Customer Reviews

It's the Little Things: The Everyday Interactions That Get under the Skin of Blacks and Whites

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(18)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(17)

 

 

I read Ms. Williams' book to better understand racism in this country as experienced and described by Black people. (I am an Asian American woman and recognize that my own experiences with racism and oppression are unique to me and, to some extent, to my specific racial/ethnic group.)

Her book will definitely provide you with some sense of how some Black people experience life in this country. And for that, the book is both an opener for the eyes and the soul.

You may be very surprised at what angers, amuses, and discomforts Black people. (I myself learned many new things that I would not otherwise have known.) You may think that many things are due to mistaken assumptions or false understandings of "White people." (That's certainly true enough, something that Ms. Williams on occasion admits to being a problem.)

But I promise you: If you read this book with open eyes and an open soul, you will never view encounters with Black people--your own and those of other people around you--the same way again.

It doesn't really matter if the beliefs, perceptions, and assumptions of the Black people quoted in the book are true or if you think they're true. Some of them are not. What does matter (and why you should care) is that there are a myriad of things that White people do--consciously and unconsciously--that really angers Black people. And as long as they continue to exist and anger Black people, we as a country won't get very far ahead in "race relations" and healing ourselves from racism.

Other readers have identified problems with Ms. Williams' book. At times, Ms. Williams' sentiments do sound petty and unrelated to the topic at hand. Ms. Williams does not bother to consider how other issues like gender, class (a big issue that, ironically enough, she does not recognize in herself or her friendship circle), etc. also affect the experiences of both Whites and Blacks. The book is anecdotal and would have benefited greatly from an analytical methodology. The experiences described in the book are from a very select group of people who she met through a series of focus groups and primarily from her friendship circle. Ms. Williams provides no solutions or strategies for what she describes.

But, for all those problems and faults, the book is still worth reading. (It is surprisingly easy reading for being such a potentially difficult and sore subject.)

If her book makes you rethink the way we interact with each other and Black people, then it's done more than it's share of work towards increasing dialogue between people and races. And if it makes you rethink that, then I don't think it's too much more to make people actually change the way they interact with people from different races.

Lena Williams, a journalist with the New York Times, here expands an article she wrote about little misunderstandings that fuel racial unease. In the process, she offers an idiosyncratic, ill-informed, contradictory, and all together divisive account of race relations.

Example: Williams decries that whites cannot see the beauty of African Americans because their images of attractiveness include only whites. Incredibly, she later reveals that marriages between whites and African Americans upset her, and that she personally would never consider having a relationship with a white person (even if this person was her ideal match in all respects other than skin color). Indeed, she calls white-African American marriages "another form of black self-hatred" (p.203).

Example: Williams chastises whites for showing no interest in African American culture. Later, Williams happily notes that a white patron of an African American ethnic restaurant will likely be stared down and purposely made to feel uncomfortable for encroaching into African American space. Williams feels this is perfectly reasonable.

Example: Williams notes that national surveys are obviously biased because she personally does not know any African Americans who have participated in them. She adds that no survey of 1,000 people can possibly represent 280 million Americans. Her skepticism is based on her lack of information. She simply is unaware of the principles of random sampling, and has no interest in learning of them. Indeed, her "Do you know any one who has been polled?" line of reasoning was popular with Barry Goldwater in 1964 when he claimed the polls were biased against Republicans.

Example: In discussing a landmark Affirmative Action case, Williams asks whatever became of the plaintiff, Allan Bakke. Her answer "Who knows? And I certainly don't care..." (p. 232)

That typifies the value of this book. It is a demagogic rant against things that bother Ms. Williams. If Pat Buchanan were an African American who disliked whites (instead of the other way around) he would be perfectly happy to have produced this work.

Ms. Williams may feel far too many people have failed to examine the role of race relations in their lives, and that is no doubt true. That cause is hardly advanced, however, by a person who neither thinks nor cares about our common humanity.

Every negative stereotype about white people is brought up and chuckled over in this book. Where Williams ostensibly brings up perceived white shortcomings in order to dispel the myths, she actually seems to be gleefully reinforcing them. By quoting the opinions voiced in her focus groups (and, more often, by family and friends) she discusses how flat white people's butts are, how thin their lips are, how early they show their age. Where she brings up perceived black shortcomings, she turns them into points of pride, or at least explains them in sympathetic terms.

She obviously is using this forum to air her own opinions and suspicions. She quotes her niece as saying that the American government is "importing white people" from Eastern Europe, then does nothing to support or refute the statement. She raises the claim that the anti-fur movement in America only came about because "black women were finally able to afford minks," then quotes her mink-owning sister. She hints strongly that Nielsen doesn't allow blacks to participate in their ratings system (she says she's never met a black family with a Nielsen box, but how many white families has she met with one? Nielsen families are specifically instructed never to divulge that they are Nielsen families) and makes the arrogant and erroneous assertion that the reason there aren't more black people competing on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is because they "have better things to do than learn trivia." Then she says she believes that show and others like it are rigged: "They're not about to let one of us show them up on national television and leave the audience with the impression that a black person could actually be smarter than a white person," Williams writes. Who are "they"? And why would anyone listen to the author of that sentence about a better understanding between blacks and whites? I was terribly disappointed by this book. I certainly hoped for more.

Williams' obvious racism aside, the style of writing is slapdash, with conversational ejaculations thrown in for effect. It seems to be the work of a public speaker, not a journalist. Grammar and spelling mistakes abound--throughout the text the past tense of the verb lead is spelled lead, a mistake that Spellcheck wouldn't catch. Where was her editor? I'm only sorry the lowest rating I can give is one star. This book deserves none.

When I first saw this book, I was very excited. I am married to a black man, and I thought maybe by reading this, I could understand what being black in America really means and feels like. What I got instead, was a 268 page litany of complaints about white people. The title states "The Everyday Interactions That Get Under the Skin of Blacks and Whites" I thought it would be a balanced, fair minded book, however, only 57 pages is devoted to what white people find annoying, and in those 57 pages, most of the complaints are excused as being a "black thang", or that they came about by some historic injustice.For example: 1 black people who hog spaces on busses, or practically run you over when walking down the sidewalk. The excuse for this one was that it was a macho thing. No, its bad manners. 2. Black people that are loud in movie theatres. Supposedly, this started because black people were so offended by "Birth of a Nation" that they hissed and boo'd at the screen.Once again, bad manners. The list goes on and on. Another thing that I found offensive was Ms. Williams take on how white people vs black people raise children, and how homes are kept up. I think Ms. Williams needs to get out of her well to do surroundings, and take a trip to some inner city ghettos. She says that white people basically ignore their children and/or coddle them too much, and made a reference to the 2 guys that killed those kids at Columbine to back up her theory. Now, as a NYT's reporter, I am sure that she is aware that the rate of white criminals pales in comparison to that of black criminals. Sad to say, but it is true. Needless to say, I was very disapointed in this book. I found it full of stereotypes and I came away from the book feeling as though Ms. Williams, her family, and co-workers need to take a chill pill. Just because a white woman flings her hair, does not mean she is trying to dis yours, just because a white coworker is quiet and shy, it does not make her a racist etc, etc.

Authors don't control their jacket copy. So when the back cover says "Lena Williams does for race what Deborah Tannen did for gender," it's unfair to hold Ms. Williams responsible.

This book does not do for race what Deborah Tannen did for gender. Tannen's examples and explanations did not show one side up as long-suffering and the other as long-insulting; her books do not make me feel demeaned when I read them. They frame cross-gender communication as cross-cultural communication and provide though-provoking information for both genders. I learn from them without ever being insulted.

"It's The Little Things" does not accomplish this. Is it worth buying if you're white and want to know what one black woman thinks of you? Yes. In that regard, it's interesting to this white man. I'm also a little better informed as to why certain responses exist on the black side of some black/white conflicts.

Is it a fair assessment of cross-cultural issues? No. Not even close. In many instances, it doesn't even try to be. This is a prejudiced author trying to be fair-minded and failing. If she has an understanding of points of view besides her own, that understanding does not appear in this text. This is a book about what white people are too dumb to understand without being told.

Since there were things in it that I was too dumb to understand without being told, it was worth my time. But if you're looking for something about "Everyday Interactions That Anger, Annoy, And Divide The Races" (the book's subtitle), this isn't it. This is "Stuff Lena Williams Is Fed Up With And Thinks She Can Put Across As The Truth Despite Her Lack Of Understanding Of Other People."

Since some of the stuff Lena Williams is fed up with was enlightening to me, I don't consider this a wasted purchase. But maybe next time out, she can learn something from the woman she's compared to on her jacket, and write a book that's about cross-racial issues as they really exist, not just idealize one race and demonize the other.

It's clear, from the occasional injection of comments from white people and the occasional "he has a point," that she sincerely tried not to demonize the other. It's also clear that her best intentions are no match for the chip on her shoulder.

White people may learn something from this book about their black neighbors, if their black neighbors happen to agree with Ms. Williams. Black people will learn very little about white people; most of the depiction of whites is quite shallow.

But, according to Ms. Williams, black people already know all about whites.

If she's any indication, she's mistaken.

A single chapter, "The White Take," makes a halfhearted effort at balance, but it's obviously a token gesture. It's an interesting book; I found it worth my time. However, it's not as advertised, and the author doesn't seem to know there's much to be said about the white side of the equation. Since white people are, ostensibly, half the subject of this book, that's a problem.

I disagree with the one-star reviews: It wasn't a waste of my time; but the flaws are serious.

Sometimes it is good to just vent. This is what Lena Williams does here, and this book should be taken as an individual's point of view. It would have been a real achievement, however, if she'd got/let/found white people to speak as frankly as she does. Aside from one white female postal worker, she only seems to have found elite whites to speak to -- oh, a few Asians and Hispanics at the end -- also with similarly high stations in life.

Instead, she drew from her own circles -- people who work at The New York Times, who attended private universities. Who attended universities, period. If she'd talked to white ethnic working class people -- and can I please put in here, that I hate being labeled white as much as she finds fault with the various terms for her own race -- she would have found some equally provocative, possibly offensive, but essential truths to match her own deeply felt reactions to the America she was born into.

While I mostly enjoyed this and read it without offense, I was amazed at the solipsism she is at no pains to accuse white folks of. For example -- she quotes her niece saying that white Americans are so threatened by the "browning" of America, that they're importing blond slavic types from Eastern Europe. Excuse me -- but does this educated young woman know what's been going on in the former Soviet Union and other Eastern European countries in recent years? Is she that ignorant and self-centered? If Ms. Williams had shown this as an example of paranoia -- O.K., but she seems to support it as a legitimate point of view.

The assumption is also made that the playing field in America is level for non-blacks, that we are all Kennedys and Bushes, rife with golf club connections and entre into elite circles. America is full of poor, underclass people, immigrant and otherwise. The white elite are never hurt by affirmative action programs, which is why they seldom complain of them -- poor whites and ethnic immigrants are, which is why they have historically been the most reactionary racist.

I am a veteran of many affirmative action companies and have seen some pretty interesting things. I also have lived as a minority in darker-skinned ethnic neighborhoods and don't see any of my experiences reflected here.

If she'd made an effort to get honest answers from people, she would have got a more interesting and resonant story. As it was, I think she talked to proper, privileged white people who haven't been on the underside of race relations -- for example, a crime victim? Armed services people? Policemen of all races? She avoids the really tough stuff, and focuses on lint-picking. Too bad. An opportunity wasted.

The book starts off quite strong and has several gems that explain the possible rationale behind behaviors that I've observed for years among Blacks. As a Black female, it also often made me smile because the descriptions were so familiar to my life experience. However I was disappointed in the lack of balance between the Black and White perspective, and by the middle of the book I also began to feel that Ms. Williams either has a major chip on her shoulder and/or the White folks she interviewed just didn't have much to say. I felt that I learned little or nothing about the White perspective on Black/White interactions. However the book is full of good conversation starters and therefore definately worth reading.

Before I begin this review, I must say that I am sure that my point will be taken and thrown away all the while I am classified a racist. But, I must say that this book provided me with more opportunities to scream aloud than any I have read in some time. I would not even know where to begin in my criticisms of this work. When I purchased this book, I believed that I would have an even look at both sides of this sensitive topic. How wrong I was. For 260+ pages, I found nothing short of a mass contempt for whites by a society begging for recognition beyond the stereotype, yet NEVER willing to relinquish their victimization status. What did I learn by reading this book? A list follows: (If my points offend, I do apologize. However, since I myself was offended by this book, I believe I have more than a right to express them)

1) I cannot flip or touch my hair in public for fear that it will be taken a racist, elitist action by the African American race. Are you kidding me? I seriously doubt that ANYONE who does this is has even the slightest notion of racism going through their minds at that particular moment. Have you ever thought, Ms Williams that maybe their hair is in their face and they wish to remove it?

2) I will never be awarded a seat by an African American on a crowded bus even if I were disabled, elderly or nine months pregnant, because of wrongdoings done over the past 250+ years. This is not an issue of race or disrespect, it is one of manners.

3) I can never ask anything about the African American heritage, for then I am classified as ignorant about the culture. Now lets see......We are ignorant for not knowing already about the black culture and chided about his in African American circles, yet if I ask a question to find out an answer that I may not know, I am now classified as an oppresser, idiot white girl and a racist for making an inquiry. Hmmm....Sounds like a double standard to me.

4) This is my favorite....As you can see above, I have used the term African American in all of my points listed above. BUT, I have now learned by Ms Williams' book that some blacks don't like that term as well, because it is a blanket term that whites have adopted in the PC age and now has been watered down one too many times in white society that the meaning is lost. Hang on a second.....Society has been through a PC transformation in the last decade and every word we say is scrutinized and raked through the coals to determine its offending factor rating. The term African American is one of those terms that was thought to be the least offensive and now I cannot say it due to the fact that it is now a "White" term? Ok, I leave it your hands Ms Williams...Am I allowed to address you as anything? I certainly cannot call you by your first name because that is offensive to the race, I cannot call you black or African American because that is now offenisve to the race. I think my solution is to not say anything at all and further compound the problem by staying silent. It is apparent to me after reading this that anything I do say on any subject is taken as a racist statement or an ignorant insight.

I wish I could say upon completing this book that I have a better understanding of the race relations between blacks and whites. What I do have is a greater understanding of the absolute contempt of the white race and that EVERY thing we do is not good enough. No matter what we say or even how we move, it will always be taken as a way to keep the black race down where they have been for so many years. I am sure that I will brought up as a racist by anyone that reads my views, so i must ask this. If i am racist, then how is this book seen? If this drivel is not racist, nothing is. So with that, I must thank you, Ms Williams.....Thank you for continuing the racial stereotypes of the stupid white race in black eyes and doing nothing but separating the races even further by offering not solutions to the problem, but offering a "handbook" for whites to watch their every move, word and action in order not to offend your race. I am appalled and disgusted by your views and will promptly throw your book in the garbage.

1

Don't waste your money on this book. As an African American woman, I am very ashamed of her to publish a book like this! She should have tried to get educated a little before writing a book on racial issues. This probably is the dumbest book I've ever read on racial issues in my entire life.

I am very sorry to say that the subtitle of this book is highly misleading and after, perhaps after 2 complaints by whites about blacks we are bombarded by a myriad of slights on blacks by whites. Page after page, chapter after chapter Ms Williams pontificates on how her people are poorly treated by the white folk. All this may be true, but I certainly wouldnt have paid$22.00 less 10% to read this one sided, even if true,continuum of how poor the race relations are, without a further note about how whites really feel. I pride myself on being unbiased, but this is a very one sided, mean spirited review of white people. Thumbs Down.