Most helpful positive review
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Amazing and insightful read into improving your relationship with his family.
on April 11, 2010
Where was this book ten years ago? I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 11 years and have always wondered about how I could improve my relationship with his family and vice versa. I will readily admit I have harbored concerns and fears about whether or not I was doing enough or involved enough, and Ellie Fisher's book offers advice and insight that should be seen as common sense for anyone entering a new relationship or looking to improve a current relationship.
Coming from a family of all girls, It's Either Her or Me offers critical insight into what the mothers of sons are thinking when a new woman enters his life. For all the stress and pressure we girlfriends put on ourselves, it was reassuring to learn that this internal struggle is also shared from the mother's perspective. They too need to navigate the fine line between wanting to protect their sons and welcome this new woman in his life. As Fisher points out, rather than walking on eggshells around one another, it is critical that their is communication and respect from both parties. I have learned both his mother and my mother from their difficult experiences with their respective mother-in-laws, whether it was not speaking to one another for years, or learning quickly that your way would always be wrong, that to overcome these issues takes time, effort, communication, and most importantly respect.
While I am still navigating my own relationship road, and before the ring is on the finger, I thought it was important to take the time and effort myself to learn what I could or should be doing differently. Some of Fisher's pointers I have tried - using the man as the proxy, biting my tongue, respecting his time with his family, among others - but some tips were so obvious I was ashamed I had never thought of them. Why haven't I thought to ask her out one-on-one to a movie or dinner? Why don't I call or email more frequently? Rest assured that these questions are helpful reminders of areas of improvement!
More importantly, Fisher's book offers helpful advice on the wedding planning process. I have witnessed enough friend's wedding preparations to know that fun and stress will go hand-in-hand. Learning to pick my priorities, and remembering to keep both families involved in the process is important and I know it will go a long way towards ensuring our future is just as bright as our past.
It's Either Her or Me is a book I should have had on my bookshelf long ago. Not only will I be leaving this spring read on my boyfriend's nightstand, but I know that It's Either Her or Me will be a wonderful (and helpful) wedding shower/bachelorette gift.
For full disclosure, I received a copy of It's Either Her or Me from Random House in order to craft my review.