Customer Reviews

Don't Let Jerks Get The Best Of You Advice For Dealing With Difficult People

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

This book was given to me 4 years ago and I never read it until a few weeks ago. I wish I had read it sooner! I work in retail sales and it has really helped me in understanding how to work with Jerks and to eliminate jerk-isms within myself. Within the covers Dr. Meier covers the spiritual ramifications of jerkism and how your relationship with God (geared more in a Christian sense) can help you destroy selfish behaviour and relationship-crippling activities. Meier not only gives us a beautiful autobiography of his own fight with the jerk within but gives many clinical cases of jerk-ism defeated (from both internal and external sources). I would reccomend this book to EVERYONE as it will do nothing but improve your relationship with your fellow man. This book can also help abuse survivors to truly survive in all ways and help one overcome fears and heal deep emotional scars left by even the most destructive of abuse. This is a must-have for any household.

A great book to get one started on the road to recovery from being a perpetual "victim". Lot's of tests and activities to help ascertain if the reader is invloved with "jerks", i.e. users/abusers. Also there are exercises to help one discover their own unhealthy propensities.

The book helped change my life when I found myself in an unhealthy friendship, but was unable to understand how I had gotten myself into such a jam. I bought this book to try to understand why I was always getting "used". It was not until half way through one of the tests in this book that I realized that the person it was describing was my own parent. I had always thought something was wrong with me, but my eyes were finally opened, and my life was changed for the better forever, and now I can see Narcissists from a mile away. It also helped me deal with my own narcissitic tendancies I learned from my parent. I am now a healthier happier person, who is also safer and saner for those I love. The book is priceless, especially for Christians, but is also for anyone who wants to discover spiritual wisdom and growth.

I would also highly recomend another great book, "Boundaries" by Cloud/Townsend. I loved the revelation that God has well defined boundaries and He wants me to have them too!

I have read several of Dr. Meier's books and this is one of the best. It is an easy read and very funny in the right doses. I had a real jerk as a father-in-law and a bigger jerk for a husband. I wanted to try and understand why they acted the way they did. This book was very helpful in allowing me to be at ease with their behavior, knowing when I was acting in a co-dependent manner, and to know that their behavior was not going to change. I could recommned any book written by Dr. Meier and Dr. Minirth. They have written several books together. I could also highly recommend Restoring Margin to Overloaded Lives by Richard A. Swenson,M.D. If you buy this one get the workbook to go with it.

This book is easy to read and explains aspects of human nature that we haveexperienced many times. It gave me a structuredunderstanding of difficultpeople. When you gain abetter understanding ofjerks, you feel more atease with how to deal withthem. This book has helpedme recognize these peopleand given hints as to howto develop a defense tothese poor selfish souls.

As an evangelical Christian, there gets to be a point where I do not understand the constant criticism leveled at people like Paul Meier who truly want to help people, but are made to look as though we are all part of a holy conspiracy and damn all those who disagree with us, or for that matter that we are all religious salesmen looking to further our own interests. That is not the case here with this book, nor with myself. The spirit of tolerance that so many of us hold to AS CHRISTIANS in respecting others and their differences seems to be lost on those who insist that the spirit of modern tolerance can tolerate everything but intolerance, and of course anyone who is a Christian and writes from a Christian perspective (especially an evangelical one) is "intolerant" or suspect to bad intentions. How about instead when you pick up a book, read it in its OWN context instead of slamming it and the author for not buying into what you already hold to be true--your "world-view" or your "context". What I am basically saying is that if you read the book sleeve, looked at the bios of the author and of Frank Minirth, (and for that matter look at who published this work)--what do you expect when it comes to the direction Paul Meier is going to take when it comes to integrating his theological understanding of God and the human body and mind? Paul Meier seeks to build a relationship between the various aspects of faith, behavior, and physiology that helps explain in a short treatise why people do what they do. As such, he is a Christian, (evangelical--not liberal) and for that matter what he writes is going to reflect that. If you read a work by Sigmund Freud you certainly are going to get a different world-view with different aspects of what he believes is true--his context of what is true to himself will be different, its up to the test of time (and the testing by all of us as students of humanity) to see just exactly who has it more exact or who holds a better understanding of all of us.
I just don't get all the griping and slamming I have read about Dr. Meier here in so many of the reviews, and it is disheartening to see such a low rating for what is a great book when taken in ITS CONTEXT. If you are someone who is basically a dysfunctional mess already--you are not going to like the book unless you are willing to be introspective and try to understand where Dr. Meier is coming from, (he pretty much states this as you read the book--so that's not my personal opinion but his if I am reading this in its true CONTEXT). If you are a person suffering from allowing others to jump all over you, intimidate you, etc--you might like the book if you can accept that the problems we all carry within us are complicated and can't be solved easily (and it bears repeating here that Paul Meier is attempting to state in the vernacular in just a few, readable pages how to begin working on getting ourselves out of our own messes--and away from those who seek to mess us up with their inhospitable attitudes). Overall, Paul Meier does a great job taking a very complex topic (needing a much larger book) and getting it into a readable form that can get you on the right path to becoming more "whole" as a person and less of a jerk or for that matter a doormat.
I have used this book several times in counseling people in my church (Evangelical Presbyterian) and also do a Biblical studies expose/seminar using not only this book but many others from the clinic. I HIGHLY recommend for those trying to help others to obtain the book, (along with others from differing perspectives so to have a fuller picture of what many counselors are doing within their practices)and also I would note that for others looking to get a good background from a CHRISTIAN context/perspective on what makes people tick--this is a good book for that audience too. However, it is not a "ten dollar counselor with binding", nor is it a tell all/fix all for everyone who has problems. Take it for what it gives in its context and you will take a lot from it.

The author spends the first third of the book simply classifying jerks into 3 categories - 1st degree, second degree and Nth degree.

When Dr. Meier gets into the core of his advice, he does not give specific advice in dealing with confrontational situations or "jerky" actions. It is more a book on codependency to jerks in relationships - spouses, parents, family members. His method is to find the root cause in your past to why people develop masochistic tendencies, recognize that source and then get better because you have recognized it. He also gives examples of his own jerky behavior and some basic advice on how not to be jerky.

Interspersed throughout the book are constant plugs for his Minerth Meier clinic, and plenty of anecdotal stories from his own life about all of the challenges he has overcome to make him the success he is and to change his own jerky ways.

All in all the title is deceptive. He does not provide any specific techniques for dealing with difficult people.

I would assess the content of the book to be 30% plug for Minerth Meier clinics, 30% biography of Mr. Meier-plugging himself--his successes in both overcoming his challenges and treating people in his clinics, 15% discussion of how not to be a jerk, and 15% discussion that people with masochistic tendencies develop codependent relationships with jerks and the cause for this tendency is the development of self worth in childhood.

im 11 and i have problems with JERKS too. Some people in our every day life are such jerks. They think they own the WHOLE WORLD. This book (for me)was an awsome and funny guide on how to deal with jerks.BUY THIS BOOK if you have problems!(if your not a jerk yourself.)[LAUGHES]

This is a great book. I've bought four copies because I kept on loaning it to my friends and never getting it back.

If you felt that you have been used or abused by friends or a close member of your family and never knew what to do or how to handle it - then this is your solution. You will see people who are close to you in real light. It might be tough in the beginning but you will learn to judge people truly rather than emotionally. You will be liberated and live your life as you wish without the manipulation or pressure of even the ones you love :)

This book helped me recognize my own jerkinesses and masochism. It had several tests and behaviour inventories which helped me see what jerkiness actually is. It is a real help as one strives for maturity.

great book in how to determine who are the difficult people in your life and how to deal with them once you figure them out. have learned alot and already before finishing the book, put the plans into acttion. I would recommmend to anyone who has to deal with people.