Customer Reviews

It's Never About What It's About: What We Learned About Living While Waiting to Die

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Although marketed for those living with AIDS or other potentially terminal illnesses, this book is much more than a survival guide or a gay positive self help tract. It's an inspirational look at how we can change our lives by looking inward to our hearts, minds, and souls to create a heightened awareness of ourselves and our place in the world. Sometimes the language seems simplistic, but this actually helps convey the messages the authors want to tell us. That when we're angry or upset, there are underlying reasons and causes that often have nothing to do with the incidents that caused the emotions. With a mix of humor and universal spirituality, Kraus and Borja have given us a book for transforming our lives from the inside out. There's also a marvelous analysis of the death of Diana, the former Princess of Wales, in terms of modern mythology, and in terms of why this affected the entire world, while the death of Mother Teresa had less impact. Give your soul a treat!

I have read most of Krandall Kraus' work which ranges from the simple The President's Son to the sublime Bardo: A Novel and this latest venture with his life partner, Paul Borja, is one of his, their, best. The only bad thing I have to say is that I am disappointed that there were never more Nigel and Nicky novels, but I do understand why. This novel is a handbook for living with death. You might think it a sad or mournful subject but I assure you that this is not. It is easy to read and makes such beautiful sense. If you are living with any life threatening disease, you need to read this book.

I too have received a death sentence in that I am fighting cancer along with other diseases that one get in old age. I think that my favorite book is Krandall's Loves Last Chance: A Nigel and Nicky Mystery (Nigel and Nicky Mysteries) where we are introduced to the beginnings of a love relationship between two men who are both facing death sentences (AIDS) and who are both morning the lost of their partner. Upon meeting Nicky and Nigel, I was introduced to a philosophy of life and death. Kraus, has been fixated on death in everything he as written but I do so love how he approaches this state we all live in. The one where we march forward in life toward death. Yes, I know is sounds morose but believe me it is both lightening and enlightening.

I don't know if Kraus and Borja are still with us, but I do hope to hear more from them.

Consider this a self help book for the soul. I can honestly say that I have never been as happy as I am now that I am waiting to die. Frankly, this wait can go on forever and hopefully, it does.

As one of the authors, I could point out all the things I would change about this book, but really all I want to say is that Paul and I were humbled by winning the Lambda Literary Award for this book.

We have had countless responses from readers telling us how it changed their view of the world, especially themselves and their family.

The greatest compliment came not long ago when I overheard someone on the train say to her seatmate, "Well, it's never about what it's about."

In a straightforward and anecdotal way, the authors address how to find meaning and happiness in life in the face of--and often, because of -- adversity. Using myths, archetypes, fables, and many personal experiences, they show how we can learn to focus on the real and substantive matters behind the superficial things that usually distract us. Drawing heavily upon eastern philosophies, they illustrate that "Everything you need is within you" (a Christian concept, too: "The kingdom of heaven is within.").

But how do we get there? In chapters like "The Process is the Product," Confusing the Experience with Its Object: Distinguishing the Inner and Outer Worlds," "The World is a Tar Baby," and "The People Inside: Meeting Our Inner Selves," Kraus and Borja tell how living with HIV has led them to a greater appreciation for life and how to live it more joyfully. The book is highly personal, instructive but not didactic, warm, compassionate, and wise. If your life has you seeking answers, you'll find good ones here.

I chose this book at the library when I saw the author's name, because about 30 years ago he taught at the college where I work and I remember him well. His book really spoke to me because it deals with maintaining a sense of what's important and what really matters while life keeps swirling around you. I spend some of my time working with people who are quite seriously ill, and I find that work makes me pretty impatient with those who "haven't figured it out yet." The lessons in this book are powerful and can help guide others into a better understanding of the importance of living life each day.