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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on April 11, 2010
Format: Paperback
Where was this book ten years ago? I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 11 years and have always wondered about how I could improve my relationship with his family and vice versa. I will readily admit I have harbored concerns and fears about whether or not I was doing enough or involved enough, and Ellie Fisher's book offers advice and insight that should be seen as common sense for anyone entering a new relationship or looking to improve a current relationship.

Coming from a family of all girls, It's Either Her or Me offers critical insight into what the mothers of sons are thinking when a new woman enters his life. For all the stress and pressure we girlfriends put on ourselves, it was reassuring to learn that this internal struggle is also shared from the mother's perspective. They too need to navigate the fine line between wanting to protect their sons and welcome this new woman in his life. As Fisher points out, rather than walking on eggshells around one another, it is critical that their is communication and respect from both parties. I have learned both his mother and my mother from their difficult experiences with their respective mother-in-laws, whether it was not speaking to one another for years, or learning quickly that your way would always be wrong, that to overcome these issues takes time, effort, communication, and most importantly respect.

While I am still navigating my own relationship road, and before the ring is on the finger, I thought it was important to take the time and effort myself to learn what I could or should be doing differently. Some of Fisher's pointers I have tried - using the man as the proxy, biting my tongue, respecting his time with his family, among others - but some tips were so obvious I was ashamed I had never thought of them. Why haven't I thought to ask her out one-on-one to a movie or dinner? Why don't I call or email more frequently? Rest assured that these questions are helpful reminders of areas of improvement!

More importantly, Fisher's book offers helpful advice on the wedding planning process. I have witnessed enough friend's wedding preparations to know that fun and stress will go hand-in-hand. Learning to pick my priorities, and remembering to keep both families involved in the process is important and I know it will go a long way towards ensuring our future is just as bright as our past.

It's Either Her or Me is a book I should have had on my bookshelf long ago. Not only will I be leaving this spring read on my boyfriend's nightstand, but I know that It's Either Her or Me will be a wonderful (and helpful) wedding shower/bachelorette gift.

For full disclosure, I received a copy of It's Either Her or Me from Random House in order to craft my review.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
on May 18, 2010
Format: Paperback
As a mother of two sons...this will be my guide for continuing a great relationship with my children and their future spouses or partners. I really appreciated the summation at the end of each chapter. This will give me easily available information at any time without having to skim through the chapters. I found the book to be an easy read filled with great information....LGW
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on February 25, 2013
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
This book was not as good as another one I read on the same subject. If the scenario presented doesn't affect you then I just skip those parts and there were many. Such as ethnic marriages,or when one person has kids already etc. What I would like to see more of is the dilemma of the actual two sets of parents. What do you so with the feelings of intense jealously and competition? Especially when grandchildren come On the scene. Thank goodness I have one daughter because I think it's much better to be the mom of the girl,the advantages are tremendous especially if you and your dtr are close. I do not like being the other of the boy,from the wedding to the amount of time the couple spends with her family as opposed to yours,you must take a backseat and I don't like that. Books acknowledge this but I get the impression us On my way! Of boys have to shut up,Bizet the bullet or risk losing our sons. I am not jealous of my dtr in law,I know she must come first in my sons life for it to be .a healthy marriage but I hate that her family is always in the know before ours just that being the very nature of girls talking more then boys and girls stay closer to the family. I have always said and my friends laugh,best case scenario is if your kid marries an orphan. I'm sure most people feel this way and just don't talk about it.
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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful
VINE VOICEon April 10, 2010
Format: Paperback
When I was asked by Katie Rudkin from Random House to review this book I thought what could I possibly learn from this book? I have been blessed with 2 awesome mothers-in-law (my former husband and current husband)! My first mom-in-law I knew from the ages of 14 until my ex-husband and I split when I was 25. She really watched me grow as a person and filled in gaps for me that my biological mother would not fill. We always got along beautifully and I really miss her. My mother-in-law now is a really wonderful lady. I enjoy her company and have even gone on a long weekend trip with just her and I (no I am not saying all this because she may potentially read this hahaha).

Since I am so blessed, I didn't think I could possibly benefit from reading this book. I was pleasantly surprised with each turn of the page at what Fisher was saying. I have heard so many horror stories of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law not getting along. It's Either Her or Me" tells many of these stories for examples and the author gives insight into how the females and husband/son handled the situations. The advice throughout the book is very easy to comprehend and makes sense. Fisher spent many hours interviewing and consulting with mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law, psychologists, and husbands. I liked that Fisher didn't leave any topic unanswered.

For the Mother-in-Laws
* Why it's important for moms to give up control and let the girlfriend or wife take first place;
* When it's appropriate for a mother-in-law to voice an opinion and how to do so without putting her son on the defensive;
* How moms can reach out to the new women in their son's life without being overbearing;

For the Daughter-in-Laws
* How girlfriends can show respect to their partner's mother, while simultaneously setting boundaries;
* Why you should trust your boyfriend or husband when dealing with an issue with his mom;
* Why it's important to involve your future mother-in-law in the wedding process;
* How to navigate the often difficult dynamic with a sister-in-law and why that can be so challenging.

This book also made me think into my future as a mother-in-law as I have a young son myself. I know it will be hard letting go of my son to another woman. I believe I will keep my copy of this book for future reference!

If someone is having a hard time dealing with an in-law situation, this book is absolutely perfect for just about any situation. You will see both sides of the in-law relationship and great advice and information for nearly all situations.

[...]
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on September 7, 2013
Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase
Helpful & Insightful read. The author definitely focuses on problem solving & trying to create easy solutions to what seem like huge problems (and frankly sometimes they are!). This read tends to focus a lot more from the perspective of the MIL, but it is nonetheless helpful.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on April 12, 2010
Format: Paperback
A great book! Packed with real-life stories,examples and commentaries that are
poignant, funny and helpful. A great book for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws, but also for anyone close to them.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on March 7, 2013
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I couldn't even finish this book. The first chapter was ok, but the more I read, the more the author contradicted herself. She seemed to have one opinion, but then the more she wrote she would end up defending an opposite opinion. It became confusing and overall not helpful. I tried to skip through the chapters, reading the ones with the titles that interested me, but ultimately put it down feeling none the wiser. I still have a m.i.l. I don't know how to deal with.
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