Customer Reviews

Intimate Allies: Rediscovering God's Design for Marriage and Becoming Soul Mates for Life

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

This Book is powerful and dissruptive. If you are afraid of looking at your own heart and motives, stay away. If you are looking for easy behavioral steps, don't read it. On the other hand, if you want to make your HEART available to the mysterious work of God in deeply changing you, by all means, this book is for you. The illustrations and stories paint pictures that will impact and disturb you, if your heart is open.

I found as I read, laughed and cried with this book that I identified with many of the characters and scenarios. I appreciate Dr. Allender and Dr. Longman's styles as they are honest and up front about the culture, soul and text. They are not hiding behind Christian propaganda in this book but are nothing short of real. 3/4 into the book you have the idea of the script, but overall it is a very good text I have recommended to several couples.

I thought it was worthwhile, I do see what others mean when they mention that there are only a few key truths, buried under lots of words...but those truths are good ones. I confess, I skipped right to the last chapters, and no, it doesn't give "answers" on how to solve problems, but it helped me to see my heart more clearly, and how I have contributed to our problems. I have read a few books by Allender & Longman, and it is a somewhat awkward arrangement (having 2 authors with pretty different styles). But if you can overlook the faults, this is an insightful book.

I am a Pastor and I give this book as a gift to newleyweds. I have found it to be very down-to-earth, not like some of the "how-to-stay-in-love" marriage manuals, but rather focused on serving together - looking at the larger world together - making your relationship strong by being accountable, etc. I LOVE the "communal" focus, making marriage part of the network of society instead of just "me & you babe". I like everything that Dan Allender writes. Filled with insight and practical wisdom.

Allendar & Longman have far surpassed books written by conservative Christian books on marriage. They bring a tremendous combination of Biblical and theological material into the practical questions that face spouses. The book is totally free from the well worn platitudes. It is a must read!

Biblicaly based, this book packs quite a punch. I like the approach the authors in that they go right at the tough stuff, peeling the hard layers back and examining the philosophy of marriage from God's point of view. I also like the fact that they not only deal with the common problems but even get at the working of the soul and the friendship or "alliance" that should exist in a marriage.

Intimate Allies by Allender and Longman is one of the very best books available on marriage. I own nearly 1,600 books and Initmate Allies ranks very near the top among my favorites. The other similar, philosophically-oriented marriage books I think are great are Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas and The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. But, as some reviewers have noted with respect to Intimate Allies, these books are not practical, "do this, then that will happen," how-to sorts of books. They are more of a why and "what's marriage supposed to look like philosophically from a Christian perspective" kinds-of-books.

Scripture tells us that marriage is to be a reflected picture of the passionate, intimate, exclusive love relationship between Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom, and His church, the Bride. Unfortunately, most human marriages today--if they even survive--are mediocre at best. This sad reality occurs because we married couples, after the wedding, often take our eyes off of the loftier purposes and grander goals of our marriages--if we ever really understood them at all.

So, it's hard for American culture, broadly-defined, to get too excited about the institution of marriage or the God who is behind marriage when what marriages they see lived out today by those who call themselves Christians are often so pitiful. That's one reason for the exploding rates of cohabitation and why efforts to redefine marriage are so prevalent.

I believe the cultural and personal remedy is for all married couples to reexamine God's original plans and goals for marriage, to see how husbands and wives in marriage are supposed to function and relate to each other intimately as a couple. We also learn how married couples are supposed to "do life" together to beat back the chaos as intimate allies.

As a side benefit, in examining God's ideas for marriage closely, we'll also discover His abiding love for each of us. The God of the universe desires an intimate, passionate, ever-deepening--even sensuous--relationship with each of us individually. Yes, that's a biblical idea--He invented sex, remember. Marriage, when it is functioning properly between husband and wife, is supposed to be a mirror image of God's total love for us, which quite properly includes aspects of agape, phileo, eros, epithumia, and storge types of love.

Marriage also reflects the perfect oneness of relationship found within the eternal Trinity itself--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Except, in marriage, of course, it's husband, wife, and God Himself joined together in wedded union as intimate allies with each other--another three-in-one trinity. Physical death, whenever it comes, ends the earthly marital relationship between husband and wife, but this first, illustrative marriage relationship is later, for those who repent and trust in Christ alone for salvation, to be transformed by the power of the Almighty into a heavenly eternal marriage with Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom.

If together, married couples will read and internalize the truths contained in Intimate Allies, then, not only will their own marital relationships be amazingly transformed, but so too will their own individual, intimate love relationships with the God of the Bible.

I highly recommend Intimate Allies, and I encourage married readers to re-read the book several times, to really digest, chew-upon, and, most importantly, to implement and incorporate these great eternal truths and ways of thinking about marriage into your own life and marital union.

Thanks to Drs. Allender and Longman for putting this excellent material together in book form for others to learn about and enjoy! I only wish the audio was offered in CD or MP3 format.

Great book to read as a couple. We use it in for a couples group at our church bacause it is very easy to identify with the men and women in the stories and beacause it teaches sound Biblical principles of marriage.

This book was recommended to my wife and me by a Christian counselor when we sought counseling to strenghthen our marriage before adopting two teenage daughters from Ukraine. Both authors are well respected as Christian academics and counselors, and given the fact that we had tremendous respect for our counselor, I figured this collaboration was a can't miss.

My wife and I both dived in eagerly, doing our assigned reading before our appointments. But we quickly stalled, and eventually had to confess to our counselor that we were both struggling to profit from it. Some of the chapters are good, but be warned: This must be the most poorly edited volume I've seen in years! Chapters don't mesh well together and many of them are just stories about couples. This book serves as a prime example of why co-authorship is a risky proposition and, this case, a disaster. The fact that they couldn't get under 400 pages is an indication of the sloppy editing.

It's as if these guys got together and threw together random articles they composed over the years and called it a book. It is a very bad one.

My wife and I got this book to read together. With kids grown and life stagnating a bit, we thought we could breathe a little fire back into our lives, following a Godly path to do so. I wish we had looked here first. We made a commitment to do it, and we did. But we did not feel much enlightened by either the content or the analysis.

There is indeed way too much padding in this book. Common, but still annoying. Especially when the core idea, the notion that marriage must reflect the Christ-mankind relationship, and we honor our spouses to honor God, is a lovely idea. But the characters drawn in here feel like cardboard versions of Hollywood movie characters, shadows of Plato's cave-dwelling shadows. Not only do they not sound real (I hope to goodness they are composites) but their resolutions are as lame and sickly as the end of a 22 minute sitcom.

Maybe in a seminar, where they express their ideas and don't get bogged down, this might work. But for self-study, we found it tedious and irritating, full of non-sequiturs, implausible story lines, and windy analysis. We'll go back to the source next time.