Customer Reviews

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy

5 star:		(152)
4 star:		(36)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

I really wish this book had been around when I was in my 20s and making all the mistakes Behrendt outlines in gory and humorous detail here! Such as: Don't EVER phone your ex, especially not when you are at your worst, i.e., sloppy drunk and desperate at 2 a.m. Advice in the book, which runs along the lines of "Hey, this is such a sucky relationship, so why are you hanging on to it so tightly?" is clear, logical and empowering!

I think Greg has great intentions with his book, but it's so similar to his first book, same set-up and style. Don't get me wrong, I think he does a great service esp for us women because we're too understanding, too nice, or whatever the case may be. I thought his first book was a God-send, but this one was kind of more of the same stuff. I don't discount his advice, but there's something missing; there's no positive focus on when it might be right to work it out or why it's important and healthy to want to talk things out. A person is not weak for wanting to understand "what happened." It's when someone goes overboard and won't let go, and I realize that is probably the emotional starting point for this book.

I realize, from my own recent experience, that some people (not just men) can be present during the course of a breakup and there are those who simply check out and run away. Greg seems to focus on just that one type of person. And so I think his advice is on target when it comes to the emotionally spineless person who runs from a breakup; the kind who sends all kinds of mixed signals and then blindsides the person who is in love with them. It happened to me, and I understand the pain of that kind of breakup. I tried to talk to my boyfriend and he wouldn't see me or talk to me. It was the shock of my life; I never saw it coming, truly. If I have anything to pass on, it is important to hold yourself in as much dignity as possible; but don't beat yourself up if you email him or call; you're human and you are hurt and it is natural and healthy to want to understand what happened, esp if you never saw it coming.

Again, I'm not discounting the advice Greg gives here; I just found it to be more of the same stuff from his first book.

But the best advice is to remember that you are a superfox and don't waste the pretty. For those of you hurting, you are not alone; it sucks; you will get over it, it just takes time and that's the hard part, and I know you want to know so badly what he (or she) is thinking. And when that person refuses to be present or emotionally available that's a whole other level of rejection to deal with.

This too shall pass, and there is someone out there who will see you for the awesome person you are. Greg is right on that one. Focus your energy on that reality, and slowly you'll forget the nightmare you just went through. The more you can focus on attracting the love you deserve, and giving your attention to that, the more you will see your break up was probably a blessing. Time moves slowly for the brokenhearted ... I know.

Before I review this book...I would like to get a major pet peeve off my chest. I read some of the reviews before I started writing this and came across a review where the person had not read the whole book yet wrote a review. I would like to say that a review is where you read the WHOLE BOOK and then criticize it all you like...not read it halfway through and feel that writing a review is credible. It is not. The point of a review is to offer up your point of view which is not possible if you haven't read the whole book.

Now that I have said that...I thought this book was terrifc. Whether you dislike Greg using the word Superfox or not...the book was insightful, funny, compassionate and didn't offer the same platitudes or psycho-babble that one encounters in other books of this genre.

Greg and Amiira did not write this book from some lofty ivory tower. They have been in the trenches like a lot uf us. Greg drank and chased after his ex until he finally saw the light at the end of a very long tunnel and got into AA.

Amiira was married and while not as destructive as Greg...her pain, misery [and sleepless nights] are nearly as poignant as Greg's.

I have read this book three times and found something new to hold on to each time I read it.

Some of the elements I particularly liked in this book start with the questions to Greg and his answers...sometimes tart ["how about pretending not to be completey crazy" he says to one woman in the throes of...well..acting completely crazy] were always enlightening.

I also enjoyed "The Best Worst News", and "What I Did Wrong" where Greg and Amiira share...what they did wrong.

"Psycho Confessionals" was actually great fun to read because while a lot of us have gone off the deep end when we are going through a break up...not all of us have gone to the extent some of these women have. I have offered up a silent prayer of thanks that while I thought I might go nuts...I never showed up at his door acting like it.

One very smart idea that Greg and Amiira came up with was after giving advice on what you should do in the recovery proces... and while you are in the midst of moaning to yourself that you can't possibly do that...they offer up "How The Hell Am I Supposed To Do That" because they understand exactly how hard it is.

My story ends a little differently because my boyfriend and I actually got back together. But here is where the book is a treasure for another reason. Instead of spending my time when I am not with my boyfriend...obsessing about my boyfriend [something I have done in every past relationship] I am using all the breakup rules they have as if we had really broken up and have re-connected with old friends...started exercising again and am completely re-organizing my life...all off which had fallen completely by the wayside as my concentration was centered around him.

If my boyfriend and I had not gotten back together...I would have been able to handle it without going completely to pieces [after I initially went completely to pieces] and the fact that we have gotten back together...I am now handling the relationship and my life differently...thanks to this book.

In my opinion...this is the definitive book on breaking up and I would like to thank both Greg and Amiira for helping me tremendously both during during the break up and how I have handled myself since.

So to my surprise...this book actually works on more then one level.

The thing is, the author did everything he tells you not to do and then some. I am wondering if his own book would have worked for him while he was going thru it. Let's face it we can all write from hindsight, while in a happy relationship. He seems to be somewhat compassion-less and condescending considering what he went thru. Some of the no contact advice is definately valid. The other stuff is simply common sense, eat right, exercise and keep a journal. Stop please stop using the term "super-fox", it did nothing but instigate my gag reflex. What he doesn't seem to realize is that when someone abandons you the feelings you have are valid and similiar to those we experience when we grieve someone's death and they are very real. So telling the person to "just get over it already" rarely works even if they really want to get over it. So if you are looking to find out why you are feeling the way you do look for a book called, "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" By, Susan Anderson, it will definately, compassionately allow you to understand what is going on inside and believe it or not it was the only book I could find on the subject of abandonment recovery.

I listened to this audio as I drove to and from work. In a nutshell it tells you that you shouldn't attempt to communicate with someone who has broken up with you. No matter what reason you have for doing it, the other party is going to think you are pathetic. I broke up with my last boyfriend only because I think he didn't have the guts to. He was seeing me less and less. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize he was no longer interested. I did tell him I felt him pulling away and I was going to make things easier for him and leave him alone. I had his housekey and instead of asking him to pick it up, I mailed it to him and communication stopped completely. I never attempted to call him or run into him only because I remember how I felt when another ex did that to me. Instead of wanting him back I got angry that he was stalking me and it made me dislike him all the more. Anyhow, this last boyfriend recently called me and asked if we could 'give it another try'. I politely said no that I had been there done that and knew it would never work. Here's the thing, he pursued me in a way I never dreamed he would ever stoop so low to do. I know that had I called him or 'bumped into him' after we broke up he would have never come back. I never did return to him even though I was seeing no one else because I knew if it didn't work the first (and second) time around, it wouldn't magically work the third or fourth. For what it's worth, the book was great, it gave good advise and did it with humor. If Greg writes another book, I will get that one too. I enjoy his candor and also watch his television show daily.

I read this book in the midst of a train wreck break-up that dragged on and on for around four months. I am an intelligent woman with a few years of experience under my belt and a healthy dose of cynicism about the opposite sex but as Amiira says in the book "He was my kryptonite." I went against every instinct and every bit of logic just to hang onto this jackass a little longer so he could continue to string me along and jerk me around as he saw fit. After I moved out of his house, he was still in and out of my bed, doing the famed drunk dial on a nightly basis and generally sending mixed signals. "I love you" "I want something different". I quit my job, moved 50 miles away and still, I couldn't shake him.
Then I read this book. From cover to cover- all in one night. The next day I emailed him and told him I was 100% done with his nonsense and have not been in contact with him since (it's been 8 months). I'm not going to lie and say that this book is going to suddenly cure you of the pain of heart break, or that you suddenly won't feel a thing for him....but it WILL snap you out of the dysfunctional dance of delusion you're stuck in. Greg is harsh and he tells you like it is. Why shouldn't you call him? "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. EVEN IF YOU THINK HE DOES, YOU'RE PROBABLY WRONG. IF HE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, TO CHECK ON YOU, TO RECONCILE WITH YOU, HE WOULD." (Ouch!) But darn it, I needed to hear that, and what good friend is gonna put it to you that way? The guy is speaking from personal experience. (Not only from the dumper but also the dumpee- he made a darn fool of himself for a girl once too.) You'll cringe as you see yourself in some of the "Psycho Confessionals" but thankfully most are so over the top, you'll feel sane by comparison. His wife Amiira also chimes in with her experience (I found I related to her nightmare first marriage in many ways) Definitely reccommended for anyone who's felt the rejection, humiliation or confusion of any brand of break up. Before you can move on, you have to truly understand that this thing is O-V-E-R. This book is the objective slap in the face to make you see how silly you've acted over this dude. I only regret I hadn't read it sooner....it would've saved me four months of unneccessary drama.

I'm 27 years old, and although I've had breakups before, this is the first one that has torn me apart. My sister bought this book for me and I was skeptical. I couldn't be happier to have been proven wrong.

Sure the "questions" that the women ask are fake, and sometimes it's cheesy, but not to the point where it bothered me, and I'm pretty picky about those things. The book manages to cover almost EVERY SINGLE thing that I have been feeling, action that I have contemplated, etc., and it has been SO good for me to 1.) know that I'm not alone or crazy for feeling the way that I do, 2.) know that I'm not the first girl that has gotten X said to them or X done to them, and 3.) keep hearing that I'm going to get through it. It does a fantastic job of helping you see that you're likely much better off now, and it applies equally if you were the dump-er or the dump-ee.

I want to buy a copy of this book for every female that has had their heart broken, crushed, stomped on, steamrolled, etc. If this is you, do yourself a favor and get a copy.

This is the first time that I have purposely gone to the computer to write a review about a book -- that's how strongly I feel about it!!

When I started reading this, I figured, "Ok, this is one of those books that tells you your ex is a loser for not beign with you and that you are fabulous no matter what." As I read on, however, I found it to be very comforting. The authors acknowledge that your ex is probably not Satan, and that the two of you probably just don't work together. It offers helpful suggestions as to what to do when you are desperate to call him (call another friend), positive aspects of not being with him anymore, and personal stories of their own breakups (which definitely made me feel better about mine). The book was also surprisingly funny, which was definitely a welcome change from those books with the "you can heal your pathetic depressing life" tone. I strongly recommend it to people going through a traumatic breakup.

I am a psychologist working at a college counseling center, and I have recommended this book to several of my clients who have experienced a relationship breakup. However, because the tone of this book is very lighthearted, almost irreverent, I've been selective in my recommendations. The authors--a husband and wife team who talk freely about their own past breakups--infuse plenty of humor into their work. There can be a thin line between being funny and empowering versus funny and belittling, and I do believe the authors fall well on the side of the former, but still, I'd recommend this book mainly for those who are READY to move on after a breakup but just are not sure how to do so.

The book has two main parts: "The Breakup," which centers around coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is truly over, and "The Breakover," which focuses on coping with this new reality. The chapters contain a wealth of helpful information, from personal stories by the authors to simple exercises and questionnaires to occasional recipes (I plan to try the "Crack Brownies" soon!). The second part of the book focuses on "Breakup Commandments" and contains a special chapter for men called "Dude, Get Off Her Long." On the whole, however, this book is mainly geared towards empowering women who have been dumped, with the authors frequently using endearments designed to give a much-needed self-esteem boost (including calling the reader "Superfox," "Pretty Lady," and "Hot Stuff").

Overall, the main point of this book is that the breakups are like a serious illness which is undeniably painful yet completely curable. With empathy, wisdom, and wit, the authors provide plenty of hope that you can pass through the destruction and devastation left by your broken relationship and embrace the wonderful new life waiting for you.

When I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years I just wanted to die, but all along I knew he wasn't the one, but the sadness was there: I would cry day and night, I didn't have high expectations for this book, I 1st read an excerpt in Cosmo it made me laugh!, I bought it and since then I laugh every day with it, it has help me understand why he wasn't the one and that my love life isn't over, one part says "You can take all those dreams and expectations that u had 4 a relationship and take them to someone who will make them come true" but all along you will be laughing and understanding that you need to move on and that it's the healthiest thing for you to do!!! I highly recommend it!!