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Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship Hardcover – October 15, 2009
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Professional standards require disclosure of commercial and other considerations that might bias statements made by psychologists regarding products and services. Dr. Pertot is the author of what might be considered a competing book in which she clearly aligns with the lower desire partner. (Read reviews of her book "Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido.Read more ›
The book is, indeed, fun to read. Schnarch can deftly shift between transcribing the words & thoughts of a counseling session to his principles of human interaction & growth, and on to sometimes salacious stories of couples getting it on -- not only sexually but mentally & emotionally, and in a more open, enlightened way. He breaks into a mercifully short few pages of techno-babble at the beginning of one chapter to show his inclusion or understanding of brain science, but that is the only lapse in the smoothly flowing writing in this book.
Schnarch presents a number of "moving parts" within our relationships that work to grow us personally & as a partner. And his approach is generally at odds with the common approach within our culture of accomodation or withdrawal from conflict. Instead, he suggests that confronting one's issues -- from one's family of origin or from one's current partner (and commonly they are one & the same) -- is the real path to growth. The process involves these key variable:
* All key dimensions of activity, including sex, have a high & a low desire partner.
* Our sense of self can be based on others' opinion (other validated) or on our own heart (self validated).Read more ›
My own 27 years experience as a marriage counselor makes two things increasingly inescapable: Family System Theory is the best way to do family and Schnarch is the only one using it to really do our partner. Intimacy & Desire unravels the mystery. To want to want is faithfulness to grow intimately, live and in person, at home with those who know you best: lovers, family, and friends. The reader gets to know the sexual struggles of real life couples who all discover how true love can change their life, except of course Barbie and Ken who were remained too sadistic to get it.
Dr. Schnarch is the only writer out there in the wilderness of self-help books, who graphically demonstrates how humping says something about who you are and how you family. He shows how f**king (see Chapter 14 for "The hardest person to f*** is your spouse"), having oral sex, solving premature ejaculation, overcoming tickles, and engaging in normal marital sadism affects how you are you and how lovingly you are married. In so doing, you find you have to have a solid sense of yourself, discover how to own and regulate all of your passions, wisely act (rather than blindly react), and hold on and hang in there when growing gets uncomfortable.
As the only book about intimacy you will ever need, Intimacy & Desire gets five stars. But be careful what you wish for. Intimacy and desire will make you become more yourself and give more than you ever thought you could love. And that can happen when you do not have sex with your partner and also when you do. It is all about sex, too. Just read Schnarch.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I'm reading this on the Kindle and this is my husband's copy. I think the content is right on but it's still a to of psychology jargon to absorb. HIts the target thought I believe. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Faith Mitchell Carroll
Amazing read. Everyone in a relationship of any length NEEDS to read this book.Published 2 months ago by travelpro
Clearly written, lots of insights. The principles Schnarch discusses (his "four points of balance") apply to all our relationships, by the way, not just to marriage.Published 2 months ago by CN
Excellent. Would have given it 5 stars but a lot of scientific words that I'm not familiar with. Good info for any couple having trouble with intimacy and or desire.Published 7 months ago by mark spiegel
This man is a total fraud…I read several chapters and he never said anything of any value…not one thing!!! A waste of money and a waste of time.Published 10 months ago by Mary Ann Salomone
Wonderful approach to relationships. I have benefited from this body of work immensely. Thank you, David.Published 10 months ago by Daniel
This book really helped me see aspects of myself that I hadn't been aware of. There were things I knew intellectually, but was having trouble really understanding in my heart. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Svadharma