Customer Reviews

The Intimacy Struggle: Revised and Expanded for All Adults

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I just finished reading the book "The Intimacy Struggle". I found this book to be a concise handbook to AC behavior and -- perhaps more usefully -- to approaches for couples to take in dealing with those behaviors. Because it's written for BOTH parties in the relationship, it's a good way for an non-AC (or less dysfunctional person) to learn how and why an AC person thinks and acts the way they do. When both parties have this knowledge, together they can use the approaches described in the book to work towards a healthy successful relationship.

It's a short book, just over 100 pages, so it's a fast read. It has a "handbook" quality to it, with AC behavior described in a sentence, followed by further description of the behavior and suggested ways to deal with it.

My story: as soon as I finished it, I handed it to the woman I've been seeing and she's reading it, and we are talking about our pasts and our current behaviors, and have already used the knowledge to avoid situations that could have hurt our relationship. What could be a better testimonial than that? Thank you, Janet !

Do not hesitate to read this book...it has changed my life. This book has rated a solid #1; the best self-help book I have ever read. The reason for how I act and react are exact. This book touched every area of my life from my childhood to adulthood. My experience with alcohol? Alcohol has affected every area of my life: alcoholic parent; drunk driver killed my mother, divorced an alcoholic after 30 years; now raising a child of an alcoholic parent. I am reading this book to my child now; my question to her.."is this helping you"..her response "that is exactly how I feel"..my response..."we can't change the past, but we change the future".

I found myself within the pages of this book! That is no exaggeration. Recently, I have noticed destructive patterns emerging within my failed relationships and searched for the reason behind this. Literally, until yesterday (I read the book last night), I had no idea what was causing my actions and the resulting actions from my former partners. Previously, I had minimized the long-term affects of my childhood experiences. Now, I see how this experience has touched almost every aspect of who I am. Identification of the problem is the first step to recovery. As an ACOA, I feel validated and on the path to recovery. God Bless Janet Woititz and my fellow ACOAs. Do not wait...start the healing process now!

Over 20 years ago my soon-to-be-husband and I read Janet Woititz's "Struggle for Intimacy" together. I had been in an ACA group for a few months and had just met "Mr. Right" and did NOT want to sabotage yet another relationship as I had so many times before.

With this book as our "bible" we hammered out a plan for a sane relationship that has lasted, yes, 20 years. Happily! No kidding!

I have just ordered another three copies of her updated edition "The Intimacy Struggle." I think I have owned, loaned, and given away at least ten copies of these two books over the years, to friends and family.

The other reviews say it all. This is an awesomely clear and direct book, and practical as all getout. My husband and I owe a great debt of gratitude to Dr. Woititz.

Buy it.

I have read a good deal on ACoAs, being one myself and having stuggled with the issues inherent in that. All the books make the general statement that "ACoAs have problems in intimate relationships," but none of them went into the whys and wherefores. This book fixes that. It is an easy read and cuts to the chase without going in to a lot of theory, so if you want to get to the heart of the matter, this is the book.

For years I have tried to figure out, "what is wrong with me." Relationships collapsed after just a short period of enjoyment. I knew that the answer wasn't "I picked the wrong one again" and "It was all their fault". I knew that I had some of the responsibility in the demise of these relationships.

I grew up in an alcoholic environment. Physical and emotional abuse existed along with physical and emotional neglect. I began to attend Al-Anon meetings to help sort through the issues of growing up in the alcoholic home. The sharing of individuals at Al-Anon meetings along with Al-Anon published materials led me to do some further research online.

In doing so, I discovered the book, "The Intimacy Struggle". I cannot say enough positive things about this book. It has opened my eyes and has given me answers to the "Hows and Whys" I feel and think the way I do.

I truly hope that others find this book. I believe it can change their lives and make some of the pain go away.

This book was truly written to begin healing the pain and scars within. The emotions revealed caused more tears than I'd ever imagined. All of the sudden you can understand because it has been put into words for you the things that you never acknowledged or just weren't able to say. This book should be treasured for it's ability to touch and mend your heart if you open yourself up and allow it. It has brought peaceful feelings never experienced before.

The Intimacy Struggle provides a very good basic breakdown of the harmful beliefs and behavioral patterns often learned by children of alcoholic or otherwise disfunctional families. In a very succint way, it unravels the coiled thinking that lead to these destructive thought and behavior patterns, in many cases answering the age old question, "why does this keep happening to me?" It is a little light on helpful steps going forward, and the section on sex seems unnecessary. But if understanding is the first step to recovery, then this book is a brilliant beginning. I imagine even people who grew up in the most healthy family possible will recognize some beliefs they could revise and thus improve the important relationships in their lives.

This book helped me to understand my problems with intimacy. It made me aware of the stumbling blocks in the way. Couseling and good books to read on the subject have been so helpful. It will take time and discernment to deal with my distrust, but I want to get well and this book helped me make a plan.

Our couples therapist recommended this book and we're still scratching our heads why. We'll be sure to ask her in a few weeks when we see her again. It was not objective, helpful or therapeutic at all. It was terribly condescending, accusatory and assumes you are a hurt puppy riddled with pain, guilt and helpless self doubt and confusion from your dysfunctional past. It claims to be written for all adults, not just those from alcoholic environments (as are all her other books), but it sure had an awful lot of alcoholic references and made assumptions that you may have come from that environment, which is horribly frustrating if you are not. If this is you, then you should give this book a try. If not, give it a miss.