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Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be Paperback – January 20, 2000


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 273 pages
  • Publisher: Hunter House (January 20, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0897932773
  • ISBN-13: 978-0897932776
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #91,438 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"What should you ask someone before you get seriously involved?" Eve Eschner Hogan wondered while she was starting a long-distance relationship with her future husband, Steve Hogan. Intellectual Foreplay is designed to spark stimulation and interest through intimate communication. "Like its physical counterpart, [it] can build excitement and desire--or quickly reveal a lack of compatibility, saving you months, or even years, of developing a relationship that isn't going to work," say the authors.

It's an interesting concept: questions to ask to determine compatibility or just get to know a lover or potential lover better. The book starts with "Who Are You?" questions covering a myriad of topics, such as self-esteem, values, hobbies, trust, romance, spirituality, health, and time management. Other sections include "Where Did You Come From?" (past, family, friends, education, and intelligence), "Where Are You Going?" (money, work, and future), "Can We Live Together?" (home, household responsibilities, food, bathroom, pets, vehicles, garden), and "Where Are We Going?" (vacations, holidays, children, wedding, and sex). Some questions will strike you as significant and others as unsubstantial--choose the ones that intrigue you. Tips for using the questions productively are peppered throughout the book. For example, figure out your top 20 "non-negotiable" questions and answer them yourself before asking them of a partner. It's an interesting spin on relationship deepening, and will certainly spark conversation. --Joan Price


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Customer Reviews

I highly recommend this book to my friends and family and even people on here.
bellababy1324
This book provides an excellent way to really get to know your partner before you progress in the relationship.
Jana Crosby
A good way to get to know someone that you may be serious about and to get to know your partner even better.
unilab98

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

64 of 65 people found the following review helpful By Mera Falcon on January 24, 2002
Format: Paperback
Buy this book. Read this book. Thoroughly. There are enough questions to spread out over several months, but asking them all the first week might scare your sweetie away! The goal is to get to know the person you're with, not to interrogate them. Take your time, weave them into the conversation. This is a wonderful book for people already in a relationship, but even BETTER if you buy it while you are still single, making that list of qualities you want to find in a partner. I agree with the reviewer who said it helped her map her value system. Some of the best advice given in this book is that in order to attract the type of person you want to be with, you must first BECOME the person you want to be with -- if you want to meet an outdoorsy type, then be an outdoorsy type. Sounds insanely simple, and it is. I am already ordering more copies for my friends.
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36 of 37 people found the following review helpful By S Richardson on September 16, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Sure, it OUGHT to be second nature, and we really SHOULD be asking most of these questions anyway. That's part of the beauty of this book: the questions are so simple and useful that it seems uneccessary to compile them into a book. However, many of us get caught up in a relationship before we have been able to ask more than just a few questions of our prospective partner, and by that time we are willing to overlook a lot of what we find out later.
This book is not only useful for "interviewing" prospective partners. As a tool for getting to know the people in your life better, this book provides questions that help you find commonalities with co-workers, friends, family, activity partners, etc. I found "Intellectual Foreplay" to also be a good way for me to know myself better- to evaluate my own goals and ideals - by asking myself some of the questions Eve Hogan has compiled.
Can you live life without this book? Do you already ask a lot of these questionsof people anyway? Sure. But a good book doesn't always rewrite everything we do - hopefully it simply improves it.
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27 of 28 people found the following review helpful By Eve Hogan on May 21, 2001
Format: Paperback
This is in response to the person who rated Intellectual Foreplay poorly primarily because he/she felt that it was not possible for seven customers to review the book in the course of four months. First, I'm sorry if you did not find value in the book. However, I would like to assure you that all of the seven "customers" were real customers and users of the book. Secondly, the book came out in January of 2000 not December 2000. However, what you probably saw that confused you was the REPRINT date, as the book's first printing entirely SOLD OUT! I invite you to revisit the book and CAREFULLY read the first four chapters rather than skipping to the questions, as your very valid issues of honesty and such are addressed in the content found there. In addition, in the first chapters I speak to the importance of carefully reading the material in order, rather than taking it out of context, so that you will be able to truly benefit from the questions and understand how to use them. Ironically, a retired friend of ours has just started dating someone and one of the first topics of importance to him was whether or not she would be interested in traveling the country in a recreational vehicle. So while that particular question was not of interest to you, there are millions of people dating with different interests-hence the importance of asking! Bless you on your search for love!
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34 of 38 people found the following review helpful By OmSandi on July 7, 2001
Format: Paperback
I've been carrying this book around for two months straight, reading through it with my boyfriend of almost 2 years and discovering things about each other we took for granted. Although some of the questions may not apply because of each individual's preferences and lifestyles, there are many that are thought provoking and eye opening. They focus your mind on the qualities of the other person that matter to you, and help you put together a clearer, more detailed picture of who the other person is. One thing it did for me is it helped me map my value system. This is not the type of book you read once and file away on a bookshelf. As far as the (only) negative review this book received, I found it unreliable, coming from an obviously embittered cynic who thinks every question in the book should apply to her and provoke some kind of Buddhist enlightenment. Perhaps she needs to make a trip to Tibet. For those of us looking for a practical guide to discover more about our potential mates, I highly recommend this book.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Steven Eric Scruggs, Author of DOGGIESTYLE on December 5, 2002
Format: Paperback
Communication is a wonderful thing. It is more than just verbal volleying. It is the changing and exchanging of information between two parties. Are you ready for the hard questions? Many people are not. This is why premarital counseling rarely works. If only one person is interested in truth, the integrity of the relationship will likely be woefully unbalanced. Another question is how do you know they've answered truthfully? Like Doggiestyle's Storyteller questions, the Hogans have constructed a series of questions that once answered, will tell you the story of what type of relationship you're really in. The true value in this book is more in how you answer these questions for yourself, rather than how your lover answers theirs.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Andrew Benson on February 21, 2000
Format: Paperback
I wish I'd had this book available to me before both my first and second marriage! It would have helped me to not only know my partners-to-be better, but also MYSELF in the process. I now refer to this book when I'm in dating situations to help me get to know the ladies I'm spending time with. I'm also going to send a copy to my 21 year old son so that he can make more intelligent, informed decisions about getting into, or staying in, a relationship. Thank you Eve and Steve!
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