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Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men Hardcover – September 11, 2014

ISBN-13: 978-1442223257 ISBN-10: 1442223251

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers (September 11, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1442223251
  • ISBN-13: 978-1442223257
  • Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 0.9 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #112,394 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


For decades, husbands and wives have faced the social tendency to shame, fear, and denounce husbands who have sex with men. Kort and Morgan's book offers a compassionate and understanding view that is grounded in science and clinical practice, rather than fear. Their book offers a surprising and pleasing depth to the understanding of this phenomenon and does not treat it in simplistic, black and white ways. Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? offers up a sophisticated view of masculine sexuality and eroticism that is sorely needed. Their work is a gift to the many husbands and wives out there who are struggling to understand the husband's same-sex attractions and trying to figure out where to go from here. (David J. Ley, Ph.D., author of The Myth of Sex Addiction and Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them)

Male sexual fluidity is a cutting-edge, and sometimes confusing, topic. With empathy and insight Kort distills his years of experience helping couples decode and deal with a spectrum of scenarios into a single compelling volume. (Ian Kerner, sexuality counselor; author of She Comes First)

Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? is a smart, contemporary look at a controversial issue. This is the only book I have ever seen that addresses the complexities of men's sexuality with empathy and a direct language that both men and women will find helpful. Clinicians who work with couples will turn again and again to this book for answers to this contemporary quandary as more and more couples struggle with the boundaries of male sexuality. Kort and Morgan give clear answers and direction and explain how to talk about relationships and betrayal while moving our understanding of sexuality forward into a new era of openness and maturity. Thank you, Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan. (Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Relationships after Infidelity and Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together)

Seasoned couples therapist Joe Kort and scientist Alexander P. Morgan shine a clear and compassionate light on a much needed and little discussed topic—what to do if you think your husband may be gay. They walk readers through the distinctions between being gay, bi, or straight with an attraction to male sexuality. This is not a theoretical conversation but a hands-on guide to a complex, and often overwhelming, situation. Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? has the power to save marriages and change lives. (Terrence Real, bestselling author and family therapist)

Is my Husband Gay, Straight or Bi? is a wonderful collection of case studies, therapy practices, and research-based information that illustrate the diverse range of behaviors, emotions, and psychological states of husbands (and in turn their wives) who think, suspect, or believe they are gay or bisexual, whether or not their identity actually fits the complex definition of homosexuality or bisexuality. The detailed examples, psychological theories, and therapeutic protocols in this book will be helpful to husbands, wives, and couples who seek clarity in this confusing situation and especially useful to therapists with such clients. (Amity Pierce Buxton, PhD., founder, Straight Spouse Network; co-author, Unseen-Unheard: Straight Spouses from Trauma to Transformation)

Is my Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? is a work of great significance. Dr. Kort has crafted a clear, no-nonsense, compassionate book that will benefit the lay-public as much as his professional colleagues. Written with the experienced and kind voice of an expert sex-therapist, Kort explores variations of human sexual behavior with well-deserved authority. This book is illuminating reading for couples in distress and a “must-read” for anyone who works in the field of sexual health. (Evelyn Resh, MPH, CNM, Sexuality Counselor; author of Women, Sex, Power, and Pleasure and The Secret Lives of Teen Girls)

This is an amazing book. It uncovers the truth about many men who have sex with other men who are not necessarily gay. Case examples illustrate the complexity of this phenomenon. A very useful resource for men and women who are dealing with this issue in their lives and relationships – and any professionals who want to understand them. (Eli Coleman, Ph.d., Professor of Human Sexuality, University of Minnesota)

A brave and much needed exploration of the diversity of sexuality. Kort frees sexuality by discussing the health and beauty of diverse arousal patterns by breaking the limits of gay, straight, and bisexuality. (Chris Donaghue, PhD, LCSW, CST; Certified Sex and Couples Therapist)

About the Author

Joe Kort, PhD, MSW, MA, is a certified Imago Relationship Therapist and a board certified clinical sexologist specializing in sex therapy and sexual identity. He is a member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the Academy of Certified Social Workers, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT). Dr. Kort offers workshops for couples and singles, and he runs various therapy groups for men who are struggling with sexual issues. He is on the teaching faculty of the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certificate Program. He speaks and conducts workshops internationally, maintains and contributes to various blogs and online outlets, and writes newspaper and magazine articles. He is the author of three books, including Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide. He contributed a chapter on straight men who have sex with men in Mending A Shattered Heart: A Guide For The Partners of Sex Addicts.

Alexander P. Morgan, PhD, is a scientist and writer. He is the co-author of When He’s Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment, written with Dr. Kenneth Adams. A Woodrow Wilson Fellow and a National Science Foundation Fellow, he is a recipient of the Melville Medal from the American Society of Mechanical Engineers. He has published more than fifty professional articles. Dr. Morgan works with a variety of healthcare professionals to bring their expertise to the public in clear and accessible language.

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Customer Reviews

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I'm sure this will be on my shelf of best reference books of all times.
Amazon Customer
I will try to keep it as objective as possible so that folks can make an informed decision about whether this book is right for them.
The author makes a distinction between gay identity and sexual fantasy.
Joy Gaines-Friedler

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on September 28, 2014
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Joe Kort's new book "Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi" is probably one of the best sex education books that has been written lately. It is easily readable, straightforward and provides information I as a AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and IITAP Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist will find invaluable. Once I picked it up I could not put it down and finished it the same night. Mr. Kort also follows Harville Hendrix's IMAGO Relational model throughout the book which provides even more depth to his work. I'm sure this will be on my shelf of best reference books of all times.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By cam on October 19, 2014
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I was in a ten year marriage with a closeted gay man. I am a straight female. I have a very progressive shrink, I'm a shrink myself and I went to Straight Spouse's support group. But nothing closed the proverbial door and gave my brain peace like this book! I just could not get over my divorce and my feelings of loss of relationship until I read this book! Dr. Kort is brilliant !
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Joy Gaines-Friedler on November 15, 2014
Format: Hardcover
I admit, I read the book because I'm familiar with the writing of Alexander P. Morgan and have always found him to be an extremely gifted writer. I wasn't disappointed. But, what struck me about this book, what stayed with me the most was the compassion with which the often confusing fluidity of sexuality is handled. Joe Kort and Alexander Morgan are dealing with perhaps the most basic and yet rawly emotional aspect of human psychology, our need for intimacy, and they do so in a brave (meaning, not too clinical, yet honestly depicted) way. I found myself both in a crisis over the descriptions of intense sexual behavior and fantasy, and the explanations for that behavior, which is sometimes the male's only way to express the intimacy denied to them by the time they are eight-years-old (holding hands is for girls!) I became fascinated by the ways in which those fantasies are the reliving of, or the cravings to deal with the loss of intimacy and other issues of trust. The author makes a distinction between gay identity and sexual fantasy. We are clearly individuals and not so malleable as to fit cleanly into labels, and categories, and expectations. In clear language, and a wonderfully organized book, Kort offers acceptance. He points us away from despair or self-centeredness. He recreates scenarios and gives explanation for how women might learn to see their husband's sexual interplays, not as betrayal, but as manifestations of the men themselves thereby offering compassion and understanding rather than humiliation or broken dreams.
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