Customer Reviews

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter [Blu-ray]

5 star:		(21)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

It's... wow. And then... wow. It's just... wow....

I'm really not sure how to describe this movie. It was really funny. The basic premise is that in Ottawa, vampires are hunting lesbians for a nefarious scheme. The Church doesn't know what to do, so they go to Jesus, who has been living in seclusion, saving souls and baptizing people. With his trusty cohorts Mary Magnum and the retired Mexican Wrestling Federation champion El Santos, Jesus does battle with the forces of darkness.

The movie is not meant to be taken too seriously. It attempts to be a camp classic, and I must admit, it succeeds beautifully. My friends and I kept laughing throughout the movie. It was so much more fun that any of us expected. The acting was campy, the "special effects" budget was a ... bottle of glitter, and the fight scenes were, well, really, really horrible.

However, throughout all of this, the movie still remained very positive. The ending scene with the "Sermon on the Mount" ("Sermon from the Gazebo"?) had some very good points. The music was also pretty good.

If your religious sensibilities are easily offended, you will probably not like this movie. If you have a sense of humor, you will. While the movie pushed some boundaries, I didn't see anything offensive about it.

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER is one of the weidest movies ever made. It's the kind of movie that's so bad, it's good. It's too low-budget, low-brow, and low-profile to love, yet too light-hearted intentionallly hilarious, and unintenionally hilarious to hate. It's way too goofy and to keen on the teachings of Jesus to be a sacrelige, yet to poorly finaced, written, and choreograhped to be an award-winner. As a Vampire movie, it's no BLADE; as a martial arts movie, it's no ONG BAK; as a religious movie, it's no PASSION OF THE CHRIST.
But as a bad, bad, bad movie, it's no SOUL PLANE. Now that's a blessing from God if I've ever seen one.
Jesus of Nazereth (Phil Caracas) is in Ottawa, once again teaching people to love one another and be more spiritual. But vampires are running wild in Ottawa,able to withstand sunlight with human flesh graphted onto their bodies and Jesus decides to put off his spiritual quest to fight the vampires, who are particualry enamored by lesbians for blood. Armed with wooden stakes, some holy kung fu and allied with masked Mexican wrestlin Champ El Santo (Jeff Moffet), Jesus heads to the local barber shop for a shave and a hair cut. He aquires another ally in the form of Mary Magnum (Maria Moulton), and is now ready for action!!!

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER is everything theaverage student film is: Poorly made, poorly written, hilariously entartinaing in it's sheer lack of anything that could be called a budget, etc. It's also intentionally funny and enterataing. The musical number, with Jesus rallying Canadians all over Ottawa to his cause while healing people of their various handicaps, is perfectly funny and captivating; apparantly, the filmmakers drew as much on JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR as they vampire and kung fu movies.

The martial arts sequences are another story. Being a blackbelt myself, I have long entertained the notion of Jesus as a martial artist. Even though in his life, there is no record of him having any martial arts training, his teachings make him, in my eyes, a true martial artist. But on the physical end of martial arts, Jesus is not too good. The big fight occurs in a big park full of people who completely ignore Jesus beating up an army of Atheists. Yes, that's right, Atheists, who come at him a waves of five (the movie's director, Lee Gordon Demabre, apparently thinks thirty-six people can fit into a jeep) and are defeated with Jesus giving some of the sloppiest kicks ever captured on film. The very fact the there is NOBODY in the movie who is any good, and EVERYBODY engages in fight after fight, is an amusing, hilarious, if boneheaded concept. The same can be said for the movie's narrator, and the spinning cross that comes as a direct reference the 1960's BATMAN series

But of course, you can't make a movie about Jesus without biblical messages, even if he is hunting vampires. Jesus actually talks to God through a bowl of cherries ("Call your mom; she misses you" the Almighty intones); He heals a vampire's throat after slitting it ("Not even this separates you from my love"); experiences a modern-day good samaritan experience first-hand; And gives a sermon on a mount. Jesus also questions why the vampires select lesbians for their skin-grafting experimnets; he is told that their deviant lifestyle makes them ir-redeemable in the eye's of the Church, so no pries will bother investigating this "Critical Lesbian Shortage". And Jesus says something I honesty suspect he would say about Gays, "There's nothing deviant about love." And trust me, I'm not Gay.

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER is a movie that must be seen to be believed, not for it's martial arts action, not for it's messages about accepting gays as children of God, not for being a biblical movie, but for being definitive proof that any really, really bad movie can be funny, when it means to be, and when it doesn't.

A new filmmaker looking to make his first big hit horror movie will probably make one of the following three pictures: a slasher movie, a vampire movie, or a zombie movie. It's not surprising to see why. Most likely the director in question grew up watching George Romero's Dead Trilogy, "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween," and Hammer films starring Christopher Lee as Count Dracula. You go with what you know at first, and you also go with a format you respect and enjoy. The result of most of these first directorial efforts on the slasher, zombie, or vampire canon is negligible; they add nothing to the canon due to their derivative nature. That's acceptable, however, because out of a hundred or so carbon copies will come one or two films that are original enough to redefine the genre. The Canadian ultra-low budget film "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" is just such a movie. Here is a film so fun and unique that you almost don't realize, let alone mind, that you are watching what is essentially another vampire movie, with all the attendant baggage that label brings. Extremely low budget films set off warning bells nowadays, but "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" is the rare diamond in the rough.

Right from the start I loved this film. Why? Because the opening credits and music were the best I've seen in a long time. Imagine seeing headshots of all the characters done up in a style reminiscent of early 1980s video game graphics with a robotic voice (vox?) reading off their names. Trust me, it's far cooler than I'm making it sound. I replayed the credits at least three times before I even started watching the film! As for the picture itself, I think describing it as a horror/comedy/action/musical covers all the bases. Jesus Christ (Phil Caracas) returns to earth at the behest of Father Eustace (Tim Devries) and a few other men of the cloth to help prevent vampires from taking over the planet. It's a daunting task made worse by the evil machinations of Dr. Praetorious (Josh Grace), a mad scientist type churning out new vampires by the dozens in his laboratory. The forces arrayed against the Son of God are formidable, including the beautiful Maxine Shreck (Murielle Varheiyi) and leader of the vamp pack Johnny Golgotha (Ian Driscoll). After a kung fu battle on the beach that sees Jesus fending off Shreck and her minions, the messiah hooks up with an unlikely ally in the form of Mary Magnum (Maria Moulton), who helps our hero acquire the necessary clothing and haircut one apparently needs in a battle against the undead. Unfortunately, Christ must also stray from his mission to battle a vanload of atheists who take exception to a challenge of their belief system.

The war against vampirism finds Jesus enlisting unlikely allies, primarily a Mexican wrestler named El Santos (Jeff Moffet) but also the advice of his father, the Supreme Being himself, channeled through an ice cream sundae. Even a priest sporting a mohawk arrives on the scene to lend a hand when needed. Christ and his helpers are surprisingly successful in their campaigns. They bring the fight to the bloodsuckers at a bar featuring the dubious musical talents of Blind Jimmy Leper (Lucky Ron), a fight where El Santo and Jesus uses everything from stakes to toothpicks to drop the evil ones in their tracks. The denouement is a highly amusing kung fu fight to the finish in a junkyard, with the principals leaping over cars, zipping around on motorcycles, and delivering swift karate kicks with all the panache of a novice just signed up to their first marital arts class. In between these bouts of bone crunching mayhem, Jesus spreads his father's message to the masses while prancing through the streets of the city singing, dancing, and healing those unfortunate wretches consigned to walkers and wheelchairs. It seems the man from Judea has lost none of his ability to perform miracles, even when transplanted to the icy climes of the Great White North.

Horror/comedy/action/musical film indeed! Director Lee Demarbre is either totally insane or has a sure eye for the subtly brilliant. While there are a few things that don't work at all or run on far too long, "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" screams cult classic for the ages. We've all seen filmmakers that set out from the beginning to make a cult classic only to fail miserably (see "Jane White is Sick and Twisted"), apparently because they don't understand that you cannot intentionally make a cult classic. A movie becomes a cult fave through an inexplicable confluence of events totally beyond the control of a director or anyone else associated with the picture. Fortunately, "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" pulls it off. The acting, the soundtrack, the pacing, the musical numbers, the beautiful girl next door actress in the role of Magnum along with the goth sleekness of the babe playing the Shreck character--all of these things and more work wonderfully. Moreover, while Demarbre and his script take sly jabs at the Catholic Church, the jabs are never done out of malice. Heck, Jesus opens up a can of you know what on all those atheists.

A huge number of extras graces the DVD version of the film. A commentary track, trailer, interviews with most of the principals, stills, deleted scenes, and a short kung fu spoof called "Harry Knuckles" also starring Phil Caracas all give the viewer more insight into this amazing production. The only thing missing in the supplements are interviews with Maria Moulton or Murielle Varheiyi, an unfortunate omission one hopes will be remedied on a future disc release. I enjoyed the film so much that I'm hoping and waiting for a sequel!

First, let's get one thing out of the way: This is not a b-movie, it's a z-grade movie. We're talking about a self-financed picture starring a bunch of students at Ottawa's Carleton University made on a reported budget of $100, 000. That said, viewers weaned on safe and sound Hollywood fare of the silver screen will want to stay far, far away. People as myself who love trash cinema however will likely get a kick out of this, although this film is by no means a masterpiece of bad cinema.

A strange plague has overridden the city of Ottawa. Daylight-walking vampires have invaded the city, slaying many and causing a shortage of lesbians (don't ask...). Two priests then call to the chosen one, Jesus H himself, to restore order to the once peaceful Canadian capital. Jesus, using his magic powers of Kung-Fu, does the best he can but soon finds himself way outnumbered against the hordes of the undead. Down in the dumps, Jesus calls Mexican wrestler El Santos to the rescue. Together, Jesus Christ and El Santos form a Tag Team to rid the city of the undead.

The first thing one notices right away is how much fun everyone seems to be having making this movie. The film is filled with awkward acting and dialogue but the exuberance and joy of the people involved more than make up for that. It really looks like a film made by a bunch of friends with too much time on their hands. Most of the actors in this are either punk rockers (the people on Jesus' side) or Goths (the vampires). One of the priests who calls for Jesus' help has a red-couloured Mohawk and a leather jacket filled with spikes just to give you an idea. This film is somewhat of a musical but not the whole way through; it switches styles every 20 minutes or so. As the actors in this film are all punks and Goths you can imagine just what kind of music plays during the musical parts, mostly hardcore old-school punk.

The problem that I have with J.C. vampire hunter is its length. Although only 87 minutes long, it still seems to drag on forever. It is simply too cheaply produced and ridiculous to sustain interest for that amount of time. The first 20 minutes or so had me laughing uncontrollably but then things started to grow wearisome. Once El Santos appears toward the third tier of the movie things get interesting again but it seems a little too late at that point. Really, this film would have worked better as a 30-minute short if say, the first 15 minutes were combined with the final 15 and then I would have awarded this five stars. Still, if you love cheap B-Movies you owe it to yourself to watch this. Just to give you an idea how crazy this movie is imagine this scene: El Santos and Jesus enter a bar and order a couple of beers on tap. As the two of them soon realize the bar is overrun with Vamps, Jesus blesses his beer and proceeds to spit it in the ghouls' faces, who then burn to death. Yes folks, crazy stuff. Recommended as a party movie, for this is guaranteed to make everyone laugh out loud at least a dozen times throughout.

At first glance you have to admit that the concept of this movie is hilarious. Jesus Christ? Fighting vampires? With mexican wrestler El Santos? Defending lesbians? It really does sound great. However, the key to enjoying this movie is not expecting too much from it. It was cheesy on purpose and they pulled it off pretty well. Once you get past a somewhat slow beginning (and a somewhat poor audio and video quality)and into the fighting scenes that's when the real fun begins. The park fighting scene and especially the junkyard fighting scenes are both horrible. In that it's so horrible it's funny kind of way. The acting isn't very good but once again as long as you don't take it seriously it only adds to the humor of the movie.

Also make sure to watch this movie with a group of people. As with any bad movie it's always more fun to watch it with a group of friends. Heckling and even laughing is always better with others. This movie never takes itself seriously so, don't take it seriously. Laugh at the bad acting, laugh at the errors and laugh at the bad fight scenes. Just laugh, you'll enjoy it. Don't pick it apart, unless you intend to well... hmm... what was it? Oh yeah, laugh about it. If there's one thing that'll stay in your head it's the song "Everbody gets laid tonight". God, that song is catchy. Pun intended.

Blasphemous? Yes. Although I imagine that's the point.
Funny? Yes. It has a charm and easy-going wit about itself.
Good? No! This thing is a train wreck! Everything that film students, editors, directors, martial arts instructors, role playing geeks, horror effects technicians and adults have learned over a hundred years of filmmaking has been ignored here. It is INTENTIONALLY bad, but that sort of takes the fun out of it. Let me just say that watching the DVD version was painful. I can't imagine Blu-ray improves upon it. Since the film is so badly lit and poorly art directed there is NO REASON to view it in higher quality!

I'm a big fan of MST3K. I loved Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. But this film was only barely watchable for me. There's better cheese out there for your lowbrow viewing.

They don't warn me about the really bad musical number. Now you know.

This movie is the most enjoyable thing I've seen in a very long time!!! The acting varies from hammy to terrible (although the narrator is brilliant!!!); the picture quality is shoddy; the kung-fu, well it's not Jet-Li standard, but it's focus is more on the comedy than the action; the lipsynch is wonky; the script is brilliant; the music is fantastic and well integrated; and it's really well directed! And it truly is chock full of laughs!

Le Demarbre could be the next Peter Jackson for all we know, so enjoy this movie, pay it the homage it deserves, and maybe one day you'll be able to say you witnessed the start of a stellar directing career!

WARNING! This movie is a B movie and by that i mean an intentionally bad movie but one that will have you laughing through out and singing along with the music. Odessa Filmworks has also made the Harry Knuckles series which are my favorite series by these guys. Phil Caracas is hilarious and i love how they manage to work Santos (The Man in the silver Mask) into all of the movies.

If you like B movies that are funny, action packed, have a great soundtrack, have cute girls , graphic violence, and incredibly silly dialogue you cant miss this one.

Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with the occasional cheesy movie. This is a low-budget vampire film with Jesus and El Santos the wrestler fighting the vampires and saving lesbians. This film did win some awards.

If you are a big fan of vampires, you will want to give this one a skip. Most of the scenes are during the day, which goes against typical vampire lore. To explain this, there is a mad doctor who uses skin from victims to help protect the vampires during the day. Either way, the special effects are minimal so don't expect a lot of visual effects for the vampires.

The DVD version has some outtakes and deleted scenes. If you had your heart set on bloopers, this isn't really the case. Some of the footage shown here is merely out of focus. It was deleted because of that. The redeeming quality for all the outtakes is the commentary provided by the filmmakers who explain what happened and what is going on. I found myself laughing more at the commentary than at the outtakes.

If you don't take vampire films seriously, or religion for that matter, then you should watch this. It is good for a laugh. If nothing else, get this to watch the big dance sequence.

I didn't know what to expect when i rented this .I thought it would probably be some cheesy low budget lamo production.
To my surprise it is an excellent cheesy low budget movie with tons of personality and quirkiness.
Jesus is recruited by a local toronto parish to kill the vampires that are killing all the lesbians in town.
There are a few funny lesbian jokes and jesus having a conversation with god appearing as a talking dessert is hilarious.
Having jesus allied with El Santo,a mexican wressler isastroke of genious.;-)
Well worth a rent to check it out and if you like it buy it like i did.