Customer Reviews

The Inner Lover: Using Passion as a Way to Self-Empowerment

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This book bravely goes where no woman (or man) has gone before. While many will be familiar with the concept of projection in relationships, few authors have illustrated in such a clear and personal fashion the value of fantasy, passion and the place it has in our lives. This book encourages us to open and explore who we are, using our romantic attractions as a point of departure.

The use of personal examples makes it very clear how using dreams and symbolism can help us understand what it is in ourselves that needs developing. However, the book does not limit relationships to "mere" projection; it acknowledges that the inner and outer world work together. Both need to be recognized.

It is a pity that this book is out of print; this book is most helpful for the individual who is trying to make sense out of what sometimes seems like a very difficult realm to deal with. Many books do not honor the spirit of romantic attractions, and the relationship they have to our deepest self. The personal examples (bravely given) help elucidate this journey, and encourage us each to similar acts of courage in personal exploration. I have personally read this book several times, and I recommend it highly.

The Inner Lover - Using passion as a way to self-empowermentbyValerie Harms. Aslan Publishing. 1999. 225 pp.

Valerie Harmsunderstands that not all love is meant to result in a relationship with the person arousing the love in one. Circumstances, including a relationship with someone else, may stand in the way. When such love is aroused, individuals often feel troubled from frustration, guilt, doubt, or a mixture of these and other emotions. But as Harms teaches, this need not be the case. As she says, "When we become attentive to our fantasies and dreams [aroused by love], loving and not condemning our deepest wishes, we give them a chance to direct and empower our lives." Adhering to this principle, she teaches how to make such love a positive experience.

In exploring this kind of love, Harms focuses on the self--how the self can maintain its wholeness and singular potential and be empowered by the love's creative, unpredictable forces. This positive involvement with the love she explores not only fulfills one as a person, but also enhances one's place and value in all relationships. Harms has one of the best understandings of love a reader can find. Among her previous books are "Stars in My Skin/Nin, Montessori, Steloff" and "Unmasking: Ten Women in Metamorphosis."

Henry Berry

Book Reviewer

Editor/Publisher, The Small Press Book Review

Can't get over him or her? Read this book to get an indepth understanding of why :-)

Valerie Harms has provided an astute and creative perspective on love relationships and how, when our attention is directed inward, greater self-empowerment can result. She addresses how we often project qualities we wish to have onto others and become infatuated with those outside ourselves. We simultaneously fail to see or develop those qualities or potentials within ourselves.
"The Inner Lover" is rich in insights, illustrations, and techniques that can be very helpful in encountering our inner life and developing our creativity and individuality. Valerie Harms provides exercises such as journaling, dreamwork, and using the imagination that encourage self-exploration and lead to reawakening our creative energies and movement toward wholeness.
I found "The Inner Lover" very enlightening. As a psychotherapist I have recommended this book to a number of clients, especially those struggling with relationships and looking outside themselves for validation or completion. Engaging with the "inner lover" does not preclude having a passionate "outer" romantic relationship. Actually, finding one's inner power and wholeness makes way for a healthy love relationship.

Is the fire of passion going out? Valerie's wisdom will help you reclaim your passion. She will take you by the hand and lead you to transformational creativity and fulfillment in relationships. This is a must-read for "cheaters."