Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?: Dealing with All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends -- from Serial Borrowers to Serious Cheapskates [Hardcover]

Jeanne Fleming (Author), Leonard Schwarz (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2008

Your next-door neighbor's two-year-old broke your most expensive vase, and your neighbor hasn't offered to replace it. Your best friend expects you to shop at the boutique she just opened, though her very pricey clothes look terrible on you. And your sister says she needs $1,500 to send her child to creativity camp, but you think what your sister needs is a job. What do you do?

Such tricky and emotionally charged dilemmas involving money are ubiquitous. Yet few of us know how to handle them. In Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz - the authors of the enormously popular "Do the Right Thing" column in Money magazine and the blog of the same name on CNNMoney.com - dissect a host of thorny, sometimes comic, inevitably awkward, and frequently infuriating money-and-ethics problems that arise among friends, relatives and neighbors.

Here's just a sample of the situations they respond to:

• Who gets Grandma's jewelry?
• I lent money to my niece, and now my brother wants a loan.
• My rich friend keeps encouraging me to do things I can't afford.
• Our brother is stealing our inheritance.
• Our freeloading friends are driving us crazy.
• I just made a bundle of money, and I don't want my family to know.

Fleming and Schwarz also report on the results of two groundbreaking surveys designed to illuminate the money-and-ethics problems we confront every day. The surveys reveal, for example, just how many of us have a friend or relative who's a freeloader or a deadbeat; how common we believe it is for someone to lie, cheat, or pretend to be loving in order to be in someone else's will; and the percentage of men - compared with women - who say you should never marry someone who is deeply in debt, no matter how much you love them.

Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? offers a fascinating tour of the secret life of other people's money disputes and delivers witty, down-to-earth money advice for dealing with all the maddening problems any one of us could confront at any time.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Want to know if your parents are financially obligated to pony up for your dream wedding or if your cousin is owed your recently deceased mother's painting though there is no mention of it in her will? Chances are someone has already asked and received an answer on how to deal with it from Money magazine and CNNMoney Web site contributors Fleming and Schwarz. They cover nearly every point and question of financial etiquette and fiscal ethics in this advice collection. Breaking the monotony of page after page of questions and answers are statistical results from a Money Magazine poll regarding financial attitudes toward family and friends, along with results from a survey the authors commissioned separately. General rules of thumb are also offered on such topics as evaluating loan requests and what exactly should be included when putting private loan agreements into writing. While a highly useful book to have as a reference, receiving it as a gift could represent a not so subtle hint that a change in behavior is needed. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Fleming and Schwarz cover an impressive range of money problems we'd all like to think we can rise above but which can divide whole families, including our own...The authors begin the book by asking provocatively: "Which would you rather have: a relative ask you for a large loan, or a bad case of the flu?" Those honest enough to answer "flu" might consider reading this book out loud on a family vacation and discussing its various insights." -- Barron's

"[I]t is a great coffee-table volume. Leave it out, and it will surely stir up some interesting discussions and debates...Using a question-and-answer format, Fleming and Schwarz have produced a handbook to help diffuse uncomfortable and potentially hostile situations that come when you mix money and personal relationships...The authors cover a lot of ground, from borrowers and lenders behaving badly, to handling gifts that come with strings attached, to getting through wedding-bill blues. " -- The Washington Post

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (January 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416542000
• ISBN-13: 978-1416542001
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #276,509 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining and highly useful book!, January 1, 2008

By 

Harriet Chessman "harriet_chessman" (The Bay Area) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?: Dealing with All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends -- from Serial Borrowers to Serious Cheapskates (Hardcover)

I have been relishing this wonderfully insightful, entertaining book about the financial quandaries and quagmires you can find yourself in with friends and family members. The book is handily organized, and offers marvelous coverage, so that you can dip into it, if you have a specific question, or enjoy reading it from start to finish. The section on bequests is so far possibly my favorite, although a close second is the one about inequity of wealth among friends, and the problems that can arise because of this.

I recommend this book wholeheartedly for anyone who's ever wondered about the ethics of a dilemma, large or small, over money matters. The authors are immensely knowledgeable, witty, and thoughtful. Just the thing for the New Year!

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful advice on avoiding financial disputes with friends and family!, January 4, 2008

By 

Samuel K. Rosen (New York City) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?: Dealing with All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends -- from Serial Borrowers to Serious Cheapskates (Hardcover)

We all face problems with friends and relatives in borrowing and lending money. Bequests and gifts can also lead to acrimony that shatters families and friendships. This book explains, with humor, common sense, and the results of well-thought out surveys, how to resolve those issues and, more importantly, how to avoid them in the first place. I highly recommewnd it to anyone who wants to avoid the friction and ill will that can result from dealing with the everyday money matters we face in our daily lives.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars an amazing guide for the money and ethics issues that plague us all, January 4, 2008

By 

B. Nguyen "book druggie" (santa monica, ca) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?: Dealing with All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends -- from Serial Borrowers to Serious Cheapskates (Hardcover)

I am part of the camp of people who are often flummoxed over money issues concerning family/friends/co-workers/neighbors/etc. Reading the insights in this book about all-too-familiar situations compels me to have it on my person at all times.

The book includes questions and advice a la Dear Abby but is of course about all the gray areas we encounter when we loan/borrow money, break or make fiscal promises, inherit (or hope to) money - you name the situation, and it's in the book!

What's particularly fascinating is that authors Fleming and Schwarz include quick snippets of research results (most of the research they conducted themselves) about people's experiences and attitudes around specific money and ethics situations. The data isn't so heavy-handed that you feel like you're reading a social-psych book.

Most of all though, I love the no-nonsense advice that was also peppered with humor and wit. Makes for a really fun read.