181 of 193 people found the following review helpful
on October 9, 2005
I think Greg has great intentions with his book, but it's so similar to his first book, same set-up and style. Don't get me wrong, I think he does a great service esp for us women because we're too understanding, too nice, or whatever the case may be. I thought his first book was a God-send, but this one was kind of more of the same stuff. I don't discount his advice, but there's something missing; there's no positive focus on when it might be right to work it out or why it's important and healthy to want to talk things out. A person is not weak for wanting to understand "what happened." It's when someone goes overboard and won't let go, and I realize that is probably the emotional starting point for this book.
I realize, from my own recent experience, that some people (not just men) can be present during the course of a breakup and there are those who simply check out and run away. Greg seems to focus on just that one type of person. And so I think his advice is on target when it comes to the emotionally spineless person who runs from a breakup; the kind who sends all kinds of mixed signals and then blindsides the person who is in love with them. It happened to me, and I understand the pain of that kind of breakup. I tried to talk to my boyfriend and he wouldn't see me or talk to me. It was the shock of my life; I never saw it coming, truly. If I have anything to pass on, it is important to hold yourself in as much dignity as possible; but don't beat yourself up if you email him or call; you're human and you are hurt and it is natural and healthy to want to understand what happened, esp if you never saw it coming.
Again, I'm not discounting the advice Greg gives here; I just found it to be more of the same stuff from his first book.
But the best advice is to remember that you are a superfox and don't waste the pretty. For those of you hurting, you are not alone; it sucks; you will get over it, it just takes time and that's the hard part, and I know you want to know so badly what he (or she) is thinking. And when that person refuses to be present or emotionally available that's a whole other level of rejection to deal with.
This too shall pass, and there is someone out there who will see you for the awesome person you are. Greg is right on that one. Focus your energy on that reality, and slowly you'll forget the nightmare you just went through. The more you can focus on attracting the love you deserve, and giving your attention to that, the more you will see your break up was probably a blessing. Time moves slowly for the brokenhearted ... I know.
98 of 102 people found the following review helpful
I really wish this book had been around when I was in my 20s and making all the mistakes Behrendt outlines in gory and humorous detail here! Such as: Don't EVER phone your ex, especially not when you are at your worst, i.e., sloppy drunk and desperate at 2 a.m. Advice in the book, which runs along the lines of "Hey, this is such a sucky relationship, so why are you hanging on to it so tightly?" is clear, logical and empowering!
86 of 100 people found the following review helpful
on December 20, 2005
Before I review this book...I would like to get a major pet peeve off my chest. I read some of the reviews before I started writing this and came across a review where the person had not read the whole book yet wrote a review. I would like to say that a review is where you read the WHOLE BOOK and then criticize it all you like...not read it halfway through and feel that writing a review is credible. It is not. The point of a review is to offer up your point of view which is not possible if you haven't read the whole book.
Now that I have said that...I thought this book was terrific. Whether you dislike Greg using the word Superfox or not...the book was insightful, funny, compassionate and didn't offer the same platitudes or psychobabble that one encounters in other books of this genre.
Greg and Amiira did not write this book from some lofty ivory tower. They have been in the trenches like a lot uf us. Greg drank and chased after his ex until he finally saw the light at the end of a very long tunnel and got into AA.
Amiira was married and while not as destructive as Greg...her pain, misery [and sleepless nights] are nearly as poignant as Greg's.
I have read this book three times and found something new to hold on to each time I read it.
Some of the elements I particularly liked in this book start with the questions to Greg and his answers...sometimes tart ["how about pretending not to be completey crazy" he says to one woman in the throes of...well..acting completely crazy] were always enlightening.
I also enjoyed "The Best Worst News", and "What I Did Wrong" where Greg and Amiira share...what they did wrong.
"Psycho Confessionals" was actually great fun to read because while a lot of us have gone off the deep end when we are going through a break up...not all of us have gone to the extent some of these women have. I have offered up a silent prayer of thanks that while I thought I might go nuts...I never showed up at his door acting like it.
One very smart idea that Greg and Amiira came up with was after giving advice on what you should do in the recovery proces... and while you are in the midst of moaning to yourself that you can't possibly do that...they offer up "How The Hell Am I Supposed To Do That" because they understand exactly how hard it is.
My story ends a little differently because my boyfriend and I actually got back together. But here is where the book is a treasure for another reason. Instead of spending my time when I am not with my boyfriend...obsessing about my boyfriend [something I have done in every past relationship] I am using all the breakup rules they have as if we had really broken up and have re-connected with old friends...started exercising again and am completely re-organizing my life...all off which had fallen completely by the wayside as my concentration was centered around him.
If my boyfriend and I had not gotten back together...I would have been able to handle it without going completely to pieces [after I initially went completely to pieces] and the fact that we have gotten back together...I am now handling the relationship and my life differently...thanks to this book.
In my opinion...this is the definitive book on breaking up and I would like to thank both Greg and Amiira for helping me tremendously both during during the break up and how I have handled myself since.
So to my surprise...this book actually works on more then one level.
36 of 41 people found the following review helpful
on June 11, 2006
FACE IT: It was never going to work ... and better it broke up off before it ended up a doomed marriage or more wasted years. You are with you 24/7 and only YOU can make you happy. Romantic relationships, if they don't enhance your life, are a drain to enjoying the most joy possible. Life is full of inevitable tragedy - death and taxes - optional suffering is NOT required. Breaking up means breaking free of baggage and entanglements that are overwhelmingly hard to break away from if a dead-end duo go on for too long.
Remember - romantic love is emotional cocaine - and what you are really feeling is withdrawal symptoms. Get excercise, eat really well, seek professional help if neccessary, and most of all ... LET GO of the fantasy that any other way than how it happened would have been happier. Live in reality ... and life is going to be a much easier experience. Have fun with your friends!
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
on November 25, 2012
I nearly gave this book four stars because it really does make you open your eyes and see your situation with greater clarity. When I started out reading this, my ex had just come sniffing around sending me mixed signals and I wanted to get back together. Spending a few hours with this book has made me open my eyes and realize I probably shouldn't. So yes, it has value. But like Behrendt's first foray into self help, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, it oversimplifies things and many of its help is really the same common sense your girlfriends have been trying to drill into your brain.
Greg Behrendt is operating from the principle that whenever a man breaks up with a woman (and since this book is geared towards women, that is usually what we're working from) he absolutely has already emotionally disconnected from her, does not want to be with her, and doesn't want to get back together with her EVER. Honestly, from personal experience I have found this just isn't the case. Men (and women) have a variety of different reasons for breaking up with people, since we're all complicated creatures. And I've personally found that if you leave the guy who broke up with you alone and don't chase him he comes back on his own accord. Greg obviously doesn't have experience with this, while any woman will tell you that guys who break up with you always come back and usually you don't want them anymore.
I'm also finding plenty of sweeping generalizations that are simply not true. For instance, Behrendt declared that men get over breakups faster than women do ALWAYS and that's just the way men are wired. (And he asserts this while telling how own war story of a descent into alcoholic unemployment over a break-up, no less)! He states that women are more emotional, they dwell on things more, and so it takes them longer to get over it, yadda yadda. Well, I happen to know that actual studies done by actual professionals have shown that this assertion is dead wrong. WOMEN actually get over breakups faster exactly because they're more emotional and let their feelings out, whereas men bury them and wind up stuck. It just annoyed me that Behrendt didn't bother examining any of the actual research out there on this topic, instead he went by what he personally THOUGHT even though his own personal experience didn't back this up. And if anyone wonders what was the moment when that book just got downgraded from four to five stars to three, that was it.
In the end, the book is entertaining, it has some merit, it helps you to wipe your tears and open your eyes and see things clearer. But like his earlier work, take it with a grain of salt.
30 of 37 people found the following review helpful
on October 5, 2006
I listened to this audio as I drove to and from work. In a nutshell it tells you that you shouldn't attempt to communicate with someone who has broken up with you. No matter what reason you have for doing it, the other party is going to think you are pathetic. I broke up with my last boyfriend only because I think he didn't have the guts to. He was seeing me less and less. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize he was no longer interested. I did tell him I felt him pulling away and I was going to make things easier for him and leave him alone. I had his housekey and instead of asking him to pick it up, I mailed it to him and communication stopped completely. I never attempted to call him or run into him only because I remember how I felt when another ex did that to me. Instead of wanting him back I got angry that he was stalking me and it made me dislike him all the more. Anyhow, this last boyfriend recently called me and asked if we could 'give it another try'. I politely said no that I had been there done that and knew it would never work. Here's the thing, he pursued me in a way I never dreamed he would ever stoop so low to do. I know that had I called him or 'bumped into him' after we broke up he would have never come back. I never did return to him even though I was seeing no one else because I knew if it didn't work the first (and second) time around, it wouldn't magically work the third or fourth. For what it's worth, the book was great, it gave good advise and did it with humor. If Greg writes another book, I will get that one too. I enjoy his candor and also watch his television show daily.
36 of 45 people found the following review helpful
on August 13, 2007
The thing is, the author did everything he tells you not to do and then some. I am wondering if his own book would have worked for him while he was going thru it. Let's face it we can all write from hindsight, while in a happy relationship. He seems to be somewhat compassion-less and condescending considering what he went thru. Some of the no contact advice is definately valid. The other stuff is simply common sense, eat right, exercise and keep a journal. Stop please stop using the term "super-fox", it did nothing but instigate my gag reflex. What he doesn't seem to realize is that when someone abandons you the feelings you have are valid and similiar to those we experience when we grieve someone's death and they are very real. So telling the person to "just get over it already" rarely works even if they really want to get over it. So if you are looking to find out why you are feeling the way you do look for a book called, "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" By, Susan Anderson, it will definately, compassionately allow you to understand what is going on inside and believe it or not it was the only book I could find on the subject of abandonment recovery.
63 of 81 people found the following review helpful
I am a psychologist working at a college counseling center, and I have recommended this book to several of my clients who have experienced a relationship breakup. However, because the tone of this book is very lighthearted, almost irreverent, I've been selective in my recommendations. The authors--a husband and wife team who talk freely about their own past breakups--infuse plenty of humor into their work. There can be a thin line between being funny and empowering versus funny and belittling, and I do believe the authors fall well on the side of the former, but still, I'd recommend this book mainly for those who are READY to move on after a breakup but just are not sure how to do so.
The book has two main parts: "The Breakup," which centers around coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is truly over, and "The Breakover," which focuses on coping with this new reality. The chapters contain a wealth of helpful information, from personal stories by the authors to simple exercises and questionnaires to occasional recipes (I plan to try the "Crack Brownies" soon!). The second part of the book focuses on "Breakup Commandments" and contains a special chapter for men called "Dude, Get Off Her Long." On the whole, however, this book is mainly geared towards empowering women who have been dumped, with the authors frequently using endearments designed to give a much-needed self-esteem boost (including calling the reader "Superfox," "Pretty Lady," and "Hot Stuff").
Overall, the main point of this book is that the breakups are like a serious illness which is undeniably painful yet completely curable. With empathy, wisdom, and wit, the authors provide plenty of hope that you can pass through the destruction and devastation left by your broken relationship and embrace the wonderful new life waiting for you.
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
on April 18, 2006
This book was an enormous help during those early dark days when I alternated between being sure he'd want me back and thinking I was the biggest loser in the world. Its gentle humor had me laughing even at very difficult truths (like if he's not calling, he doesn't want to talk to you), and I think the advice to wait 60 days is exactly right.
Eventually, though, I think it's important to move past the "I'm perfect, he's the loser" salve and take stock. Sometimes two great people just don't make a great couple, but sometimes we doom ourselves to repeat history if we don't face our own failings.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
on September 15, 2007
After mutually agreeing to break up after 4 1/2 years I was still very sad and looking for something to help. This book wasn't it.
Whilst I like the fact that they try to get you to think positively about yourself, the "superfox" term is outdated annoying and distracting.
It covers questions or feelings you may have, but the "you thought your break up was bad" sections aren't very positive. I found myself not wanting to read them because I want encouragement, not stories of other peoples nightmares that could happen to anyone.
I have found other books helpful and I will keep them or give them to friends in need, this book will be donated to my local library. Hopefully someone else (maybe younger than mid-thirties) will find it helpful or insightful. I did not.