Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them [Hardcover]

David J. Ley (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 21, 2009 | ISBN-10: 1442200308 | ISBN-13: 978-1442200302

This enlightening work investigates the history, incidence, and causes of a unique sexual lifestyle pursued by increasing numbers of couples. It is called by many names, and lived in a variety of ways by different couples. The most common terms used to describe it are 'hotwife' or 'cuckold lifestyle.' This sexual practice, a form of sexual nonmonogamy, is distinguished from swinging and polyamory in that the husband rarely seeks sexual contact outside the marriage except for participation in group sex with his wife and other men, while the wife is permitted and often encouraged to pursue unrestrained sexual encounters with other men. The author includes interviews and comments from couples living the lifestyle throughout the U.S., and presents the stories in an attempt to determine the history of this sexual practice and its role in society and in relationships. He explores the psychological, social, biological, and evolutionary underpinnings of this uncommon and socially taboo behavior in an effort to make it more comprehensible to those engaged in the lifestyle and those who are just curious.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Clinical psychologist Ley forges into new territory to examine the long-lived, but little-known "hotwife phenomenon." In extensive interviews with couples, Ley discovers educated, successful individuals with strong, healthy marriages in which wives are allowed, and expected, to sleep with other men. These couples demonstrate high degrees of communication and mutual respect while also asserting that the lifestyle, initiated by the wives, has strengthened their marriages. Interviews lead Ley to track the origins of monogamy and the reasons why "female sexuality was constrained in our society and history," including analysis of the term "cuckoldry," the evolution of laws designed to protect the family, and the Madonna/whore dichotomy, alongside the medical and societal costs of keeping women under sexual lock-and-key. Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley's survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication.
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Review

Consensual nonmonogamy is bursting out of the closet, gaining wider attention from therapists, researchers and the larger public. One particular kind of nonmonogamy, the hotwife/cuckold dynamic, shows how some people express and explore their sexuality by taking a less-trodden path. This book serves as a great introduction – not just in providing some important basic information and a meaningful context, but by emotionally accompanying the reader who might be taking their first intellectual steps in understanding the hotwife / cuckold dynamic or understanding consensual nonmonogamous sexuality in successful long-term relationships. (Richard A. Sprott, Ph.D. )

What is most compelling is not the sexual titillation, found aplenty in this book, but being taken along on Dr. Ley's clinical journey, exploring controversial aspects of sexuality. (Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H. )

Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley’s survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication. (Publishers Weekly )

Recommended. (Choice )

Insatiable Wives is an intimate, erudite exploration of the "hotwives" or "cuckold" phenomenon.... The book is well-written and well-researched.... It's engaging enough to be a "beach book" (the cover will get you some odd looks from the next towel over) and substantive enough to serve as an excellent sexological resource after you've shaken the sand from its pages. (Contemporary Sexuality )

Ley has written a valuable and important book. Regardless of what your values and preferences may be, this book is thoroughly engrossing and impressive in its thoughtful, disciplined, informative approach. Western culture and psychological theories have led us to think that no man will tolerate his wife having sex with other men, but this book shows that in fact such practices have existed across cultural and historical boundaries. Some men not only tolerate but positively enjoy the amorous adventures of their wives. The mixture of history and science, anecdote, and interview makes this a truly remarkable book. Anyone interested in the range and breadth of human sexual activity, whether from personal curiosity or professional interest, will find this well-written and carefully researched book to be enlightening and entertaining. (Roy F. Baumeister )

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 312 pages
• Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (October 21, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1442200308
• ISBN-13: 978-1442200302
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,010,455 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

David J. Ley Ph.D.

Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Dr Ley earned his Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from Ole Miss, and his Master's and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. Dr. Ley is licensed in New Mexico and Nevada, and has provided clinical and consultative services in numerous other states.

Dr. Ley currently serves as Executive Director of a large outpatient behavioral health agency in Albuquerque. Dr. Ley has been treating sexuality issues throughout his career. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, but began to expand his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality, and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors. Insatiable Wives is his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. Dr. Ley wrote Insatiable Wives following two years of interviews with couples around the country. He is currently working on a second book, challenging the concept of sexual addiction. He may be contacted at the following address: [e-mail].

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars So Many Men, So Little Time? It May be in Your Genes! July 24, 2010

By Scandalouswomen

Format:Hardcover

Giving sociological, biological, and historical evidence, a controversial new book reveals how being scandalous might just be your nature - and how you've been tricked into believing it isn't!

Any attempt to review Dr. David Ley's "Insatiable Wive - Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them" is met with fierce quandries. Should it be approached from a clinical stand point so the importance of the book's message isn't overly sexualized? Or should it be written in the hot nasty style such subject matter conveys in people's minds? Should we highlight the interviews with real couples who live a cuckolding lifestyle or do we concentrate on the historical theories and facts as to why some women - many women - aren't hardwired to be monogamous?

Writing for The Examiner, Sadie Smyth describes Insatiable Wives as an in-depth look at the psychological, biological and sociological forces that impact the decision-making process of men who find sexual and psychological fulfillment in the knowledge that their wives maintain relationships with other lovers, as well as the motivation behind the women's choice to do so. In other words, it seeks to explain why many women in relationships sleep with other men and why their boyfriends and husbands love them for it! The book also highlights in detail the resulting female sexual empowerment that arises within the not oft-spoken of dynamic of cuckoldry. That empowerment, as the book details, is often tied just as closely to economics as it is to sexuality.

Ley explains that female sexual freedom throughout the history of the world ties directly to the economic independence enjoyed by women in society. So, among the Inuit for example, where women could pursue sex with other men, the women traditionally oversaw the family's economy.... Among the Islamic culture in 19th Century Morocco, wealthy women often engaged in flagrant affairs, protected from their husband's anger by the fact that family's wealth was in the wife's name, inherited from her family. In today's Western world, as women's economic status has risen, so have the rates of female infidelity, and, not incidentally, the attention to female sexual satisfaction within heterosexual relationships (translation: guys are trying much harder to make us happy in the bedroom). Even among individual women, the more economically independent a woman is, the greater her chances of engaging in infidelity, and the more personal value she puts upon her sexual satisfaction. So, as female social and economic independence has grown in the past century, her sexual independence and autonomy has likewise grown.

The book also details how religious traditions have equated female sexuality with shame to keep it suppressed. One surprising (or not so surprising) piece of trivia the author gives is one of the first laws in recorded history was an order to stone women to death who'd had sex with more than one man! And, ironically, it's women themselves who have played a large role in suppressing their own sexuality by labeling their sisters as 'sluts' if they've embraced their sexuality. Read more ›

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read February 22, 2010

By Avid Reader New Zealand

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

A very well constructed,well written,non judgemental approach of this facinating aspect of human sexuality.The author takes us on a voyage of discovery into an area of sexuality seldom explored. He approaches the subject with a refreshingly open mind and uses his extensive background in psychology to make this a very informative and enjoyable read. Highly recommended reading.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars thought-provoking and a good explanation of why men and women behave the way they do. April 22, 2013

By dave miller

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

very interesting look at human sexual behavior through the study of one type of lifestyle. enjoyed the book very much.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Very open minded look into a very intriguing lifestyle. March 11, 2013

By PAUL J GARNET

Format:Kindle Edition

Want an interesting look into a life that few would ever imagine? Then read this book. I thought it provided an unbiased objective look into an unconventional lifestyle which is certainly not for everyone. It showed how all conventional wisdom could be defied in these couples who some seem to develop more open, loving, and communicative relationships.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Outside the Tradition February 28, 2013

By Eric Maroney

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Despite the salacious title and subtitle, Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, is actually a very balanced, fair, and honest look at the complex role female sexuality plays in our culture and men's reactions to it.

Research David Ley has provided a very broad study of what is traditionally known as cuckoldry, from historical, biological, evolutionary, and social frameworks. These are a great many categories to marshal, but Ley manages to give us a view into each with great skill.

His overriding message may be that this phenomenon is far more complex than we envision. There are interlocking issues of female sexuality and choice, male power, control, and lack of control, and a mix of complex drives which make heterosexual couples make non-traditional sexual choices.

He is also very correct in pointing out that non-traditional couple arrangements are usually denounced from a social or religious outlook, and not from the evidence of scientific studies. This book aptly shows how hard science must work to break free of our taboos and prejudices.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book January 29, 2013

By Markian Rekshynskyj

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

A good way to get to know yourself as well. You are normal.
AND YOU MAKE LIFE HAPPEN. Enjoy being human.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars very well written January 23, 2013

By m2editor

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

I am enjoying this book fully. The insights of the author are interesting and the life stories from the interviews are what makes this book a good read.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars informative but cerebral January 13, 2013

By Manuel Cruz

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

this is a study on the subject more so than any of the other books I've looked at. It is filled with history and references to the subject matter.