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Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage Paperback – November 1, 2006

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Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage + How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful + After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition
Price for all three: $33.85

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Solomon and Teagno have done an exquisite job bringing hope into darkness. They provide the education, skills and rationale for staying the course when everything seems bleak. Allow them to lead you in overcoming betrayal and reconnecting with the one you love.
—Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., codirector of the Couples Institute and author of Tell Me No Lies



Intimacy After Infidelity is loaded with practical exercises and concrete advice that will help partners construct a strong and resilient relationship after an affair. Couples struggling with issues of trust and forgiveness will find it immediately useful.
—Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?



Intimacy After Infidelity is clear, informative, challenging, and smart—and most of all a tremendous source of hope for all couples who have endured the trauma of infidelity. The authors interweave sound theory, clinical stories, and structured exercises to help couples understand what the hell went wrong and why. And they give couples tools to pick up the pieces and (if they can commit to maturely facing the fear, loneliness, and anger) put this relationship back together again actually better and more truly intimate than ever before. I highly recommend this book!
—David B. Wexler, Ph.D., author of When Good Men Behave Badly and Is He Depressed or What?, and executive director of the Relationship Training Institute



For those courageous souls who wish to repair, rebuild, and rejoin after an infidelity, this wonderfully wise guide can be a gift to your emerging new relationship. Developing new skills and knowledge is essential when you travel over emotionally painful terrain. This book is a trusty companion for your journey.
—Peter Pearson, Ph.D., cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA



A must read for everyone going through the pain of infidelity as well as for everyone who wants to improve his or her marriage —full of sound, practical advice on how to improve your marriage no matter what the obstacles.
—Cloé Madanes, president of the Robbins-Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention

From the Publisher

This book offers readers a compassionate and effective strategy for recovery after their partner had cheated: by identifying the three kinds of infidelity; overcoming the pain of betrayal; and learning to rebuild a healthier "affair-proof" relationship.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (November 1, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572244615
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572244610
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #356,723 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By CTTan on November 5, 2009
Format: Paperback
Among the several books I have been reading on the same theme, this book stands out for me because of the way it recommends how one can go about evaluating if the relationship in peril has a high/low chance of succeeding in the long term. I especially find the concept of "Needs Love" vs "Being Loved" useful, and also the "Three Deal-Breakers" as a helpful way of gauging one's prospect in salvaging the relationship. These are all covered in the initial few chapters of the book.

The remaining chapters are helpful for getting in terms with one's own emotional psyche, the stages of how and why things happen, and how best to move forward. Many other books cover these areas in various depths, with various emphasis, and using various approaches that are actually all rather similar with respect to the processes of bringing the reader's emotional and psychological state into perspective, and to helping the reader strive towards achieving the same end result- i.e. a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.
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If you're considering buying this book, it's likely because you or your partner has committed some form of infidelity and you're looking for guidance as you try to cope with the pain and rebuild your relationship. Drs. Solomon & Teagno have written a five-star general fix-your-relationship book, but only a three-star guide to recovering from an affair. Certainly, one of the best way to prevent infidelity is to have a relationship that is sufficiently fulfilling that neither partner needs to look to third parties to fill emotional or physical gaps, and to that extent "Intimacy After Infidelity" succeeds. The suggested techniques and tips will improve your communication with your partner, which will add multiple levels of intimacy to your relationship, which in turn will make transgressing the relationship's boundaries seem less attractive.

That's great, but you're probably looking for something else or something more at this point. You might be looking for techniques for re-establishing trust, for getting over the immediate pain of what your partner did, for deciding whether to stay married or get divorced, for forgiving, or for understanding how men and women approach infidelity differently. There isn't much of that in "Intimacy After Infidelity." Other books - like After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful and Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity cover those areas far more comprehensively.
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27 of 31 people found the following review helpful By Mike on October 18, 2008
Format: Paperback
It's an amazing book. It's as if the authors were standing inside of me when I found about my wife's infidelity. Dealing with the hurt, the feeling of betrayal the anger, the shock; they were with me and then they took me into understanding my emotions and evaluating my options. Should I stay should I go. Should we try to repair this, can it be repaired? How do I overcome the hurt and anger? It was all there in the book. We decided to make a go of it our relationship is stronger more trusting and loving than it ever was. I never would have believed it. Get this book!
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Y.W. on September 13, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Having read so many books specifically on marriage and partner relationship - this book was by far the best.
It deals with the core reasons why infidelity happens, the specific types of problems in a relationship that lead to the decision to be unfaithful. Steven D. Solomon, Ph.D. of The Relationship Institute has written a book like no other.
I have now 3 copies and have passed them on. It is a great read for couples who have communication difficulties. To have this knowledge, early in a marriage, could save a lot of pain and heartache.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful By AJF on November 2, 2009
Format: Paperback
My husband had an affair - i found out a month ago and this book has helped me more than going to marriage counseling. It's a great value...I highly recommend this book to anyone...
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Christina Srnecz on July 25, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is one of the best books I've ever read! It's really given me hope that my relationship can be repaired and that I can trust my boyfriend again.

When glancing through the book the first couple of times, I was skeptical. There is a chapter on the four stages of love. Now, I've read up on the stages before that other authors have written about, and I wasn't planning to read through this chapter. Glancing through later chapters though, I realized that I really did need to know more about the stages the author has, so I went and read the book from page one. Right off the bat I loved it. I couldn't stop reading. The book didn't make me feel bad or disgusted (like some other books on infidelity did). The book explains why and when infidelity occurs in a relationship. I always thought that my relationship had already made it through to the strongest stages, but this gave me an eye opener. I was communicating right, I was doing everything well in the relationship, but my partner wasn't. This hindered us and left us in stage 2 for who-knows-how-long. I never realized the poor state of our relationship, because I've always been incredibly happy in it, but my partner didn't know how to communicate properly and thus hindered our progress. Stage 2 is where infidelity happens. This gave me hope. Why? Because if you make it out of stage 2 you will be safe. Neither partner will want to nor need to be unfaithful.

Reading more it explains the foundation of relationships and three things that you need to work on before you can move on to an infidelity-free, safe place in your relationship. In a nut-shell: You've got to know how you are feeling and express it. Then you've got to be able to communicate well with each other in conflict. This book teaches you how to do those two things.
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