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Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set You Free Hardcover – September 30, 2014

4.7 out of 5 stars 139 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Invincible" has the air of honesty and hard work, and the feeling of someone who wants to help.  For anyone who grew up in a violent household, it could very well be the most important reading." - The Star Ledger 

"I have never shared the fact that I was a child of domestic violence. And, if I had not met Brian Martin, I don't know if I would have. What appeals to me most about Brian's approach is that it is based on empowerment. Our experiences as children living with domestic violence have given us the equiptment—a secret weapon if you will—to overcome all kinds of obstacles in our lives. It means we are not victims, we are victorious."
Tony Robbins, bestselling author, Peak Performance Strategist

"...Attention-grabbing and revealing, giving us insight into the world of CDV. It will be a valuable tool for our staff and New York City's most vulnerable population—its children."
Trevor M. Johns, Acting Associate Commissioner, NYC Administration for Children's Services

“Martin’s kindness shines through this book. And though many purported self-help books often have the stench of the obvious—House too cluttered? Throw out stuff! Overweight? Eat less, move more!—Invincible has the air of honesty and hard work, and the feeling of someone who wants to help. It is not easy reading. It is not pleasant reading. But for anyone who grew up in a violent household, it could very well be the most important reading.”
—NJ.com

"After reading INVINCIBLE, I was struck by the sheer magnitude of children and adults whose lives are impacted by childhood domestic violence. The stories will touch your heart and make you aware of this huge crisis facing our children throughout the world."
Marlene Lund, Exec. Director, Center for Urban Education Ministries

“Packed with inspirational stories of those who through courage and compassion have transformed their lives, this is a helpful book for anyone who grew up living with domestic violence. It shows that it is possible to overcome the obstacles of a childhood filled with violence and move forward.”
Stephen Joseph, author of What Doesn’t Kill Us: The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
 
INVINCIBLE can be a catalyst for change in the lives of millions who grew up living with domestic violence as it gives them a compelling roadmap on the journey to heal and attain the lives they were always meant to have. It is a valuable resource that can renew their hope and guide them on the path to reaching their full potential.”
 —–Caryl Stern, CEO of the U.S. Fund for UNICEF
 
“This is a unique book filled with inspiring and positive suggestions for adults seeking to overcome the harmful effects of exposure to domestic violence during childhood. It is solidly based on research findings but written in a straightforward way that is readily accessible to readers. I highly recommend it.”
 —Dr. Sandra A. Graham-Bermann, Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry, University of Michigan
 
“This deeply compassionate book will help people who grew up with domestic violence heal the wounds of their past while providing a clear roadmap for a healthier and happier future.”
Kristin Neff, PhD, Associate Professor, Human Development and Culture, Department of Educational Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, Author, Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself
 
INVINCIBLE is poignant, challenging, illuminating, and compassionate – all at the same time. Brian does a fantastic job of illustrating points with real-life stories and a fresh perspective. The book goes way beyond describing the issue; it provides clear insight into the thinking and behavior patterns that result from these experiences. Readers are not alone.”
 —Chris Newlin, MS, LPC, Executive Director, National Children's Advocacy Center
 
INVINCIBLE will have an immediate impact on our outreach and attempts to create bonds in the communities surrounding our churches, as well as within the existing memberships.” 
—Rev. Dr. David H. Benke, Bishop/President, Atlantic District, Lutheran Church Missouri Synod

From the Inside Flap

What did you learn growing up with domestic violence? Do you know how this has had an impact on your life? How have you dealt with it?

Today, are there certain things about yourself that you wish weren't true? Many of them aren't. They are lies you learned.

Invincible exposes the lies, reveals the truths, and offers the insight and the skills you need to go from feeling and acting:

Guilty to Free
Resentful to Compassionate
Sad to Grateful
Angry to Passionate
Hopeless to Guided
Worthless to Accomplished
Fearful to Confident
Self-Conscious to Attractive
Unloved to Loved

The truth is, no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through as a child and have already conquered. The author is donating all net royalties to the Children of Domestic Violence Foundation (CDV).
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: TarcherPerigee; 1St Edition edition (September 30, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399166572
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399166570
  • Product Dimensions: 5.8 x 1 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (139 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #275,170 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
I was given this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

You all know that I mostly read Young Adult books and am a pediatrician by trade. Both of these are reasons why I agreed to read this book because domestic violence is pervasive in our society, and I felt this was a topic that really needs to be highlighted. After reading this book, I'm moved and want to share this book with everyone I know-- those who have had domestic violence in their childhood, and those who know people who have. I think even the general public can learn from this book as well.

Brian F. Martin bravely reveals his own story of abuse as he opens up Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set you Free. He has become very successful and wants to pass on his story to other survivors. Each chapter is about another lie these children learn to believe growing up with this history and how they can break out of the vicious cycle of abuse. One factor that was key in this book was the fact that children are more affected by the abuse they see done to their loved ones than the abuse they suffer to their own bodies because they are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that they were unable to "save" others. This resonated with me because I never realized how much worse that was, although the public always seems more horrified by the bruises they can actually see.

I feel like anyone who has dealt with trauma, mild or severe, in their lives will be helped by the good tips in this book. We've all had negative experiences, and although we may not have been directly abused or seen a loved one abused, no family is perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone alive believed one of these lies in their lives.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This is an excellent book. I originally bought this because my 8 year old son told me not long ago that he remembers his father kicking and hitting me when he was little (side note, domestic abuse and drug abuse were the reasons we are no longer together). I had never dealt with domestic abuse before this or since and I thought since my son was young (not quite 2) that he wouldn't remember this. While I originally intended this book to be a way of understanding what my son may go through to help him, I found this book made a huge impact on me and the feelings I had been holding on to from my ex husband and the abuse that occurred. I love the end of each chapter where he looks at the lies people accept as truths and then breaks down why people believe them and the truth of these feelings or thoughts.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This book on overcoming the lifetime effects of growing up with domestic violence. Brian Martin explains how the worst guilt is undeserved guilt and how we are capable of change but our childhood is part of who we are as adults. He goes on to explain why and how to overcome any challenge. I highly recommend it. The only thing I would encourage people to remember and exercise when applying this book is faith in Jesus Christ. We can overcome ALL things only through Him.

"Happiness is having pleasant thoughts most of the time", but those who were children of domestic violence usually struggle with this. Invincible uses many true inspiring success stories to explain why this is so and how to obtain happiness. I found it very accurate, positive, encouraging, comforting, and helpful. It teaches, "therapeutic experiences do not take place in therapy but in naturally occurring healthy relationships."
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As a person that has survived domestic violence myself, been around it all of my life and have lost a dear loved one to the hands of her boyfriend, this book touched me deeply. Not only was it an easy read that kept my attention throughout, but it also helped me realize that the feelings that I am still healing are not ones that I feel alone with. He also helped me realize through his beautiful ability to write about a subject that is difficult to broach, that I am worthy of living a life filled with love and hope.

I am definitely going to add this to my list of books that I suggest to other women that are making it from a place of abuse and loss of personal power to a path of highest potential. It will help anyone on that road know that they are supported and encouraged to create and connect their happiest life possible.
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Stumbling upon this book was a magical accident. As a grown child of domestic violence, this book explains in uncanny details the why I am-the way I am. This book shines a large ray of light on how to change and except, as well as use my strength from these experiences to unlearn the lies. Martin uses a fluency of real life experiences to portray the lifestyle and brutality of an abused growing mind. As well as realilistic recounts of events, Martin also uses his childhood experiences, to demonstrate the urgency of stopping domestic violence in homes.
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Wow. Very compelling read. Frankly I expected much less. It could be because I have never personally experienced being a victim of Domestic Violence, to the contrary I was raised in a loving home with a father and step-mom that cared about me. I purchased this eBook because a friend read this eBook and suggested to me, that it would give me insight to her current struggles. I found this eBook difficult to set aside on my iPad. I took my time and read it over a few days. The author's writing style really spoke to my heart *sniff* and kept me captivated after the forward and preface which are totally part of the lesson here -- don't skip them! The 10 lies don't really get you unless you spend time on the first 15 pages. After that the "10 lies" unfold naturally. I feel much more equipped to help my friend now that I see how this insidious family dysfunction goes from one generation to the next, unchecked and unchanged until someone with immense courage and will is able to break the cycle. God Bless the men and women that told their stories to allow this eBook to come forth.
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