Customer Reviews

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Two-Disc Special Edition)

5 star:		(206)
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3 star:		(144)
2 star:		(107)
1 star:		(181)

 

 

I love the first three Indy films. Like so many others I was greatly looking forward to seeing a new one. I thought (or hoped) that the very long time they took to come up with a script meant they were polishing it to a brilliant shine. After seeing the movie, I conclude it was really a long negotiation between Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford, with some of them eager to make a crappy movie, and some of them not, with the end result being crappy, but perhaps not as crappy as it might have been.

The movie started with a bit of promise (other than the infantile CGI prairie dog). I'm not as offended by the nuclear fridge scene as many are, because I know those mock towns weren't built at Ground Zero (or they would have been vaporized). They were built at a distance to judge the effect of the blast on places some miles from the explosion. So while it's not credible for Indy to survive being tossed around that much, he didn't exactly survive a nuclear explosion. Some of the other early scenes, such as those where Indy is actually discovering something, are also good.

Still...

About halfway through the movie, despite my fervent desire to like it, I realized it just wasn't working for me. No suspense. No real sense of urgency or danger. Low stakes. Too many marginal or pointless characters. Too much cartoon nonsense going on, far less believable than anything from the previous films (the stupid monkey vine swinging, Marian's idiotic tree-driving stunt, the multiple waterfall drops...none of it scary, none of it remotely convincing, or even fun). Marian's long-awaited big reveal was one of the biggest, flattest duds in film history. She shows up and spends most of the rest of the movie just tagging along with a dazed grin on her face like she was just grateful to be there, a flaccid dishrag compared to the character from the first film. Not Karen Allen's fault...she was just thrown in for nostalgia's sake, and was poorly written. Mutt was actually not a bad character, but I don't need or want him to be Indy's son. Is there any worse cliche in fiction than the Son He Never Knew He Had? I realize Spielberg and Lucas are fascinated by father issues, but I'm not. And then there's the whole point of the movie...the skull and the aliens...ehhhh. Who cares? The finale was a muddled jumble of flashing lights and wind that meant nothing and evoked nothing but tedium. Remember at the end of the previous films, where the characters actually seem to notice that something extraordinary has happened, were even scared, or traumatized just a little bit (okay, not so much in Crusade, where they quickly shake off any aftereffects and devolve into slapstick and lose all interest in their surroundings). Not this time. The giant flying saucer takes off, and Indy and his massive crew of sidekicks start cracking jokes.

I'm inclined to blame Lucas for most of this mess. He's made a habit of lapses of taste and judgement since...hmm..."Howard the Duck"?

I don't want to see this movie again, and I don't want to own it. I hope they don't make another, because these guys have proven they no longer have what it takes.

Now, I'm not a huge fan of the original films, but I always found them enjoyable. They're kind of comfort movies. Great fun with some witty dialog and believable action. So, when this newest installment hit the theaters, I didn't rush out to go see it. I knew I'd get around to it eventually. And thank goodness I skipped the theaters because this film is a verifiable mess from beginning to end.

From the laughable opening sequence I knew we were in trouble. Things only got worse from there with the introduction of "Mutt" who was essentially put into a Brando costume (what were they thinking?) and is given the most annoying dialog ever. The we meet Cate Blanchett's character. Now Blanchett is one of the best actresses around, but she obviously watched way too much Rocky & Bullwinkle as prep for this movie. She is so very much Natasha that I expected John Astin to come around the corner any minute as Boris. Over the top doesn't even describe her performance.

But what killed this for me the most was the absolutely insipid action sequences. While the other films always stretched the believability factor with the action, it always remained fun and somewhat rooted in reality. Here, it is all so unbelievable (falling over three waterfalls and no one is hurt?) and done so badly it ruins not only the film but the series. I wish someone would tell George Lucas that CGI is not he answer to everything and I certainly wished he hadn't convinced Spielberg that it was. He made a mess of the Star Wars films and now he got his computer generated claws into Indy. The CGI and green screen is shockingly bad in this film and ILM (if they are the ones who committed this atrocity) should be shamed of themselves.

It was nice to see Karen Allen again, but like everything else in this movie she is so far over the top it is laughable.

It is said that Sean Connery refused to reprise his role in this film and I absolutely understand why. And to show the height of laziness behind this picture, the writer and director weren't even smart enough to take out a line of dialog which clearly referenced Connery. "You brought a knife to a gunfight." Yeah, they'll say it was an homage, but it was just plain sloppy, like tis whole movie.

In the end, Indy should have hung up his fedora with movie #3 and left us with a good taste in our mouths rather than the bitter aftertaste of this horrible film.

Personal sadness and disappointment here: what a great franchise this was, what a lovable character, now destroyed by pure Lucasian incompetence. I'd really loved all the first three movies, because in my opinion, they were perfect examples for timeless adventure classics and movie magic extraordinaire, each in its own style. Indy himself was one of my childhood heroes ... heck, I even loved the TV series (well, mostly), but when I saw this one, I almost puked my guts out. Honestly, I wanted to like it badly, but this flick is so incredibly stupid, so inconsistent and amazingly badly written, it's plain unbearable. All things which made the other movies so great are missing: the excitement of discovery, the thrilling adventure, the enjoyable character relations, the sarcastic yet charming humor, the over-the-top but still believable action scenes - all gone. What remains is this brainless, soulless, uninspired load of junk that (sadly) will score at the box office anyway, just because it's Indy - sort of. But worst of all, as you can clearly see in almost every take, the love is gone from the franchise. Even Harrison Ford looks mostly like he's just going through the motions. For my part, I blame it all on the ABSOLUTELY CRAPPY AND THOROUGHLY DUMB SCRIPT that 1) DENIES THE ACTORS ALMOST EVERY POSSIBILITY TO ACT (Karen Allen being the worst example) and 2) has literally everything that also made the star wars prequels fail: the ham-fisted dialogue, the completely ridiculous "storytelling", forced character development and relations, plot holes one could fly the death star through, overused CGI effects, the lamest humor imaginable ... the list goes on and on. So thanks, George Lucas, for ruining just another childhood love of mine - you couldn't have made it worse by introducing Steven Seagal as Indys long lost brother. But probably, that's what you were up to anyway and Spielberg just talked you out of it.

Bottom line: 20 years of waiting in vain ... excuse me now, but I think I'll go hiding in the basement and cry a little.

THIS is the movie Lucas, Spielberg and Ford were all excited to make??? We've come to expect this sort of childish nonsense from George Lucas, but Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford also thought this was a good idea??? This is an absolutely awful excuse for a movie much less an entry into the Indiana Jones canon.

Fortunately for me I had the time of my life laughing at it's stupidity. I was in tears for most of the whole film because I just couldn't believe how bad it all was and just when I thought what I had just seen was bad enough, something even more ridiculous happened.

Examples:
Only a handful of guards at the US base protecting our most important secrets and artifacts, including the ARK!!!

It seems we've all over-reacted to the threat of atomic bombs as you can just get inside a refrigerator at ground zero and survive it. Oh yeah, then you'll be able to get out of it instead of getting locked inside and dying like others have before.

We also now know that boxers and MMA fighters are just a bunch of fragile weaklings because Indiana Jones took about a 1000 punches to the face and barely had a mark to show for it.

Tarzan swinging??? Are they serious??? He catches up to 2 speeding vehicles doing it!!!

The car scene, where it jumped off the cliff onto a branch and then they drove into the water??? Uh, yeah right.

How about Dr. Jones and company going over not 1, not 2, but 3 WATER FALLS in a freakin military jeep and surviving without or scratch on them!!!

Giant Ants??? Where do you find those?

Mayans just waiting inside the walls to pop out and attack intruders. How did they get in there anyways???

The skull was far too light to be crystal and looked like plastic filled with aluminum foil. Sure was easy to find too.

Every time they get wet, five minutes later their clothes are dry, pressed and cleaned. How about some consistency here?

And then the capper, it's all about........(drum roll)..........ALIENS!!! Yes, our standard, prototypical aliens with elongated heads and a flying saucer. E.T. go home indeed.

And there you have it. Indiana Jones has gained superpowers over the years and an experienced, award winning director has managed to make a movie with all the ability of a 5th grader. Whatever drove Lucas to madness has spread to Spielberg. Somebody put a stop to it before other talented film makers turn out nonsense like this! Oh well, at least I didn't pay for it and I laughed harder and longer during this mess than anything in recent memory. Although, people usually want you to laugh with them, not at them. I hope that's enough for them. I'd still like my 2 hrs. back though.

If you want to see 2 hrs. of what not to do in a movie and enjoy laughing at other peoples mistakes, go right ahead and check this out. But if you value your time, like the other Indiana Jones movies, quality films and consider yourself an intelligent person and like movie makers to treat you like you are, RUN, don't walk away from this movie. Avoid, Avoid, Avoid, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the NUMB Skull.

When the film started with a CGI gopher I thought it was an advertisement for Ice Age 3. But no, it was Indian Jones with Ice Age Cartoon gophers. And then it went on, obviously painfully half the movie is CGI but without much effort. Cate Blanchett is a wasted talent in this movie and seems to know it, her accent slipping ever so often. Harrison Ford is his same old self, literally, he is OLD and rather out of place. Lucas hasn't lost his touch - that is from Epsiode I and on, this seems to be one more "sell more toys" movie without any other regard, except of course use CGI at every chance. Spielberg? Was he even there or did he do it all over the phone, or did he do what limited job he had before Lucas came in to do CGI? LaPoof is actually half decent but I am lost why he is there at all. Then the plot is like it is running between highlights of former glories instead of any kind of story. Right up to half the movie I was thinking "Well it is on par with Temple of Doom" which IMHO isn't half good, but don't worry half way through this movie surprises you by becoming a lot worse. The net outcome is exactly the sum of its parts = 1 Star.

What a mess this movie was. Good to see Indy again but you can tell from the start that Lucas had approval over this script after rumors he threw out so many better scripts out the window (Frank Durapont anyone?).
Indy surviving nuclear blasts, Rodents coming up from the ground and grinning at the camera, Shia LaBouf swinging from vines in a jungle with Monkeys and hardly any Marion. She barely has anything to say.
Then you get the ending which comes out of a different movie.
Suspending Disbelief is one thing but you gotta check your brain and taste at the door for this one.
Lets hope they don't make any spinoffs with Indy's kid.

This review is for; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Two-Disc Special Edition)

It seems fans either hated or loved the latest Indiana Jones film as noted by the numerous other reviews, but I was moderatley satisfied with the effort. Rather than do an honest review of a DVD that I do not have yet, I just wanted to point out the new features for the upcoming two-disc edition of "The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". For collector geeks like me, Best Buy is offering a replica Crystal Skull with the two disc set as a special Best Buy exclusive collector set. Also Target is packing their 2-Disc Sets with a collectible hardcover book (the two DVD's are actuallly stored in the book).

Note when the DVD will be available there will be a single disc and two disc editions. Here are the details for the two-disc set.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL two-disc Special Edition DVD is presented in widescreen enhanced for 16:9 TVs with THX Certified Dolby Digital English 5.1 Surround, French 5.1 Surround and Spanish 5.1 Surround and English, French and Spanish subtitles.

Disc 1:
* The Return of a Legend--The evolution of the new film and a tribute to the legendary hero and his creators.

* Pre-Production--Follows Steven Spielberg as he creates animatic sequences, Shia LaBeouf as he learns to swordfight and captures the reunion of filmmakers and cast on the soundstage.

Disc 2:
* Production Diary: Making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull--Join filmmakers, cast and crew for a complete look at the making of the film.
Shooting Begins: New Mexico
Back To School: New Haven , Connecticut
Welcome to the Jungle: Hilo , Hawaii
On-Set Action
Exploring Akator
Wrapping Up!

* Warrior Makeup
* The Crystal Skulls
* Iconic Props
* The Effects of Indy
* Adventures in Post Production
* Closing: Team Indy

* Pre-Visualization Sequences
Area 51 Escape
Jungle Chase
Ants Attack

Galleries
* The Art Department
The Adventure Begins
Cemetery and Jungle
Akator

* Stan Winston Studio
Corpses, Skeletons & Mummies
Aliens & Crystal Skulls

* Production Photographs
* Portraits
* Behind-the-Scenes Photographs
* Lego INDIANA JONES: THE ORIGINAL ADVENTURES XBox 360 Game Demo
* Trailers

God, this KILLS me as a lifelong Indy fan, but what must be done must be done...

An excerpt from my review on Pirates: Dead Man's Chest applies flawlessly here:

"It suffers from all the pitfalls you fear going into a sequel...bloated budget, very little growth from the main characters, overly-complicated plot, countless unnecessary scenes of which very few carry any sort of punch, etc."

It's clear from the outset that Lucas and Spielberg were zeroed in on the punchy, pulp fiction action that Indy was first conceived, vs. catering to a more modern, movie-going audience. If you go into it expecting a freshly scripted, character-enriching experience, you'll likely be disappointed. If you're looking for a nostalgic popcorn-popper, chances are you'll be satisfied.

Many will cry foul over the film's plot being related to aliens. That was the center of pulp fiction in the 50s and clearly that was important to the writers here. I can't argue with the creators in terms of their subject matter, but I will say this: the alien theme, while I understand its origins in the mind of the filmmakers, was a big and VERY NEEDLESS jump in the genre. It reminded me of what a new writer does to a previously existing successful series in any medium, such as a TV show, or comic book. They've got hundreds, if not thousands, of mythologies to choose from and they settle on...campy, American pop culture? A really risky premise and unfortunately, a theme that Lucas insisted on. But hey! It's Lucas' baby, we need to accept the premise to move on, which bring me to frankly, the biggest and most glaring problem....the STORY/SCRIPT/PLOT.

Detailed points:

1. The entire Area 51 sequence: TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. The story could easily have started from the university. Mutt could have been introduced with a lot more care and in such a way I cared when it happened. We could have learned a LOT more about their chemistry and relationship instead of wasting time at Area 51. The same goes for the nuclear testing scene - 100% UN-NEEDED.

2. CARTOONISH VILLAIN and SUPPORTING CHARACTERS - Spalko, played by the very talented and capable Cate Blanchett, is easily the weakest villain in any IJ film to date, being outmatched by not only predecessors, but previous SUB-villains. Case in point - I was more loathsome of the antics of the Nazi general from Crusades, or the slimy Toht of Raiders than Spalko. We never see her worst deeds. Why should we hate her? I knew why I wanted to see previous villains fail, but not so here. More squandered talent in Jonh Hurt and Ray Winstone - their characters were also two-dimensional and forgettable. Again, these issues are a symptom of a bad script.

3. TONS OF PLOT EXPOSITION USING DIALOGUE instead of imagery, actions or scenes. Are you kidding me? This is SPIELBERG. This is LUCAS. And yet they STILL fall into this amateur trap that's preached in Film-making 101? This was the majority of my problem following the details of the story, because it was fed to me through laborious blocks of dialogue. I honestly can't recall how scenes were linked together...there's no "dots" for me to follow having just watched it.

4. ASPECTS OF LOVE. Maybe it's just me, but the way that Marion was re-introduced and the whole "family" dynamic were really flat. Marion seemed more like a token shoe-in than the fiery character we knew and grew to love in Raiders. Another NEEDLESS character. This only made the wedding scene a bigger question mark and awkward. There was NO buildup to that outcome and frankly, the idea of getting married doesn't fir either character AT ALL. They make better adventure buddies that have spurs of passion for one another, but know it would never work between them. THAT is the Indiana and Marion we know and love.... pragmatic and stubborn. No where to be found here.

5. FLAT ENDING. By the end of this film, I need to understand INDIANA JONES better. Just like I did at the end of Temple of Doom. Just like I did at the end of Last Crusade. But here? I knew nothing more about him. No new leaf turned. Just kind of going through the motions of what the filmmakers THINK we need to see of him. And even in THAT respect, the scripts fails - little use of the whip, a pistol or even most glaring yet....

His WITS! Pay attention....this film included NO part of Indy using his ingenuity or outwitting the bad guys when his back was against the wall. I found myself out-thinking the film. That should never happen.

Then there's all the more petty complaints that people have that many I agree with, but were not the most damaging, such as the nuclear testing sequence, the Tarzan and Brando homages, etc. These were somewhat tacky elements, but FORGIVABLE if the story/plot/script is any good at all, which unfortunately and almost inconceivably, is not true here.

I think the reality is, this is a franchise that is not meant for modern thinking movie goers. The suspension of disbelief is harder to come by. That isn't to take anything away from Indiana Jones, it's just a simple observation that timing is almost just as critical as subject matter in the formula for success. But it's also glaringly apparent that Lucas is totally out of touch with movie goers and his audience. I really wish that when he considered reviving the Star Wars and Indiana Jones franchises, he realized that such beloved treasures as those had NOTHING to gain, yet EVERYTHING to lose. Crystal Skull is, unfortunately, another unnecessary black mark on Lucas' legacy, not unlike Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones.

Despite my disappointment and long-winded criticisms, many will enjoy this film for what it is. Still, one can't help but be befuddled that after 19 years, this is best the Lucas and Spielberg could come up with.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens with some teenagers in full 50s regalia speeding down a dirt road in Nevada, past a convoy of military vehicles. They engage the first vehicle in line in a drag race, and then speed off into the distance as the military vehicles turn right and head down another dirt road.

It's not long before Indiana Jones makes his first appearance, when a couple of bodies are hefted from the trunk of one of the military vehicles and thrown to the dirt. A hat also lands in the dirt. A hand reaches down and picks up the hat, and then Indy's shadow is cast on the vehicle. He is, as always, in a jam. The villain who wants to use him to her own ends is a sexy and severe Russian with a passion for knowledge, played by Cate Blanchett. She, along with the rest of the cast, is wonderful.

And yet, I found the movie disappointing. Taken in pieces it's smart and exciting, but overall something was lacking. Toward the beginning of the movie Indiana Jones acknowledges his age. I thought that this would be an interesting evolution for his character and the movie, and I hoped that his age would be addressed again--perhaps he could have had to rely more on his wits or his companions. But any other references to his age and changes in how he conducts his missions accordingly were absent from the film. There is, I suppose, one surprise when his long ago lover and true love pops onto the scene and reveals something to Indy as they're sinking in quick sand. But otherwise this movie just gives the viewer the same things that worked in the other movies: Exotic locations, a handful of tight jams that Indy and his crew always manage to get out of, humor, historical mystery and action scenes. I suppose that's a lot, but I would have found my attention more closely riveted to the screen if I thought Indy might actually be in danger, or if I truly feared what the Russians might do with the skull if they possessed its power. It seems that Hollywood just cranked out another formulaic sure thing, instead of taking any chances. The only real change was the outlandishness of some of the action scenes. After Indy's jeep made it over three huge waterfalls without anybody in the vehicle getting injured, the film critic I went to the preview with started laughing. So I guess it's fair to say that the film is humorous and entertaining, and viewers who like over-the-top action scenes won't be disappointed.

After waiting so long to make this movie, you'd think that they would have had time to come up with a great idea and a great script. But apparently they spent the past 20 years looking for the worst idea and worst script they could find. This movie was made to make money. No real effort was put into it to make it live up to the previous movies. They knew that people would shell out money to see it regardless of whether it was good or bad. So why bother making it good? My advice? Don't give these people money for being too lazy to make a good Indiana Jones movie. Skip it. Don't even rent it, just pretend it never happened.