Intimacy: The Green Light for Red Hot Sex [Paperback]

Orv Fry Jeffre Talltrees (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 20, 2001

Blue Dolphin Publishing

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jeffre TallTrees, Ph.D. and Orv. Fry, M.A., M.F.T., have been working with couples for a collective total of over 50 years. Both are sex therapists, experienced with sexual issues, dysfunction, and marital therapy. In addition to telephone consultations, they lead workshops for therapists integrating marital and sexual therapy.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Sex and Sexual Beliefs: What Is Sex and What Are My Beliefs What is Sex? We have all been exposed to these mental images and sexual fantasies. The man who is erect and always ready. The woman who needs just the right man to fulfill her sexual dreams and awaken her sleeping eroticism. Is this sex? Well, yes, and no! Yes, it is a limited window into the wide world of sex and sexuality. However, it is a very constricted view which perpetuates myths, expectations, and feelings of inadequacy for both men and women. Sex and Sexuality Sex can be a powerful psychological, biological, socio-cultural and philosophical experience. Sex begins for most couples with passion and as a can't-wait-to-be-with-you experience. Sadly, for many it slowly evolves into a mundane, boring experience. "Sex" is often used to mean the physical act of intercourse. We feel very strongly that sex and sexuality has a much broader meaning. Sexuality is an aspect of one's self and one's lifestyle, much more than just something that one does. How you feel about sex and your own sexuality profoundly affects your perception, your sensations, and, literally, your experience. When you think of the word, "sex," what pictures come to your mind? Do you think of the man on top? How about kissing on a subway? What about taking your clothes off slowly and sensually for no one except yourself? Many different factors influence the images that come to mind. Your age is very important. If you are over 60, it is quite likely you think about sex pretty traditionally. The younger you are, the more likely you have had intercourse at a younger age and experimented with various partners. Where you grew up will also affect your images and expectations. Your ethnic and religious background can also have profound effects on what you think and feel about sex. It is our personal and professional goal to help people understand that sex is so much more than intercourse. It is an essential part of the fabric of your life. Our English language is limited when it comes to descriptive words about sex and sexual behaviors. We want you to think of sex as an integral part of your being. After all, you exist because of a sexual act. Sex is what you think, feel, and do that feels pleasurable to the senses in a particular way you have come to define as sexual. Because you have defined it, you can continue to redefine it, indefinitely. Sex is what you think it is and more! Sex may be playful. It may be erotic. It may be angry or tendere. There is no one right way to be sexual. There are multiple and ever evolving ways of being sexual, even when you choose to have the same sexual partner for the rest of your life. Ultimately, your definition of sex or sexuality is limited only by your imagination and willingness to explore. If you are in a partnership, it is important that both partners agree as to the direction and content of your exploration. Needless to say, this emphasizes the need for good communication skills. (Please refer to Chapter 3, Communication for Intimacy.) We are all sexual beings and almost anything can be considered sexual if it excites us, is consensual and not destructive. The more we narrow our definition of sex, the quicker sex will become boriing and dissatisfying. A good, healthy sex life is enhanced by the ability to be playful, curious, open, and risking. Being sexual is as much a part of being human as breathing, eating, and exercising. Remember, there is no "Right" definition for sex. It is as unique as the individuals who are defining it. With open, honest and complete communication with your partner, you will be able to arrive at new depths of joy and pleasure that will feel comfortable to you as a couple. Sexual Beliefs and Behaviors We live in a society that gives two conflicting messages about sex. Nudity and sexuality are blatantly displayed on national media while the covert message continues to be that sex is evil, sinful, and dirty. Little girls and boys grow up with these confusing messages. Most adults are ambivalent and uncomfortable with the subject of sex. Our school's sex education courses are often sterile and academic without meaningful discussions of feelings, sensations, or pleasure. No wonder most of us are confused by the time we get married. Where are we supposed to learn "how to." The United State of America, as well as most other Western societies, are anti-pleasure and anti-ecstatic. Since sexuality is an important element and source of pleasure and ecstasy, it makes sense that the beliefs we hold will reflect these values. Although young women and men are having more sexual experiences at younger ages, ignorance is pervasive. Most men and women, when questioned privately, admit their first sexual experience was anxiety provoking and unsatisfactory, often resulting in more questions than answers. Religious teachings are frequently the source of much confusion, guilt, and shame. Because human sexuality varies dramatically by culture and sect, each individual has to answer personal questions about his or her beliefs regarding the purpose and nature of sex and sexuality.

Sexuality is a natural part of being human. It can be very pleasurable and rewarding on many levels. When coupled with love and affection, sexuality can touch deep levels of enjoyment, intimacy, ecstasy, fulfillment, and spirituality.

Product Details

• Paperback: 232 pages
• Publisher: Blue Dolphin Publishing, Inc (August 20, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1577330560
• ISBN-13: 978-1577330561
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,517,979 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "Intimacy" is Exstacy, October 29, 2001

By 

LeRoy (Del Mar, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Intimacy: The Green Light for Red Hot Sex (Paperback)

We finally found the perfect book on just how to up the capacity of our "Intimacy," mutual awareness, compassion as well as how to eliminate the impediments along the path.

This greater understanding and the very helpful tools suggested in this book simply opened us up much, much more. Our sex life had been satisfying and adequate, but our new openness in this area has extended us exponentially.

That the book is written as a chapter by chapter of valuable information and each chapter turns into a masterful workbook at the end of each chapter is a perfect format for successful transformation.