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It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life (and Your Organization) by Turning Colleagues and Contacts into Lasting, Genuine Relationships [Hardcover]

Tommy Spaulding , Ken Blanchard
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)

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Book Description

August 10, 2010
In It’s Not Just Who You Know, Tommy Spaulding—the former CEO of Up With People—has written the new How to Win Friends and Influence People for the twenty-fist century. Success—in business and in life—is all about relationships.  In this powerful guide to reaching out to others, Spaulding takes Dale Carnegie’s classic philosophy to the next level—how to create lasting relationships that go well beyond mere superficial contacts and “second floor” relationships.
 
Tommy Spaulding learned at a very young age that he was not destined to be an academic star. He may have gotten a 4.0, but only if he added his high school and college GPAs together. The reason he found academics so challenging, he discovered later, is that Tommy is dyslexic. But his dyslexia didn’t hold him back—in fact, it helped him to develop the talents he did have.  For Tommy is a natural leader; he realized early on that he had a unique ability to connect with others, whatever their age or background.  As a teenager, he was given a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by his father, and it quickly became his bible.  He became a national finalist for the DECA Entrepreneurial Business competition in high school, and ran successfully for senior class president.  He went on to become the CEO of Up With People, one of the largest nonprofit international leadership organizations in the world.
 
At every step, Tommy learned that the secret to getting ahead was reaching out for the support and insight and influence of others. None of us achieve great success alone. We need the help of other people.
 
In this candid, revealing book, Tommy expands upon the principles that Dale Carnegie outlined 75 years ago, and shows us how to take them one step further to accomplish the impossible in our lives and careers.  To invite others to be genuine partners in our lives and success, Tommy explains, you have to first be interested in other people.  It’s not just who you know, or what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. Motives matter. Establishing a deeper connection is about authenticity, not manipulation.  Reciprocity, not selfishness. Every relationship is a two-way street; we never know when a chance encounter can change the direction of our life. 
 
In the bestselling tradition of Dale Carnegie’s classic, It’s Not Just Who You Know shows how each and every one of us can use the power of netgiving—of helping others—to expand our world and achieve our goals, and make a difference in our job, our career, and our community.

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It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life (and Your Organization) by Turning Colleagues and Contacts into Lasting, Genuine Relationships + Greater Than Yourself: The Ultimate Lesson of True Leadership
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Marshall Goldsmith Reviews It's Not Just Who You Know

Marshall Goldsmith is a world-renowned executive coach and author of the New York Times bestsellers, MOJO and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Read his review of It’s Not Just Who You Know:

To be successful today, leaders need more than an impressive title and superficial "friends" in high places. They need to be able to do some basic things--build partnerships, share leadership, and develop and empower people–-to name just a critical few. The challenge is that none of these are possible if people don’t trust or believe in their leaders. That’s where this new book, It’s Not Just Who You Know, fills an important gap in leadership education. In it, Tommy Spaulding hits on the important issue of building and sustaining relationships–-real relationships, authentic relationships as opposed to those less genuine, selfish relationships that do not build morale in the organization or trust between people. Tommy’s is a great book because he doesn’t just tell you that relationships are important, he tells you why, and he tells you how to practice building them. If you pick up one book today, let it be this one. You’ll be glad you did!


Review

“a valuable, reader-friendly guidebook for both business and personal living”
—Fort Worth Star-Telegram

"Tommy masterfully illustrates case by case, person by person, that we're all in this together."
--Woody Johnson, owner of the New York Jets

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Crown Business; 1 edition (August 10, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307589137
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307589132
  • Product Dimensions: 1.1 x 6 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #142,890 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Tommy Spaulding is president of the Spaulding Companies LLC (www.SpauldingCompanies.com), a national leadership development, consulting, coaching, and speaking organization. Spaulding rose to become the youngest president and CEO of the world-renowned leadership organization, Up with People (2005-2008). In 2000, Tommy Spaulding founded Leader's Challenge, which grew to become the largest high school civic and leadership program in the state of Colorado. He is also the founder & president of the Spaulding Leadership Institute (www.SpauldingLeadershipInstitute.org), a non-profit leadership development organization which runs National Leadership Academy, a national high school summer leadership academy, as well as Kid's Challenge, Global Challenge and Colorado Close-Up.
Previously, Spaulding was the Business Partner Sales Manager at IBM/Lotus Development and a member of the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) program.
Spaulding received a BA in Political Science from East Carolina University (1992); an MBA from Bond University in Australia (1998), where he was a Rotary Ambassadorial Scholar; and an MA in Non-Profit Management from Regis University (2005), where he was a Colorado Trust Fellow. In 2007, Spaulding received an Honorary PhD in Humanities from the Art Institute of Colorado. In 2002, he received the Denver Business Journal's "Forty under 40 Award."
In 2006, Spaulding was awarded East Carolina University's "Outstanding Alumni Award," the highest distinction awarded to an alumnus of the university. Spaulding is the Chairman of East Carolina University's External Leadership Advisory Board and is the university's first "Leader in Residence."
A world-renowned speaker on leadership, Spaulding has spoken to hundreds of organizations, schools, and corporations around the globe. His inspiring book about how to create relationships that make a difference, It's Not Just Who You Know, will be published by Random House in August, 2010. He and his family reside in the Denver metropolitan area.
To learn more or to contact Tommy Spaulding, visit www.TommySpaulding.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
55 of 73 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
All 17 reviews here are very similar in style and content. They don't so much review the book as promote it very energetically. One gets the sense that they were prepared as part of a marketing program. The reviews often mention highlights of the book. That looks like "teasers" to me. They also include many exhortations to buy the book - the old marketing "call to action" staple. And an unusually high percentage of readers found the reviews helpful. Hmmm...

I have extracted below a list of some phrases taken from the headers, first and last sentences only, at least one from each review. Note the excessive use of exclamation marks, and the extensive use of power words generally, and emotional ones especially. Use this list from these reviews for your own marketing - it's a good one: inspire, success, meaning, purpose, relationship, children, leader, community, heart, aspire, incredible, grateful, wonderful, genuine, power, positive, love, enjoy, invest, impact, excellent. They recur frequently in various forms and contexts - classic marketing.

Ok, so here's my review of the book:

Spaulding uses his own life experiences to describe the importance of relationships, and then elaborates on how you should apply them in your life. The book follows the classic motivational/self-help writer/speaker formula: catchy phrases, personalization to make advice come alive, loads of emotive power words, lots of promises of transformation, and the obligatory formula of the ilk "common-sense plus everyday-thing equals dramatic-effect."

The sheer number of players and the financial success of inspirational/motivational writer/speakers proves that there is a market for this style, so I must assume that many people love it and must be suitably inspired. If that's you, this book fills out the template really well so you're sure to get your money's worth.

For the rest of us, it's just basic psychology. We all want to be better as people, in relationships, financially, or whatever. So, promise us that. Then, make it really readable and very human, so that we can relate. Inspire us with tales of people overcoming adversity. Gain credibility by telling us how bad it was for you and that if the five simple steps in the book worked for you, imagine what they could do for me? And finally keep it really everyday simple. No analysis, no theories, no academics, no long words, no hypothesis testing. Just personal testimony and lots of really simple power words. Oh, and no hard work required, no discipline, no sacrifice, no setbacks, not much effort at all. The author has been through all that for you. Just follow the elementary formula described in the book, and you will have a powerful and dynamic transformation in your life. (I'm not knocking Spaulding, just describing how the genre works.)

Here my further skepticism. Spaulding mentions that he is dyslexic, which made him embarrassed and appear to be stupid. It is a terrible affliction and I have much sympathy. I realize that it must be very embarrassing and that it most certainly does not mean you're stupid (full credit to him for his pre-writer business success, and for his two Master's degrees - great accomplishments, especially with dyslexia.) But he says this was only diagnosed when he was 40. Really? The diagnosis has been around for a very long time. How was this missed?

It is also apparent from the book that he is a very likable, easy, friendly individual. He is also obviously a born leader and a natural public speaker. All credit to him, and what a blessing to have those talents to offset his learning difficulties. But is the implication that I might be like him if I follow the formula in his book? My cynicism of this genre aside, all he is doing is describing his talents. I too have talents but, even if I described them to you in a highly motivational style, I know you won't become like me.

Thanks to a friend for gifting me this book (one of the exhortations contained therein, btw), and I paid you the respect of reading it, but can I go and get on with Real Life now, please?

Here the extracts mentioned above:

Inspiring & Thought Provoking - Oh my goodness did this book make me think...it is thought provoking and inspiring ... and how you can be a better person and still be successful.
...giving meaning and purpose to what you do.
Relationships are truly measured by more than what you get out of them...
A Must Read for All Ages!! - Tommy Spaulding's, "It's Not Just Who You Know" is an inspiring and insightful look ... share with your children and students as this will help them develop into true Leaders in their communities.
A Warm-Hearted Memoir about the Virtues and Benefits...- If you know someone who aspires to such a role, do the person a favor and share a copy of this book with him or her.
An incredible book; an incredible person; and an incredible message.
so good it earned my first review ever!! - If you are at all on the fence about acquiring a copy of Tommy Spaulding's book, get over the fence! ... I am grateful to have the opportunity to spend time with such a wonderful read!!
Must Read for all - this is the best book I have read in years...READ THIS BOOK. Tommy Spaulding is changing the world -- one relationship at a time.
Tommy is the genuine article, the real deal and you will thank yourself for investing a few hours of your time, reading his book.
A must read and not just for business people!

Examine the power of "netgiving" versus networking - the positive impact they have on your professional and personal life. The unlikely stroke of luck ... You will never look at a chance meeting or formal introduction in the same way after reading this book
I love Tommy's book - Successful relationships are a critical fuel that fulfills people's lives ... create more successful business relationships. Tommy teaches you how.
You will love this book! - This book captures the importance of being authentic ... A business oriented book you will enjoy reading, and gain a great deal from!
This hits it on the button...This is a must read for all and one that will help to make the world a better place. Bravo!
Read and learn from him! - The investment in this book will seem small in comparison to the investment you will make in yourself ... There are so many aha moments from this book that can impact you and more importantly
Excellent Read... A Home Run - This book is great for anyone interested in learning about...success ... This book has so many lessons in it, you might have to read it twice!
A Must Read...Excellent Book...Incredible, Inspirational Challenge - I have read this book and must say that I have been inspired and challenged...This is a must read that I believe will be a classic that is re-read often. I look forward to see the many ways that Tommy Spaulding's message will impact our culture! (This one got a comment saying the review looked fake. The author took the opportunity to promote Spaulding's speaking tour. Hmmmm...)
Was this review helpful to you?
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars More 'Why' Than 'How' October 18, 2010
Format:Hardcover
A better title might be "Nice Guys Don't Finish Last."

In this very enjoyable, feel-good read, Spaulding describes how being a nice guy - interested in others, listening with respect to people, helping out others, etc. - has given him a great life. His book is part memoir, part inspiring story and part justification for building deeper and more meaningful professional relationships.

Other reviewers (advocates, maybe?) have described the book well so I won't. Here's what they didn't say but you should know:

The book is more high level than how-to. The suggestions for ways anyone can take relationships to level five - the penthouse - are based on his experiences and personality. They worked well for him but might not fit too many others.

This guy takes extroversion to new levels - it's extroversion on steroids. He says anyone can learn to do what he does but just reading about his activities made me want to spend more time alone. And I score above average on extroversion!

While his stories of how relationships changed his life were very moving and convincing, he focuses only on the positive relationships. I would have benefited more from hearing how he dealt with what he calls cancer in relationships - jealousy, selfishness and insecurities - as well as people who are very critical or don't share your values.

Maybe that will be Volume 2.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
It started with seeing Thomas speak at a local lunch summit. How refreshing to read something that the author has a desire to have impact and influence - with NO motive. Loved it....
Comment | 
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome Book!
This book is awesome! Much better than I expected. I received the book in wonderful condition; practically seemed brand new. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Marshall Studios
5.0 out of 5 stars I highly recommend this book
I'm on my 3rd reading of this book. There are so many lessons I'm learning. I'm so inspired to follow through with volunteering that I've been putting off.... Read more
Published 23 months ago by Roxanne
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Read!
"Its Not Just Who You Know" blew me away. I bought the book thinking I would learn how to foster deeper relationships with my clients, and ended up on a heart warming and... Read more
Published on February 15, 2011 by Jamie
3.0 out of 5 stars Partially read of a partially completed book
I've only listened to the first two audio discs, liked the book, but upon reading these Amazon reviews, my opinion has changed. Read more
Published on February 8, 2011 by Chen Sun
1.0 out of 5 stars Not believable
First, the book was ghostwritten(see the acknowledgement page).
Second, the author is a middle class white kid from NY. Read more
Published on January 30, 2011 by zadig
3.0 out of 5 stars Tough to read for the nuggets that are there!
The ego is tough to get through--maybe deserved but does he have to spread it on so thick? There are nuggets there, it is just hard to glean it out.
Published on January 21, 2011 by Detective reader
2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing read...
I was very excited to read this book. I had read other "networking" books before such as Never Eat Alone and How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read more
Published on January 8, 2011 by Nathan
4.0 out of 5 stars Take me to the Fifth Floor, Please
Knowing the right people will get you places. This opinion has more or less been accepted as fact and there is ample evidence to back it up. Read more
Published on November 24, 2010 by Bryan Carey
5.0 out of 5 stars Goes beyond the 'who you know' approach to show how building...
It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life (And Your Organization) by Turning Colleagues and Contacts into Lasting, Genuine Relationships provides a fine new book sharing... Read more
Published on November 14, 2010 by Midwest Book Review
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring Help to Live Bigger than Yourself
The current reviews speak volumes about the quality of both the substance and the enjoyability of this book. Read more
Published on October 18, 2010 by CRhyme
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