It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success [Paperback]

Richard Lavoie (Author), Michele Reiner (Preface), Rob Reiner (Preface), Mel Levine (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 3, 2006

ADHD • Anxiety • Nonverbal • Communication • Disorders • Visual/Spatial • Disorders • Executive Functioning Difficulties

As any parent, teacher, coach, or caregiver of a learning disabled child knows, every learning disability has a social component. The ADD child constantly interrupts and doesn't follow directions. The child with visual-spatial issues loses his belongings. The child with a nonverbal communication disorder fails to gesture when she talks. These children are socially out of step with their peers, and often they are ridiculed or ostracized for their differences. A successful social life is immeasurably important to a child's happiness, health, and development, but until now, no book has provided practical, expert advice on helping learning disabled children achieve social success.

For more than thirty years, Richard Lavoie has lived with and taught learning disabled children. His bestselling videos and sellout lectures and workshops have made him one of the most respected experts in the field. Rick's pioneering techniques and practical strategies can help children ages six to seventeen

• Overcome shyness and low self-esteem
• Use appropriate body language to convey emotion
• Focus attention and avoid disruptive behavior
• Enjoy playdates and making friends
• Employ strategies for counteracting bullying and harassment
• Master the Hidden Curriculum and polish the apple with teachers

It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend answers the most intense need of parents, teachers, and caregivers of learning disabled children -- or anyone who knows a child who needs a friend.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

"Life without friends is a lonely and barren existence," but that's a common fate for children who fail to develop proper social skills, writes veteran special education teacher Lavoie in his insightful guidebook to helping children with learning disabilities overcome social skill deficits. Eschewing sink-or-swim and carrot-and-stick approaches, Lavoie stresses communication and patience for parents looking to guide their children through the maze of social interactions encountered daily, from arranging successful play dates and navigating the hidden curriculum of school, to language difficulties, social anxieties and family issues. Lavoie, who has taught and worked in the special education field for over 30 years, shows how to detect learning disabilities, discusses their impact on a child's social development and provides strategies (most notably his "Social Skill Autopsy") for implementing behavior change. Organized by the different types of social skills-those commonly used at home, at school and in the community-Lavoie's text is refreshingly free of jargon and is suitable for both spot- and cover-to-cover reading. Though aimed at parents of learning disabled children, this comprehensive guide will be handy for any parent whose child has trouble socializing at school or home.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Some learning challenged students are gifted socially, while others painfully struggle. Rick Lavoie's new book is a wonderful resource for parents and professionals alike who seek to guide those in need through their social and emotional hurdles."

-- Barbara Wilson, M.S. Ed, Director, Wilson Language Training

"In a book that is very readable and filled with a broad array of practical, hands-on suggestions, Rick Lavoie addresses issues that are central to building a healthy sense of self-worth within students who often see themselves as not fitting in or equal to others. In short, this book is a tremendous contribution from a professional who has been a leader in the field of learning disabilities for well over a quarter century. A must read!"

-- Donald Deshler, University of Kansas Center for Research on Learning Department of Special Education

"I have frequently had the privilege of hearing Rick Lavoie speak to parents of children with learning disabilities. His knowledge of these disabilities and his sensitivity to the experience of the child, parents, and family are blended with wise and practical advice. I often leave these presentations thinking how great it would be if more parents could hear Rick speak. It's So Much Work To Be Your Friend is like sitting through a Rick Lavoie lecture but leaving with a full set of notes and practical ideas. Thank you, Rick, for sharing your sensitivity and knowledge and your special ability to communicate."

-- Larry B Silver, M.D., author of The Misunderstood Child

"Filled with wisdom, experience, sense, soul, and practical guidance for the everyday social matters of life, It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend offers heartfelt hope and practical help for just about every social problem children with learning disabilities experience. As with all good friends who bring comfort and practical guidance, you will visit with this book again and again. It's a social support system no parent or teacher should be without."

-- Mary Fowler, author of Maybe You Know My Kid and Maybe You Know My Teen

"The most painful part of loving a child with learning disabilities is feeling helpless when we watch them struggle with social isolation and rejection. It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend will empower you to step in and assist your child with practical solutions to their social skills problems."

-- Kate Kelly, author of You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!

"Rick Lavoie has written a truly remarkable book. He has poignantly captured the particular social skills problems faced by many children and adolescents with learning disabilities, and he outlines realistic strategies that parents and professionals can use to improve the social skills of these youngsters. Rick's knowledge, warmth, caring, and empathy are apparent on every page of this wonderful book."

-- Robert Brooks, Ph.D., author of The Self-Esteem Teacher and coauthor of Raising Resilient Children

"As a mother who has been on this journey, I know It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend will touch the lives of every parent who is raising a child with learning disabilities. I have long believed that difficulties with social skills cause the most heartache of all, and I am thrilled to discover a book that finally addresses this often overlooked issue. Rick shares his knowledge with wisdom, good humor, and deep respect for the remarkable students who teach us all."

-- Anne Ford, chairman emeritus, National Center for Learning Disabilities and author of Laughing Allegra

"An excellent resource! Rich with insights and specific suggestions to help all children master the challenges of forming satisfying social relationships."

-- Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

"Rick Lavoie combines his unparalleled knowledge and experience with his extraordinary warmth and eye for detail to produce the best guide of its kind ever written. This unique book breaks new ground, a major achievement from a grand man who almost single-handedly has opened the eyes of the world to the subjective experience of learning differently. If you are a parent of such a child, or if you care about such children, you must have this book. The knowledge in it can turn a painful childhood into a joyful one."

-- Edward Hallowell, M.D., coauthor of Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction

"Some learning challenged students are gifted socially, while others painfully struggle. Rick Lavoie's new book is a wonderful resource for parents and professionals alike who seek to guide those in need through their social and emotional hurdles."

-- Barbara Wilson, M.S. Ed., director, Wilson Language Training

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 448 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone (October 3, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743254651
• ISBN-13: 978-0743254656
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #349,175 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Richard Lavoie, M.A., M.Ed., has worked as a teacher and headmaster at residential special education facilities for the past thirty years. He holds three degrees in special education and serves as a consultant to several agencies and organizations. The father of three adult children, he lives with his wife in Barnstable, Massachusetts. He welcomes visitors to his website at www.ricklavoie.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book!, June 18, 2006

By 

zhivago (Nashua, NH USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success (Hardcover)

Writing as someone who has lived with learning disabilities for nearly 50 years now, I cannot say strongly enough that I sincerely wish all of my teachers and parents had read this book. I will go a little further than that---I wish the pastoral counselor, psychologist, and psychiatrists that I have dealt with as an adult would read this book.

This book brought back memory after memory of times that I have been misunderstood (and rejected) by those around me, and also times that I have greatly misunderstood social and job-related incidents (and acted inappropriately as a result). Some of the long-lasting psychological damage that I have had as a result could have been alieviated if only those around me had been aware of the difficulties that I was having (and continue to have).

Notice that I did not say that the misunderstandings and social errors I make would have stopped. I don't think they would have.
The book does not offer any cure-alls. Its biggest contribution is to increase the understanding of the social ramifications of learning disabilities. I have found that very few normal people have any understanding of this at all; and their response can be quite damaging.

45 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely Useful, November 28, 2005

By 

V. McEnroe "mcenroe1" (Mason, OH United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success (Hardcover)

My son is not ADHD or LD, but he does have problems with social situations, organizational skills, short attention span, etc. This book addresses a lot of those things. A good portion of the book does not apply to my son because academically he is ahead of his peers and this book assumes that kids with social deficiencies also suffer academically. There are several chapters devoted to specific LDs which I skipped. This book helped me to be more understanding of children with attention problems because there are neurological reasons that make it very difficult for them to make socially acceptable decisions and remain focused on tasks. In the beginning there is a long list of behaviors that these children have and so many of them described my son.

One part that I found very useful was the part in the introduction that explains why punishment does not correct poor behavior patterns. It will stop it for that episode, but not have lasting results. Also you should not say, for example, "If you behave in the restaurant then you can get dessert." Not getting dessert would be punishment. The child will be resentful and probably act the same way at the next restaurant. You should explain the expectation beforehand and then if the child behaves you would say, "You have been so good that I think you deserve some dessert." The child will feel a since of accomplishment which leads to them wanting to behave better.

Also in the introduction is a 5 step approach of how to analyze with your child a social problem he encountered to help him figure out on his own what he did wrong and what he should have done.

Another part that was extremely useful was the chapter on having friends over for visits and house "rules" you get your child in the habit of following so your child becomes a good host.

All in all this is one of the best books I have read on helping children cope with attention and social problems.

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fills a huge void!, September 25, 2005

By 

L. Litzinger (Austin, TX USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success (Hardcover)

Although there is often a social gap between children with disabilities and their peers, Lavoie thankfully gives parents the necessary skills to remedy this.

This book is also important to parents of children with physical disabilities, parents who are wrestling with the importance of teaching eye contact, body language, modulated voice volume, and cleaner eating habits to their non-LD, but spastic child. Lavoie provides such a kind way of encouraging success!

Fantastic book!