It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition [Paperback]

Meg Kennedy Dugan (Author), Roger R. Hock (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 5, 2006 | ISBN-10: 0415953251 | ISBN-13: 978-0415953252 | Edition: 2

Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding a way out, victims’ difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare -- it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey toward healing and happiness. It’s My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers.

Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship. This valuable book combines direction on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. Now, in the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals and the relationships in which abuse and violence occur. The new edition also provides a new emphasis on safety assessment, which has increasingly been shown to be a critical factor in recovery. In addition, this new edition includes current resources and information about organizations for victims along with revised and enhanced strategies to help survivors move forward on the path of recovery.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Meg Kennedy Dugan, M.A., is Director of the AmeriCorps Victim Assistance Program, a program of the New Hampshire Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence. She is Chair of the Public Education Committee and Executive Committee Member of the Governor’s Commission on Domestic and Sexual Violence. She has served on numerous statewide domestic and sexual violence committees. Previously, she was Director of Counseling at New England College. She has presented widely at conferences and appeared on various television and radio programs.

Roger R. Hock, Ph.D., is Director of the Psychology Program and Professor of Psychology and Human Sexuality at Mendocino College in Ukiah, California. He received his M.A. from San Diego State University and his Ph.D. from the University of California at San Diego. His books in the fields of psychology and human sexuality have been adopted at over 250 colleges and universities internationally and have been translated into several languages.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Routledge; 2 edition (May 5, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0415953251
• ISBN-13: 978-0415953252
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #41,731 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #62 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Dysfunctional Relationships
  • #66 in Books > Self-Help > Abuse

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

96 of 96 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A gem--very comprehensive April 21, 2002

By Jill Minor

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book has been very helpful to me in recovering from an abusive marriage. In fact, if you only have the money for one "recovery from abuse" book, this one is the one to get. It covers every type of abuse, even spiritual abuse, which was very relevant to my experiences in a bizarre cultic marriage in which I was beaten over the head with the Bible and told to "submit" all the time. The tone that the book is written in is wonderful. It is neither "oh, you poor pathetic baby" or "get over it, toots" but strikes exactly the right tone--empowering and empathetic but not patronizing or overbearing.

The book helps you not only analyze what happened to you and why, but gets you into the healing process. This book helped me quit beating myself up for ending up with and staying with an abuser (and having SIX children with him into the bargain), for still having feelings for my abusive husband, and for being tempted to go back. Some of the exercises at the end of the chapters were kind of silly, and I skipped them, but some were excellent. The exercise that helped me the most was the one that helped me to look back and remember why I fell in love with that chump to begin with. It WASN'T because I am brainless.

The absolute best thing about this book, in my opinion, is the final chapter. Prior to reading it, I had no idea how in the world I managed to marry an abusive control freak and was scared to death of getting hooked by another one. This chapter really helped me feel capable of choosing another partner who is not abusive. The author tells you exactly what danger signs to look for. I missed every one of them the first time, but I won't miss them again!

85 of 85 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An Invaluable Help in the Healing Process August 27, 2008

By littlemisszane

Format:Paperback

It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt, loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring abuse and/or violence.

What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship.

It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what frequency.... The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed. There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important for gaining insight and perspective.

The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness, pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or guidance. Read more ›

37 of 37 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I need August 2, 2001

By Victoria Sarinelli

Format:Paperback

I'm reading this book right now, and I felt it was written just for me. Believe me, if you are coming out of any kind of abusive relationship (remember, it does not have to get to the point of physical abuse to be abusive), this book will help you deal with your loss and your recovery. I broke up with whom I thought was the love of my life 2 months ago. Been through hell. I too thought it was insane to love and miss so much a person who was constantly putting me down and hurting me in many ways. It had to stop. But once you're out, STAYING out could be pretty tough. It sure is for me. This book is guiding me through the loss I'm suffering and so far it's been THE GREATEST help I received. It's been like reading my soul. I need to THANK the authors, you've helped a great deal.

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Not for someone stuck in the healing process January 1, 2009

By Bernadette

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I was looking for a book that dealt with healing after you left the relationship. The main focus of this book was on issues relevant to someone who has decided to leave and the time immediately after. Loving again was addressed in the last chapter and while very good on warning signs of a potential abuser and how to determine if you are ready for a new relationship there was nothing on how to get from "I am safe now" to "I am ready to start looking for a new relationship." The author points out that you have to feel worthy and have good self-esteem but not how to get there. What it did include was very good but most people would have come across that material in a book on abusive relationships. Beverly Engel is my favorite author on abusive relationships.

34 of 36 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars It Is Helpful, Plain and Simple May 1, 2002

By Marifrances

Format:Paperback

This book is the kind of instructional manual that every woman escaping from an abuser needs to read. Every thought, fear, or impulse an abused woman may have is discussed in this very calm, very helpful book.

The authors don't shy away from the darker stuff, and they write in a very straightforward, no-nonsense fashion. Yet the book leaves the reader with an undeniable sense of hope and excitement, as this book makes the reader realize that a new, better life is possible.