Customer Reviews

It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Writing as someone who has lived with learning disabilities for nearly 50 years now, I cannot say strongly enough that I sincerely wish all of my teachers and parents had read this book. I will go a little further than that---I wish the pastoral counselor, psychologist, and psychiatrists that I have dealt with as an adult would read this book.

This book brought back memory after memory of times that I have been misunderstood (and rejected) by those around me, and also times that I have greatly misunderstood social and job-related incidents (and acted inappropriately as a result). Some of the long-lasting psychological damage that I have had as a result could have been alieviated if only those around me had been aware of the difficulties that I was having (and continue to have).

Notice that I did not say that the misunderstandings and social errors I make would have stopped. I don't think they would have.
The book does not offer any cure-alls. Its biggest contribution is to increase the understanding of the social ramifications of learning disabilities. I have found that very few normal people have any understanding of this at all; and their response can be quite damaging.

My son is not ADHD or LD, but he does have problems with social situations, organizational skills, short attention span, etc. This book addresses a lot of those things. A good portion of the book does not apply to my son because academically he is ahead of his peers and this book assumes that kids with social deficiencies also suffer academically. There are several chapters devoted to specific LDs which I skipped. This book helped me to be more understanding of children with attention problems because there are neurological reasons that make it very difficult for them to make socially acceptable decisions and remain focused on tasks. In the beginning there is a long list of behaviors that these children have and so many of them described my son.

One part that I found very useful was the part in the introduction that explains why punishment does not correct poor behavior patterns. It will stop it for that episode, but not have lasting results. Also you should not say, for example, "If you behave in the restaurant then you can get dessert." Not getting dessert would be punishment. The child will be resentful and probably act the same way at the next restaurant. You should explain the expectation beforehand and then if the child behaves you would say, "You have been so good that I think you deserve some dessert." The child will feel a since of accomplishment which leads to them wanting to behave better.

Also in the introduction is a 5 step approach of how to analyze with your child a social problem he encountered to help him figure out on his own what he did wrong and what he should have done.

Another part that was extremely useful was the chapter on having friends over for visits and house "rules" you get your child in the habit of following so your child becomes a good host.

All in all this is one of the best books I have read on helping children cope with attention and social problems.

Although there is often a social gap between children with disabilities and their peers, Lavoie thankfully gives parents the necessary skills to remedy this.

This book is also important to parents of children with physical disabilities, parents who are wrestling with the importance of teaching eye contact, body language, modulated voice volume, and cleaner eating habits to their non-LD, but spastic child. Lavoie provides such a kind way of encouraging success!

Fantastic book!

As a developmental and behavioral pediatrician, I have spent a great deal of time working with children like Rick Lavoie talks about in his book. These children want to have friends and want to be good friends to others. They struggle to understand the social underpinnings, however, which leads to misunderstandings and sorrow from losing friends, or not even beginning to make a friend. This book looks at the neurodevelopmental issues that these children face, provding the adults who live and work with them more insight into their struggles. He basically is challenging us to step back and decipher what the child's intent was in a situation, rather than just jump to conclusions that frequently are very negative toward the child.

Whether the child has ADHD, learning disabilities, Asperger Syndrome, or some other disability/disorder, taking time to understand why the child's attempts at social interaction is not working, and developing a plan of intervention and accommodation based on that understanding is what will make a positive difference. I think that all parents, teachers, and other professionals who work or live with these children should read this book.

I'm just through the first few chapters, and love this book. It's easy to read and gives a complete picture of how learning difficulties affect our children in all areas: academic, emotional and social skills. I wish all teachers would read it. A great gift for anyone who wants to learn and help these kids. Buy this book and spread the word - learning social skills is so difficult for kids whose brains are wired differently and these skills will have a huge impact on their lives.

I bought this book at the recommendation of my child's pediatric psychologist- it is a great help for parents of kids with learning disabilities and other challenges. I am familiar with Rick LaVoie from his other works and his incredible video series called "Fat City", in which he shows parents and teachers just what it is like to walk a mile in the shoes of the kids who deal with these challenges daily. I would highly recoomend both this book and the video series to anyone whose child is having trouble with social skills and/or facing a learning disability.

This is a very easy to read excellent book. We have one dyslexic grandchild and her twin is ADD. It has been invaluable in it's suggestions and practicality.

I first read parts of this book on loan from the library, but dealings with a family friend meant I needed a guide book around for ready reference. I have not finished all the lessons, but already it has helped me qualify and understand some behavior and deal with it in a calmer, more educated and effective way. And that's what we need. Thanks!

This book is great. It is useful for anyone raising, teaching or dealing with a child with ADHD, learning disabilities, and behavioral problems. I am raising a grandchild with these problems and I have shared this book with everyone involved with him.

This book provides what sound like good tips for helping a child struggling with social skills. Whether they work, I really can't say, as applying everything here would be the work of a lifetime.

My major complaint about the book is the lack of research showing that this approach really works. Lavoie mentions research findings in one or two places in the text, but mostly he seems to be relying on his own experience working with kids. This is supplemented with what he admits is nothing more than "conventional wisdom" and "generally accepted rules of thumb". Some of Lavoie's "conventional wisdom" struck me as highly unlikely, such as his statement that child development is generally smoother in larger families. The research I've seen on the subject tends to show that only children generally tend to do better than children from larger families.

My son has Asperger's syndrome (a mild form of autism). After 8 years of trying to help my boy, I am beginning to get a little weary of all the advice I receive. I've spent a fortune on therapists of various types, each one pushing his own agenda. Where's the proof that Lavoie's approach works with anyone other than Lavoie's own patients? For that matter, how do I know that Lavoie's own patients really improved their social skills, compared to other kids whose parents tried some other way? There are a lot of charlatans out there preying on the hopes of desperate parents. I wish I knew whether or not Lavoie is one of them.