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It's Not Your Fault: How Healing Relationships Change Your Brain and Can Help You Overcome a Painful Past Paperback – May 15, 2004


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 180 pages
  • Publisher: Bahai Publishing (May 15, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1931847118
  • ISBN-13: 978-1931847117
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #890,748 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Patricia Romano McGraw, Ph.D., is a psychologist who has provided individual and group psychotherapy to victims of trauma and abuse for more than twenty-five years. A former staff therapist at the Johns Hopkins Hospital Department of Community Psychiatry in Baltimore, she is a forensic expert in post-traumatic stress disorder and interpersonal violence and its effects. Currently in private practice, Dr. McGraw also lectures and presents workshops. She and her husband, Pete, live in Baltimore.

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars
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See all 16 customer reviews
This book helped me see that it WILL happen but it happens in its own time.
Julie H. Garritty
Every one on the planet that has ever had or will a have a relationship with anyone should read this; professionals in this field especially!
Karen K Reid
This book would be helpful for therapist's needing to understand more fully the transformative nature that therapy can provide.
CRose

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful By James Russell on May 25, 2004
Format: Paperback
Never have I read such powerful insight into the human brain and how it functions, or indeed one that debunked so many of the false beliefs that are so rampant in the psychology field.
Self-help books talk about how you need to "think positive" to heal from a traumatic past; this book shows you how instead you need to restructure the way you "feel" to overcome trauma and that, by so doing, your thought processes will improve as well.
This book is also unique in its affirmation of God's role in the healing process with solid scientific proof to back up this assertion, falling nicely in step with the Bah?'? Faith's core principle of perfect and absolute harmony between science and religion.
Romano McGraw is not only well spoken and humorous but also has a talent for presenting complex subjects in ways almost anyone can understand.
If you or anyone you know has ever been traumatized, this book will help you understand that person and their behavior from a fresh new perspective that's backed up by solid science. Even if you haven't been traumatized and don't know anyone who has been, at the very least this milestone in the history of psychology will move you. Or, if you're like me, it may well change your very perception of human existence.
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 23, 2004
Format: Paperback
What a great book! Well written and very informative. Everyone should read this book. Perhaps people will learn some compassion and understanding for the person trying to heal from trauma. This book explains why someone can't "get over," or "let go" of a painful past. They need other people. What a concept! The story of Kim is so inspirational. I'd love to meet her. Thank you for this book.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By CRose on December 11, 2004
Format: Paperback
I found this book fascinating. When I was a young mother, I knew it was important to relate to my child in a helpful, healing way. I read many books on childhood development and none gave me the information that this book does. In the early chapters, the book explains the mechanics of brain development and the importance of the bonding relationship between mother and child. Watching a close friend of mine with her infant son has given me the opportunity to be an educated observor of this (thirty years too late for my own child!). The second half of the book takes the reader through a case study of a woman whose upbringing did not provide any opportunity for healthy development and whose subsequent life reflected this. Through the parenting process of therapy the counselor actually restructured her brain, helping to close the pathways that caused pain and pathology in her life.

This book would be helpful for therapist's needing to understand more fully the transformative nature that therapy can provide. Also I think young mothers could also benefit by understanding the choices that mothers make and the consequences in raising their children.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Midwest Book Review on August 12, 2004
Format: Paperback
Written by a psychologist who has given individual and group psychotherapy to trauma and abuse victims for over twenty-five years, It's Not Your Fault is a spiritual self-help guide that denounces the commonly trumpted belief that one can simply think one's way to happiness. Warning that those who suffer from the devastating effects of trauma cannot simply think themselves happy, and offering down-to-earth wisdom for improving one's emotional health and well-being without setting unrealistic goals, It's Not Your Fault is a powerful and vital contribution to understanding the deepest parts of oneself and how to seek out the help one needs to improve the quality of one's life.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Julie H. Garritty on August 31, 2009
Format: Paperback
Having been sexually abused as a child, I have read my fair share of self-help books on the subject. At this time I am at what I consider to be the lowest point in my life (from a job and relationship standpoint) -- which finally prompted me to seek professional help instead of doing it all on my own with a stack of self-help books and a prayer. My therapist (who is wonderful) supplements my therapy with different books from her office with the instructions to read them and see how the ideas may relate to my situation BUT not to do anything about it. Just be aware of the concepts, examples, etc and that's it. It has made this type of reading much easier for me, knowing that at the end of the book I'm not expected to have any sort of light bulb go off in my head and tell me that (THIS time) I finally get it and can be healed!

It's Not Your Fault was the fourth book that I was given, and the one that I was LEAST excited about by the title. I mean, we all inherently know that it's not a child's fault when something like this happens. But with my adult brain, I realized that I was hindsight quarterbacking the child that I was.... saying that I should have KNOWN better and I should've been able to help myself more. This book explained to me why I feel that way -- why MOST adults will blame the victim for their siutation, especially the more severe the suffering is. We, as human beings, do not and cannot accept that the world is not a fair and just place. It causes our own existence to be turned upside down. Therefore, a victim MUST be doing something to cause his/her problems. It was something that I realized that even I (as a former victim) was capable of!
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