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It's Not Him, It's You: The Truth You May Not Want - but Need - to Hear Paperback – April 18, 2010


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media (April 18, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1440501629
  • ISBN-13: 978-1440501623
  • Product Dimensions: 0.6 x 5.7 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #572,852 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Though she agrees that "sometimes dating sucks," psychologist Hartman (Dating the Divorced Man) has found, through considerable research, that "during the early stages of dating, women unknowingly make one or more fundamental mistakes." Here, she enumerates the top ten such mistakes-including "You Think Men Have a Clue," "Your Attitude Sucks," and "You Plan Your Wedding After the First Date"-to help women identify and stop self-sabotaging behaviors. Throughout, Hartman puts responsibility squarely on the woman reading, a tough-love strategy assuaged with doses of compassion and empathy, and sweetened by the promise of empowerment, independence and self-knowledge. Hartman also encourages women to learn as much as possible about the men's side of things, pointing to Askmen.com and Neil Strauss's The Game. More than experts, mothers and even friends, however, Hartman believes a woman's most helpful advisor is herself; her most valuable lesson is on tuning out unhelpful voices and learning to listen to the one that knows you best.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

(added by author)

More About the Author

Dr. Christie Hartman is an internationally recognized dating expert, behavioral scientist, and author of five dating advice books. A recovering academic and closeted nerd, Christie has refocused her overactive, analytical mind on unraveling the scientific and psychological mysteries behind dating and attraction. Catering to both men and women, she deconstructs all that is baffling about dating and makes it easily digestible to singles.

Christie is the author of "Changing Your Game: A Man's Guide to Success with Women"; standing out among a sea of pickup guides and seduction tomes, "Changing Your Game" offers intelligent and straightforward advice to men and shows them what it takes to succeed with women while still being themselves. To follow up Changing Your Game's success, Christie recently released "Back In The Game: Succeeding With Women After a Divorce," a dating guide for men who want to shake off their divorces and find love again.

Christie also has three books for women: "Find The Love of Your Life Online" is a must-have guide for every woman navigating the dense jungles of online dating. She also wrote the groundbreaking "Dating the Divorced Man: Sort through the Baggage to Decide if He's Right for You" and "It's Not Him, It's YOU: The Truth You May Not Want - But Need - To Hear," both of which are available in multiple languages.

Christie has appeared on the Today Show, Fox News Live, and on several local TV shows such as News2 Denver, the Everyday show, and Daybreak. She's a frequent guest expert on the radio, has published articles for The Good Men Project, JDate, eHarmony, YourTango, and Denver Magazine, and has been quoted in articles for CNN, U.S. News, Match.com, Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Men's FItness, Women's Health, Jezebel, Yahoo, and Marie Claire.

A graduate of the University of Colorado (CU), Christie earned her MA in Clinical Psychology, her PhD in Behavioral Genetics, and worked as a scientist at CU for 11 years. Living in Denver with her husband, Christie enjoys hiking and camping, and has a particular fondness for science fiction and natural health.

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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If you're single, you must read this book!
Lana Fay
I've read the majority of the dating books out there, but this one actually has a lot of fresh insights.
R. Courtier
It will make you cringe when you realized the mistakes you've made with men in the past.
Applecheria

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Carolyn J. Miller on August 31, 2010
Format: Paperback
Scattered throughout the book, It's Not Him, It's You! are pearls of wisdom from Dr. Christie Hartman's personal research - research that includes, among other things, first-hand accounts of her dating perils in an ever-changing yet timeless dating world.

Geared toward a female audience, Dr. Hartman's book has a catchy title that compels women to further investigate the mysteries of the relationship world and the roles women play in it. Despite the catchy title, Dr. Hartman does a good job of presenting a healthy balance between men's and women's roles in relationships.

According to Dr. Hartman, "During the early stages of dating, women make one or more fundamental mistakes that hinder their ability to date successfully and find the man of their dreams." The chapters of the book are represented by Dr. Hartman's articulation of the "Top 10 Mistakes".

As Dr. Hartman points out, "Success in dating, like success in any area of your life, comes from identifying your weak spots and working to improve them. It's about knowing what you want and not giving up until you find it." Without question, this is true for men and women (Dr. Hartman just knows that women are more likely than men to read a book about relationships!).

I enjoyed reading Dr. Hartman's book and believe that her research will shed light for many women currently navigating the dating scene. Without commenting on every chapter, some highlights include:

Mistake #1 - You Think Men Have a Clue: As Dr. Hartman explains, "The fact is that most men don't have a clue so this automatically gives women a leg up.
Read more ›
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By R. Courtier on September 23, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Ms. Hartman's book stands out from the crowd of dating books that I've read. This book isn't based on a theory or a cute idea but is actually thoroughly researched and based on her findings about dating. If the word "research" makes you think dry and boring, think again: In a fun, best-friend-offering-her-best-tough love tone, the author serves up the truth with a lot of empowerment. I personally found this a great dating book because after being discouraged after some disappointing dating experiences, this book helped me to strengthen some of my weak spots in dating and find the courage to get back out there with a lot more confidence and faith. I've read the majority of the dating books out there, but this one actually has a lot of fresh insights. I tend to be shy when it comes to men I find attractive, and she has a great section for women who tend to be shy or introverted when it comes to meeting men. I am following it, and it is working! I'm reading the book again, and discovering even more "hidden gems" of wisdom and advice I missed the first time around!
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By dee lundgren on November 20, 2010
Format: Paperback
This is a short little easy reading book that has some good truths that are not unique to this book but worth repeating. So many clients that I counsel wonder why they have not found the man of their dreams when they are spending time with losers that they tolerate who lack character. They then like the title suggests wonder what is wrong with them. Nothing, I say but the poor choices you are making on who to date. This book empowers women to have zero tolerance in relationship to character flaws that will not make for a safe relationship.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By S. Sue on January 13, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I first misunderstood about the concept of playing the fields, as to what have been written about in the medias. But the truth is after reading it, I have been doing it and also the volumizing, which helps me to evolve my checklist and what I need to focus on the must-haves in a healthy relationship. One thing I want to add, as I just found out from these advices, but is not explicitly stated in the book are two things: 1) There is a big difference between a good man and a good husband; 2) There is a distinction in wanting to get married and wanting to BE married. One of the things she mentioned: hold out for a better man, is priceless and I keep reminding myself every now and then.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By 4701Denver on October 1, 2010
Format: Paperback
I'd never read a dating advice book in my life, but I also hadn't dated much so it seemed it a bit premature to do so. However, I had been trying to make some changes in my life and had a friend recommend "It's Not Him, It's You". Even though I hadn't had a chance to make many of the mistakes, I found the chapter on Mistake #7 "You Let Him Choose You" to be quite enlightening. Dr. Hartman's wisdom and advice helped me to realize that I needed to overcome my shyness in order to encourage the attentions of a good guy. And it worked - shortly after I read the book, I met a great guy and we've been together for six months. Mistake #1 "You Think Men Have a Clue" was also very helpful in order to get a glimps of dating from the guy's perspective. The many pieces of advice and words of wisdom throughout the book also helped me to be not so intimidated by the dating world but to just get out there and get my feet wet!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Micha on June 4, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book was suggested to me by a friend of mine on Facebook-it's funny because I didn't actually think I would go out and buy it, I was just gonna read it at the bookstore or library and take it back...I'm glad I didn't! Something about Mistake #8: Ignoring Red Flags was very compelling to me; at the time I was really bad about enforcing my boundaries and through reading this book, I have done better with knowing when to kick an uninterested man to the curb, what it really means when a guy only emails/texts you and how often, common courtesy, how helpful your girlfriend's advice really is, what signals to give off to a guy and why you should pick the guys you want instead of settling for the ones who choose you. I know people may think it's just another dating and relationship book-trust me Dr. Hartman is instrumental in this book and I plan on keeping this one on my shelf! Read it for yourselves, I can guarantee you will like it-gives some great insight into the dating scene and what really matters in finding yourself and ultimately the right one for you-thanks Christie!
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