomas is the author of two books: "In Spite of Everything" (Random House: July 2011); and "Buy, Buy Baby: How Consumer Culture Manipulates Parents and Harms Young Minds" (Houghton Mifflin: May 2007). She has written for The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News & World Report, the Washington Post, Babble.com, MSNBC.com, and others. She has three children and lives in Brooklyn.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Moving and well written memoir July 20, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
When I picked up this book, I was skeptical of the whole GenX divorce generation argument, but it turns out Susan Gregory Thomas expects GenX readers to be skeptical - it's part of our profile. While I was prepared to find generalizations about our generation annoying, I was not prepared for the incredibly funny, thoughtful, well written and moving personal story I encountered. My background couldn't be different - I'm a GenXer of an intact nuclear family and very little drama. But Susan Gregory Thomas masterfully weaves her own heart-wrenching story of family abandonment, early rebellion and later experience as a parent with an analysis of our generation that somehow I still recognized and fully appreciated in the context of her experience. I definitely related to her description of the affluent urban parenting culture she found herself in as an adult, and the emotional challenges our generation faces as parents.

Strangely, I had also recently read Claire Dederer's GenX parenting (and yoga) memoir, Poser, which I found unengaging and irritating. Thomas hits many of the same themes - including what it's like to be a parent after being a child of divorce and the lure of "attachment parenting" for many of our generation -- but her book blows Dederer's out of the water both in the quality of the writing and the depth of her self-knowledge and emotional experience. I was so drawn into the story of her family -- then and now -- that I read the book in two days and haven't stopped thinking about it since.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious,Tragic and Just Plain Good. July 14, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This is a book I have been waiting for and I didn't even realize it. Susan Gregory Thomas truly has a fantastic ear for dialogue. The memories she recounts of her parents divorce and then the sad realization that her own marriage is in trouble, is deeply compelling. There are fantastic riffs on the facts of Generation X, how divorce has affected their social and interior lives, all mesmerizing. She blends studies of Gen X with her own experience in such a tale of humor and sarcastic woe, I couldn't bear for it to end. Lucky for me, I just noticed this author also has a funny ass blog. Get it.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Complex, Funny, Recommended July 20, 2011
Format:Hardcover
Thomas strips her experience bare in a (successful) effort to provide us all with an object lesson in capital-D Divorce. I found her ability to clearly extrapolate societal trends (attachment parenting, high-end home renovation, etc) from a generation's unsupervised floundering toward adulthood rang true to me throughout the book, while her personal story grounded these bigger picture issues in the true pain, confusion and struggle we "abandoned" kids were left with. As a divorced Xer with kids, I found her explaining myself to me -- helping me more clearly see the context in which I grew up and in which my marriage dissolved. And, despite the difficult scenes in which Thomas immerses the reader, her love and devotion to her kids and her former husband offer hope for those of us really slogging through the midst of it.

As for the reviewer who found the book irritating because of the upper-middle class trappings presented, I feel that Thomas was pretty straightforward about who she was and where she came from. The book is not a request for sympathy, but one, well-thought-out, at times excruciatingly painful, example (her own upbringing / adulthood) of a greater trend she has observed (how divorce has impacted Gen X'ers current family lives & structures).

And, the expensive renovations and purchase of a single family home in an expensive neighborhood seemed to me to represent less what Thomas was upset about during that period of her life, and more her scrambling to gain every sign of external (X-ternal?) stability and safety when, internally, she had been raised without the capacity to believe in these things. In my reading, these were examples of what she WAS getting since she couldn't find any safety or stability internally.
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22 of 27 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Irritating! July 19, 2011
By Sam R.
Format:Hardcover
I found this book to be profoundly irritating. At several points along the way, I had to put it down due to overwhelming frustrating. You bought a really expensive apartment in Park Slope? Aww, booo hoo!!! Oh no, you decided to spend 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS on a kitchen renovation, and now you're totally sad? Awww[...] First world problems, indeed.

She speaks from a place of extreme privilege, and whines her way through what is laughably called a "memoir". A memoir of what? She recounts very little actually "happening" and the book is mostly a stream-of-consciousness one-sided therapy session from a narcissist.

Bottom line: read this book if you enjoy lots of whining with very little reflection.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars By turns insightful and inciteful August 31, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I bought this book because I heard Susan Gregory Thomas interviewed about it on NPR, and I had high hopes that it would speak to the new raft of issues that Gen X children of divorce have in their own marriages. We are facing new challenges that I don't think have been articulated yet - and despite the hyper-connectedness of the social media age, many of us feel alone in our troubles when we shouldn't have to. In some ways, the book delivers - Thomas correctly calls the Baby Boom generation on the carpet for their failings. For so long, Gen X-ers' gripes with their parents have been drowned out by the Boomers protestations that they would get things right with their second marriages, without ever really atoning for their original sins. Thomas is the daughter of an English professor, and she has a highly attuned sense for the resonant metaphors of her generation: she's amusingly shameless about boiling down our world views to the tropes of our touchstones - Star Wars, The Breakfast Club and, weirdly, Eminem, who is more Gen Y than Gen X. Her very brutal honesty is equally alarming and disarming.

With all that said, the author's neuroses seem to run so deep that she only seems to scratch the surface, and many of her self-destructive tendencies seem to play as subtext rather than narrative. Thomas claims that Gen X's defining urge is to be a group of iconoclasts - to be "terminally unique." I think that misses it - Gen X is the most "self-aware" of any generation. Because our parents were so self-involved, and so disconnected from us, we were forced to be hyper aware of our emotional landscape to survive. While Baby Boomers valued being true to the self above all else, Generation Xers seek an ever-expanding global awareness - we want to have a truth that is as informed as possible.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Would recommend this book
If you are trying to understand your daughter or her generation of their ideas of "divorce" or "parenting" read this book! Read more
Published 2 months ago by Nan
4.0 out of 5 stars Speaks for a Generation
You don't have to be children of divorce to understand the symbolism and angst inherent in Susan Gregory Thomas' world of Generation Xers. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Avid Reader
4.0 out of 5 stars A good read!
I could really relate to the authors childhood and teen experiences. Her young adulthood was the same as mine and many of my friends. Read more
Published 6 months ago by heidi teti
1.0 out of 5 stars Two words:
I tried to write a two-word review for this book but they wanted twenty.
So here are my two words:
Skip it.
Published 6 months ago by CoCo
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book; not quite what I expected.
I'm a fan of memoirs, especially memoirs written by women. I am also a Gen X child of divorce, like Susan Gregory. I enjoyed this book a lot, and Gregory's writing chops are real. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Amy S. Hale
5.0 out of 5 stars A Beautifully written book that gives me a window into my own past &...
There are passages in this book that are very painful for me to read - they strike too close to home. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Rob Welch
5.0 out of 5 stars Lyrical, poetic memoir
I loved this book. The customer reviews are so thoughtfully and beautifully written that I have been hesitant to add my own. Read more
Published 15 months ago by E. Morrison
4.0 out of 5 stars worth it if only for the first half of the book
My main quibble with this book is that a lot of us Gen X types didn't have Baby Boomer parents. My parents were born in the Thirties and weren't "Greatest Generation" but had a lot... Read more
Published 17 months ago by Booker T.
5.0 out of 5 stars Very relatable to my life.
I have enjoyed starting to read this book. I love how real the author is, and how relatable it is to anyone's everyday life.
Published 19 months ago by Jamie
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow!
This book blew me away. I expected it to be just another divorce memoir (of which I've read many lately) and instead it was a fascinatingly detailed overview of generation X and... Read more
Published 21 months ago by readingmom
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