Customer Reviews

Intimacy and Solitude: Balance, Closeness, and Independence

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4 star:		(3)
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This book is fantastic. She holds that a solid sense of who you are is vital for comfort in intimacy AND in solitude. Rather than a quick trip to relationship nirvana, she gives you a fascinating study of the sense of self - how it's formed, how it's lost, how you can regain it. It's well-written, thoughtful, and comprehensive, illustrated with real-life vignettes. A must for those who've grown beyond John Grey's glib Mars and Venus discussions and Cosmo's self-help quizzes.

This is a remarkable book, perhaps the only book one need read to gain an understanding of how interpersonal relationships are burdened when those involved don't know who they are. The book persuasively argues that in order to find success in any relationship, one must first gain an understanding of self. The testament of the quality of this book is its applicability to real life; I find issues from the book constantly mirrored by situations in my life, and it is a valuable resource for understanding what is going on.

I've been reading similar books in this genre, including Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Jeffers), Mastery of Love (Ruiz), Heart of the Matter (Austin) and now this one. This book pulls together many of the themes percolating through the other listed books and is well worth reading (alone or with these books). It's not easy or light reading, but having finished it I can tell I'll refer back to this book often, now just to browse through particular sections. I lost count of the times she would describe a particular situation or issue and I'd immediately picture an example of that, either in my life or in those of people I know. I tend toward the overly analytical and as such I appreciated the depth and scope of the look she took at these twinned (though most people would not think so) concepts. If you're at all interested in self discovery, read this! I like books that make me think; this definitely does so.

This might be the greatest self-help book ever written. It is filled with deep insights, and bears rereading. It is clear that the author did not just slap words down on paper. This book is the product of some very long sleepless nights of deep reflection. She looks at life from the perspective of someone who has drunk deeply from the well of experience, and knows that life is intrinsically difficult and problematic; and sometimes can be nearly impossible to bear.

The author looks at two very different aspects of life: solitude and intimacy, and discovers how they are inter-related. Her discovery is truly original and important: that true intimacy cannot be achieved without a strong sense of self, and that an acceptance and an embrace of solitude is necessary in order to cultivate this authenticity of self. A corollary to that is her realization, never really expressed openly, but implied throughout, that intimacy, while being of great value to the those who possess self-knowledge, is not an essential in life; is not nearly as important as having a good healthy positive self-understanding.

Of course, true intimacy is of great value, when it is achieved. But maybe the end-result of all this self-discovery is that you wake up one fine morning and realize that you don't need a relationship anymore in order to be happy in life; that you are happy just being who you are! The paradox, as this book sees it, is that it is exactly those people who are happy being alone, being who they are, who are the ones who have the most to offer in a relationship with another. They are the ones who seem to draw others toward them. And those who cannot tolerate their own solitude have little to bring to a full relationship, and little to offer. This is a very old message: true wisdom, true love, lies within.

I was given this book as a Christmas gift the year I divorced my husband of 10 years. It's a difficult book to read, simply because it raises so many different issues that should be examined and thought about before moving on. Ms. Dowrick has written several excellent books and I'm very happy to have started with this one. Highly recommended.

this book has provided me with some very valuable insights into myself and my relationships. Well written, good mix of examples and psychoanalytical theories.

I read this book a few years back and it helped me a lot. I thought it was such a good book that I recently purchased it for a friend.

While Ms. Dowrick has written an insightful book I feel her use of the politically correct double pronouns of "his or her" or "she or he" get in the way of enjoing this book. I found it irriatating and sometimes confusing. I think that anyone can benifit from this book regardless of sex. So why does Ms. Dowrick insist on shoveing it in our faces? Ms. Dowrick's attempt at political correctness tends to get in the way of her presenting her philosophy in an otherwise excellent book.