It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die [Paperback]

Krandall Kraus (Author), Paul Borja (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 1, 2000

Why doesn't the person I'm dating make me happy? Why can't I get my body to look the way I want it? Why does my job seem so unimportant? Why do I dwell on what I don't have, rather than my accomplishments? Why is it that nothing ends up being the way I think it should be? These were the kinds of questions the authors were asking until both were diagnosed with HIV infection and they began a speeded up search for answers that made sense. With time running out, they turned inward for answers, and by asking the right questions, they discovered what they were looking for. At a time when they might have been more traumatized, more depressed, and less satisfied with their lives, they discovered a paradox: They were living better than ever with less stress, less emotional trauma, more tranquility, more friends, an abundance of material things, and-- most important--a growing understanding of who they were. Determined not to forget what they learned, they began to write things down, and this book is the result. Sometimes funny, sometimes poignant, the authors discuss the simple insights and practical skills they developed for connecting the frustrating "outer world" we confront daily with the transformative "inner world" of heart, mind, and soul where we live our

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

It's Never About What It's About is among the first books to deal with the strange predicament of people with AIDS who had braced themselves for death and now, thanks to protease inhibitors, are staying alive instead. True, the book is addressed to those with a serious condition and still facing early death, but underlying the advice on how to live at the edge and to accept yourself, finally, is an assumption that there's some breathing space. Death is no longer imminent. Here is a chance, say the authors, to "do the work of looking inside yourself." The insights that Krandall Kraus and Paul Borja, both HIV-positive, bring to this curious time of life are informed by Eastern philosophy, Jungian psychology, Campbell's studies of myth, and the classically American experience of therapy. Kraus, for example, explains how he tries to heal past injuries by comforting his inner child, the overweight and pimply 13-year-old Krandall Kraus.

These New Age homilies may be annoying to some, but bitter illumination can be found in the personal histories examined here. In one instance, Kraus recalls his distant and punishing father, who leafed through his son's second book, noting the dedication to himself, and pointed at the bookcase on the wall: "When you have enough of these to fill that bookcase," he said, "then you'll be a writer." Although especially relevant for people with AIDS and their caregivers, this book will help anyone with a serious illness organize their thoughts and gain clarity about what really matters to them. --Regina Marler

From Publishers Weekly

After learning they were infected with HIV, lovers and AIDS activists Krandall Kraus (The President's Son, etc.) and Paul Borja decided to live out their remaining time with a renewed sense of purpose and focus. In their inspirational book, It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die, they share their new life philosophy and their insights into our deepest emotions (for example, frustration and anger often mask deep-seated fear). For the reader intrigued by the relationship between the metaphysical and everyday experience, Kraus and Borja provide a provocative journey. (Alyson, $12.95 paper 208p ISBN 1-55583-571-6; Aug.)

Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: Alyson Books; 1 edition (August 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1555835716
• ISBN-13: 978-1555835712
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,435,118 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What's simple is true, February 23, 2001

By 

"blissengine" - See all my reviews

This review is from: It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die (Paperback)

Although marketed for those living with AIDS or other potentially terminal illnesses, this book is much more than a survival guide or a gay positive self help tract. It's an inspirational look at how we can change our lives by looking inward to our hearts, minds, and souls to create a heightened awareness of ourselves and our place in the world. Sometimes the language seems simplistic, but this actually helps convey the messages the authors want to tell us. That when we're angry or upset, there are underlying reasons and causes that often have nothing to do with the incidents that caused the emotions. With a mix of humor and universal spirituality, Kraus and Borja have given us a book for transforming our lives from the inside out. There's also a marvelous analysis of the death of Diana, the former Princess of Wales, in terms of modern mythology, and in terms of why this affected the entire world, while the death of Mother Teresa had less impact. Give your soul a treat!

5.0 out of 5 stars It's really about life, even when we face death., May 23, 2011

By 

Wesley B Cannell (Naples ME) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die (Paperback)

I have read most of Krandall Kraus' work which ranges from the simple The President's Son to the sublime Bardo: A Novel and this latest venture with his life partner, Paul Borja, is one of his, their, best. The only bad thing I have to say is that I am disappointed that there were never more Nigel and Nicky novels, but I do understand why. This novel is a handbook for living with death. You might think it a sad or mournful subject but I assure you that this is not. It is easy to read and makes such beautiful sense. If you are living with any life threatening disease, you need to read this book.

I too have received a death sentence in that I am fighting cancer along with other diseases that one get in old age. I think that my favorite book is Krandall's Loves Last Chance: A Nigel and Nicky Mystery (Nigel and Nicky Mysteries) where we are introduced to the beginnings of a love relationship between two men who are both facing death sentences (AIDS) and who are both morning the lost of their partner. Upon meeting Nicky and Nigel, I was introduced to a philosophy of life and death. Kraus, has been fixated on death in everything he as written but I do so love how he approaches this state we all live in. The one where we march forward in life toward death. Yes, I know is sounds morose but believe me it is both lightening and enlightening.

I don't know if Kraus and Borja are still with us, but I do hope to hear more from them.

Consider this a self help book for the soul. I can honestly say that I have never been as happy as I am now that I am waiting to die. Frankly, this wait can go on forever and hopefully, it does.

5.0 out of 5 stars Award Winner, May 11, 2010

By 

Krandall Kraus "Krandall Kraus" (California) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die (Paperback)

As one of the authors, I could point out all the things I would change about this book, but really all I want to say is that Paul and I were humbled by winning the Lambda Literary Award for this book.

We have had countless responses from readers telling us how it changed their view of the world, especially themselves and their family.

The greatest compliment came not long ago when I overheard someone on the train say to her seatmate, "Well, it's never about what it's about."