Infidelity: A Survival Guide [Paperback]

Don-David Lusterman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1998

The discovery of an infidelity can deliver a devastating blow—but it can be survived. Psychologist Don-David Lusterman has spent thousands of hours counseling clients who needed help coping with infidelity. In this book, he shares what he has learned in a step-by-step format that helps readers cope with the emotional impact of the affair, decide what it tells them about their marriage, and either choose to break up or begin to rebuild their relationship.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Don-David Lusterman, a psychologist practicing in Baldwin, New York, believes that couples who work hard can save their marriages following an affair: "People often find that once infidelity is discovered and its aftereffects are behind them, their relationship is stronger than before, and subsequent infidelity is unlikely." This isn't true only of married couples--Lusterman points out that people in long-term, committed relationships, whether straight or gay, face the same devastating emotions and have to go through a similar rebuilding process if they want to remain together after one has strayed. Whether or not a troubled couple chooses to stay together, Lusterman says the best outcome is when both partners experience changes and new insights into their lives. He provides several case studies in which couples began to regain their trust through new communication, and instructs on the kind of feelings-expressing language that can help. (He also provides a section on finding a good therapist.) This book will help people on either side of an affair begin to understand what's going on, and help them find the resources they need to continue that quest. --Ben Kallen

Review

“A wise and thoughtful book that will help many people write a happy ending to a pain-filled story.”
—Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and How Good Do We Have to Be?

“Infidelity: A Survivial Guide is a wonderful guide for couples dealing with the aftermath of an infidelity. As a wise and very knowledgeable therapist, Dr. Lusterman clearly explains the complex dynamics of infidelity. He provides an excellent road map for both partners to rebuild trust and then take a path that can lead to a better marriage.”
—Constance R. Ahrons, Ph.D., author of The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Falls Apart

“Don-David Lusterman draws on his years of experience as a therapist to provide extraordinary insight into understanding and surviving a partner’s one-night stand, philandering, or affair. Dr. Lusterman goes beyond just helping people survive this experience to helping them learn from it and turn it into an opportunity for personal growth. This book can benefit not only the discoverer and the involved partner, but it also offer invaluable perspective for family members and friends.”
—Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (June 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572240873
• ISBN-13: 978-1572240872
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #179,904 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

106 of 108 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A lifeline in a time of drowning....., September 15, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Infidelity: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

This book is amazing. I went through this with my husband last year and the book was the only thing that made sense. People try to help you and offer you comfort in a time like this but rarely can someone or something tap RIGHT into what you are feeling. This is what this book does. When this happens, you are so confused and lost and have so many questions. This book helps anwser them and prepares you for confronting the problem and hopefully moving past it. It also offers a lot of hope in such a dim time. For someone going through this, I offer three suggestions: 1) BUY THIS BOOK! 2) Get yourself in personal counseling and 3) If and when your spouse is willing-get both of you into marraige counseling. I wish you the best if you are going through this but please-read this book. It is like a having a light in a dark cave. After counseling and praying and making decisions, I am happy to say my husband and I survived infidelity. We are now enjoying each other and loving each other on a whole new level. Take care.

48 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Need help understanding?, May 12, 2005

By 

Stephanie D. May "stephanied" (usa) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Infidelity: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

I bought this book to help me understand and put perspective on my marriage. Last year I had an affair and told my husband. We both had a hard time. He couldnt understand why I did what I did, and neither could I. We had been married for 10 years and together for 13. After a few months he went and had an affair with a mutual friend. I couldnt understand and have spend the last year trying to understand and get through it. It was totally eating me up/ I know I did the exact same thing and several times more than he did. I was so hurt by the betrayal. I ordered this book and read it in 2 days. It had really helped me understand why I had an affair to begin with. I was trying to replace the romance I thought was missing. It gave good insight into what leads to the breakdown of a marriage and how to prevent it. I could have used this information a year ago. It also spoke of retalitory affairs. It shed some light on how my husband was feeling and how bad I had hurt him. After reading this book I was finally able to sit down and talk to him about everything that happened without either one of us getting mad and screaming. We are working on building trust and with the help of the knowledge we got from this book, I have faith in us. I would recommend it to anyone who is hurting like I was.

44 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I am a survivor, February 1, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Infidelity: A Survival Guide (Paperback)

This book is a must read for anyone experiencing infidelity. It is truly a survival guide. Dr. Lusterman provides the tools needed to get through the emotions, the ambivilence and confusion that come with infidelity. He does this in an extremely thoughtful, honest and straightforward way. Until I read this book, I thought my marriage was doomed. I would have never believed that infidelity would actually serve as a turning point to a stronger, more intimate relationship with my husband. No matter what the circumstances, there is a lot of thoughtful wisdom in this book. I would also recommend this book to therapists who are treating couples dealing with infidelity. Tell your clients about it. It is a great resource.