Customer Reviews

Intercultural Marriage: Promises & Pitfalls

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I am a Caucasian, American woman and have been with my Chinese husband, from Taiwan, for 8 years. I lived in his country for 6 years and regard my self as being rather well informed of cultural issues and the differences between us. I was so wonderfully surprised at how much MORE I learned, and how much insight I gained from reading Dugan Romano's book. Romano's division of the information by catgories,i.e. "Food", "Friends", "Family"...etc was very clear and concise. These categories also made for easy quick reference into a certain area of interest. The author creates a smooth, easy reading combination of academic, statistical information and acectodal information. It helped me personally and has helped strengthen my marriage. I have been recommending it to other intercultural couples.

I'm an American married to a Finn and living permanently in Finland. I've always considered myself to be very insightful and sensitive towards cultural differences, but this book opened my eyes to a wealth of perspectives and realizations that I didn't know were normal or common to all marriages. Because the couples in the book are real, it makes you feel like you almost know them personally because you can identify with many of the same issues. Romano herself has experience with intercultural marriage, adding to the strength and wisdom of the book.

The book successfully walks a fine line: fun and easy to read while being serious, honest without being preachy, and "down to earth"/somewhat cautious while still being optimistic. The only negative thing about this book was that it ended. The more I learned about the couples and their situations, the more I wanted to know further. I still flip through it occasionally to recall key phrases and points. I want a third edition!

A great book which lays down all the questions that need to be answered before going marrying interculturally; from the aspect of friends, in-laws, children, religion etc. Also it prepares the reader of the problems in store for them in the future. What is unique about this book is that it does not give any 'correct' answers but actually guides the reader into understanding their unique relationship.

I'm married to a woman from a different culture. When we met (in her country), I thought it would be easy, as we liked the same things. We both loved to go out, have some beers and lots of laughs. When she came back with me to the USA, there were a lot of strains that I never expected. We went through a lot of rough times and had a lot of fights- some of them heated.
This book helped a lot in repairing our relationship. I am much more sensitive to her culture and she to mine too. Our marriage is far from perfect, but at least it has survived.

This good gets ten out of ten from me. As a New Zealander considering my future with a Frenchman, reading this book gave me a much more sober and realistic perspective. This book strikes a good balance between interesting examples, thorough research and wise advice. It gives caution and hope. If you are considering an intercultural relationship, this book is a must for you.

This book lists lots of different areas and topics that can cause problems during an intercultural marriage. It has many many examples of different couples from all over the world. This does not limit the book to one specific combination of cultures.

Although, the book emphasizes the difficulties and shows, that for some couples the marriage was not the right choice, it also shows many successfull couples and it tries to pinpoint what is different in these couples.

All overall an excellent book, an easy read giving a good intruduction into the problems one might face. It also opens the horizon to different ways of thinkings.

Romano handles a prickly subject with much insight and tact. It's so easy to be blindsighted by romance, but the rose-colored glasses eventually have to come off. Romano's book goes a long way toward helping readers realize just what they may be getting into before they take the plunge.

This book discusses the major problems that people in an international marriage may face, and the benefits that they perceive their marriages as having.

It should be noted that this is not really a book about interracial marriage, at least not between people of different races from the same dominant culture (African American and Japanese American, for example). While some of the couples are from individuals of different "races," think intercultural as in international.

The book contains a discussion of the 19 most common areas of problems between people from different cultures -- such as finances, family, and language/communication. The discussions of these issues contain very relevant information, even for those who are happily married, as they may facilitate a better understanding of your spouse's identity and a more complex view of the world. The author delves into how different people interpret time, and how this impacts one's relationship. The vignettes show the impact that each has on particular couples and will likely spark discussions that may lead one to a deeper understanding of one's spouse.

The author should be commended for not shying away from some of the issues addressed. Most particularly unusual, I felt, was the discussion about death or divorce, and how this can impact those affected, especially one who is living in one's spouse's country. The urging to understand the law of the country you live in and establish a will, as well as think about the impact on your children, are all recommendations that we tend to avoid giving because of our fear of even acknowledging our own mortality.

However, even while urging us to see beyond our own stereotypes, the author perpetuates others, some of which may be appealing for those in intercultural marriages to believe. It is suggested repeatedly that those in intercultural marriages are more "interesting," more adventurous, people than those who marry someone from their own culture. It doesn't take much extending to get to another point -- especially when dealing with American/European women's experience living abroad -- that women in the developing world are generally less interesting and less intelligent, and basically boring to talk to, unless perhaps one seeks domestic guidance. (We are told repeatedly about the difficulty these western women have in making friends, dealing with their in-laws, and functioning as female in a society with overbearing yet oppressed (!) women of the same culture as their husband.) Similarly the author seems mildly hostile towards people who are particularly religious; this more secular outlook impacts certain suggestions for dealing with relationships (such as the idea of a good compromise in an interfaith marriage being that the daughters would be raised Christian and the sons Muslim, or the recommendation that couples live together before marriage).

That being said, this provides useful topics for discussion and ways to deal with problems that may prove useful for those in international marriages. It also contains a short list of reasons people celebrate their international marriages, which may be a welcome read.

In this extremely comprehensive book about intercultural marriage, Romano outlines in simple terms just about everything a couple should consider before taking the big step into marriage. While discussing such topics as values, sex, communication, place of residence, politics, friends, in-laws, religion, and raising children, Romano uncovers the many areas where international/intercultural couples may find significant differences between them.

By demonstrating how much of ones personality and worldview is shaped by their culture, Romano challenges couples to better understand how this affects all aspects of their marriage. She writes that couples often "don't know where culture leaves off and person begins. What they mistake for anger or indifference...may instead be cultural differences; they must begin the long process of learning to interpret one another's behavior correctly".

Additionally, Romano helps couples who are already in an intercultural marriage shift through the many thoughts and emotions that are naturally apart of being partnered with someone from another culture. She directs readers to examine their own adjustment by answering a series of questions about how they ended up married to someone from another culture. She presents such questions as "What was it that attracted you to one another in the first place...and what was it that appealed to you in the idea of marrying a foreigner- romance? prestige? adventure?"

Intertwined throughout the book are many stories of real life couples who have share about their experiences, struggles and joys of being in an intercultural marriage.

Being in an intercultural marriage myself (American/Austrian), I have found this book to be a wonderful reference, covering many aspects of being with someone from another culture. This book is a must read for any couple who is in an international/intercultural relationship or about to enter into one!

I read this book 8 years ago and it really helped me see clearly the benefits and strengths of my inter-cultural relationship. At the time of reading it we were blessed with the opportunity to move to a neutral country, something the author recommends, and while it was a difficult first year I think it laid the foundation for a fabulous loving relationship. We have 2 kids and are more in love than ever. I highly recommend this book. I read the first edition, so I imagine the second is even better!