Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage [Paperback]

Steven Solomon Ph.D. (Author), Lorie Teagno Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 2006

It's devastating to discover that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. You'll be facing some hard questions after learning of your partner's infidelity. You may choose to rebuild your relationship, or you may decide to move on. Whatever the right decision is for you, this book will help you figure out why your partner betrayed you and decide whether you can remain in your relationship. It will also show you new ways to relate that can help you and your partner become a lasting, loving, and committed couple.

You'll start by taking a look at the phenomenon of infidelity and the three types of intimacy: self-intimacy, conflict intimacy, and affection intimacy. Then you'll learn about the three kinds of infidelity-those of fear, of loneliness, and of anger-and what each reveals about your relationship. Then it's on to practical exercises that can heal emotional wounds and enable you to recover your ability to trust. Even if you decide not to remain with your current partner, the book will help you make wise relationship choices to 'affair-proof' your future relationship.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Solomon and Teagno have done an exquisite job bringing hope into darkness. They provide the education, skills and rationale for staying the course when everything seems bleak. Allow them to lead you in overcoming betrayal and reconnecting with the one you love.
—Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., codirector of the Couples Institute and author of Tell Me No Lies

Intimacy After Infidelity is loaded with practical exercises and concrete advice that will help partners construct a strong and resilient relationship after an affair. Couples struggling with issues of trust and forgiveness will find it immediately useful.
—Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?

Intimacy After Infidelity is clear, informative, challenging, and smart, and most of all, a tremendous source of hope for all couples who have endured the trauma of infidelity. The authors interweave sound theory, clinical stories, and structured exercises to help couples understand what the hell went wrong and why. And they give couples tools to pick up the pieces and (if they can commit to maturely facing the fear, loneliness, and anger) put this relationship back together again actually better and more truly intimate than ever before. I highly recommend this book!
—David B. Wexler, Ph.D., author of When Good Men Behave Badly and Is He Depressed or What?, and executive director of the Relationship Training Institute

From the Publisher

This book offers readers a compassionate and effective strategy for recovery after their partner had cheated: by identifying the three kinds of infidelity; overcoming the pain of betrayal; and learning to rebuild a healthier "affair-proof" relationship.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 206 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (November 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572244615
• ISBN-13: 978-1572244610
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #25,446 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Intimacy after Infidelity, October 18, 2008

By 

Mike "Mike in California" (Los Angeles, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Paperback)

It's an amazing book. It's as if the authors were standing inside of me when I found about my wife's infidelity. Dealing with the hurt, the feeling of betrayal the anger, the shock; they were with me and then they took me into understanding my emotions and evaluating my options. Should I stay should I go. Should we try to repair this, can it be repaired? How do I overcome the hurt and anger? It was all there in the book. We decided to make a go of it our relationship is stronger more trusting and loving than it ever was. I never would have believed it. Get this book!

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars gives you hope, January 28, 2011

By 

mamato4 "-mama" (U.S.) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Paperback)

If you have gone through an infidelity this book is a must read, imo. I just recently learned of my husbands affair (3 weeks ago) and I have struggled with direction. He is overseas so I have felt very "stuck" in what to do to move on. This book gives you a place to start, without your partner. It does not rely on your partner giving input or reading along with you. It just really focuses on YOU and what is normal and how to move past it, whether that be alone or with your partner.

The other thing I really liked is that is does not focus on being overly emotional. It does a great job expressing the emotions without leaving you sitting there sobbing. I purchased several books when I found out about my husband affair and with the first two I tried, I found myself feeling worse and even more hopeless. There was just too much personal emotion put into the book and I have enough of my own feelings going on without needing to read about the affair the authors went through and how they were still driving around sobbing 6 months after the fact.

And maybe it is just because I am delusional right now, but I actually really liked, and needed, to read that your relationship CAN be stronger after an affair. One thing that struck me in another book I was reading, was that stated they wouldn't say the relationship was stronger, but that they had gotten through it in tact and were happy again. :\ That did not cut it for me. Obviously our relationship wasn't truly happy/healthy to begin with or the affair wouldn't have happened. I NEEDED some hope that we could not just get past this affair, but build our relationship to be stronger then it was before. This book gave me that hope.

I could go on and on, but at this time if you are here looking at reviews for this book, it's because you are struggling. You don't need to read me go on and on. So to shorten it up, if you are looking to move on, if you are looking for hope and if you are looking to preserve your marriage despite the infidelity, I have no doubt this book will give you HOPE, something that, if you are anything like me, you are really needing right now.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Stands out especially in the beginning chapters, November 5, 2009

By 

Mike Tan Cheng Tong (Singapore) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage (Paperback)

Among the several books I have been reading on the same theme, this book stands out for me because of the way it recommends how one can go about evaluating if the relationship in peril has a high/low chance of succeeding in the long term. I especially find the concept of "Needs Love" vs "Being Loved" useful, and also the "Three Deal-Breakers" as a helpful way of gauging one's prospect in salvaging the relationship. These are all covered in the initial few chapters of the book.

The remaining chapters are helpful for getting in terms with one's own emotional psyche, the stages of how and why things happen, and how best to move forward. Many other books cover these areas in various depths, with various emphasis, and using various approaches that are actually all rather similar with respect to the processes of bringing the reader's emotional and psychological state into perspective, and to helping the reader strive towards achieving the same end result- i.e. a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.