Customer Reviews: JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
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on December 4, 2007
I am an acquisitions officer for an artillery unit in the Russian Army. Since mafia hooligans stole all of our equipment to sell to Kyrgyzstani rebels, we have been looking for a low-cost alternative to the T-80 Main Battle Tank. After successful trials at a facility in Moscow, this so-called "Badonkadonk" was approved for use in the Chechen theatre. Initial reports were favorable, but then somebody noticed that the tank lacked a cannon, treads, and armor, and possessed the engine of an electric bicycle. It did, however, have an excellent audio system, but this failed to compensate for its disappointing 100% mortality rate. Recommended only for use against Lithuanians.
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on December 1, 2005
I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.

But not this baby, no way.

This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I'm dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can't say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I'm dropping off my kid's team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!

I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white phosphorus missile system, and talk about *SWEET*! Burn baby burn!!!

Oh, it also has plenty of room for groceries, and if you need to like move a loveseat or something it'll fit if you use a little bungee cord.

The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn't full size.

Overall, a great tank.
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on March 2, 2006
If I had it to do over again, I'd leave my insurance settlement money under my matress a while longer instead of spendin it on one of these things. A Badonkadonk ... more like a Badonkajunk.

I bought one of these Donks 'cause I thought the cops wouldn't hastle me in it. Since it aint road legal I figured it wouldn't matter that I don't got a driver's license anymore (It's that kinda "outa the box" thinkin that's got me where I am in life). I figured when the cops said "Billy, you know you aint supposed to be drivin a car anymore" I could say "I aint drivin a car, I'm drivin a Donk" and then crank up "Freebird" on my 400 Watt stereo as I lay down a thick patch of rubber with the 6hp fire-breathin power plant and maybe let out a rebel yell as I go up on 2 wheels and squeeze between the 2 squad cars they had set up as a road block. Then when they pulled out their guns and tried to stop me the bullets would just rikoshay off my trusty Donk as I glance matter-of-factly into the rear view mirror and flick the ash off my Marlboro in symbolic contempt of the agressors what I had just thwarted.

Nothin was further from the truth though: I had just stayed late over at my sister trailer and was fixin to head back across the court to my trailer. I will admit that I had been drinkin, but her trailer was just a few loops over from mine and it was after 3AM so I figured I weren't gonna hurt nobody, especially in the old "Donk". As chance would have it, I just happened to be wearing various article of my sister's clothing and started to recognize the familiar smell of MacDonnald french fries. As I turned the corner into my own loop, the smell was unmistakable ... as was the conclusion that I deducticated in my mind ... my sister had been gettin cozy with that retard Lucas Tubbs who works the MacDonnald's drive through.

Well, I have to tell you I became engorged with rage! I whipped the old Donker around and started headin for MacDonnalds to show ol' Tubbs what I thought of him sneakin around my sis. I only made it as far as the trailer park entrance though, cause I got high-centered on the speed bump there. Folks tell me that I crawled on top of the Donkster and started yellin obsenities at that point, but to be honest I don't recall that part. It must have been true though because the police showed up very quickly. When I saw the squad car, I scurried back into the Donk, locked the hatch, started up the engine, and floored it! It was the right thing to do because, in their vain effort to extracticate me from my vehicular conveyance, the cops jumped on the roof of the Donk tipping the balance just far enough that the wheels grabbed hold and I was able to get off of the speed bump. Hot pursuit was on!

The cops' squad car must have malfunctioned because the officers proceded to pursue me on foot. By the time I got to Main Street I had a comfortable lead on them. I turned South, as that was the proper mode of direction to arrive at the MacDonnalds. At that point my drunken rage peaked and I knew what I had to do to save my families honor: I was gonna crash my tank into the MacDonnalds drive through! I rev'ed up the engine and floored it! As I got closer and closer, I could see ol' 'tardy Tubbs' face paint a life-size portrait of confusion on a tattered canvas of fear and surprise. I thought to myself "All will be made right again" as I flew by the intercom, scraping sparks of anger and bitterness as I careened past. I was overjoyed to see that, even though he had plenty of time to see me coming and move out of the way, ol' 'tardy Tubbs was still in my direct line-of-flight. I braced for impact as the Donk hit the order window plexiglass, bounced off, and rolled over on its side. I must have hit my head on the pivoting control stick because I blacked out momentarily. I awoke to the sound of my tiny wheels spinning madly at 40 miles per hour. With my battle tank inoperable, my hopes of even slightly inconveniencing Lucas Tubbs dashed, and my sister's fine clothes soiled with sweat and blood, I had no choice left but to piss myself and start flailing my arms and legs madly.

The police that had been pursuing me arrived moments later. I do not agree with their assessment that I was a danger to myself and others, but I don't recall that part of the evenning very well so I can't say for sure. Either way, I don't think the use of the Tazer was justified. However, I now have lawsuits outstanding against MacDonnalds for faulty drive through design, the manufacturer of the Tazer, and the local police. One of these suits needs to pay out to replace the money from the insurance settlement and pay the court mandated restitution to MacDonnalds and the local police.

In the end, I blame all my problems on the Donk. I hope they have good insurance. I'm comin for them next.
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on August 8, 2007
I was skeptical at first...can you really buy a tank and be allowed to drive it around town. Turns out that "legally" you can't. But it does have some other great benefits:

1. Every single person I have had an issue with is now afraid of me. It's not that quiet respect kind of thing either, these people are petrified of me. My neighbors used to get mad when the dog "Wally" would use their yard as a bathroom -- not any more. In fact, they don't get mad when I do it either.

2. The gas mileage isn't that great, but I haven't stopped for a traffic light/stop sign for the six months I've owned the JL421. Actually, I haven't even bothered to slow down....people just seem to get out of the way. The police escorts have been a welcomed suprise, but they would be more efficient in front of me instead of following behind.

3. The flamethrower attachment is a must have (I found one at a garage sale for a great price). My lawn will never have to be mowed again. The machine guns only fire one thousand rounds per minute, but short of the few times I've needed them it hasn't been much of an issue.

4. This thing is super roomy too. I can now take at least six of my drunken idiot friends with me on our Wednesday night road rage episodes. My old tank only fit the four of us. If you can't share those times with your friends, why even bother going out to shoot stuff -- ya know?!?!

Just a couple of negatives:

1. Now that my wife has kicked me out of the house and I'm living in my tank, I have really noticed the need for more ventilation. I haven't showered in six months and it is pretty ripe smelling in there. I'm looking into adding some windows.

2. Great stereo system. I would think that for the money they would have put in a CD player instead of just cassette deck. I bought a Sony Walkman CD player to plug in, but it skips everytime I smash into somebody's house.

All in all I would buy this tank again, and definitely recommend it to my friends (that live in a different state than I do).
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on February 16, 2014
As a captain in the French Army I know the value of a tank that's easy to use. With the JL421, surrendering to the Germans has never been easier. Since there is no weaponry installed we don't even have to pretend to fight back against the Germans. All you have to do is run up a white flag, hand the keys to the nearest German officer, and head off to the nearest cafe to await our allies to bail us out. This tank makes surrendering so easy that we may even surrender to Switzerland next week!
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on June 6, 2007
WARNING!!! Seller cannot ship this tank to APO's!! I ordered my Badonkadonk about 6 months ago when I found out that I was deploying to Iraq for the second time. I knew from my experiences last time that having my very own Badonkadonk would be great for when I needed to go downtown without the rest of the platoon, and I was right as the Badonkadonk has turned into a great little grocery runner.

Overall this mini-tank is very sturdy. The fins guarding the windows do a very good job of deflecting debris or shrapnel, so the windows, while I'm sure they can take it, haven't been hit yet. The rest of the armor will deflect bullets aside from a close range direct hit. We take pop shots at it all the time and they ping right off. I don't really think that the 5 passengers that this tank is rated to carry is very accurate. I've been able to fit at the most 2 with body armor, 3 without.

I've modded the Bodonk a little to fit my needs, which I'm sad to say has voided my warranty. The 40mph top speed just doesn't cut it when your trying to dodge IED's, so we replaced it with a similar in size, but much more powerful Acura motor. If the tires on this tank could handle it, we could do about 110 -120mph in this bad boy now. Really its too scary do drive at over 65 with the medieval era suspension, that's our next upgrade.

The rubber at the bottom has become very brittle due to high temperatures and bad road conditions. The AC blows very cold. Sometimes we just crank up the tunes and sit inside while sipping on an ice cold near beer. Id recommend keeping some air fresheners inside the Badonkadonk, as the very limited about of ventilation holds on to just about every bad scent that you bring into it.

I am ultimately happy with my purchase, I'm just not looking forward to tell my wife that I spent every dime that I've made in Iraq this year on it.
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VINE VOICEon December 1, 2007
Well, this has been a real mess for us. We had been shopping for a land cruiser/tank and after reading the reviews on Amazon, we decided on the JL421.

The problems started when we tried to take delivery. UPS left a note on the door and we arranged to be there the next day and they did not show up when they said that they would, so we ended up having to go to the UPS pickup office to get the Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank.

This item will not fit in the trunk of a Corvette.

We ended up unpacking the JL421 there in the UPS parking lot and they were kind enough to dispose of the packing. I was pulled over twice on the way home because of not having tags and driving a vehicle that wasn't licensed for public roadways. We got off with warnings when we explained to the officers about our difficulties in getting the tank delivered to the house.

Once we got home, we found that the tank is not going to fit in the garage like we planned. We have a two car garage and we have two cars and we thought the JL421 might fit in at the front of the garage, turned sideways and we could pull the minivan right up to it. Nope.

So we put the tank outside in the driveway.

Three days later we got a notice from the homeowner's association which included our covenant restrictions and the following section was highlighted:

"Parking: No vehicles shall be parked on any residential lot, either in the driveway, or on the road outside which do not have current license tags and cannot be driven on public roadways. In addition, not vehicles which are under repair (except for minor repairs which can be completed in under four hours) may be parked in a residential driveway or on the road outside the residence. Finally, no JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tanks may be parked in a residential driveway or on the road outside a residence."

I asked if I was being singled out on this, but the homeowner's association says this is a standard form and they actually copied it off the internet from another homeowner's association's bylaws and covenants in Florida. (I live in South Carolina.)

So I would pass a warning along to anyone looking to buy a JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank to carefully check your bylaws and covenants before you purchase one of these.

The kids are devastated.
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on February 16, 2014
This is a general notification of my client, Jabba The Hut, for his intent to file a suit for design copyright infringement in relation to his main barge.

My client intends to bring about this lawsuit shortly and hopes to resolve it by feeding you to his pet rancor. A representative, Mr. B. Fett, will be along presently to deliver the documents.
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on November 15, 2010
"Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'

Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?

Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'

Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?"

-- Dave Barry
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on February 24, 2006
I went the extra bucks and bought the stealth model. I drove it home (and Hey! Don't believe the stories of 0 to 60 times reported by other owners. It's all bunk. My best time was 0 to 60 in 3 minutes, 14 seconds.) Anyway, I drove it home, parked it in the driveway AND NOW I CAN'T FIND IT!

Sometimes stealth can be too much of a good thing. I should have gone for the standard model.

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