Customer Reviews

The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the Four Key Causes of Depression and Aggression

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Why do so many husbands, fathers, and sons who are normally very loving and kind suddenly become irritable, angry, and withdrawn? That is the question answered in The Irritable Male Syndrome by best-selling author Jed Diamond. In the book he describes how the syndrome is diagnosed, what to expect, and how to treat it. Current research shows that the four primary factors for Irritable Male Syndrome are changing testosterone levels, chemical imbalances, loss of masculine identity, and stress.

This book exposes the emotions and thoughts in the deepest parts of many men. While some may control those emotions and so not exhibit irritable male syndrome, the book still does an excellent job of describing many of the stresses and emotional traits of men as well as offering explanations and ways to deal with them. This is by far one of the best self-help, psychology based books I have read this year and one of the best I have ever read. The Irritable Male Syndrome is very highly recommended and should be read by all women who want to understand their husband, boyfriend, or significant other as well as those who may be suffering with the syndrome or those who love them.

I had read several other publications by Jed Diamond and found them all to very succinct and helpful. For five years my wife has been complaining that my behavior was erratic, that I would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation and she wanted her husband back. From my vantage point I could come up with all kinds of "reasons" why it was all her fault. Reading the Irritable Male Syndrome was one of the most self revealing things I have ever done. There wasn't a page where I didn't clearly see myself and behaviors that I found appalling, yet, there I was naked as could be. It is must reading for any man entering middle age or any man who has been told he is "acting strangely" don't brush off those comments. Read this book if you read nothing else. You won't totally eliminate the problem overnight, but I can assure you, you won't be able to hide. And when you acknowledge what is going on - then you can really get down to the nitty-gritty work of getting back on track. I applaude Jed not only for writing the book, but for openly sharing his own experiences. Now, I don't feel as if I am some kind of freak. In those five years, I not only lost a job, but a career! I gave up a testicle for having torqued it doing an exercise routine, my mother died, my son moved to Atlanta, and we had been married 30+ years. GET THE BOOK IT IS THE BEST INVESTMENT YOU'LL EVER MAKE. Bob Bruce, Cleveland, Ohio

Around me I've watched men over 50 suddenly dissolve marriages, maltreat their spouses, trade long-cherished values for whim, fall victim to depression, or withdraw into impenetrable cocoons. And I've wondered why. It was logical to blame and disrespect them for their transgressions ... their failings of character.

That's until a sensitive psychotherapist had the consciousness and conviction to search for the origin of these problems. Why have so many loving and giving women and children had to endure so much heartache from men in their lives? Is this just selfishness or immaturity?

Finally, Jed Diamond provides answers with an empowering revelation that IMS is both manageable and treatable. This gently fulfilling book brings empathy, perspective, solutions and solace to those who suffer and those who suffer the consequences.

His articulate and sensitive voice belongs in any home where people are trying to understand and manage the inevitable and sometimes unwholesome consequences of male passages through life stages. The author speaks to a new awareness akin to the discovery of PMS and the liberation that this insight has brought to women.

Men deserve, and with this book receive, their own measure of social sensitivity to the most challenging times of life. So much pathology can be eliminated in families and relationships when enough people read this book.

Jed Diamond has given many a second chance to make their "third-age" more productive, happier, and less fraught with tribulation. His book is a breakthrough that this aging country - which tends to marginalize and disenfranchise its aging males - sorely needs.

Jed Diamond has empathy for the male experience. He captures with clarity the biological, psychological, and interpersonal dynamics that contribute to irritable male syndrome and delivers practical solutions to men and their partners. I am impressed with his compassion, empathy, and practical solutions For men going through this difficult process. This is a hopeful book that offers psychological and spiritual wisdom to those men who are struggling with anger, depression, and the changing emotional realities of their lives.

Fredric E. Rabinowitz, Ph.D.
Professor of Psychology, University of Redlands;
President, Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity,
Co-author of Men and Depression: Clinical and Empirical Perspectives, Deepening Psychotherapy with Men, and Man Alive: A Primer of Men's Issues.

After 25 years of a happy marriage, my husband became a stranger. He decided he was no longer in love with me, and wanted a life with more fun and passion. After I read Jed Diamond's book, I truly understood what my husband is and was going through. His book has given me more compassion and more hope for the future. This book is a road-map through a very distressing time of life. Whether you are the man or his wife- read this!

This is a thought-provoking book; I think Mr. Diamond has done us a service by popularizing the IMS (like Dr. Joyce Brothers popularized psychology and Gershom Scholem popularized Kabbalah). It must be pointed out that IMS is not a disease; it's a set of symptoms. There's a big difference. It's a bit like homelessness in that regard. Many diseases and problems present the same symptoms (watch "House" or "ER" or "Medical Investigation" sometime on TV). Thus, A Solution may either not exist (if there are many different causes (simultaneous or not) or may be hard to find. In this case, as with homelessness, the causes are many. The solutions, therefore, will vary depending upon the causes - not the symptoms. Significantly, Mr. Diamond includes chapters addressing many factors (causes) that create the IMS. He also presents "treatments" for those individual factors (e.g. the valuable Thought Record on page 217). This is excellent. He also provides considerable references in each chapter.

However, I think that he's overlooked a few things. Firstly, while he has Alice Miller as a reference, he doesn't include her theory of non-genetic inheritance in which learned behaviors are passed down over generations through children emulating parents when they become parents themselves (see "The Drama of the Gifted Child"). This, I believe, is a very significant factor in the IMS. Secondly, he does not include any Jungian typology in explaining human differences. For example, his intriguing analysis of the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones seems to me a difference between E (extroverted behavior) vs. I (introverted). Indeed, the entire Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) may be a factor in IMS-especially considering the differences between spouses. Which leads into the questions: "what about those who do NOT develop IMS?" & "Why not?" It's hard to believe you could really understand IMS without understanding its opposite or control.
Furthermore, some of the factors seem a bit far-fetched. After taking a course on experimental design (a psychology course at George Washington University in DC), I am quite skeptical about scientific articles and research. We reviewed a great many technical, peer-reviewed journals-and found that a large proportion were invalid. Not necessarily wrong-invalid means that the conclusions were not fully justified by the study.

Finally, since Mr. Diamond includes spirituality (which I admire him for doing), he might consider the development of egolessness a la Tibetan Buddhism. It seems to me that (not withstanding the chemical factors) that ego has a lot to do with IMS. I would suspect that IMS results from a combination of factors depending upon the susceptibility of the people involved and the interrelationship of their psychological propensities. I do think that Mr. Diamond's advice regarding male initiation and male groups has a great deal of potential to depotentiate IMS.

Jed Diamond's "Irritable Male Syndrome : Solving Male Depression and Aggression" is a book that shows compassion for both men and women. All too often I have seen books that are understanding and loving towards women but lacking in the same understanding for men. Men are routinely judged based on the "feminine model." The masculine way, the man's way of coping, processing emotions, and mental health is ignored due to most people not even knowing it exists. In this book you will learn about the man's way, how men differ in their physiology and their psychology and how this impacts the man's path toward healing. In the workshops I give around the country I have seen a hunger from caring women who are confounded about their man's behaviors that sometimes seem to her to be signs that he just doesn't care. This book will help you reframe those signs into a new paradigm that will
bring you closer together. A wise man said once that if you knew the pain of those around you, you would rarely become angry.

Arming yourself with this knowledge and understanding enables you to react with compassion. When any person is treated with compassion and understanding their chances of healing increase dramatically.

Reading this book can only help your relationships.

Highly recommended.

Tom Golden author, "Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing."

I feel that without the support from this book I would not have made it through the past few months. Living with my husband's mood swings was hell. This book gave me things I could do to get through to him and things we could do together to get our marriage back on track. My husband and I are doing so much better now. And we both quit drinking coffee because we both hated that "wired-up" feeling and acid stomach. We both drinking a substitute made from soybeans (go figure!) You can google it under "acid free coffee". I recommend this book to anyone who is living with an irritable male and wants to keep their marriage alive.

"Diamond discusses all factors surrounding and contributing to the Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS.) Diamond's book deals not only with IMS, but with life transitions and how men's social roles form and evolve. Diamond has experienced IMS and freely shares the intimate details of his struggles. This unabashed vulnerability may be why men are willing to risk exposing their own fears in working with Diamond.

Diamond's book is important not only to readers who have personal experiences with irritable male syndrome, but to anyone who wishes to understand how threads of our biological and social conditioning are tightly woven into the tapestry of our mental health."

--Jane Chin, Ph.D., Founder, Jane's Mental Health Source Page

"Through all the years that I have known Jed, I have admired the way he cares for people. I especially appreciate the depth and breadth of his concern for men's issues and his dedication to the expansion of men's self-awareness. His personal journey into previously unexplored areas of the human psyche can be likened to a pioneer crossing into new uncharted territory. Jed's books are on the cutting edge and his current book is no exception. I highly recommend it. If you want to make a positive difference in your own life or the life of someone you care about, read this book."

--Stephen Johnson, Ph.D., Executive Director of The Men's Center of Los Angeles and The Sacred Path Men's Community.