Customer Reviews

Jealousy

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Nancy Friday makes easy going of a complex subject -- Object Relations Theory, which todays stands as the most complete (and therefore powerful) explanation of the human psyche. The title is catchy, but doesn't give the full flavor of the book. It's about _a lot_ more than just jealousy. Drawing upon myth, history, literature, psychological experiments and psycho-analytic theory, Friday lucidly illustrates the not-so-tangled relationships between envy, jealousy, hate, rage, admiration, denial, denigration, idealization, gratitude. . .it sounds complex, but isn't. This book is the best explanation of Object Relations Theory that I have yet encountered.

I have just completed this title for the fourth time in as many years. It continues to illuminate the hidden recesses in the dark corners of my mind. Nancy Friday's expose of her own pain of self discovery, encourages the capacity we all have to delve into the blocks to our true "Self" expression and free us from reactive habit patterns, to be more complete and true to ourselves, the further we go. It is a lifelong task for many of us and along with the self revelations in M.Scott-Peck's works, this book has helped me to understand I was not the only one with some desperate, frightened, dark and violent feelings in certain circumstances. These feelings are in Western society extremely misunderstood and frowned on by those people who hide under the veneer of social respectability on the outside, whilst often showing their true colours at home or some place where they will not be identified. Often these feelings are also so totally suppressed as to eventually ca! use physical illness within their body. You only need to look inside any aged care facility to see evidence of this, as bitterness, childish manipulation, sarcasm, ill-health and total self absorption are very clear to see. Often these people have lived their lives according to some other persons' ideals or expectations of them, consequently never finding out who the real person inside them was. Through fear, borne from many sources, they been unable to be themselves and chose a path of superficiality, not game to express their anger or feelings which is still socially symptomatic of being out of control or "mad". These feelings stem at any age but is acknowledged as usually stemming from early childhood, and often are a reaction to the lack of respect for their humaness or even their existence which makes them feel less or unworthy of the love and approval of their uniqueness. Maybe when we start delving into ourselves, painful and frighteningly vulnerable as it ca! n be, rather than looking beyond our immediate selves, we m! ay begin to realise that a world that is kind and loving and caring can exist. When we learn to take responsibility for ourselves first it will then become second nature to care for others. Too often we hear the cry of blame when people of all ages commit horrendous crimes but rather than criticise maybe we need to look at the way we use and manipulate each other to get our childish needs met, rather than as adults learning to meet our own needs and often, that is just a case of asking for help when we realy are stuck. Difficult at times, but just the courage communicate to ourselves what we need and want, can give us the strength to ask others if it is something we cannot do alone. As single human beings we are limited but that limitation can be extended when we learn to communicate and are prepared to give and take so that we all have what we need.

This is by far one of the better books on the subject of jealousy I've read in quite some time. Nancy Friday is an all too average woman whose hardship with her father has created inside of her a need to be at the mercy of men. What makes the Jealousy interesting is that Nancy isn't a psychologist yet researches psychology just as thorough as a graduate student and elaborates interesting theories from her research. Nancy also speaks regularly with her therapist and even goes as far as recording and transcribing her sessions, giving the book an intimate and person touch.

Nancy's relationships with men are also written out in great detail as only a woman troubled with jealousy could explore.

Some of Nancy Friday's theories about jealousy are a little far-fetched as she does try to play armchair psychiatrist a little too much. However, the wisdom in Jealousy is found in Nancy Friday's catharsis, as she unselfishly makes herself vulnerable by revealing her raw thoughts and emotions; her mistrust of men and unreasonable reliance on them makes for an interesting read.

Nancy Friday's Jealousy is a journey in self-discovery as she clearly isn't sure about herself or her feelings. Each page turned gives the reader a little more insight into the jealousy feelings Nancy Friday suffers. And together the reader and Nancy discover the green monster that is jealousy hiding inside her and most people who are too afraid to admit they have jealousy.

Where do I begin,there is nothing about this book that deserves praise,except perhaps the audacity to think a book filled with nothing of substance would sell.Basically this is the story of a women that had been unhappy in virtually all aspects of her life since birth.The main story line is that she leaves a bad marriage to be with a man that does not believe in commitment to the extent of not even wanting to hug her,just sex please.The character comes off as a totally confused women going from one sad period of her life to another, and then trying to justify it to the reader.All of the characters are uninteresting individuals that because they smoke pot,swear and do other mildly antisocial things the author must feel she has to spend the rest of the book justifying their, and her, lifestyles.If you read the first ten pages of the book and find it interesting then continue, and if you find them totally muddled and very disjointed then don't because nothing really changes from beginning to end.Nancy Friday must have improved and gained an audience because she continued to write,be careful with this one though,get it from the library don't buy it.

It is impossible not to read this book and be deeply affected. It is impossible not to read this book and consciously, actively search for people in your life for whom this book had to be written for- and people in politics and the media, and anyone who has ever given you a bad day- ANYONE, but yourself. It is impossible to read this book and not find yourself at times trembling with being put in touch with your deepest insecurities, and the root causes which you have been denying for most if not all of your life.

It is, wonderfully enough, also impossible to read this and not feel a profound connection to the world. It is impossible to read this and not have a lasting respect and understanding of the common sense of Medeieval and Renaissance Catholics in European history, who made a point of teaching this most deadly of the seven deadly sins every week, if not every day, to their children, without needing Freud, the internet, or a degree from Harvard. It is impossible not to acknowledge your own anger or even contempt and hatred at that which you logically have no right to be in your life or society, or those for whom the world would expect you to be the most compassionate, while seeingthat everyone does exactly the same thing in some way.

Nancy Friday removes a lot of the veils and mystery over today's inexplicable suffering, from the seemingly sweet kind woman with the profoundly damaged children and destroyed marriage, to the erudite upwardly mobile socialites in prison for committing crimes of passion- to the everyday person like most of us, who somehow manages to push away everything we say we want, and damage it when we get it.

It is impossible not to be on the road to living a better, more enjoyable life after really reading this book with a humble heart.

I read 4 chapters of this book and could not continue. This book covers her history and relationships and other people's relationships. The book is also interspersed with quotes and ideas from famous people, such as Freud, and emotional discussions between herself and friends who work as pscyhologists, analysts, etc. and other friends and acquaintances. The book is poorly organized and rambles on and on in a highly melodramatic way. On one hand, the book serves as her vehicle to explore her own destructive feelings of jealousy and to mingle that with various personal experiences. The 2nd aspect of it is that she attributes the cause of these feelings of jealousy to experiences from infanthood--she attributes this idea to a contemporary of Freud.) Horrible read!!

Horrible read!!

Boring beyond belief.

A somewhat normal person gave this to me.

I love to learn, but this book stole brain cells.

Nancy Friday
Jealousy

(New York: Morrow, 1985) 539 pages

An autobiographical exploration of the phenomenon of jealousy;
based on: childhood memories of sibling rivalry;
interviews with other jealous men and women;
on-going discussions with psychotherapists;
& readings of technical and popular literature about jealousy.
Useful in distinguishing envy and jealousy.
Nancy Friday explores her personal experiences of envy and jealousy in depth.
Denials and defenses against jealousy, attempts to cope with jealousy.
The problem of jealousy is presented in very readable ways,
but Friday offers no solutions or ways of preventing jealousy.
Sometimes she merely reproduces her interviews
and discussions without much attempt to organize the material.

If you would like to discover other books on jealousy,
search the Internet for:
"Best Books on Jealousy".

James Leonard Park, author of
New Ways of Loving:
How Authenticity Transforms Relationships.

Envy is coveting what another person has. Jealousy is fearing someone will take away what you have. The emotional lines often blur between these two sides of a poison. The remedy is love, love for self, love for others, being open to give and receive love. Both destructive feelings are a bottomless pit so remember - the color green is also the shade representing the heart chakra. When your heart is healed, there is less of a breeding ground for envy and jealousy to brew.