Customer Reviews

Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I read this book many years ago and it totally changed my perspective about the NEED for conflict in a relationship. It pointed out constructive ways to express one's feelings and opinions without becoming destructive and hurtful in the process. The author points out that positive conflict-resolution techniques are essential if relationships are to last in the long term. The concepts not only changed the way I deal with family and friends, but also gave me some excellent techniques for dealing with students, parents and colleagues in my teaching career. I long since misplaced (or loaned out) my copy of this book, but would like to find another.

John Gottman, Harville Hendrix, and, for some people, John Gray are the writers that most people tend to think of as experts in the field of relationships. Way before any of them ever thought about writing a book on relationships, George Bach was researching the subject. In 1968, he published some of what he discovered on the subject in The Intimate Enemy. Back then, very few books on the subject of relationships even existed. Today, most bookstores have bookshelf after bookshelf of them, offering all kinds of theories. Few have the practical value of this timeless classic. If you're building a small collection of relationship books, this book a must have. If you're doing research on the subject, this book is a must read. If you're working on creating a better relationship, the exercises and techniques in it are must do. Have fun!

A profound, important and practical book. It makes a distinction between constructive and destructive arguments. And it describes in a very useful way how to structure conflict so it improves a relationship rather than hurts it.

Material is dated, but still foundational. Be good to have a rewrite based on how far we have come in twenty years.

I bought this book when starting a new relationship that ended in a very happy marriage. I had been married prevously, and didn't want to make the same mistakes again. This book helped by enabling us both to "head problems off at the pass". Would be a great gift at a bridal shower. Well worth reading.

A slight oldies review of relationships, but a good read and still applicable. Just because I've read this book and exercise its teachings, many of my friends seek relationship help from me or want to borrow this useful book.

Fair fighting is entirely the wrong approach. All the good research from the last decades says the same thing: strong relationships involveThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert encouraging positivity and friendship, learning how to avoid the conflict cascade, and how to make effective repair attempts when there is an inevitable flare-up. I recommend Gottman: The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work. It is the most respected book in the field.

I first read this book as a young married woman, and it still holds up. It helped me tremendously in learning how to fight fair and how to keep my partner on topic. My partner refused to read this book, but it nevertheless impacted both our lives greatly. I told him some of the things I read and we both tried to work on some of the topics. Mostly, it helped me both at home and in business. If you read assertiveness training books, this is basically the same thing presented in a different way. I would highly recommend this book, and I'm sure it's more effective if a couple reads it together, but it can still be effective if only one partner reads it. Best wishes!