Customer Reviews

It's A Guy Thing : An Owner's Manual for Women

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

This is the second book of Mr. Deida's that I have read. I found "The Way of the Superior Man" to be more powerful, more direct, and more challenging. (Oh yeah, the disclaimer: I'm a guy...) I imagine he meant it to be, since it was aimed more at men.

I have found his observations to be quite accurate. Seeing things from the woman's side, in this book, has been very helpful. Thinking about my past relationships from the point-of-view of masculine vs. feminine energy (and the way in which I fell into the less-than-helpful patterns he points out) has definitely opened up new solutions to old problems for me.

Having said that, I think his books are really only for those who understand that romantic relationships are processes that change and require work and adjustment, and not static links to one's partner. If you're not willing to work at it, and to work through your own problems, then you'd be better off getting some less challenging "relationship" books. He makes it clear over and over that only by working through and from love can we get to a true embrace of our partner, and of life. It's not always easy, and maybe it's not supposed to be, but it's certainly wonderful when love works....

I'll add that I've not yet read any of John Gray's work (he seems about as masculine as Richard Simmons, and I wasn't interested), but I'm now curious to see how much of what John Gray says agrees with Mr. Deida....

This book pushes the envelope in this politically correct era by asking the reader to look beyond the surface of what we call 'equality.' Our society has well equipped women to master their masculine energy but not done the same for men and their feminine energy (society still denegrates feminine energy.) We have an overabundance of strong, professional women and men who are wimps.

This book explained in easy to read essays how men's minds work (women's too). Women may not like some of what they hear; I didn't like alot of it, but I've 'road tested' alot of it and it's true! I think it iluminates what supports men and women in relationships and life and gives insight into understanding and achieving real balance.

Until you know what's really happening between the sexes you have no chance to succeed in relationships where the participants really are different. This has made a world of difference in my relationship and ability to communicate and it explains alot about the failed ones. Better in my opinion than Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Well worth reading.

As a guy I found myself resonating with many of things David states about male behavior and fundemental needs. He cuts through the fluff of political correctness to get at the core of the masculine essence. For those who are ready to transcend trying to force masculine and feminine to be satisfied by the same needs, and live from a center of love , this book will make sense.

I've read Deida's "The way of the Superior Man" as well as "Dear Lover" and am a bit biased at this point as I think his work is helpful within a larger understanding of how men and women typically behave (read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus first), but can come across as extreme at times (more in "dear lover" than this book or "superior man") Overall, Deida's work has been helpful for me. I've explored Deida's ideas and advice with my Man over tha past several months, and find it is usually helpful, but I think much of it would have been hard for me to swallow/potentially damaging if I hadn't read other books on male/female behaviour first. Use your judgement and filter the more perverse aspects of Deida's philosophy against the larger picture of your ethics and use what is helpful to you, discard the rest.


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This is probably the best book I have ever read in the quest to understand the behaviors of men. What's more, I have had several men friends and/or colleagues read snippets from the book, and every single one of them has agreed wholeheartedly with Deida. Even more amazing, when I began to follow Deida's suggestions and advice, my interactions with men instantly changed. Not because the book has somehow made me a magical person. I'd say it is more like the difference between being able to say a few phrases in a foreign language, to being able to think and speak fluently in a foreign language.

This book is not a cure all for relationship problems. I'd compare Deida to a behavior specialist... like Cesar Milan (LOL!)... but seriously... how you apply what you learn from Deida is key.

I've been involved in self awareness work for 29 years. The relief I find by understanding Divine Masculine and Feminine energies is tremendous. It has given me the clarity to know what serves me best in intimate relationship, how I can best serve my partner, and how we can keep passion and love alive. I wish this book was given to every girl when she turned 16 as a "rite of passage" tool. As a Holistic Energy Healer, I use these teachings with clients to help them through crisis and gain a deeper understanding of their own true nature. This book is laid out in bite sized chunks of info that are easy to assimilate and refer to. It is a great on its own, or as an introduction to David Deida's other books.

I loved this book with its short little chapters covering specific things that guys just do and many women just don't get. It's a must read for any gal who seems to think her man should act or react like her girlfriends or is just plain baffled by male behavior. David Deida is genius in presenting the differences between the male and female psyche. Another recommendation for women would be to read Dear Lover: A Woman's Guide To Men, Sex, And Love's Deepest Blissalso by David Deida and The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desireshould be required reading for all men!

This book answered many of my long standing questions about why men behave the way they do in relationships. Other books on this subject never addressed some of these core things, for example why many men pull back when attraction and intimacy is great - in an attempt to be free and autonomous. I always thought they looked so silly and transparent doing this (trying to be big shots -- and was always a little amused just watching them do their guy thing) but the book gets into the undercurrent and helped me have greater insight. In many ways the author describes many a man's sense of the burden of life that I have seen in the men I have loved. [The theme: Men equal death (and escape from life); women equal life... is sort of true. Soldiers at war versus women giving birth etc.]

The only thing I disagreed with in the book is that the author did not much address the fact that many women have very strong dreams and visions for their lives that are stronger or as strong as love (and this is not necessarily the "masculine side" of a woman). When a woman leaves a place she loves where she is living her dream, for a man, she too feels the same resentment a man does when he makes that sacrifice for a woman. I felt the author was sometimes a little subjective in this regard, and might have inadvertently been drawing only from personal experience or book theories. On the other hand,and this is probably a typical female response, I sometimes thought (in other areas) that he was way too theoretical! [Men most desire freedom; women most desire love. Love and freedom are two ends of the same pole. Yes in a sense.] But women also fear the loss of freedom that men do but perhaps in a more "feminine" way that is difficult for a man to recognize. Men also often do not say what they mean or do what they say(just as he says women do) and display all types of "moods" that are not called moods because they are masculine.

I think, at times, the author is perhaps describing many white male American men born in the 50s in a very accurate way but not necessarily all the men of the world and in every age group or part of history. (I was married for 20 years to two foreigners and lived in Asia for many years and my husbands tended to interrupt me when I was working rather than the other way around (as the author states women do)even though they were very masculine men. The author might say that America and NY is a particularly "masculine" place and much of Asia is a more "feminine" place and this might be why I as an American behaved in a more "masculine" way. There may be some truth in this but its all much more complex. Despite some of the social biases in the book it was certainly better than any other book I have read on men or dating; it was not superficial and really hit home on many very true points. [Pop and fluff books like Men are from Mars... don't even seem true to me. Even men say they think books like don't ring true and are quite superficial.]

In conclusion I would like to thank the author of Its A Guy Thing, (who has written many books much more in depth and even scholarly than this one) for writing such a simple book for the popular market. It would be interesting to see if he could elaborate more on this theme and perhaps write something with a female co-author that would shed even further light on the subject. We are all learning as we go and I'm sure the author is still learning too.

I recently picked up a copy of this book after hearing about it at a seminar. There are certainly, some valuable insights in here on American male psychology, but explaining this within the "new age" constructs of "masculine vs. feminine energies", misrepresents the eastern traditions these beliefs are based on and excuses pretty unenlightened male behavior as "just boys being boys". Honestly, my overwhelming sense while reading this book was. "Wow, men have a pretty fragile grasp on their sexuality if they find women with these traits threatening, unattractive, unfeminine, and upsetting to their masculine energy".

Don't get me wrong, I think the author's insights into why men and women, particularly American men and women, have difficulties getting along have merit. I've dated men who demonstrate the behaviors he discusses, so his "insider" perspective is interesting.

At the same time, however, it does seem to be primarily applicable to American gender relations. How American men express their masculinity is pretty unique, I mean we are the land that brought the world ultra violent video games, blow'em to smithereens action movies, and extreme football. It seems disingenious to suggest that the behaviors he mentions are about "masculine energy". Rather it's about the way America socializes men to be men.

More troubling, at times this book reads like a justification for pretty bad male behavior and then, to add insult to injury, justifies it with the quasi-spiritual notion of balance between male and female energies.

For example, here's an example of male energy at work in conflict. Let's say you and your man are in the midst of a heated argument. You retreat to another room and ask for some time to be by yourself. If your man honors this request and leaves you alone, he's engaging his "feminine energies" and the implication is that he is being uncaring. But if he bursts in the room, grabs you against his chest and refuses to let go until you talk to him, even if you hit him, why that's just a manly man showing his love for you. I find the notion of a man bodily forcing you to deal with him on his terms and on his time schedule morally offensive. This isn't about masculine energy, this is about disrespect and disregard for a partner's wishes.

Here's another winner. Deida suggests that men's male energies will really surge if women are willing to engage them in a game of "let's pretend I'm a virgin". I'm not kidding. I can't believe any self respecting guy wouldn't find this just weird (but then again, I've never understood the guys who had the girl scout and pigtails fantasy either)

Moreover, at no point does he indicate that maybe, just maybe, it's not all about women "gifting" men with their love. Mutual, loving partnerships are about compromise and acceptance on both ends.

That said, I did learn a lot about men from this book. So if you're in a relationship or just looking for one, it's useful for understanding the "beast" you're looking to entice, and why he may find you intimidating.

The interesting this about this book is how stubbornly it presents laughably archaic relationship roles as 'enlightened'. I can't say how well it paints a picture of the average male mind, but the picture it does paint is often pretty unappealing.

Deida returns time and again to the need for polarity (a clear male/female dynamic) in a relationship - which is itself a very interesting idea - but insists that the only way for a woman to maintain this priceless polarity is to forgo much of what we'd call empowerment and accept rather poor treatment by her partner. For instance he argues that it will damage the dynamic if a couple manages their finances together or if a woman takes on the task alone, so she should leave it to the man even if she's much more competent than he is, because it'll make him feel like a man and ultimately that is the important thing. He also asserts that talking with a man about one's day too much will cause troubles for their polarity, so if a woman wants him to ravish her in love over and over again then she's better off saving talk about her experiences with her girlfriends. Personally I'd argue that that removes most of the element of relating from the relationship.

Quite a lot of what you'll find here seems to cater to the lazy and insecure side of a man, and I doubt it would make many women very happy. I decided to go against just about every bit of advice he gives upon entering my current relationship, and I have never been happier or felt more comfortable.