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Infinite Crab Meats [Kindle Edition]

Byron Crawford , Theotis Jones
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)

Digital List Price: $3.99 What's this?
Print List Price: $12.95
Kindle Price: $2.99
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Book Description

Infinite Crab meats is an all you can eat buffet of probing, insightful hip-hop journalism. It's like Crab Legs Night at an actual Chinese buffet, except you don't have to wrestle with rednecks in order to make sure you get a plate. Have as much as you'd like. Pretend you're Rick Ross.

Discussed in Infinite Crab Meats:
  • The author's beef with controversial, venture capital-funded rap lyrics website Rap Genius, as discussed in the New York Times
  • Rick Ross' love of decadent seafood, and its health consequences
  • The emergence of a cottage industry built around collecting pictures of teenage girls with extremely large breasts
  • Allegations that Chief Keef was involved in the gang-related murder of fellow young Chicago rapper Lil JoJo
  • The campaign to have XXL editor in chief Vanessa Satten fired for posting a controversial Too Short video
  • Hot 97 refusing to play local New York artists, like Sean Price, and calling them "minor league rappers"
  • Kreayshawn's occasional racist outburst on Twitter
  • Sexual assault allegations against Indian-American hipster rap group Das Racist, and Indian sexual behavior more generally
  • Brian B.Dot Miller's intense debate with SPIN magazine's Jordan Sargent on whether or not white people should be allowed to write about rap music
Some of the many things you'll learn:
  • Why it's impossible to subsist on a steady diet of ramen noodles
  • What Geek Squad really does with your computer
  • The importance of occasionally looking up at a woman's face
  • How much it would cost to fap to completion using the Internets at FedEx Office
  • Why Totinos pizza rolls are superior to Totinos frozen pizza
  • The origin of the term Black People Twitter
  • At least two different ways to commit wire fraud
  • The best way to talk a girl into letting you "drop a digit" on her
  • Why a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell is more of a Taco Bell than a Pizza Hut


Editorial Reviews

Review

"dogg.... your chapter in your book about me was SPOT ON... it is like my bible for self-improvement - thank you!"
--Mahbod Moghadam, co-founder of Rap Genius

"me and @KillerMikeGTO are loving this @byroncrawford book. hilarious read."
--El-P

"@byroncrawford U Fat Fucking Bastard umma Choke U Till U CRY! I read Your BOOK! naw LOL. I'm Joking Great Read. Proud of ya Cuzzin. #Ball!"
--Killer Mike

"Off color, but hilarious"
--Andrew Barber, Fake Shore Drive

"Infinite Crab Meats is the bible to mom's basement dwellers everywhere. It's offensive, snarky, petty and cruel, but also completely on point"
--Unkut.com

About the Author

Considered a sage in Iran, Byron Crawford is the founder and editor of legendary hip-hop blog ByronCrawford.com: The Mindset of a Champion and the author of The Mindset of a Champion: Your Favorite Rapper's Least Favorite Book. He blogged for XXL magazine for five years.

Product Details

  • File Size: 421 KB
  • Print Length: 183 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1482516438
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Byron Crawford; 1 edition (February 21, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00BJCFK1W
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #299,221 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
(11)
4.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars my favorite author of all time January 16, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Bol's writing speaks to me on a level that would embarrass most men. Luckily, I'm secure enough to go on record with just how delighted I am with this man's voice.
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5.0 out of 5 stars CRAB MEATS IS GREAT September 24, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I think this is my favorite of Bol's current trilogy. It's my favorite cover for sure. I dunno if people run into this book without knowing the mindset of a champion blog, or the xxl work from before. Fans should def pick it up [no Murphy], and people new to Bol should just buy it on GP. That means General Principle, knowing this will make some of the articles easier to understand - You're welcome!

Strong recommend!
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5.0 out of 5 stars Infinite fun August 28, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Bol outdoes himself with every new book. Just finished reading Infinite Crab Meats in order to start Nas Lost and I can't believe i hadn't finish this book a long time ago. Every part of the book is hilarious
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5.0 out of 5 stars much more useful than Rap Genius June 16, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book made me laugh out loud so many times... I have been reading his blog for years now and if you appreciate a certain kind of humor, it doesn't disappoint.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Bol lays it down for his Moms' basement May 23, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Not for the hip hop timid or easily offended, Crawford's nearly stream of consciousness style of writing goes over the state of hip hop, black music and community and really- mass media in general. Crawford needs to get laid and most probably needs a shower, but his musings are for the most part dead on and gets the mind going when it comes to rap music. Some of the socio-economic commentary gets bogged down in discussion of how the author REALLY likes white teenage women, but the lack of narrative structure doesn't seem to hurt the flow of the discussion. Nullus, as often said on the authors blog.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Gifted mind April 23, 2013
By oscar
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Always wanted to get inside remarkable minds, well thanks to Byron this text is that of how refined ivy leagers integrate on many complexities. I had remarkable appretion of my own intellect but even i know Byron is leaps and bounds higher ceiling. Thanks man!
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More About the Author

My government name is Byron Crawford, though many people on the Internets call me Bol, which is Swahili for "The Gulliest One." As you can see, I take no small amount of pride in my African heritage. When I'm not working like a Hebrew slave at a series of soul-crushing minimum wage jobs, I devote most of my free time to doing community outreach with black and Latino youth. Nullus.

I run a website -- perhaps you've heard of it -- called ByronCrawford.com: The Mindset of a Champion, in which I educate today's youth on some of the most important issues of our time, including racism, homophobia, healthy living, respect for women, tolerance for religion, and who really runs the music business.

A committed feminist, I donate as much money as I can afford to, and sometimes more, to underprivileged female college students in a small, rural town called Sauget, Illinois. Because as far as I'm concerned, it's one thing to talk about it on the Internet, but it's a whole other thing to put your money where your mouth is. Literally.

I've lived in and around St. Louis, MO my entire life, except for a five year period I spent in Chicken Switch, MO. I hold a bachelor's degree in business administration, with a concentration in marketing, from East Bumblef*ck State University, the Harvard of the Midwest, as well as a certificate in food safety I earned while working at a White Castle.

In addition to rap music, I'm also a big fan of the album New Miserable Experience by the Gin Blossoms. It even says so in that album's Wikipedia entry. (Note that I didn't add that myself.)

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