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Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom [Paperback]

Gregory Kramer (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)

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Book Description

September 11, 2007
Insight Dialogue is a way of bringing the tranquility and insight attained in meditation directly into your interactions with other people. It’s a practice that involves interacting with a partner in a retreat setting or on your own, as a way of accessing a profound kind of insight. Then, you take that insight on into the grind of everyday human interactions. Gregory Kramer has been teaching the practice (which he originated) for more than a decade in retreats around the world. It’s something strikingly new in the world of Buddhist practice—yet it’s completely grounded in traditional Buddhist teaching.

Kramer begins with a detailed presentation of the central Buddhist teaching of the Four Noble Truths seen through an interpersonal lens. Because dukkha (suffering or unsatisfactoriness) is often most forcefully felt in our relations with others, interpersonal relationships are a wonderfully useful place to practice. He breaks the Noble Truths down into component parts to observe how they manifest particularly in relationship to others, using examples from his own life and practice, as well as from his students’. He then goes on to present the practice as it’s taught in his workshops and retreats. There are a few basic steps to the practice, deceptively simple to describe: (1) pause, (2) relax, (3) open, (4) trust emergence, (5) listen deeply, and (6) speak the truth.

The sequence begins following a period of meditation, and includes periods of speaking, listening, and mutual silence. Kramer includes numerous examples of people’s experience with the practice from his retreats, and shows how the insight gained from the techniques can be brought into real life. More than just testimonials for how well the practice “works,” the personal stories demonstrate the problems that arise, the different routes the practice can follow, and the sometimes surprising insights that are gained.

To learn more about the author, Gregory Kramer, go to www.metta.org

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Lots of Buddhist books are using meditation to inspect the mind and watch its workings. The process works exceptionally well for monks and nuns, but the rest of the human race is busy householding, spends less time on the meditation cushion and could use a little help in applying Buddhist teachings to the messy world of relationships. This book by Buddhist meditation teacher Kramer fills that need somewhat unevenly. Kramer is a longtime student and teacher in the insight meditation tradition and has also studied Buddhist psychology. He has developed, and teaches, a practice that engages partners in a structured dialogue based on Buddhist practices and principles. Such dialogue, like meditation, yields insight. The book is at its best when the author explains and teaches this unique practice, offering real-world examples. Less successful, and far less novel, is a section that relates Buddhism's four noble truths to interpersonal truths. This section is larded with sweeping psychological generalizations conveyed in fuzzy language (All of these hungers rest on self-concept; they are the core around which the self constellates). This book has potential as a text for advanced Buddhist practitioners interested in extending their practice into everyday life to illuminate and improve their relationships. (Sept. 11)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Meditation is great; how much better to bring the tranquility that results into your relationships with others. From a longtime student of Buddhism who is also a scientist and a composer."—Library Journal

"This book has potential as a text for advanced Buddhist practitioners interested in extending their practice into everyday life to illuminate and improve their relationships."—Publishers Weekly Religion Bookline

"Insight Dialogue is beautifully written and wonderfully practical. There is deep healing in these pages."—Christine Northrup, MD, author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom


"In this pioneering work, Gregory Kramer breaks new ground in applying the Buddha's teachings to our lives, relationships, and meditative understandings. This book will be of tremendous benefit to all those seeking freedom in their daily lives."—Joseph Goldstein, author of Insight Meditation and One Dharma


"Beautifully written and elegantly structured, Insight Dialogue unpacks and enriches practices for extending and deepening our awareness of social interactions in all their complexity, with all their shadow, pain, and promise, in the service of authentic freedom and the humbling realization of deepest connection."—Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Coming to Our Senses and Arriving at Your Own Door

Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Shambhala (September 11, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590304853
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590304853
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #351,348 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

6 Reviews
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A book for all with an interest in communication and personal awareness, August 7, 2009
By 
ngaio1 (Wellington New Zealand) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom (Paperback)
As a long-time educator working with adults and children - and with an interest in Zen thought and interpersonal dynamics - I was intrigued by the title of this book.
After a couple of chapters, I knew I would have to buy it as it was going to require a number of readings. There is a lot to digest here, but it's written in a very approachable and illuminating way.
Gregory Kramer touches the heart of interpersonal dialogue with eloquence and refinement, and presents what you already know deeply about 'you' and your 'self'.
You don't need to adhere to a philosophy or a religion to benefit from this excellent book.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars Mindfulness or Judgment?, April 11, 2011
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This review is from: Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom (Paperback)
I was very eager to read this book, inspired to bring mindfulness to interpersonal relationships and use dialog as a form of healing. At the root of buddhist practice is an attempt to create freedom and unconditional acceptance, and I am concerned about how effective some of the practices described really attain this...

Upon reading it, I was somewhat surprised at many statements that implied subtle levels of judgment - and statements like these are woven throughout the book. These statements have some contradictory element in them that re-creates the dualism mindfulness is designed to surpass. There are many points of disappointment for me, but for now let me mention a just 2 for clarity and brevity:

1.
In regards to the "hunger to be" and wanting interpersonal recognition he says, when we don't receive this recognition that...
"this is a taste of death, and it is horrifying, and we will do anything to avoid it."

Upon reading this line, I had to wonder - "then what is buddhist practice itself?" - He of course discusses this point, but it makes the claim that "we will do anything to avoid it" untrue - since there ARE ways to lean into this in mindful ways. I would have liked some emphasis on what could contribute to a willingness to lean into it, instead of a broad generalization about human nature.

This line is much better stated as: "when we believe we aren't recognized by others, it can be horrifying and this horror can sometimes contribute to an unwillingness to spend time to look at ourselves more directly."

It is also my belief that social structures and cultural systems contribute to an individual's willingness to turn towards themselves or not (for instance buddhist cultures where mindful meditation is normal)... and since interpersonal healing is based on the capacity of social influence to support creating trust and mutual vulnerability, this is a crucial component to any interpersonal insight... which leads me to 2.

2.
Another bit of the book that was disappointing for me was that many people are using interpersonal mindfulness in ways that hit at the core of compassionate, connected, and beyond-story-level-interactions: for instance Daniel Siegel, and the NVC community.

On page 47, Gregory says the following:
"...the subject-object split happens instantaneously: we experience me and them. Then the deeply conditioned view of separateness and difference arises"

What I was excited about was the possibility of a PRACTICE that itself was based on an interpersonal view of the individual itself (which is what Daniel, NVC, and Chogyam Trungpa emphasize). Instead what happens in insight dialog is actually based an a metaphysics of the individual (that an individual person has these hungers). "Insight" according to insight dialog is essentially realizing these hungers at work through dialogic mindfulness - yet I cannot imagine this produces much more than judgments and self-judgments about having "hungers" and then accepting these judgments - and then calling that mindfulness and compassion.

Mindfulness is not about explaining behavior, whether it is psychoanalysis or buddhist metaphysics or buddhist psychology... Gregory: "As I grew up, wanting to be seen was a dominant theme in my life. This is why I sought praise for eating all of my soup or making my fourth-grade classroom laugh." My concern surrounds the phrase "this is why." Mindfulness is not about why...

Mindfulness is simply the practice of noticing non-judgmentally. Yet Gregory's exposition brings everything back to buddhist psychology instead of mindfulness. What is missing in Gregory's work is the difference between wanting and attachment: "Every hunger creates tension" Confusion of wanting and attachment is likely to contribute to more suffering, not less: see Miki Kashtan's incredible article on this ([...])

"The hunger for non-being generates greed when we pull toward us the distractions and addictions in which we hide"
I am baffled as to how anyone who has this thought can possibly come into any compassion.

Compare that with the following NVC style translation: "When we experience a sense of tension, anxiety, and fear, we may have so much desire for safety that it is difficult to access our need for care and consideration" - This thought opens my heart much more than Gregory's previous statement.

Closing:

My worry is that ideas like "the hunger for non-being...etc." are ideas that close our heart and lead us to analyze what others are doing instead of connecting with them in compassionate ways. I find it difficult to trust "thinkers" of compassion, and instead like to see the products of compassion and techniques to really cultivate it.

As a result - I am left with a sense of deep disappointment in this book and see other thinkers and writers exploring ways that for me create a greater doorway to mindfulness and compassion. I therefore recommend the following:

Daniel Siegel:
]

Miki Kasthan & NVC in general:
[...]

Chogyam Trungpa & Pema Chodron... More in alignment with compassion - Though, still for me these run into similar buddhist paradoxes of unintentional dualism through relying on certain metaphysical beliefs I do not share.

So I am torn. The book does have valuable insights around dialog, and at the same time I am finding that the compassionate mindful nonjudgment that I am looking for is not in this book for me.

I hope you found this review helpful, even if you don't entirely agree.

Warmly,
-Tom




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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Tomorrow's Spiritual Classic, March 2, 2009
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Insight Dialogue: The Interpersonal Path to Freedom (Paperback)
Gregory Kramer, PhD, offers a teaching whose time has come, an important contribution for our individual and communal maturation, a teaching which can bring the contemplative dimension into all moments of life and all relationships. He shares means for communication and relationships to become tender and deeply nuanced - genuinely intimate. Through the relational practices Gregory offers, we cultivate wisdom and compassion in all lived experience; every facet of life becomes an opportunity for freedom and transformation. Read and practice these teachings one small step at a time, on your own or with others. The teaching will inspire and challenge mature practitioners and serve as a rich and timeless guide in life and relationship for those at all levels of experience.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
trust emergence, right mindfulness, interpersonal meditation, trusting emergence, interpersonal path, interpersonal suffering, interpersonal pleasure, identification with emotions, one meditator, contemplation theme, interpersonal practice, meditation partners, meditation guidelines, extraordinary practice, relational lives, wise attention, other meditators, entire retreat, dialogue practice, silent practice, calm concentration, loving awareness, interpersonal lives, retreat practice, meditation instructions
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Insight Dialogue, Speak the Truth, Right View, Four Interpersonal Truths, Right Effort, Right Speech, Forms of Practice, The Second Noble Truth, The Third Noble Truth, The Full-Spectrum Path, Noble Eightfold Path, Living the Tradition, The Fourth Noble Truth, Effective Path, The First Noble Truth, Right Intention, Ananda Maitreya, Right Action, Touching the World, Interpersonal Hunger, Listen Deeply, Third Noble Truth
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