Is Marriage for White People?: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone [Hardcover]

Ralph Richard Banks (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 1, 2011

During the past half century, African Americans have become the most unmarried people in our nation. More than two out of every three black women are unmarried, and they are more than twice as likely as white women never to marry. The racial gap in marriage extends beyond the poor. Affluent and college educated African Americans are also less likely to marry or stay married than their white counterparts. That harms black children and adults, and imperils the growth and stability of the black middle class.

One reason that marriage has declined is that as black women have advanced economically and educationally, black men have fallen behind. Nearly twice as many black women as black men graduate from college each year.Thus, not only are many college-educated black women unmarried, they are more likely than any other group of women to marry less educated and lower earning men. Half of college-educated black wives are more educated than their husbands.

Yet black women rarely marry men of other races. They are less than half as likely as black men, and only a third as likely as Latinos or Asian Americans, to wed across group lines. Is Marriage for White People? traces the far-reaching consequences of the African American marriage decline. It also explains why black women marry down rather than out. Its provocative conclusion is that black women would benefit both themselves and the black race if they crossed class lines less and race lines more.

As particular as this inquiry may seem, it is also universal. Americans of all races are more unmarried now than ever. And as women surpass men educationally, wives increasingly earn more than their husbands. In illuminating the lives of African Americans, Is Marriage for White People? thus probes cultural and economic trends that implicate everyone, highlighting the extent to which the experience of black women may become that of all women.

This book both informs and entertains. The culmination of a decade of research by a distinguished Stanford law professor, it melds scholarly theory and data with the poignant stories shared by black women throughout the nation. This unforgettable book is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand the shifting terrain of intimacy in American society.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A brave and convincing argument...A triumphant work that demystifies the intersection between compatibility and color."--Kirkus Reviews, June 15, 2011

"...the findings presented in this slender book are provocative in the best sense: They explode much of the received wisdom concerning the socioeconomic woes of American blacks....There seems little doubt that Banks' book, whether it solves the problem it takes on, will ignite an acrimonious debate. But if that debate is as long-lasting and far-ranging as the problems Banks has exposed deserve, then his book will have done a great deal of good."--Sam Munson, The Daily, September 4, 2011

"Peppered with interviews and candid opinions about marriage and relationships, this is a surprisingly intimate scholarly work; the sobering topic is tempered by the author's easy-to-read, captivating style."-- Publishers Weekly, June 27, 2011

"This engaging and well-written book addresses a puzzling question: why middle-class black men and women are less likely to marry than middle-class Americans of other races. Banks' illuminating study is a must-read for those concerned about the decline in marriage among African Americans."--William Julius Wilson, Harvard University

"Learned and unflinching, careful but provocative. Banks unabashedly explores the most volatile racial issues. Sure to provoke a fierce debate."--Randall Kennedy, Harvard Law School

"Fascinating--and very brave! Banks surveys the brambly landscape of marriage prospects for accomplished African American women, bringing into view rarely seen prides, longings, prejudices and unexpected choices.  Banks' probing examination makes a gripping read."--Nancy F. Cott, author of Public Vows: A History of Marriage and the Nation

“African-American women are half as likely as white women to be married, and twice as likely never to marry. Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks takes on the black middle-class: women who are outpacing their male peers to a degree more pronounced than in any other racial group. He hopes to open the discourse, and maybe a few minds.”--Jessica Bennett, Newsweek, September 1, 2011

From the Author

I hope through this book to extend and elevate the conversation about the decline in marriage among African Americans. While the book takes the reader inside the lives of college-educated black women, it also brings into view the broader economic and cultural shifts that have transformed the terrain of intimate relationships for everyone. 

I highlight one development in particular in which black women not participated: interracial marriage. Even as they have the fewest viable potential partners within their group, black women lead the most segregated intimate lives in the nation. That's the issue at the heart of this book: Why haven't more black women found love across the color line? I explain why black women would benefit themselves and their race if they did so.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Dutton Adult; First Edition edition (September 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0525952012
• ISBN-13: 978-0525952015
• Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 1.1 x 9.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (47 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #460,044 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ralph Richard Banks is the Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School. He is an expert on topics related to race and inequality. His research addresses race and inequality issues across a variety of domains, from criminal justice to employment to the family. He has written and lectured widely in each of these areas. Professor Banks teaches equal protection law, family law, employment discrimination law, and race and the law. He has been a visiting professor at Harvard Law School and the University of Virginia Law School. Before joining the Stanford Law School faculty in 1998, Professor Banks was the Reginald F. Lewis Fellow at Harvard Law School and an attorney with the firm O'Melveny & Myers. He was a law clerk to Judge Barrington D. Parker, Jr. of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York.

Visit my website at: http://ismarriageforwhitepeople.stanford.edu

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 29 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An honest assessment of the state of black intimate unions October 18, 2011

By J. Akil

Format:Hardcover

At first I thought it would be difficult to write an impartial review of Ralph Richard Banks' recently published book "Is Marriage for White People?"; however, now that I've read the book, I don't see how anyone could read it and not come away agreeing with Mr. Banks conclusion: black women need to be more open to dating interracially, both for their own sakes and for the sake the black community as a whole. Notes and a bibliography constitute almost one-third of Mr. Banks book; if you disagree with any of his facts he provides you with ample opportunity to read the same books, studies, and surveys he read to double-check what he has written and to come to your own conclusions.

Here are the facts, all of which are covered in "Is Marriage for White People?": almost half of all black women have had an abortion, over twice the rate for white women; 2 black women graduate from college every year for every black male that graduates; black men out-marry (i.e., marry interracially) at over twice the rate of black women; there are two million more black women in America than black men; black women have exponentially higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases when compared against other groups of women due to the high incidence of `man-sharing' that occurs among black women; and black children that are raised by single parents have life-outcomes similar to children raised in a household with married parents--which speaks to how inadequately many married black households are performing when it comes to the task of conferring the benefits of being born within marriage onto their children.

Mr. Banks does not blame black women or black men for the sad state of affairs amongst blacks. Black women and men have, for the most part, only been able to respond to factors beyond their control--such as housing policy, welfare policy, educational policy, and the War on Drugs. Banks does not seek to place blame as much as he seeks to elucidate the factors that have brought the state of marriage and family amongst blacks to its current position.

Replete with the retelling of the experiences and thoughts of black women--and others, including black men--from across the country, Banks fleshes out his fact-filled book with the flesh-and-blood stories of those on the ground. Why do black women feel that they must take it upon themselves to rebuild the black family? Why do so many black women choose to share a black man with other women in lieu of expending their time and energy pursuing monogamous relationships with available non-black men? What are the consequences of man-sharing, not only in how black women treat men but in how black men and women treat each other? "Is Marriage for White People?" gets at the heart of these questions and provides clearly explained, even-handed responses to what's at stake here.

Before I read this book, one of the questions I had was, "Why do black women seem to express a greater desire to `rebuild' the black community than black men?" In the book, Mr. Banks answers my question by referring to the much maligned yet influential Moynihan Report of 1965 which described lower class black families as a `tangle of pathology'. When you think it about, who is most responsible for the family? For nurturing the children and making sure that they are well-behaved, attend school, and have moral fiber? While the sentiment that says the mother is the heart of the family and the father is the head may be changing, it isn't changing faster enough to mitigate the almost inevitable conclusion black women of the 60's and 70's came to that declared that if the children were dysfunctional then the mother was at fault. Black women accepted this sentiment, according to Banks, and thus took on the responsibility of righting the course of the black family by desiring to birth black babies who would grow up and prove with their behavior that blacks were no more dysfunctional than whites.

Some have declared that Banks came to an erroneous conclusion for his prescription of what ails black relationships; these detractors felt that instead of calling on black women to marry-out more and marry down less, he should have been calling on more social programs to improve the lot of black males. While improving the lot of black males is a noble and worthy cause, after reading Banks book I find it difficult to believe that one could assume that benefits to black males will trickle down to black women. After all, black males are already marrying out at twice the rate of black women--who can say that once the most impoverished of black males have been rehabilitated they won't exercise their right to marry non-black women, taking all of the benefits of those social programs with them? Why should black women spend their time and other resources investing in black men, hoping for trickle down benefits, when they can invest in themselves and have a more direct return on their investment?

But more importantly, I believe that the people who claim that black women should invest their time and energy into rehabilitating black men with the hopes that those men will then marry black women are failing to understand that this further infantilizes black men while placing black women into the role of mother to men that they did not birth. In my opinion, this prescription to `raise up the men you hope to marry' would only further distance black men and women from each other--what woman wants to marry a man she raised and what man wants to marry a woman whom he sees as a motherly figure? The `raise up your husband' paradigm seems to place black women and men at even greater odds with each other than they are now by placing them into the role of "mother" and "son" instead of "independent adult" and "independent adult."

"Is Marriage for White People?" is a tour de force; the book combines scholarship, social science, policy prescription, and the first-person narratives of black women in a format that is easy to read and digest. Ralph Richard Banks has written a book that deserves to be widely wide among those who seek to understand why so many black women marry down but not out, and do so, quite possibly, to their own detriment and to the detriment of blacks as a whole.

61 of 69 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Tell The Truth And Shame The Devil September 12, 2011

By B. Aarons

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

A black man needed to write this book. Black women needed a wakeup call. And many black women won't listen unless a black man is saying these words. This book lays out all the facts in a professional and dispassionate manner that can allow black women to make their own INFORMED decisions re: relationships

Black men are failing in all the ways that would make them desirable marriage partners. Black women outnumber them in the realm of success. Yet black women feel pressured into dating them because they don't want to feel they are abandoning them. We're told that we need to "support" the black man by dating him even when he isn't marriage material. This translates into marrying men who are former prisoners, blue collar workers or even unemployed. And don't think these former inmate, blue collar workers are going after "sisters" working at MacDonalds, no, they want women with college degrees and earning a decent living.

This book makes it clear that such imbalanced relationships not only work against the women who settle for them; but it also harms the black community on the whole. There are many DEAD professional black women slaughtered by their ex-felon husbands. This book also explores how the numbers imbalance harms women with standards. Many college educated black men are creating harems out of large groups of professional black women who insist on dating only black men. All these women remain in rotation while the man gets to pick and choose who he wants to really "be" with and even then he still has multiple sex partners. This is the truth! Banks says it much nicer than I do!

The author bravely suggests that the best solution is for black women to begin dating white men and other non-black men. I say he is brave because I know that black lynch mobs (mostly virtual) will want his head for speaking this obvious solution. Too many people are benefiting from keeping successful black women captive to a population of black males who have failed to rise as we have risen. They are not going to give us up easily. Banks makes a salient point about how there seems to be two black Americas developing, one mostly male and mired in poverty and failure and the other mostly female, educated and successful. The fact that fifty percent of black males nationwide drop out of high school is a sign of an unpleasant future for black women who marry these failed men.

Twelve years ago I made the decision to open my dating options to white men and my life greatly improved. Not only have the white men I dated shown that white men are more than capable of loving black women but they made very real tangible improvements to my life. I cannot say the same of black men. This book provides examples of other women like me who have seen the handwriting on the wall and have quietly and wisely moved on.

I highly recommend this book to any black woman who is on the fence about dating white men.

55 of 67 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The sourse material is King. The numbers do not lie. September 5, 2011

By B. G. Young

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This work is an excellent analysis of the current state of Black marriage in the U S. This book will make many people uncomfortable. No doubt there will be a number of "experts" who will attempt to do all they can to refute the hard facts presented in this book. Try as these "experts" may the fact of the matter is that the numbers do not lie. There are more Black Women who are marriage ready than there are Black men. Black Women know this. They now have the actual numbers to back up their suspicions.

There will be the expected attempts to "circle the wagons" by opinion makers in the Black Community in an effort to protect Black Males and the Black Community from scrutiny. However Dr. Banks book is full of supporting documentation, the studies and surveys, that back up the points he is making. This is a good thing since there is so much misinformation in the media and online re. the marriage prospects for Black Women. The reader can access the same source information the author did and read for themselves forming their own opinion.

Much has been made of the author's suggestion that Black Women should out marry in order to level the marriage playing field. For a slowly growing subset of Black women this will indeed be a viable option. For these women this book will be like preaching to the choir but for too many others I am afraid the information found it this book will fall on deaf ears. My guess is that the majority of Black Women will continue the ineffective interventions that they are currently using to endure their marriage less state. They will continue forming informal harems for the few marriage ready Black men hoping they will win the marriage lottery when this man gets good and ready to anoint one of them wife. These wives in waiting will continue to self medicate with their forks in an effort to ease the loneliness of their lives and will fill church pews every Sunday as they are instructed to be patient and wait, wait and continue to wait. Your prayers will eventually be answered. Yes, eventually when some brother in need of a little "dusting off" presents himself to your care and rehabilitation. Something to look forward to.

Added 11/15/11: The author discusses his book. This video takes about an hour,
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