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It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence Paperback – April 28, 2000

4.6 out of 5 stars 23 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Meg Kennedy Dugan is Director of Counseling Services at New England College in New Hampshire. As a therapist for over 15 years, she has counseled many survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence.

Roger R. Hock is Professor of Psychology at Mendocino College in California and the author of Forty Studies that Changed Psychology: Explorations Into the History of Psychological Research.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Routledge; 1 edition (April 28, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0415923581
  • ISBN-13: 978-0415923583
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #569,873 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book has been very helpful to me in recovering from an abusive marriage. In fact, if you only have the money for one "recovery from abuse" book, this one is the one to get. It covers every type of abuse, even spiritual abuse, which was very relevant to my experiences in a bizarre cultic marriage in which I was beaten over the head with the Bible and told to "submit" all the time. The tone that the book is written in is wonderful. It is neither "oh, you poor pathetic baby" or "get over it, toots" but strikes exactly the right tone--empowering and empathetic but not patronizing or overbearing.
The book helps you not only analyze what happened to you and why, but gets you into the healing process. This book helped me quit beating myself up for ending up with and staying with an abuser (and having SIX children with him into the bargain), for still having feelings for my abusive husband, and for being tempted to go back. Some of the exercises at the end of the chapters were kind of silly, and I skipped them, but some were excellent. The exercise that helped me the most was the one that helped me to look back and remember why I fell in love with that chump to begin with. It WASN'T because I am brainless.
The absolute best thing about this book, in my opinion, is the final chapter. Prior to reading it, I had no idea how in the world I managed to marry an abusive control freak and was scared to death of getting hooked by another one. This chapter really helped me feel capable of choosing another partner who is not abusive. The author tells you exactly what danger signs to look for. I missed every one of them the first time, but I won't miss them again!
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Format: Paperback
I'm reading this book right now, and I felt it was written just for me. Believe me, if you are coming out of any kind of abusive relationship (remember, it does not have to get to the point of physical abuse to be abusive), this book will help you deal with your loss and your recovery. I broke up with whom I thought was the love of my life 2 months ago. Been through hell. I too thought it was insane to love and miss so much a person who was constantly putting me down and hurting me in many ways. It had to stop. But once you're out, STAYING out could be pretty tough. It sure is for me. This book is guiding me through the loss I'm suffering and so far it's been THE GREATEST help I received. It's been like reading my soul. I need to THANK the authors, you've helped a great deal.
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Format: Paperback
This book is the kind of instructional manual that every woman escaping from an abuser needs to read. Every thought, fear, or impulse an abused woman may have is discussed in this very calm, very helpful book.
The authors don't shy away from the darker stuff, and they write in a very straightforward, no-nonsense fashion. Yet the book leaves the reader with an undeniable sense of hope and excitement, as this book makes the reader realize that a new, better life is possible.
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Format: Paperback
Life doesn't become rosy after the battered woman leaves the relationship. This is the most dangerous time AND the most depressing. Ms. Dugan understands the loss, the grief, the anger and the now-what-do-I-do feelings. A must-read for any woman who's left or is contemplating leaving
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By A Customer on September 7, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I absolutely love this book. After I left my abuser I had so many mixed emotions. This book addressed everything I was feeling from anger, guilt, loss etc. This book is a MUST READ for anyone who has left an abusive relationship. I applaud the two authors, Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock. Because of this book I have HOPE in my life again!
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Format: Paperback
I am a psychotherapist - this book is a powerful gift for anyone who has just begun taking steps or has long been out of a violent, abusive relationship. Although it is a self-help book, I strongly recommend it to clinicians, patients, and others who want to better understand what a woman goes through when she tries to free herself from an abusive relationship. It can help her put words to so many different and complex feelings within the therapeutic setting, and as a communication tool for her to help others around her better understand what she is going through.
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Format: Paperback
This book is a welcome guide for all who have survived abusive relationships. The authors give the reader useful-and most importantly, conrete--tips to regain one's sense of self. The authors wrote the book with the upmost care in mind without being condescending. I highly recommend this book to all who care about victims of domestic violence. I truly hope the the authors write more self-help books...I will certainly be in line to purchase it!
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Format: Kindle Edition
The dynamics of abuse involves a two-way imbalance of power, as the abuser gains stolen power from the victim, the victim loses power. Depending on how long the abusive relationship lasts, what types and degrees of abuse were involved and what type of family foundation the abuse victim grew up with, the healing process can be prolonged and complicated with repeat mistakes (Such as pairing with a new abuser). Abuse victims with long term self esteem problems that extend beyond the abusive relationship into the childhood of origin are going to take muck longer to recover (Many never do).

This book is designed to deal with each type of victim, to offer tools that enable the former victim to become aware of the damaged areas, such as self esteem issues and self concept, relationship expectations, and the proper grieving and processing of loss. The healing is approached step by step, with a warning that issues can be stirred and pacing should be guarded.

Although the processes are simple, they are similar to what is encountered in one on one therapy.

Very useful book.
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