Customer Reviews

Invisible Girls: The Truth about Sexual Abuse

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Within a matter of pages, I realized I'd be enthusiastically recommending this book to colleagues, parents, and teens. Refreshingly free of psychological jargon, it is an easy to digest and realistic portrayal of sexual abuse. More importantly, it is the much needed voice of those who have been there telling us what it's like, how they survived, and what they need to heal and thrive.
The author has been in the trenches with hundreds of girls who have shared their stories of trauma and healing with her. From popular and seemingly confident track stars molested by their coach, to quiet and insecure daughters abused by their fathers and stepfathers, to impoverished and neglected young teens who turn to the streets, Dr. Feuereisen finds common themes among these survivors.
First, the basic premise of her book is that the best way to heal from sexual abuse is to talk about it, and that the best time to talk about it is while you are still young. I agree wholeheartedly, though healing can happen at all ages and it's never too late to speak up. But when we're younger, we're still growing and changing and formulating our view of ourselves. The good news is that teen and young adult girls are resilient and naturals at healing.
Another theme is that families have got to wake up, realize how vulnerable our girls are, and step up to provide protection. Perhaps the greatest insurance against continuing abuse is having a psychologically strong and available mother. Don't' misunderstand - the author isn't blaming mothers for abuse. But she is - with no apologies (and with my support) - holding them accountable for being a role model of strength, openness, and support so that their daughters come to them immediately after even one incident of sexual abuse. The fact is, most therapists will tell you that they have never encountered ongoing sexual abuse in families with genuinely strong mothers who are in tune with their daughters.
If you want to give your daughter an insurance policy against abuse, leave this book lying around for her to see. More importantly, of course, take care of yourself and be the woman you want her to grow into. Insecure? In an unhealthy relationship? Afraid to speak up? Always taking care of everyone but yourself? Your example will truly shape her. Let it empower, not limit.
We always learn best from others who speak from the heart, and this book is full of young women who tell it like it is. They are inspiring, powerful, and the antithesis of "victim". I am grateful to the author for bringing their voices to us.

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"Invisible Girls" has changed my life. I am a sexual abuse survivor who has had to heal alone for the most part and after reading "Invisible Girls" I know I'm not alone. A lot of the things that I have been through have been addressed in this book and now I am ready to change my life for the better and embark on my road to healing. I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever suffered abuse, or known someone who has. There is help, you are not alone, and you don't have to swallow your hurt and move forward. Dr. Patti is helping us be known in her book, and soon people will have to listen!

As the sub-title says this book is for; '...teen girls, young women, and everyone who care about them.' My family and I fall into the category of; '...and everyone who care about them.' I knew all too well the statistics of sexual abuse after a long career in law enforcement. The book is succinct, informative, and powerful. It gives the reader a much greater insight into the depth of trauma experienced by the survivors of sexual abuse. In my second career, I, with my family, and the support of many others who cared, became directly involved in helping a survivor put an end to the abuse and weather the aftershocks. . This book helped to answer questions we had that may have been too much for the survivor, and give us greater understanding of the emotional roller-coaster the survivor was, is, and will be riding. The book should be required reading for all law enforcement agents who deal with survivors, and everyone else in a profession that may bring him or her into contact with a survivor.

I just got done reading this book a few days ago and it's still swimming around in my brain. I am the mother of elementary school daughters and I found this book to be eye opening. Mothers, we've got to wake up!!! Pursue your daughters' hearts and make sure you are taking care of yourself and are being a healthy role model. Make sure you are available and inviting. I couldn't believe how over and over again the girls in the book would tell their mothers they were abused but their mothers either didn't believe them or want to make waves in the family or wanted their daughters voices to be silenced. If you are a young girl, teen or young woman who has been sexually abused, rest assured that you will find a compassionate voice and an advocate in this book for you.

I am a victim of sexual abuse/incest. I am not in therapy, but looking for ways to reach recovery. This book helped to reitterate how important telling my story is. Not only will getting it off my chest help, but it will help others to identify with my story and learn how to handle their own situations in their own way. It also helped me to identify. The only thing that I would add is and I think when you read this remember IDENTIFY WITH THE STORIES BUT DO NOT COMPARE because no 2 stories are alike.

Overall it was decent reading, I was traveling when I read it on the plane and it really helped my flight seem like it went alot faster and less eventfull.

I'm a survivor of childhood sex abuse which occurred first inside my home and then also outside my home. As a child my world felt chaotic, unstable, and unsafe. I didn't feel I had the security and safety I needed to be able to seek help, and through terror, threats, and the confusion of what "fatherly love" was supposed to be, I felt aspects of my true self going into hiding, being imprisoned by secrets.

But, at the same time it was my youthful nature to love, to retain my wholeness and honesty, and to seek health.

I read many books, seeking understanding, support, a framework for healing, a way of undoing all the lies I had been told. Many books were helpful, but also seemed to be written almost more for practitioners, and not as much for survivors. I felt a heaviness and that something was missing. I felt like myself and other survivors were being put into stereotypes and roles and being held down by that. I needed to know that I could get through this.

Then I read "Invisible Girls". This is a book for young survivors, and for their friends, to understand their experience as well as their strength and resilience. This book offers hope, health, releasing, letting go, and a freeing lightness despite what we have been through. In reading this book there is understanding of the deep and difficult emotions and after-effects of abuse, while also knowing that girls that are sexually abused can be healthy, high functioning, successful, thriving girls and women from all races, religions, and economic classes. No one can tell from the outside if a girl has been sexually abused. And she has the same rights and abilities as any other person to be happy, to love and be loved, to achieve her life's passions in whatever form they are meant to unfold.

She explains, "Wounds do heal. If you were the victim of incest, you may always feel the remnants of a scar, but you will not always feel the tremendous ache of a gaping wound. Incest survivors do get beyond their incest to lead happy, wonderful lives." "The human spirit has a strength that cannot be crushed, even in the face of the most violating abuse."

Dr. Patti gives the awareness, support, safety, and permission that it is not only safe, but healthy to tell and unburden our secrets. And that when we speak out we are not only helping ourselves, but all victims and survivors of sexual violence and contributing to the protection of other children and young girls.

Dr. Patti also concisely addresses the Historical Cover up that began when Freud "rethought" his theories on sexual abuse and renamed them a "seduction fantasy or desire" after he faced ridicule for presenting his discovery of the widespread sexual abuse of young girls that he was hearing from. He set a precedent of disbelieving victims of sexual abuse that still continues today in many forms. There are many people that, for whatever reason, invest a lot of energy into covering up and silencing victims and survivors of sexual abuse, just as the abusers tried to do. As strong women we can stand in our truth and let their ignorant and hollow words just roll right off of us. They may be offenders or they may just be uninformed and unaware of the harm they are contributing to.

Patti emphasizes speaking out when we are young, not waiting to tell, when we are at our most resilient and before the abuse has had more years to plant the roots of trauma deeply into our lives, identities and beings. Some days we may want to talk a lot and other days not at all. "Whatever your age, you are the right age to be coming out and telling your truth". It's time to let go of all the self-blame that we've carried.

A great pearl of wisdom in the book is when Patti says, "Often before we can talk about the traumas that have happened to us, we have to find outlets for our feelings. Whether you realize it or not, you probably have a number of such outlets." She talks about running, various types of exercising and dancing, singing, drawing, and writing. And she says, "That's part of the genius of the body and mind: We are often self-healing without even realizing it."

She includes the stories of courageous young survivors of many forms of sexual violence and rape and offers a discussion of the important elements of seeking healing and safety from all of these forms of sexual trauma.

Also in her newly revised edition Patti includes an entire chapter about the sexual abuse of teen girls through commercial sexual exploitation (including the story of a strong, young survivor). Patti reveals the true face of childhood exploitation, and shows the common ground that is shared between survivors of childhood exploitation and all childhood sex abuse. She says, "There is no ambiguity about it: putting a teenage girl to work selling sex, or buying sex from her, is abuse, whether she seems to "choose" it or not. There's simply no way a minor makes such a choice freely. It's always about someone taking away her power." When the pimps and johns are treated as sex offenders and the young girls are removed from prostitution and given a safe and stable environment to heal (not treated as a criminal or a "whore"), and "when they begin to realize that the way they were exploited was abuse and not their fault, then their own aspirations begin to bloom".

If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, I recommend this book as a valuable start to your healing process. I read this book when it first came out in 2005, and it is still helping me today in its newly revised edition. I also recommend this book to mothers for info on keeping their children safe.

Invisible girls is an amazing read...I received it as a gift to help me heal and it did more for me in just reading the first chapter than any other sexual abuse book i have read. To date i have read it twice and every time i read it comforts me more...it is the ideal book for anyone who has been sexually abused and also for anyone who cares to understand survivors and help them heal.. I would recommend this book to any and everyone...also view the accompanied website girlthrive.com it is a wonderful place for learning and thriving!!!

I am not even completely done with this book yet (I am reading it slowly because I want to take in everything), but I feel the urge to write about how much it has made an impact in my life. As someone who has survived through sexual abuse/incest during my childhood, it is amazing to find a book written by a therapist who truly understands the psychological impact of sexual abuse. Reading this book has made me think about my own life and how the abuse impacted me. Through stories written from actual survivors to amazing reflections on those stories and then to general reflections on how survivors are affected, Dr. Patti Feuereisen helps survivors understand that they are normal and that what they went through was abnormal. I am currently reading the part where she explains how prostitution is exactly like sexual abuse. It never hit me before, even as a survivor. This book will change your life, how you think and how you live your life. It is one of a kind and I recommend it to all girls and even mothers. Dr. Patti is a wonderful person and it truly comes across in her book. She has worked with hundreds of survivors and her understanding is just amazing. I have already recommended this book to my therapist and my group therapist and they have ordered it. I have also recommended it to many friends who are survivors. It is a MUST-HAVE! The book has given my therapist and I starting points for discussion. This book touches on issues that all survivors face (especially the shame and guilt). While I read this book, I write down my favorite quotes or anything that has helped me. Then my therapist and I discuss those things. I recommend this not only to girls but also trauma therapists. I could go on for days about this book but I think I've said enough...

Both as an educator in the field of sexual violence prevention, and just as a regular guy, I must recommend Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse to anyone who is dealing with sexual abuse in their life. Including survivors and their friends, family members, and romantic partners.

In my professional life, I have literally attended hundreds of lectures and studied dozens of books, studies, or professional papers regarding sexual abuse. However, Invisible Girls reached out to me and effected me in a way I had never experienced. For the first time I heard in shocking detail what sexual abuse was like to experience from the perspective of the survivor. It helped me understand how sexual abuse occurs and is allowed to continue before, during, and after the incident(s). I can now use this knowledge to better educate the public and help expose this unspoken crime.

In my personal life, Invisible Girls went even further to help me. Even though I am not a survivor, sexual abuse has affected my life in horrific ways. As I have grown into adulthood, I have slowly discovered just how many of the women in my life had experienced abuse. Each time someone else I cared about disclosed her victimization, I felt lost, angry, and confused. I had questions that couldn't be answered and feelings that couldn't be explained. Dr. Patti word's helped me understand when my loved one's own words couldn't. And she let me know I was not alone.

I fully support, both professionally and personally, Dr. Patti and Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse.

It's so powerful to hear the details from survivors themselves followed by professional interpretation and reaction. Full of insight and resources for people from all walks of life. Wow!!! It really helps to open your eyes to the ways that sexual abuse affects each of us, our friends & families, community and society. A must read!