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It's So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One Is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted Paperback – July 1, 2007


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 200 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (July 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572244968
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572244962
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #519,983 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

This book shows you new and innovative ways to love a difficult person. It includes tips on avoiding codependence, overcoming the impulse to change the difficult loved one, and preventing your own needs and boundaries from being subverted by the desires of the difficult individual.

About the Author

Bill Klatte, MSW, LCSW, has been a psychotherapist and social worker for more than thirty-two years. He is currently a psychotherapist with Medical Associates Health Centers near Milwaukee, WI, and has counseled thousands of people individually, in families, and in groups. He gives presentations, workshops, and seminars to professionals as well as laypeople on such topics as parenting, anger management, and self-growth.


Kate Thompson is a writer, educator, life-skills coach, and editor. She has established and operated four social service programs on Manitoulin Island, Ontario, Canada. She is currently teaching courses in life skills and job preparation and is editing a Native studies curriculum. She has facilitated numerous courses and workshops on sexual assault, family violence, abuse, and personal growth.

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Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
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I gave this 5 stars!
MARIA M. LUSIGNAN
This is a wonderful guide to the sincere seeker of solutions for untangling enmeshed relationships.
F. Pallier
The advice in this book works.
Rebecca of Amazon

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Rebecca of Amazon HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on July 14, 2009
Format: Paperback
Are you tired of being manipulated, used, bullied or guilt-tripped? Is there someone in your life who is out of control and doesn't respect personal boundaries? You may be dealing with a "troubled loved one" or a TLO. These types of people can expect you to babysit at a minutes notice, may have mental problems that need medication or have drinking or anger problems. Some of the examples in this book include parents who are worried about their kids living on the street or have a troubled child living at home that needs to learn how to be independent. Whichever way you look at these problems this book has some interesting and empowering solutions that will lead you to a place where you are making conscious choices that create a more peaceful life.

Bill Klatte and Kate Thompson have written a very helpful book that will allow you to regain control of your life. They go over all the issues you are probably dealing with on a daily basis. They explain that you cannot always control a troubled loved one but you can control how you react. By taking charge of yourself you may inspire your TLO to start taking care of themselves too.

This might be a little overwhelming to read all in one sitting because there is so much journaling to be done. Part of the healing is realizing how you are part of the problem and journaling may bring you to this awareness. "It's So Hard to Love You" is more about loving yourself enough to get healthy and mentally stable and doesn't really deal with solutions for your troubled loved one's life. Bill Klatte and Kate Thompson explain how to be more assertive without blowing up. They teach basic and advanced communications skills that help you to set up boundaries so you are not being taken advantage of on a regular basis.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Mom of three on December 13, 2008
Format: Paperback
This is the best self-help book I have found in all my searches on how to cope with my addicted, incarcerated adult son. Every feeling I had gone through the years with him, I saw in this book. I like the workbook aspect of the book. Writing my feelings and then how to deal with them on paper really helped me focus on how to take care of myself, and how to let go of my son's problems. I realize that his problems are his problems, but the book gave me the ability to really accept that I don't have to suffer along with him. It is truly liberating.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Tam Mossman on January 28, 2012
Format: Paperback
Writers turn out an insightful, practical self-help article for "Cosmo"or "Redbook." Some editor is impressed, contacts the authors, asks if they'd like to expand their short piece into a full-length book.

They would, they do. Problem is, their original article already offered 90% of what any reader needs to know. So their manuscript starts like gangbusters--and why shouldn't it? It's their original article, with some of the cuts (for space) restored.

But the rest of the book is just filler with plenty of rhetorical questions--repetitious, obvious, trivial. The ignition switch is off, but the engine is still dieseling.

Which brings us to "It's So Hard . . . " If your relationship has more than a few characteristics cited in the first checklist, you have three options:

1) Do nothing and hope the dysfunctional one will stop [___]ing and start [____]ing, the way healthy, normal people do.

2) Dump the loser.

3A) Gently separate yourself emotionally and financially, with no rancor, *AND* 3B)Wish this person well, and move on.

Guess which option the authors gently--but firmly--suggest?

That first chapter gave me the reassurance I'd done the right thing in ending a parasitic romance. But the rest of the book is nothing but reiterations of points covered in the first chapter, plus literally dozens of quizzes and suggestions to start "journaling" (which my SpellCheck insists is not a word!). If you don't buy a notebook, there are and plenty of blank lines where you can write in your answers. (Even with this shameless sawdust filler, the book runs less than 190 pages!
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By kelly richards on December 19, 2008
Format: Paperback
I Loved this book and it helped me a great deal. I found myself lost and scared because my husband is addicted to gambling and cheating on me with women he meets on the internet. This book gave me courage. Im having less anxiety and more peace.
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