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73 Reviews
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57 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm so grateful to this book.
So when I turned 35 and had left my last serious relationship 3 years before, I was not feeling great about being single. In fact, I was kind of terrified that I had failed at the big job we have as humans. I like to read so I read some books.
Dating books are NOT the places to turn if you're not feeling great-- they make you feel worse. The homework those books gave...
Published 7 months ago by Critic-At-Large

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2 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Good to read
If your a single woman in your late 40's like me! Could have been more interesting. Overall, an inspiring message!
Published 7 months ago by M. G.


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57 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm so grateful to this book., January 9, 2014
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So when I turned 35 and had left my last serious relationship 3 years before, I was not feeling great about being single. In fact, I was kind of terrified that I had failed at the big job we have as humans. I like to read so I read some books.
Dating books are NOT the places to turn if you're not feeling great-- they make you feel worse. The homework those books gave me just made me feel MORE hopeless.
Enter this book, just in time. It is not "scientifically proven," it's not a groundbreaking technique-- it's just a woman who could be your friend talking to you in a really clear, honest way about WHAT IS NOT WRONG WITH YOU. Seriously, why does everyone tell us there's something wrong? Why do we tell OURSELVES?
I think the most useful thing a book can do-- of any kind, actually-- is make you feel connected to the world, and therefore less alone. That is exactly what this book has done. Sara Eckel describes many exact thoughts and feelings that I have had and even just by doing that makes me feel less crazy, or broken, or deficient in some way.
I don't need homework. I needed this book to remind me of some really clear truths-- that being single is not evidence of being broken, and that wanting a relationship is not evidence of being pathetic.
I am right square in Sara Eckel's demographic-- a 35-year-old, professional Brooklynite-- but I have a feeling there is a lot of universality to what she's saying, based on what I know of friends in other parts of the country and of the world.
The point being-- if you are single and you feel like there's some code that all the married people have that you never figured out, read this book.
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A book every woman could use!, January 7, 2014
By 
Sarah Richards (Brooklyn, NY United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single (Paperback)
Kudos to Sara Eckel for writing a much-needed book for every woman who has sat alone late at night and wondered "Why am I still single? What's wrong with me?" Her gorgeous answer: Maybe nothing!

This funny, well-written rebuttal to the most popular bits of self-help advice gives women hope and permission to stop working so hard trying to "fix" themselves to find love. Eckel manages to find something original and useful to say on this tired topic. But she stops short of syruppy advice and gives us a smart and useful perspective that makes everyone feel better, whether you are coupled or looking.
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars thank you for writing it!, January 8, 2014
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I read your article from the New York Times about 2 yrs ago and it stuck. When I heard about your book, I pre- paid for it. Your book is genuine and it is real. No hard and fast advice but real life lessons to be learned. I just turned 33 and felt the very same emotions that you express in your book but I didn't really know how to cope with them. I like the fact, that you write about single hood as a natural and yet tough part of life. Not all glam as many think it is. I too cried at many of the things you have cried about and I am unhappily single... But I think your book sheds light that single hood, be it a passing phase in life or not, I should still live my life. And it's ok. It's going to be ok. Wishing you all the best!
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Creating space for ambiguity and dignity, January 7, 2014
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After loving Eckel's Modern Love columns in the NY Times, I read this book the day it came out in one sitting. Contrary to the spectrum of books that try to impose a formula on life and love, this book is refreshingly compassionate and intelligent, not just about being single, but about all our relationship choices. She also draws from my recent favorites - Oliver Burkeman and Mari Ruti (great reads) as well as popular favorites like Stephanie Coontz, Brene Brown, and Pema Chodron. While the book might not ring as pitch-perfect to those with less similar backgrounds, or with less experience in/affinity for Buddhism, it's enormously positive to have a calm, non-accusatory, wise, genuinely curious voice in the needlessly cacophonous "debate" on singleness.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A nice change from the usual self help books, January 9, 2014
Finally someone puts a voice to something all of us single women know deep down inside but often forget in the face of societal expectations.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Stop what you're doing and get this book, January 18, 2014
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This review is from: It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single (Paperback)
I would give this book 6 stars if I could. I read Sara Eckel's NYT article a few years ago and have it bookmarked. Sara's book is a warm, witty and well-written account of her struggle to fix herself, only to find out she didn't need fixing. She debunks all the "reasons" women are told they are single and can't find a man. How incredibly refreshing to read a book that doesn't give you a checklist, action plan or some other soul-destroying advice. Occassionally a book comes along that just rings so true and this is one of them. Even though I'm in my 50s (and single for a very long time), I got a great deal out of this book. Bravo, Sara!
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow, January 7, 2014
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. Why has it taken so long for someone to write a book like this? This one is a life changer. Thank you..
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What I've been waiting for for so long, January 20, 2014
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This review is from: It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single (Paperback)
This author echoed the sentiments I've felt for a long time but have never been able to express. This book was reassuring, uplifting, and I felt myself thinking "yes, THIS" over and over again. Additionally, it offers some great advice and consolation for singles and ultimately just made me feel better about myself and the world in general. A must-read for anyone who's struggled with being alone.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Refreshing, January 17, 2014
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This review is from: It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single (Paperback)
This book is great. The general message reminded me of a quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Ted Talk "We Should All Be Feminists," which recently gained popularity when it was featured on Beyonce's new album. "A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep personal failure. And a man, after a certain age isn’t married, we just think he hasn’t come around to making his pick." Being single is not a failure. It just is, and this book hammers home that point, complete with mental rebuttals for all of those really annoying but well-meaning pieces of advice: You're too picky, you're too available, you're too intimidating, pretty much all of the you're too this and that of every extreme. You're not too anything. You're just you and you haven't picked yet.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty good, could have used tighter editing, January 15, 2014
By 
Jaime Silvela (Luxembourg, Madrid) - See all my reviews
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Good book, I picked it up because I recognized the author from the NY Times.
It may be slightly more focused towards women, but as I man I found it easy to translate the details to my own gender.
Eckel writes well, doesn't preach, and isn't desperately trying to win your sympathy, as many writers do.

The book's message is already clear in the first half. What comes after feels like variations on a theme. At points, the text is a bit of a rant - that's OK of course, and yes, why the hell do total strangers feel entitled to ask you why you're single?
All in all, a pleasant read, and a positive and useful message.
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It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single by Sara Eckel (Paperback - January 7, 2014)
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