Customer Reviews

The Item

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(32)

 

 

I saw this movie based on the cover and thought it might be a low budget gem like the recently released Tremors 3. The box promises a myserious creature on the cover, a very menacing eye at the very least, but fails to deliver. The monster is very poorly done and is very unthreatening. The film is also apparently shot on videotape. It has a kind of cheap mid-seventies charm in its filmography but is neither involving or interesting. Stay away! Stay FAR away!!!

You know how people sometimes refer to a movie and say: That was the worst movie ever made!"? Well...guess what? The Item should be known as the most worthless piece of garbage ever to corrupt a videotape.I actually feel contempt with myself for having watched it through to the end.I even feel as if I've lost a few I.Q. points for having spent the time trying deduce if there was a point, or a plot, or even a THOUGHT involved in the making of this video. Not only is is low-budget horror with no-name worthless actors, but most of it is shot on what appears to be videotape. They couldn't even afford a camera!
The creature involved looks like the mutant child of kermit the frog and a worm, the only thing missing is...well, the ability to suspend disbelief. On one hand,(literally) you have an ugly muppet, and on the other an amateur porn star trying to break into the "big time" by having sex with a hand puppet. The only KIND thing I can say about this movie is that it is WRETCHED. It is not even clever enough to make you laugh. If you value life as you know it, do not watch this movie. You will hate yourself for months afterwards. I, personally, may never recover.

I SWEAR, THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE. I BOUGHT IT JUST SO I COULD MAKE OTHER ENDURE THE WRATH OF THIS MOVIE. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT IMMEDIATLEY AFTER WATCHING THIS (PROVIDED THAT YOU DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE), YOU STANDARS FOR MOVIES DROPS DRAMATICALLY. EVERYTIME YOU HEAR A FRIEND OR LOVED ONE SAY DURING A MOVIE, "THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE EVERMADE". YOU WILL REPLY, "NOT AT ALL MY UNENLIGHTEND FRIEND, I OWN THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE" SO THAT IS WHY YOU MUST BUY IT.

I was shocked at how terrible this video was. I watched it once and that was certainly enough. I am a fan of horror movies and I thought that the box looked ok for a low-budget movie. I purchased it and,when I made it through(barely!),I could not believe it! It was so stupid, to me. I tried to get a refund or exchange at the video store, but was not able to. I threw the movie in the trash can!

The worst parts were the needless and stupid bloodshed and the ending of the movie. The "item" was a silly looking thing too!

Please make sure you rent this movie before purchasing it. Don't make the same mistake I did.

This is my own personal opinion. Be your own judge!

Found this at a local store. Ok...I see the nice velociraptorISH eye on the box. I think, "Hmmmmm...is it a cool genetically engineered dinosaur? Or, is it some kinda creepy reptilian mutation?" The answer to these questions is a big, fat, resounding NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! False visual advertising. SPANK, SPANK for decieving US!!! The creature is essentially a big, talking...ummmmmmm...Wee-wee??? (Don't know if I can say the P___s word on here so I'll stick with wee-wee.) Ohhhh...and it is a talking wee-wee that has mind control powers. (Not unlike Tom Cruise. Ahem. Poor Katie. Ahem.)
Yeah, to say this movie is BAD is...sigh...I am depressed to recall how bad it was. From the note inside the box it sounds like the "writer" & "director" was trying to pay some kind of homage to cheesy, gross horror films. Hmmmm. Well, I love cheesy B-grade horror movies. And, I COULD appreciate a good homage to the genre. But, you have to take note of what makes them so "bad that they're guuuuuuuud." The movie "Slither" did this wonderfully. It was delightfully campy and well made. The funny was funny, the action was actiony, and the gross parts were EWWWWWWW & grosserific. The actors/actresses were all well cast also. The filmmakers knew the films they were paying their respects to and picked out the aspects that worked. There were also LOTS of inside horror references throughout the film. The makers of "The Item" apparently didn't have the same observational skills.
What was wrong specifically??? The main points: The actors had little talent and yet they were given LOTS and LOTS of looooooong, boring segments of screen time to deliver loooooooooong, boring dialogue. We are NOT going to care about THESE characters no matter how long they yapp. Actually...this COULD make you wanna see them die by the hands of the creature even more. Well, that happens, sort of...but, toooooo slowly and disappointingly. In a B-grade creature flick we all (I think) want to see more of the creature no matter how cheap looking. And we wanna see it eating, impregnating, killing, etc. the characters in very gross ways. Right??? Not in this movie. We are all cheated. Nooo satisfaction here.
The only think I even remotely liked about the film was the cute asian actress. Until she was degraded in the...ahem..."famous" scene near the last 10 minutes of the film. Sweetie...why??? They couldn't have paid you THAT much to demean yourself. Ugggg. I've lost hope in American indie filmmaking. Anyway...I will be taking this movie back to the store for a FULL refund. I'm gonna tell them the DVD is defective. Which, when you think about it, is the truth. With THIS movie on there, defective is the word I would use---well, the polite word. Beware!!!!!!!!

Some people watch Citizen Kane, other's Gone With the Wind, and yet other's E.T. Me, give me The Item!!! This is one of the worst pieces of crap in the history of mankind!!! It's also one of the greatest experiences to watch. Nowhere can you get the feeling that watching this movie can give. It's like watching a train wreck; you know that you shouldn't look and yet you can't seem to look away. I believe that everyone should have to endure this movie so that people would appreciate the films they see more than they do. Rent it and then buy it as Christmas presents to all your unsuspecting friends. They will love you for it!!! I promise.

This is the most god aweful movie ever. I wanted to kill myself during the movie to end my suffering. I wasted two hours of my life that I will never get back. You would have to pay me to watch this movie again. Watching paint dry would have been more entertaining.

Oh my god!!! this is the ABSOLUTE WORST movie ever created in the history of the entire world. i've never seen anything this BAD in my life. the cover is very deceiving. the "worm" doesn't look anything like what they hint at on the cover of the box. Basically, it looks like talking p*nis. Honestly, it's TOTALLY RIDICULOUS. I had it as a five day rental. I got off work at 5 pm, walked home (i didn't even have a car at the time), watched the first 20 minutes, ejected the dvd and walked right back to the rental store after walking all the way home, and put it in the drop box. i wouldn't chance being caught dead with this CRAPPY MOVIE in my house!!!! Furthermore, as a customer, when someone came up to the rental counter wanting to rent it, i cringed everytime. people ask fellow renters for our opinion on movies all of the time. i was nothing but truthful. some people still wanted to rent it. those that did, i made them promise the rental clerk that they would not come back and demand their money back. Of course, i have a great relationship with my fellow renters and the clerks so they told me that i was right, it was a waste of time and money. Is there a way to give it negative stars, like putting every copy of this HORRIBLE movie into a rocket and shooting the thing straight into the sun??

The Item is one of the worst movies ever made next to Carnosaur(now that movie was a joke). As said before from previous reviewers the cover is misleading. THE CREATURE DOESNT EVEN LOOK GREAT NOR HAVE EYES LOOKING LIKE THE WAY IT DID ON THE COVER! Stupid plot, Criminal watching after a box with a deadly creature and try win a million bucka-rews.

The movie is Pure crap and I'm not even gonna go into the whole bizarre plot but I will say this movie involves Tranvestites, killings, guns, and lots of bad acting. If anyone whoe looked at the back of the cover of this film(or monkey crap as what I called this film)they should have noticed something mentioning about Tarantino(I forgot what it was cause I saw this piece of doo doo a loooong time ago)and was the main reason I even saw this flick.

What ever you do do not watch this film, it was one of the worst films ever even if it is a direct to video film....Trust me..

1.0 out 5 stars

Lates

I had horrible nightmares after watching this movie. I dreamt that I was being forced to watch this horrible movie over and over again. This has got to be the worst movie I have ever seen, and I usually love all sci-fi movies including ones that most people don't like. The filming seemed to be done by a first year film student and I think most porno's have better acting. This movie should be categorized under comedy (as in Ha Ha, we got you to pay money for this piece of garbage) and not horror.