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Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them Paperback – January 16, 2012


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Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them + The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures + Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 312 pages
  • Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers; Reprint edition (January 16, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1442200316
  • ISBN-13: 978-1442200319
  • Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #246,402 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Clinical psychologist Ley forges into new territory to examine the long-lived, but little-known "hotwife phenomenon." In extensive interviews with couples, Ley discovers educated, successful individuals with strong, healthy marriages in which wives are allowed, and expected, to sleep with other men. These couples demonstrate high degrees of communication and mutual respect while also asserting that the lifestyle, initiated by the wives, has strengthened their marriages. Interviews lead Ley to track the origins of monogamy and the reasons why "female sexuality was constrained in our society and history," including analysis of the term "cuckoldry," the evolution of laws designed to protect the family, and the Madonna/whore dichotomy, alongside the medical and societal costs of keeping women under sexual lock-and-key. Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley's survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

Consensual nonmonogamy is bursting out of the closet, gaining wider attention from therapists, researchers and the larger public. One particular kind of nonmonogamy, the hotwife/cuckold dynamic, shows how some people express and explore their sexuality by taking a less-trodden path. This book serves as a great introduction – not just in providing some important basic information and a meaningful context, but by emotionally accompanying the reader who might be taking their first intellectual steps in understanding the hotwife / cuckold dynamic or understanding consensual nonmonogamous sexuality in successful long-term relationships. (Richard A. Sprott, Ph.D., executive director of CARAS (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities))

What is most compelling is not the sexual titillation, found aplenty in this book, but being taken along on Dr. Ley's clinical journey, exploring controversial aspects of sexuality. (Carole Lieberman, M.D., M.P.H., Psychiatrist and Bestselling Author of Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and When to Leave Them)

Well-written and thoroughly researched, Ley’s survey of an evolving marriage lifestyle highlights qualities vital to any relationship, especially honest and consistent communication. (Publishers Weekly)

Recommended. (CHOICE)

Insatiable Wives is an intimate, erudite exploration of the "hotwives" or "cuckold" phenomenon.... The book is well-written and well-researched.... It's engaging enough to be a "beach book" (the cover will get you some odd looks from the next towel over) and substantive enough to serve as an excellent sexological resource after you've shaken the sand from its pages. (Contemporary Sexuality)

Ley has written a valuable and important book. Regardless of what your values and preferences may be, this book is thoroughly engrossing and impressive in its thoughtful, disciplined, informative approach. Western culture and psychological theories have led us to think that no man will tolerate his wife having sex with other men, but this book shows that in fact such practices have existed across cultural and historical boundaries. Some men not only tolerate but positively enjoy the amorous adventures of their wives. The mixture of history and science, anecdote, and interview makes this a truly remarkable book. Anyone interested in the range and breadth of human sexual activity, whether from personal curiosity or professional interest, will find this well-written and carefully researched book to be enlightening and entertaining. (Roy F. Baumeister, professor of psychology, Florida State University)

Very informative and is suitable for individuals interested in the topic of sexuality and the history of sexuality. (Metapsychology Online Reviews)

More About the Author

David J. Ley Ph.D.

Dr. David Ley is a clinical psychologist in practice in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Dr Ley earned his Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from Ole Miss, and his Master's and Doctoral degrees in clinical psychology from the University of New Mexico. Dr. Ley is licensed in New Mexico and Nevada, and has provided clinical and consultative services in numerous other states.

Dr. Ley currently serves as Executive Director of a large outpatient behavioral health agency in Albuquerque. Dr. Ley has been treating sexuality issues throughout his career. He first began treating perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse, but began to expand his approach to include the fostering and promotion of healthy sexuality, and awareness of the wide range of normative sexual behaviors. Insatiable Wives is his first book and won a Silver Medal in the Foreword Magazine Book of the Year contest for 2009. Dr. Ley wrote Insatiable Wives following two years of interviews with couples around the country. He is currently working on a second book, challenging the concept of sexual addiction. He may be contacted at the following address: nmpsychologist@yahoo.com.

Customer Reviews

The historical information is very well researched and nonjudgmental.
Lyle C. Cook
In other words, it seeks to explain why many women in relationships sleep with other men and why their boyfriends and husbands love them for it!
Scandalouswomen
It is in that context they Dr Ley presents well researched data from anthropological, psychological and social studies.
Sig Van Raan

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

49 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Scandalouswomen on July 24, 2010
Format: Hardcover
Giving sociological, biological, and historical evidence, a controversial new book reveals how being scandalous might just be your nature - and how you've been tricked into believing it isn't!

Any attempt to review Dr. David Ley's "Insatiable Wive - Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them" is met with fierce quandries. Should it be approached from a clinical stand point so the importance of the book's message isn't overly sexualized? Or should it be written in the hot nasty style such subject matter conveys in people's minds? Should we highlight the interviews with real couples who live a cuckolding lifestyle or do we concentrate on the historical theories and facts as to why some women - many women - aren't hardwired to be monogamous?

Writing for The Examiner, Sadie Smyth describes Insatiable Wives as an in-depth look at the psychological, biological and sociological forces that impact the decision-making process of men who find sexual and psychological fulfillment in the knowledge that their wives maintain relationships with other lovers, as well as the motivation behind the women's choice to do so. In other words, it seeks to explain why many women in relationships sleep with other men and why their boyfriends and husbands love them for it! The book also highlights in detail the resulting female sexual empowerment that arises within the not oft-spoken of dynamic of cuckoldry. That empowerment, as the book details, is often tied just as closely to economics as it is to sexuality.

Ley explains that female sexual freedom throughout the history of the world ties directly to the economic independence enjoyed by women in society. So, among the Inuit for example, where women could pursue sex with other men, the women traditionally oversaw the family's economy.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Sandra Roberts on January 7, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book was recommended to me by friends. It has a lot of great research, but the structure is confusing. There is repetition in different paragraphs (so that I thought I'd already read them) and I was left with the sense that the cultures are not as homogenous or as easily separated as he implies. I feel that his background as a psychologist has poorly equipped him for what is essentially an anthropological work.

That said. It covers an extensive range of topics and information and is probably worth struggling through for that reason.
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16 of 19 people found the following review helpful By Avid Reader New Zealand on February 22, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
A very well constructed,well written,non judgemental approach of this facinating aspect of human sexuality.The author takes us on a voyage of discovery into an area of sexuality seldom explored. He approaches the subject with a refreshingly open mind and uses his extensive background in psychology to make this a very informative and enjoyable read. Highly recommended reading.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By PAUL J GARNET on March 11, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition
Want an interesting look into a life that few would ever imagine? Then read this book. I thought it provided an unbiased objective look into an unconventional lifestyle which is certainly not for everyone. It showed how all conventional wisdom could be defied in these couples who some seem to develop more open, loving, and communicative relationships.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Mark on January 29, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
A good way to get to know yourself as well. You are normal.
AND YOU MAKE LIFE HAPPEN. Enjoy being human.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Sig Van Raan on July 8, 2014
Format: Paperback
Dr Ley's work is profound, compelling and so very relevant in today's evolving culture of social and marital relationships. Having said that, One must note that our culture is constantly evolving and that's an important reality to note as evidenced by the social changes of the past 40 years or so. It is in that context they Dr Ley presents
well researched data from anthropological, psychological and social studies. He also presents case histories and
interviews with couples who as he put it, define themselves in various ways - hot wives, swinging, cuckolding, wife sharing, non monogamous - all in a non judgmental and non critical manner. The one critical concept, key to the work, is the notion that monogamy should be seen as a choice, an option and not as a regulation or moral requirement as the cultural norms would suggest. The essential dynamic as he states it is the ability of the couple to engage in open, honest and mindful dialogue with each other. Dr Ley repeats throughout this work the importance of strong communication as being essential to a couple's successful negotiation of the increasing complexities and demands of their relationship.
This book is essential reading for all couples who are questioning and exploring the boundaries of their own relationship. It is also a definite must for therapists who work with couples. As I recognize in my own work with couples, too often sexual issues are hidden behind the presented issues like, poor communication, emotional distance, anger or depression. Had I had the information presented in this work, (as well as the courage to explore such issues) I'd have been a lot more successful . Dr Ley's work is transformative as it broadens the context for couple's relationships to enrich their lives .

Sig Van Raan, Ph D (retired Family and Marital Therapist)
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By William R. Toddmancillas on July 12, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is actually inaccurately titled, as it is the men who convince their partners to explore multiple sexual partners, with the provision that the men watch or experience vicariously (through photographs, film, or partner's description) the details of these extra-primary-relationship couplings. Thus, the book should be titled Insatiable Husbands rather than Insatiable Wives. In any event, this is a fascinating introduction to an important sexual phenomenon, which is qualitatively different from conventional understanding of what is derisively referred to as "wife swapping," which is informatively explored in Gould's "The Lifestyle."

The book's content is informative, provocative, and even penchant. However, the organization of this material is somewhat disjointed. The chapters could be sequenced in a more logical manner so that understanding builds systematically from one major idea to the next. The chapters on history and literature, for instance, might be presented earlier in the text so that the reader achieves a cultural and historical grounding in the phenomenon before considering its current manifestations and pragmatics.

I am also a bit disappointed that the references are spotty. Most of the key references are documented in the bibliography, but not all. I depend on bibliographies to locate additional pertinent information, and it is a bit of a nuisance to do so on only skeletal in-text references.

However, at the very least this is an interesting, much needed contribution to the sexuality literature and is certainly accessible to the general reader as well as an important reference for specialists.
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