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Intimate Worlds: How Families Thrive and Why They Fail Paperback – February 11, 1997
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Editorial Reviews
From Scientific American
Scarf knows the intricacies of the family structure and, even better, knows how to write well about them. In Intimate Worlds, as in most of our lives, family is riveting, white-knuckle stuff.
Review
Intimate Worlds tackles questions that arise repeatedly on the analyst's couch, in the family therapist's office and among close friends commiserating about unhappiness in their lives. Why did I marry a man just like my father, who belittled me and never gave me support? Why, when I discipline my children, do I hear my mother's voice coming out of my mouth? Why is everyone in my family always yelling at one another? And why in some families are self-destructive scenarios acted out, generation after generation, as if they have been imprinted into the family gene pool? -- The New York Times Book Review, Sandra Blakeslee
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
By
Stephanie Silva
on September 20, 2004
Format: Paperback
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What you may have long suspected, the research shows to be true: A good 70% of families in America are what is now popularly known as "dysfunctional" or worse; Intimate Worlds should be required reading for . . . . anyone in a family, that fundamental blueprint for life and society, for better or worse. Scarf poignantly shows how most of us could use a revised or entirely new blueprint to authentically thrive in life and pass healthy boundaries and life and relationship skills on to emotionally stable children. Psychoanalytically and sweetly eloquent, the dustcover flap (somewhat paraphrased below) says it well. A highly recommended landmark work.
~~ Scarf explores the many factors that go into the formation and functioning of a family, showing us the ways in which families actually operate, and how family life can be improved. She combines clear analysis with unforgettable stories about real families to expose the core issues that every family must deal with: power and how to manage it; intimacy and how to achieve it; conflict and how to resolve it; individuality and how to become wholly oneself while retaining a sense of belonging.
She outlines the five structural blueprints that characterize most families' patterns of being and relating, taking us inside intimate family worlds at each of these five levels of health and development [as described by the superb Beavers Systems Model Scale]:
A destructive dysfunctional family, typified by lies, secrets, chaos, doublespeak, confusion and powerlessness.
A borderline family, where minimum order over chaos is maintained by a petty tyrant.Read more ›
~~ Scarf explores the many factors that go into the formation and functioning of a family, showing us the ways in which families actually operate, and how family life can be improved. She combines clear analysis with unforgettable stories about real families to expose the core issues that every family must deal with: power and how to manage it; intimacy and how to achieve it; conflict and how to resolve it; individuality and how to become wholly oneself while retaining a sense of belonging.
She outlines the five structural blueprints that characterize most families' patterns of being and relating, taking us inside intimate family worlds at each of these five levels of health and development [as described by the superb Beavers Systems Model Scale]:
A destructive dysfunctional family, typified by lies, secrets, chaos, doublespeak, confusion and powerlessness.
A borderline family, where minimum order over chaos is maintained by a petty tyrant.Read more ›
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By
Joanie
on September 21, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition
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This book helps families in troubled relationships. It also assists to make current relationships better. And details how to do it.
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By
Miss.Vicky
on May 22, 2012
Format: Paperback
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I read this book as part of a class. It was one of the best, most insightful, and life changing books I've ever read. It is best taken in small sections and then reflected upon, ultimately reading over several weeks.
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