Customer Reviews

Japan Took the J.A.P. Out of Me

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Every now and then I do a bit of impulse shopping, especially when I hit the bookstore. I can't help it, it's one of my besetting vices. So when I passed by this vivid display of books, and spotted this one, about the adventures of a Jewish American Princess (the J.A.P. of the title, and a term that I loathe) in modern Japan, I thought why not? and tossed it into the basket.

Lisa Fineberg Cook starts her memoir with her marriage - a big lavish one, paid for by Mummy and Daddy, of course - to a teacher who is pretty much the opposite of her self-indulgent, rather spoilt self. Peter has accepted a teaching job in Nagoya, Japan for two years, and Lisa, naturally, isn't about to let her new spouse go traipsing off to another country by himself. But she doesn't speak the language, doesn't know the culture, and frankly, knows nearly nothing about cooking, laundry or anything else to keeping a home tidy or attractive and meals on the table and on time. She does however, know about shopping.

In each chapter of the book, she rambles on about the perils of teacher housing in Japan, coping with the people that she meets, and the reality that she is not the center of the universe. So Lisa compensates by throwing hissy fits when she doesn't get her way, makes fatal faux-pas with people that could have been her friends, and eventually settles on being a teacher in a girl's school as a way of making pin money and filling her empty hours. Along the way, the reader discovers how the Japanese are very different than the Americans by looking at public transportation, pornography (evidently it's perfectly fine to read it in public, and that there are taboos where pictures of women's private parts are concerned, but the fetishism about young girls is expected), food and adjusting to Japanese tastes, and cleaning, all within the first year of their stay in Japan.

And somehow, through all of this, Lisa seems to view being in Japan as a great trial and impossibility, mourning and wailing over the lack of her InStyle magazines, the insistence of the Japanese to do things in their own time and way, and her constant whining over the fact that she isn't in southern California with her best friend Stacie, and being on the phone to her friend nearly all of the time.

Yep, you can guess by now that I didn't have a lot of sympathy for Ms. Cook while I was reading this book. While I could see some of the humour in her situations as she fumbles her way along, I found her attitude grating and of the worst sort of the Ugly American. You know, the people who on holiday tend to carry on about how awful the food and their surroundings are and why can't everyone be like back home and speak English? Me, I tend to go native fast, view it all as an adventure, and see what I can learn along the way. What I could not understand is why her husband Peter, a man who is extremely intelligent and easy-going would put up her sniveling and manipulations for very long, but evidently he's madly in love with her, and wants to see her happy. And Lisa continues to try and control her environment and insist that everyone do it her way or else.

By the time I managed to wade through this book some two hundred and seventy five pages, I was thoroughly annoyed and bored by Lisa and Peter's story. While I certainly could admire Peter's forebearance and love and ability to put up with his childish wife, I was ready to bitch-slap Lisa through a wall. In particular I found her casual drug use and attitude of `I'm ENTITLED!' bothersome, and while I could accept it in say, a teenager (they can't help it, after all), it becomes too much when it's someone in their thirties. To prolong the agony, there is a question-and-answer session with the author at the end of the book, wherein I discovered that she hadn't changed very much in the intervening years between her time in Japan and now.

That's too bad. While Lisa does manage to get some grasp of the situation by the end of the book, I found her simply too shallow, arrogant and not that interesting to read about. Her storytelling ability is acceptable, but the level of conceit was very off-putting. The J.A.P. or Jewish-American Princess has become a stereotype in our culture, and as I stated earlier, it's one that I find detestable. Most Jewish women I know and associate with are capable, strong and compassionate women who wouldn't dream of whining their way through life, and manage quite well, thank you, especially when life gets rough and hard-going. I found Ms. Cook to be an embarrassment to read about, and she is someone that I wouldn't like to know in real life.

And that's too bad. There are other books out there that deal much better with being an American in another society and culture, and do it with humility and style. If you want to read about American women in Japan, I can happily recommend Japanland by Karin Muller, a far better memoir that pretty much goes over the same topics.

Overall, this is a book that I can not recommend. Two stars.

This book had the potential to be great. The theme itself was interesting, however the author was absolutely insufferable and her constant self-importance completely took away from the story. I have never read a memoir by someone so entitled, vulgar, or bratty. Her behavior in Japan and animosity toward the people made her the epitome of the "Ugly American", though she tried to pass herself off as enlightened and cute.

Had I paid more attention to the subtitle of this book - The True Story of a Domesticated Princess - I would have realized that this is chick lit rather than memoir or travelogue. And to borrow the author's voice: I don't do chick lit. I agree with a former reviewer: the topic was very promising. But readers who expect first-hand insights into Japanese culture will be disappointed. What you get, though, is some insight into L.A. girlie-lifestyle, including all treats the author suffers deprivation of while in Japan (mani/pedis, Starbucks, adequately pronounced English, et cetera). What made it hard for me to warm to her was that, apart from Japanese architecture and some food items, next to nothing could meet the heroine's approval. Nor did she undertake any (visible) effort to familiarize herself with the historical origins and evolution of the Japanese mentality that unsettled her so much. Thus, the book is an unreflecting account of personal experiences without any cultural or social context. I also quickly grew tired of the vulgar and dismissive comments (profanities like "f**k" on every other page). To the author's credit, she's not an untalented writer. This could have been good.

In short: readers who like chick lit may enjoy this book. All others: pass on it.

My partner bought this book for me for Christmas, and when I went to go read it I was really excited! I'd lived in Nagoya for a year before with a host family and studied at Nanzan University, and enjoyed many good times during my stay. In addition to making Japanese friends, I befriended several other expats and we made the most of our wonderful experience. I was looking forward to reading something similar to the fun I had.

The problems started when Lisa described her ideal fantasy of Japan consisting of sushi, shopping, manicures, blah blah blah... I mean, I get it. If you don't know anything about Japan and you're a ridiculously girly girl going overseas for the first time, your first conception of Japan will be the idealized American version. It's natural to have expectations. I was well prepared for my experience with 2 years of language training and study of the culture and I still had difficulties dealing with culture shock.

But I dealt with it much better than this spoiled woman. And I was 21 at that time!! I had no close friends with me, no family, nothing but the rudimentary language I'd learned and a couple of acquaintances from my home university. I handled the cultural differences with humility and patience. Because it was I who was in another country. I cannot, CAN NOT, expect a Japanese person in Japan (or German or Indian or Italian or Thai) to 1) know English; 2) understand my culture and where I'm coming from 3) indulge me when I'm frustrated or 4) think I'm awesome for being an American.

Fact of the matter is, while English is taught in Japan, it's not taught in a way that conversation with Americans is easy. There are plenty of Japanese people who have no desire to travel to America because they think it's a scary place. Many are happy to remain in Japan and stick to what they know. And that's fine. I never expect anyone to be like me. But this woman? What on Earth...? She really expected Japan to fall to its knees and cater to her every need, didn't she? I got angry with her, even, because she repeatedly insulted a country and a city I have grown to love. She's incredibly disrespectful and what makes me the angriest is that she never, EVER, bothered to even TRY to learn Japanese. She never tried to understand the culture! If she did, she would have been much more compassionate.

The reason why she perceived the Japanese as "cold" is because society teaches them to keep to themselves and not interfere. There's the proverb "A nail that stands out will get hammered down". They don't want to draw attention to themselves. And yes, they will stare at you, but not for the reasons you think they're staring. They stare because they're fascinated, curious, and wonder what your story is. And to them, that's okay. It's also socially acceptable to discuss your weight and call someone else "fat". And if someone pays a compliment to your husband/wife/daughter/son, you immediately mention a negative thing because you don't want to appear overly proud. It's bad form.

I don't necessarily agree with all the above customs and norms, but you bet when I'm in Japan, I adhere to them and understand them. That's what you do in a foreign country. You don't walk around telling everyone what you wish it was like.

I'm telling you, if I took my partner to Japan with me and she behaved in the same manner as Lisa, I would have signed divorce papers and not thought twice about it. There's no force on this planet that would get me to stay married to someone like her. Spoiled, selfish, indulgent, thoughtless, ethnocentric woman that she is.

As others who agreed with me before said, Ugly American. I hope no one else who reads this follows her example.

Rarely do I purchase books in a major book store due to their high prices. But this time, I was shopping for something special for my grandmother and while browsing, came across this one. I'm a fan of memoir type books and this one seemed like it would be adventurous, cultural, and even a little comical life changing experience. Very disappointing. It took so much effort and quite a few skipped, blah, blah, blah, pages to finish it. Long story short. High maintenance, slightly spoiled, city girl moves to Japan with her newlywed husband and finds, not only does she have to do her own laundry but she is now a minority. Tsk...Tsk. Wouldn't even waste my money on it at a discount book store.

The superficial mutterings of an unrepentant tourist. I expected to gain some valuable insights into the life of an American expat in Japan, however this book failed to deliver on it's title. The author began the story as a spoiled bratty, whining princess, and she ended it basically unchanged. In two years she apparently either made no attempt to learn the language, or didn't think the effort was worth telling the reader. Nothing about her struggle to learn Kanji, or Katakana. Why? Because she didn't bother.

Don't waste your time or your money.

At some point during my reading of this book, I realized the author is a much more intelligent person and a better writer than she lets on here. Until that point, I had been feeling very unsure how she ever got this book published. Yes, it's an interesting story---right after getting married, husband and wife move to Japan to teach. But the writing was just plain strange. For a paragraph or two, we'd hear about cultural differences between the countries, or Japan's treatment of women, or something fairly mainstream, and then suddenly---a vivid description of sex with her husband, or an extended riff on brands and shopping, or talk about drinking or drugs, or a long tale of deli food. It was like reading a true memoir interwoven with very badly written chick lit. I was truly shocked when about halfway through, I realized Lisa, the author, was a high school teacher back home. Up until that point, you would have thought she had never worked a day in her life. It's not that I mind if someone wants to write a lightweight book, and I'm not a prude---I don't mind sex in a book. But decide what you want to write! I can't feel the sincere, heart-felt parts of this writing if I am having to stay alert for the next page full of handbag stories. I think Lisa had important things to say about the horrible treatment of women she witnessed in Japan, and the rising anti-Semitic movement she saw there, but I don't think people are going to listen to her seriously if they have to sift that out from the latest update on sex with her studly husband. I hope Lisa writes more---I think she has a voice and something to say. But she will have to decide---chick lit type writing or serious writing? She could do either well, just not both at once.

I tend to enjoy memoirs, especially when they involve Japan. If I had understood how LITTLE this one actually did involve Japan, I probably wouldn't have read it. I went into the book excited to read about the Japanese culture and came out feeling like it could have taken place anywhere. I'm glad that I didn't know it would be like that beforehand, because I probably would have missed out on what turned out to be a great book.

Lisa Fineberg Cook and I have NOTHING in common. Well, very little, at least. I find her to be bratty, snobby, self-involved, and self-inclined. She is the kind of person that some of my friends might occasionally be friends with, and I would just never get it. This entire memoir is basically just her whining about Nagoya, Japan and how it is different from Beverly Hills/L.A. She's also an avid smoker (although she does occasioanlly try to deny this), and anyone that knows me knows that this is an immediate deal breaker for me. (I feel bad saying these things about the author, but I'm sure she would think I am too stuffy and moral for her tastes as well, so it's all good. Our ideas of fun are just very different.)

Now you might be thinking - but wait, I thought you "really enjoyed this book." And the fact is that, despite not really liking Lisa and knowing that she and I would NOT get along in life, I did like it. It was a fast-paced, witty, fun, and easy read. I would't go so far as to say that it's laugh out loud funny, but I did find myself smiling and laughing in my head on a regular basis.

More than that, though, she really does get across what it feels like to be an ex-patriot. I've been an ex-pat for over two years now, and I could relate on so may levels to the things she was going through. I would have dealt with them differently than she did, but she really made me understand that an ex-pat is an ex-pat no matter where they are. I could have written a similar book whining about Paris.

Reading about her experiences made me feel a sense of solidarity with her and helped me to understand her where everywhere else I just couldn't.

Oddly enough, despite my complaints, I found this to be an extremely enjoyable read that I literally could not put down. I read it in two sittings (I don't read books in one sitting, so this is pretty awesome for me).

I picked this book up randomly--never heard about it before or read the reviews--because I was looking for a new book to read while traveling. And I enjoyed it! I think Lisa provided an accurate and interesting portrayal of her own personal experience going from a typical LA lifestyle to her newlywed Japanese life and the shocks and surprises that she encountered. She told it with humor, shared insights and painted a vivid picture of the people and scenes she encountered. Having read the other reviews of this book, I have to say I did not see Lisa as "bratty" or "spoiled". She is not a fictional character in a novel; she is a real person with weaknesses and strengths like all of us. And having accepted that at the outset, I appreciated where she started from (without judgment) and how she faced the many obstacles she encountered while adapting to a wholly new culture. Put aside any unrealistic presumption that Lisa should start out like Ghandi and end up like Nelson Mandela and I think you'll enjoy her journey, too.

Anyone who has ever had to endure the attitude of an Asian doing business in the USA must appreciate Lisa's view. Every conversation at some point comes around to "back in my country" and they insist you do things their way. That must be embracing the customer is always right philosophy perhaps? And yet they do not like Lisa's expectation of the same. Now Lisa is there, asking for similiar accomodation of how it was back in her country, and for that she is criticized. That same level of respect expected of us there, tourist or not, is not shown to us here by tourists from Japan. Their ruthless rudeness when taking pictures at our national parks and monuments is legendary. Many of the reviews here take offense at her comments. I see no reason for such disgust. How dare you call her the ugly American! She is no such thing. She is rather sunshine in the land of the rising sun, revealing that which lies beneath. Did you fail to notice her insights to the culture there? Did you fail to notice how the people there, especially the youth, took to her understanding of their oppressed condition? Having spent time in post-graduate classes with others of that culture, I find Lisa's take to be quite spot on. Lisa lays out in raw detail the hypocrisy surrounding the myth of the propriety of Japanese culture. They disdain Western influences, while subjugatting women and reading comic porn on the train. And yet, when they visit here, the women are often quite pushy and the men want to appear as the most pious of conservative. I bet most of the comments from those who found offense have never left their comfortable liberal abode in the states or Western Europe. And yet those who have traveled there seem to find her recollections a refreshing trip back overseas. I was not disappointed. The book reveals what I expected of an insular culture that is not nearly as advanced as the media would have us believe. The reason it only got 3 stars was I expected her to go deeper. Lisa scratches at the flesh and introduces us to a troubled culture that has been laid far more bare by the recent earthquake and tsunami. One can see in her writing many insights that are relevant to the criticism of the response of government and industry to that disaster, of their own making.